The Life of a Serial Mistress

More Man Facts .....

2012-01-22T22:00:00.000Z

More interesting but true facts about my favourite subject...

1/3 of men have never had a romantic breakfast with their girlfriend
One fifth of men have had a steamy Skype session
70% of men have watched porn online. I think the others are lying
27% of men would sleep with someone 'repulsive' for £1m
96% of men wouldn't send flowers to their partner's work
18% of men go on a diet because of a new partner
Men think a loose bun is the best hairstyle for a first date
11% of men admit to flirting at work
Men spend an average of £235 a year on looking good
42% of men say they're single because they are shy
57% of men would prefer a month without sex than a month without their mobile
28% of men don't know girls pluck their chin hairs
27% of men would date a married woman
50% of holiday romances last less than a week
33% of men say they feel depressed on 'fat days'
1/4 men wee in the shower
79% of men think it's most likely they'll meet their next girlfriend at work
16% of men have pretended a ready meal was something they'd cooked to impress a date
15% of men have left an extra-large tip because they fancied the waitress
9% of men don't know the main ingredient of cheese
10% of men are terrified of spiders
10% of men say they're less attracted to women who can't cook
Only 35% of men wear clean pants everyday!
10% of men have a teddy bear that they hide when a girl stays over
62% of men are baffled by flat pack furniture
22% of men have a bank account they don't tell their partner about
Men are prepared to spend an average of £55.47 on a first date
Larger men last longer in bed than skinny men
7% of men have used their partner's toothbrush

It's been a while....

2012-01-22T21:41:00.001Z

I've been getting grief for not posting, so I've decided to start again. Various reasons stopped me writing but I've missed it. I've been keeping up with my posts, on paper, but just not on here. I realised it wasn't what I started the blog for, so here I am again. Time to get back into it, and start enjoying what I loved doing in the first place.

If anyone has anything negative to say about my return, please crack on, but nothing is going to stop me posting any more.

:)

Sweet beatrix....

2011-06-09T08:25:00.004+01:00

I got a lovely email the other day from one of my followers, asking me for advice regarding a first date. I've tried replying, to give him the benefit of my experience, but sadly his mail keeps getting returned to me. So I decided to post his original dilemma on here and the reply I was sending him, so he can at least see it. I will be posting it tomorrow, but wanted one last try to see if he was reading my blog and could contact me through a different email address. I fear he may have given up on someone he liked on Illicit Encounters, simply because she wasn't as forthcoming as he expected. His problem seemed very similar to a few people I have spoken to in the past, so maybe it will help my other followers facing their first forays into the world of infidelity and internet dating.

Sb if you're reading this, get in touch.

Good luck in the world of dating :)

Bella Magazine Article......

2011-05-06T09:55:00.001+01:00

For anyone who missed the article in Bella Magazine last week, here you go xxx

Real Life Scarlet Woman

When Karen Marley, 44, became disillusioned with single men, she set her sights on ones who were taken....

I've dated a hundred married men

Growing up with my older sister Debbie, I spent hours gossiping with her about boys and our future husbands.

'No one will be good enough for my girls,' my dad Harry said.

I always hoped I'd meet a man like Dad - intelligent, charismatic and kind. And when he died I was heartbroken. I was 22 and started looking to replace that protective figure in my life.

I met Alan, then 32, a year on. He was a mechanic and similar to Dad. We married two years later when I was 25 and I thought it was forever. But we drifted apart and eight years later we divorced.

I joined a dating website, where I met Robert, a 42-year-old businessman. He was open about still loving his ex but naively I thought I could change him.

'I'm sorry, Karen,' he said after three years. 'She's single now and I want to try again.'

I was heartbroken, but I picked myself up. And six months later I met Matthew, 36, a horse trainer. We enjoyed fun nights out and weekends away.

But, after a year together, I had a call from a friend who knew his ex-girlfriend. 'Matthew's been sleeping with his ex,' she said.

Furious, I phoned him and he admitted it. 'Why?' I cried. 'What did I do wrong?'

'Nothing,' he said. 'You just gave me space and it was easy.'

I couldn't forgive him for lying. And I realised that, given the chance, most men would cheat.

I dated a few more men from a website but they were either 'players' or wanted to settle down and have kids.

The ones I liked - who enjoyed a chat and a meal out - were often unavailable after 5pm and at weekends. I realised they were probably married - but was that such a bad thing? At least I'd know where I stood and could focus on having fun.

So I joined a website, Illicit Encounters, aimed at people wanting extra-marital affairs.

The first guy I went for was Sam. For our first 'illicit' date he whisked me off to Dublin and we had a fantastic time.

He didn't even want sex, just company. 'I miss the excitement of dating - my wife and I don't have that any more,' he explained.

'Arrange a weekly date night with her,' I said to him. I didn't want to break up any marriages, so offered advice where I could.

'My wife and I just watch TV in the evenings,' one said.

'Well, turn the TV off and cuddle up on the sofa,' I instructed.

I blogged about my experiences and told my family what I was doing. 'I get to eat oysters and drink champagne with the most interesting people,' I said.

'As long as you're being safe, I suppose it's okay,' my mum said.

Debbie agreed with her. But not everyone was so accepting. 'You're disgusting,' one person wrote on my blog. 'Leave other women's husbands alone,' others said.

So I decided to date 30 single men in 30 days to see if I was missing something. I applied to websites and friends set me up.

It was a disaster. Many men were mummy's boys, others had issues with exes, some were intimidated by my confidence and one even licked the plate clean in a restaurant!

'Single men are single for a reason,' I declared. 'I'm going back to married ones!'

I've now dated 100 married men and am seeing three regularly - Daniel, 44, an accountant, Paul, 58, a Swiss banker and my 'toy boy' James, 36.

I've been caught out. 'Are you sleeping with my husband?' one woman screamed, finding my text.

'We only talked,' I lied. 'He loves you - just make time for him.'

We chatted and she even ended up thanking me!

I know what some people will think of me, but I don't feel guilty. These men would be playing away elsewhere - and I genuinely believe I'm improving marriages.

I love being a mistress and I won't stop dating my married men for anyone.

Five reasons to end the affair....

2011-05-05T09:11:00.001+01:00

I recently wrote this piece of fiction, from the perspective of a mistress different from myself. As I was writing it I realised this is how most affairs progress, and where most mistresses end up; knowing the wife, falling in love, and realising it will never be what they want. So many people criticise my life as a mistress, but this is exactly why I never date anyone I know, and why I NEVER fall in love. I hope you enjoy xxx

*************************************************************

Reason Number One: Your wife. Julie and I have never been what you'd call close friends. She's quite a few years older than me, so we didn't hang around with the same crowd when we were younger. But I've always liked Julie, and living in a small town, it's inevitable that our paths will cross from time to time. Like they did last weekend. I told you I was going to Maria's hen party and presumably you knew Julie would be there, too. But you didn't tell me that. You didn't think to warn me that I could end up sitting next to your wife in the Indian restaurant.

Julie was quiet that night and I struggled to make conversation. I asked if she'd had a nice time in Dublin and she frowned slightly, asking me what I meant, because she'd never been to Dublin. I stammered that I thought Maria had said something about the family going there on holiday and apologised because I'd obviously misunderstood.

"Chris was in Dublin on business recently," said Julie.

"Oh was he?" I said. "That's a coincidence."

Someone sitting across the table asked Julie how her mum was after the operation and I said that I hadn't known she was ill. Julie said there was no reason why I should. She said it had been a strain, organising someone to look after the kids while she went back and forth to the hospital and made sure her dad was eating properly.

"What abut Chris?" Maria asked. "Surely he must have been able to help with the kids at least?"

Julie shook her head and said you'd had to go to Brussels on business, and when you came back you had to put in a lot of extra hours at the office to catch up on all the work that had piled up while you were away.

And then she went very quiet again, and when someone asked her if she was feeling OK, she started crying. I gave her my napkin to wipe her eyes, and when she took it she apologised for being stupid and told everyone to ignore her because she didn't want to ruin Maria's night.

We were going on to a club after the meal, but Julie said she wasn't feeling great and would get a taxi home. Katie waited with her until the taxi came and I could see the two of them standing outside in the cold night air, their heads almost touching. Katie had her arm wrapped around Julie's shoulder and when the taxi came they hugged and Katie stood on her own for a while before coming back inside.

"Is Julie OK?" I asked, hoping my voice didn't sound as hollow to everyone else as it did to me.

"Not really," Katie replied, quite curtly, I thought. But maybe I'm just paranoid.

"Is it Chris?" Maria asked, adjusting the fluffy pink tiara that the girls had made her wear. Katie just shrugged and went to pay the bill.

"I don't know why she puts up with him," one of the others said. "He treats her like dirt and then begs her to forgive him."

"That's the trouble with good-looking guys," said Maria. "They think they only have to turn on the charm and every woman in the country will fall down and kiss their feet."

"Julie deserves better," someone else said. "If I found out my Liam was having an affair that would be the end of it."

"But we don't even know if Chris is having an affair," I said, springing to your defence. "Julie never said anything about an affair, and if Katie knows what's going on, she's not telling."

"No," said Maria. "Katie won't tell. She's a good friend. Loyal and trustworthy. Like a friend should be."

Maybe it was my imagination, but it seemed like they were all looking straight at me.

Reason Number Two: Your kids. I recognised them right away. Lewis has your dark, curly hair and Emily had on the same green top she's wearing in the photograph you keep in your wallet. They were arguing over whose turn it was to hold the lead attached to a Jack Russell terrier.

"Auntie Fiona, tell Lewis it's my turn to take Oscar," Emily begged.

"It's mine," Lewis protested. "You had him for much longer than me before we reached the park.

"I think we should let Oscar off his lead for a while," the woman called Fiona replied. "He can have a run around on his own while we sit here and rest."

I buried my face in my magazine I was pretending to read. I could have - probably should have - got up from the bench and walked away. But I didn't.

"I can't wait for my birthday," said Emily, her voice shrill with excitement. "All my friends are coming to the party. And you'll be there, won't you, Auntie Fiona?"

"I certainly will," Fiona smiled at the little girl. "I'm looking forward to it."

"Gran's coming too, now that she's better," Emily said. "And Grandpa, and Mummy and Daddy, of course. How many is that?" she asked, holding up her hands to start counting.

"Daddy might not be there," said Lewis, interrupting her before she'd even got to six. "He didn't come to mine, remember. He had to work."

"But my party's on a Saturday," said Emily. "Daddy doesn't work on Saturdays."

"My party was on a Saturday, too," said Lewis. His voice had gone all flat. "But daddy couldn't manage it."

"Auntie Fiona -" the little girl looked up into the woman's face - "tell him. Tell Lewis that my daddy will come to my birthday party on Saturday."

Fiona put her arms around the little girl and hugged her tight. "I'm sure your daddy will be there if he can, darling," she said, looking over the top of Emily's head. "Now, why don't we go and find Oscar and you can hold his lead until we get to the main road."

I watched them walk away before I stuffed the magazine in my bag and went home to my empty house.

Reason Number Three: My friends and family. They all know, of course. Even the ones I haven't told. Don't panic. Most of them don't know who you are. Just that you exist. And that you're married. I didn't tell them that either, but they sussed it out themselves. Why else do we never go out together to work dos or family gatherings? Why else would I turn up by myself to my cousins wedding?

"On your own?" my Aunt Sarah asked with a sly grin on her face. "When are we going to meet this mysterious man of yours?"

"There's nothing very mysterious about him, I'm afraid." I forced myself to laugh, and held her gaze. "He travels a lot in his job, that's all."

But we both knew neither of us was being fooled.

My mum simply refuses to acknowledge your existence. She's given up inviting me for Sunday lunch, because when she did I spent most of the time checking for text messages. It used to be she'd ask me about my social life, what I'd been doing and who I'd been seeing, but nowadays, she doesn't talk to me about anything, except the weather and my work. When I told her I was going to Brussels at the beginning of last month, she didn't ask who I was going with. She didn't ask if I'd had a nice time when I came home either.

If only my sister would play by mum's rules. But she's never been one for holding back.

"You're a fool, Karen. You know that, don't you? He's using you. And when he's had enough of you he'll ditch you and move on to someone else."

"You know nothing about him," I snarled at her.

"I know he's got a wife and kids. Have you thought about what he's doing to them?"

"Of course I've thought about it," I replied. "Neither of us wants to hurt them. That's why he hasn't left them. He's waiting until the time's right."

"And when will that be?" asked Debbie. "His kids are only little. When will the time ever be right?"

"I don't mind waiting," I said. "I don't want to hurt them either."

My mother came into the kitchen at that point, quickly turned and went back out again.

"And what about mum?" Debbie asked me. "Have you even thought about what this is doing to her?"

"It's got nothing to do with her," I replied, weakly.

Debs opened her mouth but seemed to think better of it and closed it again. That was five weeks ago and we haven't spoken since.

Reason Number Four: You. You are so good-looking. And you are very charming. When I first met you at Maria's party, I held my breath. It was Julie who introduced us. Julie and I hadn't seen each other for a couple of years and you fetched drinks for us while we caught up. When Julie got a message from the babysitter saying that the kids wouldn't settle, you sighed and said you'd call a taxi, and when Julie suggested you stay and enjoy yourself, you didn't put up much of a fight. I remember thinking at the time, if my brother-in-law had done that to Debs I'd have punched him in the balls!! I also remember the disappointment in Julie's face when she left the party alone.

We shared a taxi home that evening, and when it pulled up outside my house you asked for my mobile phone so you could tap in your number. You were so sure I'd call. I promised myself I wouldn't. My resolve lasted three days.

In the beginning you were kind, and sweet, and generous. We didn't speak much about Julie and the children then, but gradually I began to think about how our relationship was affecting them. Some might say what I really cared about was how they were affecting my relationship with you. Maybe they're right.

You never said anything nasty about Julie. You were far too clever for that. You said that you had loved her once, but your love had grown cold. Although you still cared about her, and the children, of course. You didn't want to hurt them. I loved you and respected you for that.

You took it for granted that I'd always be there for you, waiting at the end of a phone, or sitting alone in the furthest corner of the supermarket car park on cold winter nights, wondering if you'd actually turn up this time. You promised it wouldn't be like this forever. Only until the kids were old enough to understand.

We went to Brussels and you spent almost the entire flight chatting up the young Irish woman sitting across the aisle.

And when I told you I'd been invited to Maria's hen party you didn't try to persuade me not to go. Even though you knew Julie was going to be there. You certainly didn't think it worth mentioning there was a possibility I might end up sitting next to your wife. On Tuesday, you sent a text saying you were coming over this Saturday, as Julie was taking the kids out for the day.

Reason Number Five: Me. I used to like myself. More than that, I used to respect myself. I used to be like Katie. Loyal and trustworthy. Like a friend should be. I used to visit my family for Sunday lunch and help mum with the washing up while Debs snoozed on the chair, dribbling. I never went as long as five weeks without speaking to my sister.

These are reasons for ending the affair. But there's another one. Maybe the most important one of all: It's a little girl's birthday party on Saturday and all she wants is for her daddy to be there!

JVS show.... again....

2011-04-30T08:59:00.001+01:00

I was called on again by Jonathan Vernon-Smith on BBC Three Counties. He was discussing infidelity and super-injunctions. Andrew Marr brought the subject to the headlines and JVS was asking the question 'Will every man cheat, eventually?' Apparently Mr and Mrs Marr have been married for 23 years. Is it a generational thing? Or do they just do it when they have become bored?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p00g4vml/The_JVS_Show_26_04_2011/

The subject matter is discussed for the first hour. I'm on around 40mins. I apologise for the woman before me if you bother to listen for the whole hour, she was hard work to listen to lol.

Enjoy xx

Imogen Thomas....

2011-04-28T18:46:00.001+01:00

The 'Super-Injunction' argument rumbles on, and the rich and famous are protected from criticism, or at least the men are. Imogen Thomas, the Big Brother contestant who is known for being a bit of a WAG-wannabe, is in the firing line for being the mistress of a very famous Premiership footballer. Here she appears on This Morning and explains her situation. She's being slaughtered for what she's done, while he simply buries his head in the sand and doesn't face any repercussions. Why is the mistress always to blame? I am looking forward to the day the injunction is lifted and his name is released. I have a feeling we will be pretty shocked when we find out who it is.

http://thismorning.itv.com/thismorning/life/imogen-thomas-speaks-out

Bella Magazine...

2011-04-28T18:32:00.003+01:00

I'm in this week's edition of Bella Magazine (the one with Denise Welch on the front). Feel free to buy it and let me know what you think. Sadly there isn't a link to it online because Bella magazine doesn't seem to have a website, but I'll probably reproduce the article on here next week sometime, when the magazine is no longer on the shelves.

Hope you enjoy the article.

xxxx

It's that time again....

2011-04-25T10:40:00.001+01:00

It's naked sunbathing time again - yay!!

OK, OK, its not today! But it was this week. It was stunning weather up here and I took advantage of it by laying out for a few days with nothing on. I've been asked by many people if I sunbathe alone, and yes I do. I have invited one or two people to join me in the past, but I do relish the total peace and quiet when I'm alone.

I found this little piece the other day, and it made me smile, because I have a new friend I haven't met yet, who is a naturist, and he's dying to start naked sunbathing with me on a regular basis, and has even invited me to join him at naturist events, and on holidays. I'm not sure how far I could possibly take any of this, at the moment I'm just considering it, but knowing how much fun my followers are, I thought I'd share it with you, and some things I have never got to say to him, or any other naturist I might meet - no matter how much I will be tempted now I've posted this :)

Things you should never say to a naked man

Ahhh, that's cute
I'm sorry
Can we just cuddle?
They have surgery to fix that
Wow, and yet your feet are so big
There's a tower in Italy like that
It's OK, we'll work around it
This explains your car
Great! A treasure hunt!
But it still works, right?
Did you date Lorena Bobbit?
I've smoked joints fatter than that
Are you cold?
It's a good thing you have so many other talents
Does it come with an air pump?
So, that's why you're supposed to judge people on personality

Sorry everyone, just joking :)

The Third Date Rule....

2011-04-25T10:12:00.002+01:00

Who knows where it started, but many of us are familiar with the third-date-rule. You know - the one about 'nice' girls waiting until the third date before sleeping with a man. Whoever invented it, you can be sure it wasn't a woman. It puts pressure on us from all sides. According to this rule, as well as it being frowned upon to leap into bed with a man right away, if we want to wait a bit longer - say five dates, or more - we're considered unadventurous. Or, even worse, frigid.

A quick survey among my male friends revealed they acknowledged that modern women often want sex as quickly as they do. But although they may be happy to rip our knickers off with their teeth on the first date, some admitted they might not want to take things further afterwards. One admitted, "If a man wants to have sex on the first date, you should be aware he probably doesn't plan to see you again." Which is refreshingly honest, though utterly depressing.

As someone who's used to dating often, I'm reluctant to allow my bedpost to get whittled to the width of a toothpick. Especially when it wouldn't be at my request, but purely because some man doesn't want to give me time to decide if I want to take it further. Yet many of the men I asked said they'd be disappointed if a girl hadn't slept with him by the third date. One even revealed he wouldn't bother venturing past four dates, no matter how lovely a woman was, as he'd think she wasn't 'passionate' enough - ruling out me and my 'boring' collection of sex toys, suspenders and sky-high heels immediately.

Of course, it depends on what you want. If you're feeling fruity and don't care if he calls, there's no point in waiting more than one date to find out what colour his Calvins are. But if you're looking for a lasting relationship, in this day and age, should we all be pressured to go the distance? Research has found that the best way to find out if your date is, what scientists term, a 'good male', is to hold off. If he gets bored before getting to the sexy stuff, he's likely to be a 'bad male' - in layman's terms, 'That bastard who didn't call'.

None of this explains why the man you dated for a month went off you as soon as you slept with him. Or how so many one-night stands lead to true love. When it comes to sex and dating, there are no hard-and-fast rules - or ways to second-guess how he - or you - will feel. Maybe the only rule we should stick to is forget the rules. Or maybe us girls could come up with a few rules of our own. No sex for a month if he pees on the loo seat, anyone?

The Divorced Guy....

2011-04-12T13:27:00.001+01:00

Do all men in long-term relationships secretly yearn to be single?

This is a question that came up during another date with my newly divorced guy. While he was married he envied his single best friend, Jack. At parties he would watch Jack chatting up women, by midnight he'd be heading home with one. He would collapse into bed with his wife and go immediately to sleep in preparation for the 5am onslaught of his kids. He envied Jack, going at it like Tiger Woods with a cocktail waitress until the sun came up - and beyond.

I had always assumed married men were secretly yearning for the life of a single guy; no strings sex with a variety of women, no exhausting kids acting as passion-killers, and no chance of sex ever becoming boring or repetitive. I thought they wanted the ego boost of sleeping with a succession of different women and the constant excitement of new conquests. All of this had come from the string of married men all desperately trying to behave like single men, telling me why they needed extra excitement, and how, if they could, they would be single in a heartbeat.

That changed when I came upon Ethan, a man who had left his wife and family after the relationship died, with an optimistic view about being single. I was surprised when I discovered reality was nothing like that. Most of his life involved sitting on his own on week nights watching Coach Trip and wishing one of his shacked-up friends was available for a drink.

He told me, even if he did get lucky with someone he didn't know, it was far from guaranteed to be a success. He wasn't the typical dirty guy that women on the net were hoping to meet for an 'encounter'. He had been married for 17 years, he didn't realise dating had changed. He didn't know how to talk dirty online, let alone in person. He had no pictures of his genitals but practically every woman had asked for them, and he had no idea that women had become so bold, asking or demanding sex acts that he'd never heard of or experienced.

He had romanticised his single days, he had loved the freedom, and watching his single friend enjoy it had made him think he was missing out. Before he was married he couldn't imagine having sex with just one person for the rest of his life, and when his marriage failed he realised he could go back to having sex with as many women as he wanted, but he didn't want it once it happened. He found much of his life, outside work and family commitments, was downright dull and dispiriting.

Of course he found new encounters exciting, an excitement he could never get in his marriage but if it was a one-night stand he saw it as a failure, and if she wasn't The One then he felt despondent because he was 'back to the drawing board' so to speak. He had assumed his life would be a whirl of parties and passionate nights, but discovered after 40 he found himself going to speed dating events and leaving in tears. He's had a few flings that have come to nothing and they have just left him feeling worse than before. At this point I need to make it clear that the breakdown of his marriage wasn't caused by his need to be single. It was dead in the water seven years ago, but he had stayed for his daughter. However, he had taken the decision positively and decided to grab life with both hands and embrace being single, with all the fun and games that status came with. What he'd discovered though, a man's view of singledom from inside a long-term relationship is very different to when he's actually single.

He remembered the glorious nights when his eyes would meet a girl's in a club, they'd start chatting and a couple of hours later he'd be in her bed. He remembered quiet nights in, watching the football without any complaints, reading a book without any noise and sleeping in on weekends. He had forgotten the nights of rejection when his eyes would meet a girl's and she mouthed the word 'loser' at him, or the Saturday evenings when all his friends were 'having a quiet one in with the girlfriend', or the difficulty he had finding someone to go on holiday with. And now he was coming to terms with being single over 40 and the sheer grind of being on his own, the loneliness and the dull ache of want.

When he first got together with his wife it was everything he had hoped for, and loved even the dull times where sex wasn't everything, but there is only so long you can live in a relationship where the other person doesn't want you, so he broke away, hoping life would be everything he'd been missing for years. He's searching for The One but is only recently out of his marriage that it could well be too soon. As most newly single people discover, it's very difficult to be in your own company. It takes time to be happy with yourself and the complete silence that comes with that option, but it's something that needs to be done before you can move on. He's simply not taken that time yet.

I know I'm not The One he's looking for, and he's not my One, we've already had that discussion, but I am filling the time while he discovers what he needs. We make good friends, and he appreciates the fact that I understand him so well. After all, I've been there myself, with no one to go to see that film you wanted, nothing to do on Saturday night and no one to share a pint on a summer evening, and it's very easy to end up wallowing in that, so I'm going to be dragging him kicking and screaming out of any depression that cares to set in. And offer a shoulder to cry on when he tries to work out if he wants to go back to his wife or not. And help him through the dark days after a one-night stand with a woman he liked, who had chosen him simply because he was the best option at the time.

As much as he relished the idea of being single, and now hates the reality of being single, with the help of his friends he'll get used to being single because right now, it's just how it is!

Man facts .......

2011-04-12T10:57:00.002+01:00

Interesting man facts - some of them are unbelievable, but true :)

Nearly 70% of men make the first move in relationships
Only 6% of cheating men would tell their mates about their infidelity
41% of men think a pashmina is a curry
51% of men find it hard to talk about their feelings
5% of men have sex at least once a day. Lucky devils
Men find hourglass figures most attractive
21% of men think they are unlikely to meet a girlfriend speed dating
12% of men have slept with a mate's ex and hidden it from them
32% of men find most of the texts they receive from girls confusing
27% of men hide their sweets from their family and friends
One in five men still fantasise about an ex
89% of men would prefer to have a serious relationship with a girl who had natural-looking blonde hair than a platinum blonde
Men spend more money than women when trying to get over a break-up. Who knew?
It takes men in relationships an average of 10 months before they give up trying to keep slim for their girlfriends
73% of men would rather go for a curry with their mates than a romantic meal with their partner
20% of men lack self-confidence in the bedroom
Men spend an average of £932 on their fiancees engagement ring
18% of men have decided not to go on a date with someone after Googling them
35% of men moan about their partner at least once a week
9% of men are more attracted to a woman who is in control of her finances
Men who support Manchester United are more likely to cheat than other fans
85% of men would hate it if their girlfriend weighed more than them
16% of single men share their bed with a pet - cute!
39% of men have tried role play during sex
Red is the most popular colour of lingerie men buy for their partner
63% of men claim a lack of energy ruins their sex life
8% of men say they've never been in love
27% of men have been dumped by text
1 in 10 men have been dumped due to their bad timekeeping
Men who have good sex lives live longer
56% of men would like to take flowers on a first date, but don't in case they look silly
22% of men find predictable sex the top passion killer
21% of men would consider leaving their partner if they came into money
Men get turned on by the smell of a roast dinner
Men say they are most likely to cheat on a night out with the lads
Men who believe in love at first sight are three times more likely to cheat
47% of men would like to last longer in bed
One in five men have made a sex tape with their girlfriend
15% of men say they've used a cock ring
79% of men don't care what they will look like in the future
13% of men admit to having a pet name for their penis
Men are more likely to cheat if they went to private school
12% of men still suck their thumb
Men tell an average of three lies a day
One third of men wait until the fifth date before they sleep with a girl
46% of men have sent a cheeky picture of themselves to someone other than their girlfriend/wife
29% of men have been put off sleeping with a girl because her underwear was ugly
One in 20 men bought themselves a thong in the last year
21% of men have shown naked snaps of their girlfriend to their mates
On average, men regret four of their sexual partners
30% of men prefer doggy style to missionary position
One in 10 men have had unprotected sex as they were too shy to buy condoms

More man facts to follow sometime soon .......

Every type is my type....

2011-04-06T10:11:00.002+01:00

When a friend tells me about her latest single male acquaintance/workmate/bus driver and declares, "He's just your type!" I have two questions to ask. First, how do you know your bus driver is single? (Jumping red lights = frustrated = not getting any?) And second, what exactly is my type, lady? Because you and I both know I don't have one.

No, I refuse to be typecast. There's no 'Tall, dark and handsome for me, please!' When it comes to dating, no type is safe from me - for I have been out with them all! A 6ft 7in basketball player; a bald, heavy-metal-loving music journalist; a blonde high-flying City boy; a squat-living crusty; a depressingly beautiful sound engineer who was 10 years my junior (please don't judge me...) And the list goes on. Now, you could think me insufficiently discerning, or really rather cheap. But I'd prefer to say I'm just exploiting and enjoying one of the most wonderful aspects of being single - that you can experiment with all types of men until you find The One.

And why not? Why limit your experiences to only one kind of man (even if he has multiple-personality disorder, there's still a limit to what one 'type' can show you) and deny yourself a thousand different adventures? I can see why some women get stuck with a type; it's easily done. Your first love was an Ashton Kutcher lookalike? Then of course you'll be drawn to kerr-azy pretty boys in the hope that heart history will repeat itself. You grew up in a family of builders? Then, yes, muscly men with rough hands will be reassuringly familiar. But there's a wide world of men out there and restricting yourself means you'll miss out.

If I hadn't dated the basketball player, I wouldn't have me his Olympic Gold Medal winning - and now past it - friend. If I hadn't dated the music industry guy, I would have missed out on the brilliantly glam backstage parties (I once drunkenly invited Kool's brother to impregnate me). I wouldn't have dined in expensive restaurants (thank you, City Boy), or been entertained by exotic tales from abroad (thank you, crusty), or had a song written for me (ah, thank you, young pup).

Of course, there were some downsides; the basketball player nicknamed me shorty because he didn't actually know anyone under 6ft; the crusty would make me get on night buses; and the man-cub would come to visit me on his 'wheels' - which, honestly, turned out to be a mountain bike! But it's all experience, right?

Best of all, you can learn stuff about yourself, too. I was surprised to find I have quite a strange sense of self; it doesn't matter who I'm seeing, I'm still me. I don't adapt my dress sense or behaviour. I also learnt that I could never, ever enjoy heavy metal. But the man who taught me that could just as easily have turned me off Thai food. This is the thing; different men have different interests that may resonate with different aspects of your personality. If you stick to one type, you may never discover those bits of you.

So has this all-embracing approach got me nearer to finding The One? Well I think that's missing the point. Yes, a big love would be a sweet PS to my story, but I'm more interested in enjoying the journey. I didn't start dating like this deliberately, it was just in my nature. Dating (and appreciating) a zillion different types of men has taught me there's no specific 'type'. It's all about the individual, and anyone out there could be The One. And you'll have more chance of finding him if you haven't ruled out 99% of the male population! Do the math, as our American friends would say. Oooh, an American.... Now I haven't dated one of those for a while..... :)

Enjoy being single.....

2011-04-05T13:40:00.001+01:00

I love being single, and face constant criticism because I don't want to be settled down in a conventional relationship. What's so wrong with being single anyway? Whatever happened to girls doing it for themselves? Maybe one day I will find someone I'm prepared to give it all up for, but right now, I love my time and space. If you find yourself single, don't look around desperately trying to replace him, just enjoy your 'me' time...

Get to know you again. Sometimes we get so caught up in a relationship that we lose a bit of ourselves, forgetting what it is we like or feel passionate about. If you find yourself single, take time to get to know yourself again. Eat the foods you love, listen to the music that moves you and do things for the sole purpose of pleasing you.
Focus on friends. Being single doesn't mean you need to become a social recluse. Take time to connect with friends or even to forge new friendships. Spend quality time with the people in your life who you love to be around.
Be positive. Look on being single as a great experience. It might even be your last chance to be on your own, so enjoy it. And remember - you don't need to be in a relationship to be a complete person - you're complete because of who you are, not because of who you're with.
Experience life. Socialise, go to the gym, take that art course you've always wanted to do.... Experience life on your terms.
Celebrate this point in your life. We live in such a high-pressured world that we're always worrying about where we're going next. Make a point of just enjoying the now. Treasure this time in your life.

Criticism....

2011-04-04T20:42:00.001+01:00

I've been open to a lot of criticism lately, and I guess that comes with the territory, but the major gripe is the fact that I 'censor' my comments on here. I have done that simply because I was getting threats, and grief from someone who didn't know how to behave. I always believed if you couldn't say something nice then don't say anything at all. Comments on Facebook or Twitter I can deal with, but I shouldn't have to cope with anonymous hassle on here. I started this blog because it was fun, because I thought some people might be interested, and because it has a certain cathartic effect. But the grief I have tolerated has been above and beyond what anyone should deal with. If you don't like what I do then move on, don't read my blog and boil about it, just read someone else's blog. If you don't like how I look then tough, you don't have to look at me every day, so move on, go and read someone's blog you like the look of. And if you think you need to criticise how I write or how often I do it, then please find something more important or interesting to complain about. My blog is exactly that. MY BLOG. And if you don't like how I run it, what I post, or how I write, then move on and read a different one. I don't ask anyone to read what I have to say, and least of all the idiots who want to comment on 'My fat neck'!

If you don't like it, go away.

I have never once commented negatively on anyone's blog, or even anyone's Facebook page etc. There is no need because I am busy enough running my life instead of getting involved in the lives of people I don't know. I happen to love my life the way it is. I have never, and will never, listen to any negative people when it comes to MY life. Worry about your own lives and not mine. I was pleased when my sick follower who was threatening me had finally given up and gone away, but just for anyone else who wants to criticise or threaten, and then complain because their comments aren't being read by anyone else, tough, I'm not changing it for you or anyone else. If you have something negative to say to ME then mail ME direct. Don't voice your opinion for effect or to see if you can start a witch hunt on here. It won't work, so take your vile crap elsewhere.

Thank you!!

Will every man do it anyway.....

2011-03-27T19:51:00.001+01:00

The lovely Jonathan Vernon-Smith seems to be mellowing in his old age. I've done his show several times now. I remember the first one and he was evil, pure evil. I was very close to putting the phone down and ruining the whole interview but I persevered. Obviously in the subsequent interviews he's actually listened to me and now realises I'm not the 'marriage-wrecking ho' he initially assumed I was.

Wednesday's interview was about whether all men would cheat given half the chance. I've always believed, even before the serial mistress label was attached, that if a space ship landed in front of any man, and his perfect woman stepped out, offering anything he desired, with no possibility of anyone every finding out, he would take it. I'd like to hope that there are one or two very decent men in this world who worship their partners so much that they would hesitate, and possibly refuse, but the longer I am the Serial Mistress, the less likely that seems.

A couple of guys called in to the show, swearing they wouldn't cheat, but one said 'Because I wouldn't want to lose everything I have', so that begs the question - if he knew he wouldn't lose anything, would he do it anyway? I often wonder if guys call in to say 'I'd never cheat' because their wives are in the same room listening to the same show.

My time as a serial mistress has helped me to understand far more about men, and their reasons for their infidelity. Long gone are the days when men would simply justify it with a 'My wife doesn't understand me' excuse. More and more men are indulging even if they are very happy at home. More men who would have previously never considered an affair, from lack of confidence or opportunity, are now easily finding available women to play with.

Modern technology has increased the chances and options for an illicit encounter, from a one-night stand, to no strings fun, a fuck buddy through to a full-blown love affair. Any man can now find a woman to fulfil every fantasy and dream he ever had. We appreciate there are many fetishes and fantasies out there, are more broadminded, and willing to experiment than ever before. So it's a wide world to explore, and who knows, maybe soon we'll have the technology to produce ideal women, in space ships, offering no strings attached sex!

JVS show...

2011-03-25T11:38:00.002Z

Are all men pre-programmed to cheat?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p00ffkbl/The_JVS_Show_23_03_2011/

I'm on from around 1hr 32mins.

Thankfully JVS wasn't too harsh this time :)

Radio U105 - Belfast.....

2011-03-11T13:28:00.004Z

You can guess with the location that this interview was a little 'difficult'. By the end of the show they were calling for me to be stoned, and most of Northern Ireland were 'praying for me' :)

Unfortunately there isn't a Play Again facility on their site, so I've tried to record it, and hopefully it should work when I've edited the adverts out etc. Bear with me. It's all go at the moment :)

Wednesday Morning.....

2011-03-11T13:28:00.001Z

The link to my scary interview on This Morning on Wednesday. Blog posts to follow :)

This Morning interview - This is just the initial interview - watch out for the 'face' sitting next to me. The sofa was actually moving with her huffing and puffing like the wolf in the tale of the Three Little Pigs :)

This Morning interview and phone-in - This is the whole show. I'm back on again at about 1.03 ish, with Denise, for the phone-in.

Enjoy xx

What has been happening?.....

2011-02-21T20:31:00.002Z

I, stupidly, got myself into a relationship. Against my better judgement I thought it was what I needed, partly because I hadn't been in a 'normal' situation for so long I decided to give it a try, but I also listened to my own press and was heavily influenced by public opinion - a lesson learned.

Admitting you're a Serial Mistress is a big deal. I had all the grief about being the 'Scarlet Woman' and some understanding about being single and free to make my own choices with no one getting hurt, but the recurring questions were always "Don't you want a man of your own? Don't you want to fall in love? Do you think you'll ever settle down?" etc. I started to feel pressure from all sides to 'settle' and leave my outrageous lifestyle behind. The more I thought about it and, god knows why, listened to friends, family and the public who contacted me through my blog, the more I was tempted to try it. So I looked for a single man, no wife, no attachments, with plenty of time for me and only me. I tried it, I enjoyed it for a while, and even settled into the idea of changing my lifestyle to see where this would go. Unfortunately it didn't work out, and maybe one or two followers will be screaming 'At last, justice, what goes around comes around' etc, but it didn't happen like that.

Circumstances and fate were against us, and we decided not to drag things out indefinitely, risking being hurt even more. Yes I cared a great deal for him, and it did disappoint me that we couldn't find a solution to our unfortunate situation but love and relationships are always about timing, and if it's not on your side there's not a huge amount you can do about it.

Back as a single girl I wanted to take a break from dating and certainly from the craziness that was the 'Life of a Serial Mistress'. I took stock, worked things through in my mind, and realised I had been happier before I decided to behave 'normally'. I should never have disturbed the status quo. When I met him I broke things off with all the fabulous married men I knew and/or dated. I even cut ties with many of my male friends who had been lovers or dates in the past, to show that I was committed to him. Although he wasn't the jealous kind, he didn't take kindly to the occasional text arriving late at night, starting 'Hey sexy.......', so I told everyone involved that I had found a single man and my time as a Serial Mistress was at an end. Thankfully they were all incredibly understanding and wished me well, but I regret deleting some of the numbers of guys I felt close to and thought were incredibly special. Ah, the things we do for love!!

I am the first to say to friends and acquaintances 'Never change to please or keep a man. Never alter your lifestyle, never change your appearance and never neglect your friends or family for him'. Even on my agony page I would advocate keeping your life exactly as it was until you're certain it's going somewhere, and even then consider any changes, of any description, thoroughly. I could quite easily have kept my attached contacts as friends but stopped meeting them. I could have resisted when his lip started to pout over me not deleting all of the numbers I had. But a drunken night, when he told me he loved me, ended with me wiping several names from my mobile phone before I had chance to write them down for safe keeping. So I will say to all the women who find a man to love - change nothing! If he liked you the day he met you then he should accept you as you are, warts and all, and accept everyone in your life - unless you're knocking off the entire local football team - in which case, he has a point!

So, now I am back I have had the unenviable task of starting again. Starting with searching the website, answering messages, catching up with people still around, starting with the endless email ping pong, small talk and banal conversations, eagerly awaiting someone who would jump off the screen and excite me. Starting with the filtering of bad mails, bad profiles, bad spelling, bad grammar and bad manners. It seems, in the few months I have been absent, the standards for online communication have not improved!

I tried a couple of other sites, just to see what was around, but I am always drawn back to Illicit Encounters. The calibre of men is far superior to any other site I've ever used. So far I have three dates planned and I am chatting to one or two other potentials, so watch this space. Stories could be coming very soon :)

Bothered......

2011-02-18T15:00:00.000Z

I have taken time away from my blog for various reasons. I have been seeing a single man I met when I was trying my '30 dates in 30 days' experiment. I've been ill and needed a break from things on here. I've had family issues to deal with, and I've had a new addition to my family - Josie Dollyknockers.

But also I've been hassled, bothered and bullied by someone on the net - hence my relative silence on here and Twitter. I've managed to block his hideous comments from appearing on the blog, and I've spoken to the police about his increasing criticism, judgements and threats. Hopefully he will settle down now, now he realises he can't reach the general public with his vitriolic attacks. I'm determined not to let some hideous reject, with no social skills whatsoever, stop me doing something I love. I love dating, I love writing and I love running my blog. No one has ever tried to stop me writing, which is surprising considering some of the backlash I have faced after my press appearances, and no one is going to stop me now.

So I won't be bothered by him any longer. I won't be bothered by any other small-minded opinions. And I won't be bothered if anyone feels bitter because I didn't want them. Opening yourself up to criticism is part of writing a blog, but having threats aimed at you is a little unnecessary. I will always face criticism based on my lifestyle choices, but constructive criticism, educated and intelligent comments, will be appreciated. Badly spelt nastiness will just be mocked! :)

I'm back.......

2011-02-18T14:54:00.002Z

Firstly, I will apologise profusely, to all of my dedicated followers, for my silence - it seems to have been no time at all, but it has flown by. So I want to thank you all for sticking around and being patient while you had nothing exciting or stimulating to read on here. There have been several reasons, some I want to keep private for now, and some I will tell you about in my next few posts. But I am back. I am back dating. I am back dating married or attached guys. And I am back dating as the Serial Mistress. Normal service can now be resumed.

Please sign.....

2011-01-18T14:27:00.002Z

Totally away from my normal post, but something I feel incredibly strongly about. Please check out Leah's blog and the link to the petition to sign. Please sign it to help everyone out.

http://latestarterchronicles.blogspot.com/2011/01/one-month-before-heartbreak.html?zx=d413b4c8b91b3362

Daily Mail......

2011-01-16T20:04:00.005Z

An article in the Daily Mail recently, all based on facts collected from Illicit Encounters. Very interesting :)

12 ways to spot a cheat

And in case everyone was wondering where I had gone, I had some personal things to deal with, and they all seem to have settled down now. For anyone who is interested - it seems 'I'm back baby!!' :)

This Morning.....

2011-01-07T13:11:00.002Z

A link to the fabulous interview Rosie did on This Morning, with the judgemental Denise Robertson rolling her eyes till they almost fell out of her face!!

Enjoy - its a very good interview.

http://thismorning.itv.com/thismorning/life/affairs-keep-my-marriage-alive

Totally irrelevant but I had to post it ........

2010-11-11T14:21:00.009Z

This has nothing to do with this blog, but my, it did make me smile when I read it. How times have changed :)

WE WAS BRUNG UP PROPER !

"And we never had a whole Mars bar until 1993"!!!

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1930's 1940's, 50's, 60's and early 70's !

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, raw egg products, loads of bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer.

Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking. As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds , KFC, Subway or Nandos. Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on a Sunday, somehow we didn't starve to death! We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Gobstoppers, Bubble Gum and some bangers to blow up frogs with.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter & drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were OK. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old prams and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and dens and played in river beds with matchbox cars.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Wii , X-boxes, no video games at all, no 999 channels on SKY, no video/dvd films, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no Lawsuits from these accidents. Only girls had pierced ears! We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns at Easter time. We were given air guns and catapults for our 10th birthdays. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them! Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet because we didn’t need to keep up with the Jones’s!

Not everyone made the rugby/football/cricket/netball team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! Getting into the team was based on MERIT!

Our teachers used to hit us with canes and gym shoes and throw the blackboard rubber at us if they thought we weren’t concentrating .

We can string sentences together and spell and have proper conversations because of a good, solid three R’s education.

Our parents would tell us to ask a stranger to help us cross the road.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

Our parents didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Blade' and 'Ridge' and 'Vanilla' and 'Tiger'

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL ! CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good. And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were!

Is he a cheat?...

2010-10-10T22:27:00.002+01:00

Do you suspect your man is playing away? I'm asked all the time how to spot the signs if he isn't happy at home and is looking elsewhere. Lipstick on his collar is no longer the only way to catch him out.

He ignores texts: No one ignores texts. Especially not men: they get so few that every beep elicits a Pavlovian rummage in the jeans to check if a) Spurs have scored or b) a parent has died. Not checking it suggests he knows who sent it - especially if it arrives at a weird time. And is he rejecting a lot of calls? Or has he stopped casually leaving his phone on the coffee table? Worry.
His dandruff has come back: Not cast-iron proof on its own (unless you DNA-test it and find it isn't his). But think about it: dry scalps can be easily treated with medical tinctures. But not if he's showered away from his own bathroom a couple of times. Unfamiliar shampoo - whether it be her Pantene or the watery stuff in a cheap hotel - will bring fresh flurries of flakes.
He's better groomed: Nothing as blatant as, say, a new haircut. Instead, look for more 'private' grooming - like finally tackling that thicket of chest hair. Or the old schoolboy trick of trimming his pubic hair near the base of his penis to make it seem larger. You know how big it is already - who's he trying to impress?
His mobile is squeaky clean: Of course, only the most paranoid lunatic checks her mans phone for clues tha......you're holding it right now? Oh, right! Check the sent folder. Has he left his flirtations in there? Congratulations - you're married to an idiot. But if he's emptied it, that's just as suspicious. Now look at his call history. Some men think they're showing Jason Bourne-level cunning if they list their bit-on-the-side under a man's name - check for multiple calls to 'Dave'. And if he's deleted his history, you have to ask....... why?
His house is tidier: (Obviously if you don't live together.) Men, as you'll be aware, rarely change bed sheets - usually only when they need shattering with a toffee hammer. But illicit sex leaves stains and smells. So look out for fresh sheets on an unusually regular basis, or an incongruous bottle of Febreze. And if you're married - if he EVER changes the sheets, there's something amiss. Men are incapable of that chore in the house.
He's less hassle: Is he suddenly very chilled out about where you are and who you're with? How refreshing! Is he no longer bothered you've stayed out late? What a liberal attitude. And is he seeing more of his own friends - but with elaborate reasons for doing so? Hmmm, funny that.
He calls more: A benefit, you may think - but these are just on-the-hoof exchanges of pleasantries. Why? Because you're on his mind, for starters. But more importantly, he's just checking you are where you said you'd be and not about to land on his doorstep.
He's poorer: As Tiger Woods would no doubt testify, affairs are expensive. Not only is he paying for meals, drinks and hotel rooms to impress his new flame, he might also be buying gifts for you to ease his guilt. or maybe he does just prefer the Tesco Value range for his weekly shop.
He's chubbier: Different from normal weight gain, is he carrying extra timber? Affairs tend to involve drinking and eating out, as well as skipping 'gym time' for a rendezvous. The phrase 'love handles' may never be more apt.
Your sex life gets better: Unhelpfully contradictory, yes. But is he suddenly trying a new position or foreplay technique? Then he's either learnt it from YouPorn - or someone is teaching him. Or you could just have a great guy who wants your sex life to sizzle.

I've been away.....

2010-10-10T16:47:00.002+01:00

This is just a brief note to those who have been dedicated enough to keep following me during my silence over the recent months. I appreciate you all for sticking with me. A blogger who doesn't blog is of no interest to anyone, but hopefully I will now be able to hold your attention for a little longer, and blog entertaining (and educational) posts. A great deal has been happening in my personal life, and more details will be forthcoming soon, but in the meantime, and interspersed between the personal episodes, I will post some interesting bits and pieces about infidelity, relationships, facts, and anecdotes. You all deserve far more from me, and hopefully the quiet time, I was forced to embark on recently, will become more exciting by the day. I will give you lots to read, lots to comment on, lots to learn, lots to laugh about and hopefully lots to follow avidly. And, as usual, I will invite all of your comments about what I write, good and bad, and any stories of your own you wish to share.

Thank you all again for your continuing support and I hope my blog makes for good reading again very soon xxx

Up Close and Personals....

2010-08-15T00:12:00.005+01:00

I'm appearing in the Observer newspaper today, in their Online Dating special section. I haven't seen it 'in the flesh' just yet, I refuse to go looking for a newsagent at 12.30 am :) Thank goodness for online newspapers! :)

Check out the article. It's nothing major, and most of my followers will know the story, but its nice to see its not the typical 'mistress bashing' article.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/aug/15/online-dating-up-close-personals-karen-marley

Anyone who wants to visit my profile - if you haven't already - is welcome to check me out. I'm on Illicit Encounters as Yesgirl. Not your usual profile, but it seems to work for me :)

More blogging to come soon, and I'll explain why I've been ridiculously slack with my posts.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend xxxx

Tut tut Mr Crouch....

2010-08-09T22:34:00.006+01:00

Yet another footballer hits the headlines. This time he's playing away with a hooker. And yet again we can hear the entire country take a sharp intake of breath, tut and ask why? His girlfriend is one of the most beautiful women in the public eye, I don't know a man who wouldn't want to be with her, not just because she's stunning, but because she has a fabulous personality, sense of humour and understands the offside rule. Naturally we don't know what the situation is at home, and to be honest we still don't know if his indiscretion is actually true, but we are all wondering what would possess a man to play around with a hooker when he has a model girlfriend at home. He was, of course, the man who, when asked 'If you weren't a footballer, what would you be?' replied 'A virgin'. A classic line, but surely he's not short of offers now, so the press were struggling to work out why he decided to play away with a prostitute.

I understand why a man plays away, probably better than most, but the questions are still asked when a celebrity hits the headlines.

Anyway, thanks to Mr Crouch, Rosie from IllicitEncounters, and I, were busy doing interviews about the subject. And, as usual, the phone in programmes were incredibly popular, with many men confessing to affairs, and many women condemning the mistress. I, yet again, fought my corner pretty well.

Here is a link to Alex Bellfield, Radio Leeds from this morning. He tried to shake me, and even, at one point, referred to me as no better than a murderer - I love the shock tactics they attempt to use - but I handled it well and did my bit.

Enjoy the show. The whole interview is on from about 6 minutes into the show. Let me know what you think of the subject, and what your views are on the difference between an affair and seeing a prostitute.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p0095n9d/Alex_Belfield_09_08_2010/

Adrian's show....

2010-08-06T04:44:00.006+01:00

Good old Adrian, and TalkSport - yet another cracking show about sex and relationships - specifically circumcision this morning. Thoroughly enjoyed the chat. For all the new visitors to my site I thought I'd post a few links for you to follow, and invite you to email me or follow me on Facebook.

My email address is kamc0pics@aol.com

The link to my Facebook profile and my Twitter account are down the right hand side of this and the following posts. Please feel free to add me. And the links to my other blogs are also listed.

Thank you for visiting and if you have any problems, or comments you wish to make, please feel free to mail me.

Now I'm off to bed at this unearthly hour!! :)

Night night xxx

Things you never want to hear on a date...

2010-06-13T15:32:00.003+01:00

After my recent dating experiment, I decided to share with you the definitive list of lines you don't want to hear on a date...

"Mum's waiting outside in the car."
"Oh...... there's my ex in that bar. I think the restraining order has expired so it's fine, let's go in!"
"Wow! You looked a lot thinner online. He would you look at that, my waist is smaller than yours."
"Sorry about that. Broccoli gives me wind."
"Committing has never been a problem for me. I've been married three times."
"Double vodka on the rocks, please. On second thoughts - just bring me the bottle."
"Right, now, you had an extra side order of asparagus, your dessert was £1.65 more, sooooo....."
"I'm afraid we can't sleep together for six weeks - my penile implant is still very inflamed."
"My anger management classes are going really well..... [to the waiter] NO, I DON'T WANT BLACK PEPPER!!!"
"That girl over there has a banging body. How do you feel about threesomes?"
"Do you like my man purse?"
"It only burns when I pee."
"I usually only date models. It's so refreshing to be with a real woman."
"Condoms? I don't have any. That's your responsibility, right?"
"Did you see Jeremy Kyle's show this morning?"

Feel free to add your own classic lines we never want to hear :)

Interesting story today.....

2010-05-19T23:06:00.003+01:00

I know it's not in Britain, but this article caught my eye. It seems the whole world is suing someone for something these days, but am I wrong to actually believe this woman has a point? I'd love to hear your comments on this, and if you think she was right or wrong.

Woman sues phone company after husband discovers affair through bill

A Canadian woman whose husband discovered she was enjoying some extra-marital activities thanks to her itemised phone bill, has decided to sue the company responsible.

Gabriella Nagy is after 600,000 Canadian dollars (£405,475) from Rogers Wireless, claiming invasion of privacy and breach of contract.

The 35-year-old insists that she asked the company to send the bill in her name to her home but it was sent out under her husband's name, along with the television, Internet and home phone bills.

His suspicions were aroused when he noticed an unknown number appearing somewhat frequently on the bill and, when he called, the man on the other end admitted that he had been having a three-week affair with Ms Nagy.

But rather than take responsibility for the subsequent break-up of their marriage, Ms Nagy lays the blame firmly at the door of Rogers Wireless.

"I entrusted them with my personal information," she told Canwest News Service, as she moaned that the company had "breached my privacy".

Rogers though, replied saying the couple had asked for the bills to be consolidated.

"We cannot be responsible for the personal decisions made by our customers," a Rogers spokesman said.

"The marriage breakup and its effects happened, or alternatively, would in any event have happened, regardless of the form in which the plaintiff and her husband received their invoices."

BRMB Radio interview....

2010-05-18T23:01:00.003+01:00

Here's the podcast of the radio interview I did on Monday night/Tuesday morning on the late night show called The Sanctuary with Caroline Martin. It was lovely having time to say my piece, she gave me a good 40 mins to talk, without interrupting, which makes a change. I only waffled a bit, which also makes a change! :)

Hope you enjoy it, but make sure you settle down with a coffee or a glass of wine before you listen to it.

http://mediaweb.musicradio.com/player/default.asp?s=14&e=131252

Nastiness.....

2010-05-15T22:31:00.004+01:00

I have to apologise for the break in normal services, but I simply had to write a piece about the evil nastiness I have just had to tolerate on here. This blog is meant to be fun, it is meant to be a small insight into my life, and meant to be for people to read and take as seriously as they like. I am leaving myself wide open to be criticised for what I do with my life, how I date, who I date and how I write. I am not here to be openly crucified for how my life has turned out, including my financial situation and my health. Those matters are nothing to do with the people who read this blog. It is about my relationships, my dating preferences and, on occasion, sex. It is nothing to do with whether I pay my electricity bill or have two days in hospital and why.

So, for those ignorant, judgemental, self-righteous critics who have taken it upon themselves to leave nasty comments, I apologise for not being as perfect as you clearly are. I live my life how I see fit. I live within my limitations, and I live how I have been forced to live, by circumstances I wouldn't wish on anyone, including your sad, bitter, twisted selves. I would love to see you live my life for 10 minutes and see how critical and nasty you are then!! The incredibly hilarious, but sad, part of the vitriolic attack I have received is, whoever you are - and if you know me so well why don't you say it to my face?? - you have spent literally hours tracking down photographs of me, reading my blog, and planning your bitter comments. I find it very satisfying that my life is so full, my life is exciting and fun, yet you are trawling the Internet to find more and more information about me and my life. Who is the sad lonely one there?

After seeking legal advice I, unfortunately, had to delete the comments, and moderate any comments from now on. I'm disappointed about that, because I have always happily welcomed any comments from anyone reading my blog, whether positive, negative, funny, reassuring, or critical. I have taken every piece of criticism of my lifestyle on the chin, but I have never had to face slanderous, ill-informed comments about my finances or health. Everyone is welcome to leave comments, and I will always post them, so long as they are not slanderous or libellous. Whoever the people are, feeling my private life is there to be criticised, should contact me directly, you obviously know me, even though you don't know any facts. Please feel free to email me or phone me and tell me EXACTLY how you feel. But if you are so consumed with anger towards me, maybe you need to have a drink, chill out a little, and realise that no one on this planet is worth so much anger. It will give you a headache, or worse, carrying so much hatred with you.

Let it go, life is too short, but you know where I am if you want to get it off your chest. The fact that you are so consumed by it for so very long is really quite disturbing. I apologise to my genuine followers and readers because your comments will now be moderated, but you are always more than welcome to comment, all will be published. And secondly, I deleted a couple of lovely comments by mistake, so you're welcome to leave them again, and thank you to everyone for supporting my blog and making it all worthwhile.

Date 3/7

2010-05-13T12:36:00.000+01:00

Name: Brian

Age: 43

Job: Warehouse Manager

Marital Status: Single but fake married - explanation following

Venue: Coffee shop

Coffee only, as I try to do when I'm not completely sure about someone. I wondered why he jumped at the chance and didn't ask me to lunch or dinner - the real gentlemen always do - but it all became clear the longer we chatted, he clearly wasn't one for paying for things. We met at 1.30 at a cute little coffee shop in town. It closely resembles a private Starbucks with flavoured lattes, stunningly presented cappuccinos and hot chocolate to die for, with all the toppings you could dream of, like something from Willy Wonka's factory. I left him to order my coffee, gingerbread latte, and found us a table. When they were delivered to us mine was a work of art and he had a plain black coffee with a jug of cold milk. Each to their own I thought and we started the process of getting to know each other.

Online he had been interesting, he asked a lot of questions and when I answered he seemed to agree with almost everything I said. I thought this was a sign of a good choice, someone I would have a connection with, lots to talk about, everything in common, but no, apparently it meant he had no thoughts of his own, he was just a Yes Man - and not in the good 'Danny Wallace' way. He agreed to everything I said online hoping I would meet him, and I guess it worked. While we were chatting face to face we covered some of the subjects we had already discussed online. Strangely enough his answers altered dramatically.

Holidays

Me: I love to travel abroad. I love warm holidays but not just lounging around on a beach endlessly. I love to explore where I am visiting, learn some of the language, try the local delicacies, experience the culture and the people of the country.

Him Online: Oh me too, I love travelling.

Him In person: I've never been abroad in my life (he's 43) and never will. We've got enough in this country to explore and I don't have to eat that foreign food, its shite! (How would he know if he's never tried it?). The places are full of foreigners and they don't bother to learn English which annoys the hell out of me!

Food

Me: I love to try new things, from every corner of the world. I love Indian, Chinese, Mexican, Thai, any kind of food. I love variety, spices and interesting flavours.

Him Online: Oh me too, I love trying new things, maybe we should try a few new things together. I'd love to take you somewhere exotic for a meal.

Him In person: I hate foreign food. I like English food. I don't ever go to foreign restaurants. I've never tasted curry or Chinese in my life and have no intention of starting now. I like plain food, and well cooked too, I can't understand anyone wanting their steak raw, or that fish thing that's raw, yeuch!! (Sushi!)

Relationships

Me: I love being single, having my own space. I love my life the way it is, but there is always space for someone else to join in, so long as they don't take over or expect me to change. I love hugs and being close to someone though, you can't beat intimacy.

Him Online: I'm married, we'd need to be discreet, I want to meet once or twice a week.

Him In person: I'm not married at all, I'm actually single but I didn't think you'd want to meet me if I was 43 and single. I still live with my mum, but I can't ever imagine living alone. What's the point anyway? I get everything done for me, all my cooking, cleaning, washing etc, and she even wakes me up for work in the mornings.

It seemed we weren't getting off to a good start, so I tried to change the subject, hoping to find something we did have in common. We landed on the city of York and discussed how much we like architecture and history. At last something we could talk about, but it was purely to get me through the second coffee I had ordered and paid for, mine a sticky toffee cappuccino, his plain again. At this point I asked him why he liked it plain and didn't want to try something different, I was almost anticipating the answer. 'Oh I don't like that fancy muck, why mess with coffee?' And there it was! :)

Steering us back to the subject of York he suggested we visited the city together. I smiled, trying not to run away screaming that I'd rather rip off my own arm and beat myself about the head with the bloody stump! I didn't say no chance, which wasn't good of me, but I knew I would never be seeing York with this man! 'It's only 30 minutes on the train from me', I said, 'Not too far from my nearest station'. He laughed at me and said he would never get on a train, and he much preferred the bus. Apparently it takes just over two hours to get there from his house. Who CHOOSES to sit on a bus for two hours when it can be done in a quarter of the time? He said he had never been on a train and never would! There's a surprise!! And I had to avoid saying 'Never been on a train, but I bet you've collected lots of their numbers in your spiral bound pad!!' :)

He's 43 for gods sake!! How has he never been on a train?

Half way through a sentence, while I was telling him about my work, he checked his watch for the fifth time, he then announced he had to leave, before I even had chance to finish it. He had apparently set aside an hour for a coffee. We had sat together for exactly 59 minutes. I hadn't realised I was on the clock, so I never did finish my sentence. We parted company, he kissed me on the cheek and said 'I look forward to seeing you again. Thanks for the coffee and lets do York soon!' I smiled and turned to walk in the opposite direction when I heard him shout across the street 'Oy Karen, don't forget about us doing the sex too!!' I spun round faster than a gyroscope with my mouth wide open and said 'What??' I expected him to smile and say 'Joking' but instead he actually repeated himself, even louder this time. 'We'll do York and have lots of sex soon, you're really hot!!' There he was, right in the middle of the street, in the centre of the town where I live, the pretty market town, full of tourists and visitors. I was mortified that anyone would have so few social skills, but there he was, addressing me, in the middle of the street!! I walked over to him and asked the question that had been coursing around my head for the 59 minutes we had been together.

'Are you behaving like this, with no social etiquette, and contradicting everything we had discussed online, in the hope that you would put me off? Did you decide from the start you didn't like me and did everything you could to turn me off you? ' I asked.

'Hell no, of course not, you're exactly how I imagined you and even better. I really want to see you again. I think you're lovely and can't wait to get started with the sex. I've not had it for ages and want to fuck you so much. If it means having a trip to York before, just to keep you sweet, then so be it.'

I was speechless and repulsed by his reply. I smiled sarcastically while I shook my head in disbelief and turned to leave. I walked back to my car, still speechless, shaking my head as I went, not quite believing that I had met someone like that. About two hours later, after several texts from him reinforcing his feelings for me and begging to see me again, I decided to let him down gently, and not keep him dangling any longer, I could so easily have ignored him for ever more but I thought better of it. My text was simple and to the point 'Thanks for meeting me today. After thinking about it for a while I've realised we're not really suited, and you're not what I'm looking for. There's no point in leading you on and I didn't feel the chemistry was right. I hope you find what you're looking for. I'm sure you will x'

His text came back almost immediately. 'FUCK YOU!!!!' was the reply. Oh my, another man who can't handle rejection, but I don't know what made him think his behaviour was acceptable enough for me to want to see him again. I didn't think it would come as much of a surprise to be frank.

I wasn't remotely concerned with his reply. I laughed. But I was more concerned about his initial approach and it made me realise how things are changing. I have spent my dating life talking to single men, or so I thought, who were hiding the wife and two kids. Men's marital status has been hidden for years, in pubs and clubs, at work, and now online. I joined Illicit Encounters to steer away from that deception, by knowing exactly where you are. With a married man, there are no surprises, we all know where we stand, what the boundaries are, and what we are all looking for. It's bizarre that dating has come to this. I know I advocate dating married men and always voice a good argument for the benefits it holds for all parties, including my famous line 'Single men my age haven't really got a lot to offer' but never in my wildest dreams did I think I would experience a single man pretending to be married in order to find himself a date. Is that what the world has come to? Its quite funny when you think about it, or is it sad? We had married men lying on dating sites to pull women, and now we have to contend with single guys lying too. Mind you, I can see why he was lying, and why he has never been married, or ever will be if he carries on with his charm offensive! :)

Date 2/7

2010-05-12T11:08:00.001+01:00

Name: Ethan

Age: 40

Job: Police Officer

Marital Status: Separated

Venue: Coffee Shop

My god he's delicious!!! Unbelievably delicious!!! I could have eaten him up, there and then! His pictures hadn't done him justice at all. It was almost as if I'd seen a silhouette but not the complete person, an outline version of the man rather than the coloured in version, but once the smile spread across his gorgeous face, and his piercing blue eyes sparkled for the first time, he came to life. He was better than I could have hoped for, and it made me realise the phrase 'One woman's trash is another's treasure' is absolutely true. He split from his wife just over two months ago. They both decided it wasn't working and he hadn't been happy for ten years. I have to admit this is the only reservation I have. Some men split and hate being alone so much they replace their partner with someone who makes them feel safe and secure again. Some split and replace her with the exact opposite, the anti-wife, just to see if that works and was what was wrong all along, and some split then spread their wild oats, screwing everything and anything showing interest. So far I haven't worked out which he is, and obviously a few more dates will help me figure it out, but I think I'll have to be incredibly reserved with this one, and keep my emotions under control. I have a feeling it could get carried away very quickly for both of us.

This is a whole new dating experience for me too, and most of you will laugh when I say this, but he doesn't own a mobile phone!! He is the only person I know who doesn't have one. My ten year old godson has one. My 82 year old mother has one. Everyone in between has one. So its a totally new experience not relying on text messages to do my talking. I got stuck behind a very slow moving tractor on my way to our date, but had the uncomfortable problem of not being able to tell him I was going to be late. I nearly broke my neck, and my car, to get to him as quickly as possible so he didn't think I'd stood him up, but it made me realise that with this guy I might actually have to get off my arse and be early for once in my life, and that's not a bad thing! I was also amazed at how relaxed I was about not hearing from him immediately after the date. Normally I get a text to say 'Thanks for a great time, can't wait to see you again' etc. I'm incredibly polite too, and always say 'Thank you for dinner/drinks/the movie' etc. because my mum always taught me to say my thank you's! But on this occasion I couldn't. He had to go home to catch up on his sleep because he was in the middle of his two night shifts, so I didn't expect to hear anything from him, especially as he looked so shattered, but I guess that was partly my fault. I'd kept him up till 6am a couple of nights earlier, and he'd only had about three hours sleep in the space of 36. So I willingly let him head home after six espressos and three hours of my company.

He was fabulous though, and just how I love my men. I suppose this experiment is helping me establish what my 'type' is and I've figured I have two. Outside those two I simply can't seem to find anything that works for me. Type number 1. seems to be the business man. Suited and booted, highly intelligent, lots of responsibility, suave, sophisticated, charming, who knows how to treat a lady properly. Type number 2. is my Action Man. Tall, rugged, manly, with a heroic, manly job, good morals, strong arms, a broad chest, the sort of guy who would ride in on a white charger and rescue the damsel in distress. He may not be as sophisticated as number 1 but he makes the girl feel safe and secure, well and truly protected.

Sometimes when I look at my types I realise number 2 is actually what I'm looking for but they are very rare. It's a very fine line between Action Man and Neanderthal Man, skimming the shagpile with his knuckles and grunting. It's a fine balance of testosterone between gentlemanly and cavemanly. But this time I have found the former, completely. He's ex-forces, a sergeant major no less, and I can just imagine him shouting at his troops and being a true leader in combat. He has retired from the army and is now a police officer, upholding the law and cleaning our dangerous streets of druggies and criminals, to make it safer for women to go out at night. Swoon!!! What a hero!! He's done his bit for the country abroad and now he's doing his bit at home. Two uniforms in two jobs, which apparently he still has! Throw in a play fireman's uniform and I may just wet my pants while I write this!

The lovely thing is, besides being manly, heroic and in a uniform, he's a genuinely nice bloke! I hate that word. It's so non-descriptive. It doesn't say anything about a person apart from 'I'd trust him to look after my goldfish if I went on holiday', there are a million more adjectives I would use to describe him but these days, especially on the Internet, there don't seem to be many nice people around. He's polite, he's easy going, funny, clever, sweet, kind, considerate, affectionate, tactile, he seems honest so far, which in my line of work is a true rarity, and he has a stack of morals that any man would struggle to peer over. He loves his daughter and spends a lot of time with her, especially since he left his wife. He's sweet and kind to total strangers, he opens doors for women. He won't let the lady pay, not even for a coffee on the first date. And to top all these fantastic things - he's a truly great kisser!!

What are the downsides I can hear you cry? No one is perfect! And you're right, no one ever is. He's above my usual height requirement by two inches, but I don't know whether it was the six inch heels I was wearing, or the fact that everything was just right, but I didn't feel dwarfed by him. He didn't crack any 'small' jokes, which is rare for a giant. He didn't appear condescending or patronising and never once spoke to me like a child, so I hardly noticed the 14 inch height difference. The only other negative point - he smokes, but he only smoked two in the three hours we were together. He made sure he stood down wind of me, purposely considering where I was and positioning himself where the smoke wouldn't affect me at all, he didn't smell like an old ashtray, and I didn't notice anything when he kissed me, so I can't see it becoming a problem. He's certainly not a 40 a day kinda guy, and the odd one I could probably cope with.

So, as tick boxes go, well I've pretty much scored a full house with this one, and couldn't be happier. I can be a little more chilled out with the phone situation, he lives about ten minutes away, he's not looking for marriage and babies, so I can let my guard down about him being a single man, and he doesn't do one night stands, so I can relax about potentially being used. I'm not going to count any chickens, even though it is Spring, but I am going to say I'm very pleasantly surprised after this particular date.

So as future dates go, I'd simply say watch this space.......

Date 1/7

2010-05-11T12:28:00.006+01:00

Name: Glen
Age: 38
Job: Health and Safety Consultant
Marital Status: Married
Venue: Coffee Shop

Not exactly the date I had anticipated. It started very well but slid down the slippery slope at a rate of knots. We were meeting for a coffee as he was passing on his way home. He had been incredibly keen to get me on my own, and of course the horny vibe had been well and truly waved in my face, like a big pink rabbit. I had tried my hardest to calm his ardour while we were chatting online, but I knew he would be quite a handful in person. I was determined to meet him somewhere very public, hoping he would keep his hands to himself, but sometimes a public setting just gives a man like him an extra challenge!

He arrived a few minutes early and waited in the car park, texting me impatiently to hurry up. He was increasingly desperate to meet me, but as always, at the back of my mind, I was thinking he was more interested in putting his hand up my skirt rather than meeting ME!

I got out of my car and watched him stride across the car park, admittedly not looking immaculate because he'd been working, but we can't all look amazing at the end of a 10 hour day. He looked fab enough though. He was exactly like his picture, minus the tan, but we all get that Daz bluey-whiteness to our skin at this time of the year. He had that sexy salt and pepper hair, stunning eyes and his smile to die for broadly greeted me, very pleased that I had finally arrived. He had sent me a text earlier in the week, wondering if we would kiss before or after our date, whether we would kiss straight away to 'break the ice', and although I had avoided the question and had made no promises, I did like the idea of kissing him, he was very sexy! So, before he even checked that I was happy to do it, he scooped me up and kissed me, gently at first, then passionately, firmly pushing me against my car. What a great kisser. It was delightful. I would have been more than happy kissing him for the next hour but we had gone there for a coffee, and I wanted a chance to get to know him without his face stuck to mine.

I finally managed to prise him off me and suggested we went inside. He was very tactile, lovely in fact. He took my hand to walk into the coffee shop and put his arm around me in the queue. Normally I would feel uncomfortable with someone being so 'overly familiar' but for some bizarre reason it felt nice. He was easy and so very comfortable to be around. I felt as if I had known him for years.

He bought the coffees and we settled comfortably into a huge, squishy, leather sofa. His hand casually landed on my thigh and we started to chat. In between subjects I received intermittent kisses and the occasional cheeky, but gentle, brush of my thigh or breast, it all seemed to be going very well. The coffee shop was very quiet but he still turned to me so no one could see his hand as he touched, and then squeezed, my breast. It was remarkably bold of him, and I checked around to see if anyone had noticed this brazen behaviour. I moved my arm so he couldn't do it again, partly because I had only just met him and it felt bizarre to be getting touched up in a coffee shop, but also because I actually quite liked it and didn't want it to go too far too soon. We had already checked our diaries and made sure we were free later that week, if the coffee went well. It seemed to be doing at that point.

We chatted about our own situations, what we were looking for, how we hoped it would work out, and that, unfortunately, brought us to the subject of his wife. His smile disappeared, his annoyance seemed to surface on his face, and he then proceeded to tell me, for 20 minutes, about how his marriage wasn't working, what a bitch she was, how awful his life was, how she expected him to jump every time she spoke, and how this was the start of the new him, he wasn't going to be at her beck and call anymore. I naturally encouraged him, I didn't particularly want to be in a relationship with someone who was watched constantly, we all know that just leads to trouble. As the problems poured out, and he soaked up my advice like a sponge, making the most of my wisdom and experience in all infidelity matters, his phone rang. 'Oh shit, it's her, back in a sec' he said, and disappeared off to the front door of the coffee shop to talk to her.

Now as dates go, I don't normally get left on my own for any time. Dates are meant to be between two people, not three, and immediately the alarm bells started to ring. If he was prepared to talk about her endlessly, then take her call without a second thought, clearly this woman had her hand up his arse and was working him like a ventriloquists dummy! Several patient minutes later, I finished my coffee and sorted my bag to leave, when he appeared round the corner and said 'Sorry babe, I've got to go, she's checking up on me'. I sighed, decided it was actually for the best, and walked out to the car with him.

I thought he would have jumped in his car and headed off like a bat out of hell, but no, he decided he wanted another kiss, so he pushed me up against my car, held my face with both hands, apologised for her ruining what was a 'perfect date' and kissed me hard. I melted, it was lovely, complete bullshit, but lovely. I pulled him to me, kissed him back and then went to get in my car. 'Not yet,' he said, 'just another minute or two, I don't want to leave.' So we chatted for another few minutes, he was trying desperately to arrange another meeting, and then he kissed me again. This time his fingers took mine while his lips crushed my face. I thought he was just holding my hands, and he was, initially, but after a few seconds he was moving them rather than holding them. Yes you guessed it, towards his crotch. Men!! You never cease to amaze me! Normally men can be incredibly predictable when it comes to the crotch area, mid kiss, but this one actually shocked me. I expected to have my hand forced onto a fabric covered erection, to be pressed against it while he rubbed himself with my fingers, but I was oh so wrong!

My hand felt skin, and I actually jumped! I was so taken aback I physically recoiled. It was hilarious, and not like me at all, but I genuinely wasn't expecting to feel smooth skin! I laughed, and of course he took this to mean I was laughing at the size - which I certainly wasn't. I moved my hand away and said 'Too far Glen, we're in a public car park, next to a busy coffee shop, and there are people all over the place, I really can't do this'. I couldn't! Normally I'd be game for a laugh, especially if I fancied him, but this was so bold, so blatant and so insensitive that I simply didn't want to, especially after our date was being cut short by his overbearing wife. It turned this incredibly sexy, handsome man into a slightly desperate opportunist, and that is never remotely attractive.

I went to move away to get into my car and he pressed himself up against me again. 'Come on babe, lets go somewhere now, I fancy you so much, I want you' he begged. I shook my head and told him no, reminding him he was the one cutting the date short to go rushing off to the Mrs when she called! At that point the phone in his pocket burst into life again. Ohhhh saved by the bell I thought! 'You better get that, see you later, and it was lovely meeting you' I said. In a fairly swift movement he managed to get his phone out of one pocket and tuck his manhood back into its own little pocket, and yet again he was decent (if you could call him that!!).

I jumped in my car and said good bye and drove off, relieved that the situation had been disturbed, but equally disturbed that it was his wife, and his debauched behaviour, getting in the way. I had planned on mailing or sending a text the following day to see how he was but I didn't need to. Within ten minutes of me leaving him in the car park I got a text message saying 'Cock tease'. I was gobsmacked! Totally unbelievable considering he was the one with it hanging out of his trousers and I was running away! I've never known any cock tease to be running AWAY from a man! It didn't justify a reply so I left it where it was. I've had a couple of emails since asking how I am, but I decided, as much as I am experienced in being the mistress, I've never wanted to be part of a puppet show, especially when it involves a game of Punch and Judy, with the string of sausages, in the middle of a public car park!!

Sex Around the World....

2010-05-05T10:24:00.001+01:00

Some sex facts about some of the hottest countries in the world...

Spain - A survey of 15,000 women in 20 countries ranked Spanish men the best lovers in the world, followed by Brazilians, then Italians. Altogether now: Hola Senor!!

Brazil - Men in Brazil have had more partners in their lifetime - and more threesomes - than anyone else. Or maybe they're just the biggest liars.

USA - A whopping one in five Yanks has taken 'performance-enhancing pills' to help them along in the bedroom. That's a whole lot of Viagra.

Tunisia - Poor old Tunisians have to wait until they're 20 to get laid legally - compared to 13 in Spain.

Australia - Almost three quarters of all Aussie men have had sex in a car. So that's why the Sheila's Wheels women look so damned happy.

France - If you're looking for hot sex with a Frenchman, steer clear of fresh-faced youth - one in five 18 to 24-year-olds claims they have no interest whatsoever in sex or romance.

Greece - If you're a fan of chat, Greek gods are perfectly happy talking abut sex all day, and think kissing and hugging in public - not to mention talking dirty - is fine.

Portugal - If it's fast love you want, Portugal is the place to be - 81% of men admit to having had a one night stand.

South Korea - Across the world, men have sex, on average, 2.8 times a week - but in South Korea they manage a knee-trembling 4.5.

Italy - The average Italian stallion finds talking dirty the biggest turn-off in bed - but body odour only bothers a tiny 2% of young men there.

UK - British men have got plenty to boast about, too - our men spend longer on foreplay than those of any other nation.

Sorry folks.......

2010-05-01T21:02:00.001+01:00

OK. I'm back. The 7 dates were finished a few weeks ago, and I had written about them, but couldn't blog them. The 30 dates were planned and organised and then out of nowhere I got sick, ended up in hospital and was told to take it easy. Obviously, dating 30 men in 30 days is not exactly 'taking it easy' :) So, on the docs recommendation - and yes, he did know what I was doing, if he hadn't been gay he might have been roped in for a date :) - I promised to take it easy and now I am back to full fitness, as well as can be expected anyway, and I'm starting my 30 dates next week :)

So, please accept my apologies for not blogging lately, for not explaining what happened, and for making you all wait for the next exciting instalment of my crazy life :) I hope my blog posts over the next few weeks are interesting, exciting, funny and 'readable'. Thanks for sticking with me xxx

It's started....

2010-04-01T15:55:00.001+01:00

The seven dates in seven days started this week and, so far, all is going well. Watch this space though, it could all go horribly wrong :) Seven seemed a sensible quantity to break me in for the mammoth 30 dates later this month, but I'm actually looking forward to it now. There has been plenty of interest from various places, so this could be just what I was looking for :)

I promise I'll share every detail :)

Driver in hospital.....

2010-04-01T14:27:00.000+01:00

I know it's nothing at all to do with my blog, but I simply had to share this info and wish him well. You will find below what happened to my cousin on Monday, thankfully he's going to be ok, but it was still incredibly scary for him, and I would say the picture should be used as an advert for Audi! How a horse managed to land on the car, go through the windscreen and not kill him is truly remarkable. He made it into the paper but not for good reasons :(

It's a miracle he walked away, and testament to the build quality of Audi cars!

Horse hits car

And this was his car after the event :(

All my best wishes go out to him, and I hope he has a speedy recovery!

Link to Vanessa's show....

2010-03-24T23:15:00.002Z

Link to Vanessa's show earlier today, about the mistress sued by the wife.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p006y8d6/Vanessa_Feltz_24_03_2010/

On from about 42 mins (ish).

Vanessa's show .....

2010-03-24T12:28:00.000Z

I was asked to do the Vanessa Feltz show on BBC London this morning, because the news had broken about the woman in America who sued the mistress for 'Alienation of affection' and won!! Outrageous story and I thank our legal system that this doesn't happen here. But is that because only American men are so gullible and easily led that they take no blame whatsoever for the breakdown of a marriage? Surely the mistress only plays a part, but as I have advocated for many many moons, so does the husband, AND the wife!! In my eyes, it has always been a fair three way split of the blame. Why only one person is apportioned the blame is simply beyond me. Unless this man was brainless, and made every decision with his penis, then I am amazed this has even been brought to court, let alone been judged, ending in a $9 million settlement in favour of the the wife. Along with showing her anger towards the mistress, by bringing this case she has publicly announced that her husband is clearly the stupidest man in America! How flattering for him, that should have him running back to her in a matter of days! lol.

Anyway, Vanessa's show was very interesting, and this subject, as always, completely obliterated the rest of the discussion points she was trying to raise. But we know this is always the case! I have never yet been on a show, or listened to a show, that didn't get totally dominated by the subject of infidelity if it was on the topic list. As much as people hate the subject, we all have to agree it stirs up a great deal of passion among those of us affected by it, and from the comments today, it seems it is the majority of the country (and the world) who have an opinion on it. It's always nice to create a healthy debate, and even better to have a mass debate!! Ahem!!

I will post the link to the i-player re-run of the show when its released later. Have a good day everyone x

Alienation of affection.....

2010-03-24T10:18:00.002Z

Article hitting the press today, in many papers. Thank god we don't work like this in England! :)

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article7073269.ece

30 dates in 30 days - or more....

2010-03-21T09:48:00.001Z

I've decided to take on a challenge. I am going to start small but the idea is to build up to 30 dates in 30 days in either May or June this year. It's going to be quite a feat, and I don't even know if it will be possible, especially knowing how unreliable men can be, but I've come to the decision that it will be an interesting opportunity to meet some new people, see how easy or difficult it is to maintain or even organise, and see if, by the end of the month, it either gives me a buzz and makes me want more, or it puts me off dating for life.

The thought of rushing headlong into this without any preparation was truly daunting, so I have decided to build up to it gradually. I'm starting with 7 dates in 7 days. This is not too far from my normal week if it logistically comes together, but I do love my 'me' time so I never fill my time completely. Not having the usual breaks in between could become a problem but I'm game for a laugh and always willing to try new things.

I have decided to blog about my experiences too, and if any of them don't like being blogged about - tough titty :) I'm looking forward to finding out the highs and lows of so many dates and of course I'll be interested to see if I can actually cope with all the attention, preparation, organisation and admin! I could well lose the will to live! :) 30 men in 30 days would be enough to send any woman to her bed sobbing and swearing to be a lesbian or celibate for the rest of her days!

One of the dilemmas I have, which may well be cause for a rethink or an extension or reduction in the figure, is I'm a Serial Mistress. Everyone knows I date married and attached men, and everyone knows married men play happy families from Friday to Sunday evening, so officially that leaves me 4 clear days a week to do with as I please, but I'm not sure how to get around the logistics of the weekend issue. 20 dates in 30 days? Eliminating weekends? 5 dates a week? or 40 dates in 10 weeks? 40 dates in 2 months? 60 dates in 6 months?

I just can't seem to get any number to work as well as 30 in 30, so the Serial Mistress may have to weaken and date a couple of single guys at the weekends, to fill the gap for everyone following me too. Depending on the time constraints I may not be able to blog every last detail every single day, but I will certainly try my best and fill in the gaps at quiet times.

So, I think I'm settled on 30 in 30, so long as my lovely followers don't complain about me resurrecting my single dating options too. Mind you, the majority of the time, my single dates are more entertaining than my attached ones. After all they are usually single for a reason. So instead of it just being 30 married dates in 30 days, its going to be 30 dates in 30 days.

It's starting next week with my 7 dates in 7 days and we'll see how it goes from there. Of course included in my dates either 7 or 30, will be my regular guys. The men I meet won't all be brand new ones, because I can't possibly neglect my current 'friends' :) but maybe you'll get to hear more about them for a change, after all it's time I stepped it up a bit on here and told you how the real life of a Serial Mistress works. It's also time I took this more seriously, and gave you more to help you understand what I do.

So, 7 dates in 7 days will commence next week. And 30 dates in 30 days will happen in about a months time.

If anyone has any suggestions about how I will manage it then I'd love to hear from you. Or, if anyone has a sexy friend I might want to date then give me his number :) Any help will be appreciated! :)

Do you gift wrap your relationship?...

2010-03-12T15:03:00.000Z

The more I spend time with married men, the more I hear how perfect their relationship looks on the surface to all of those around them. They all hide behind the facade that everything is fine. To look at the smiling beautiful couple you wouldn't imagine that they haven't been intimate for six months, argue constantly, sleep in separate beds, she goes to bed an hour earlier than him every night to avoid any intimacy, while he happily surfs the net for Internet porn to wank over and to catch up on his emails from the dating site he recently joined.

I suppose we only have to look at the recent celebrity affairs and how the public have followed their relationships through the rag mags, seeing them smiling for the cameras, tactile, affectionate and appearing to have the perfect marriage, inseparable until it comes tumbling down around their ears, when their infidelities hit the headlines. Even as recently as today, Mark Owen, of Take That fame, has admitted to a string of affairs while he has been with his lovely wife Emma. They were only married in November, and although he claims they have all been drunken mistakes and one night stands, he has also owned up to a five year relationship with a girl he met at a train station. No one is drunk for five years! But to all those around him, and Tiger Woods, and John Terry, and Ashley Cole and now even Gareth Gates, their relationships were 'perfect'.

With all the parties and get-togethers over the spring and summer on the horizon, with weddings and barbeque's lined up, its the time for us to start gift wrapping the relationships we have. Whether its a new man, or a long term love, or if you're in my shoes and happily single, our relationships are under the spotlight and it can be hard to stick to the truth. I tell friends and family about my spectacular dates, the intelligent, charming, incredible men I meet, the stunning restaurants, hotels and presents I receive, and the nights or weekends away somewhere exotic or breathtaking. I don't tell them about the selfish guys who can't communicate to save their lives, or the men with no manners, who are practically dragging their knuckles behind them. They only hear the amazing side of being single, not about my cursing, having to change a light bulb I can't reach properly, or falling off my ladder while I'm decorating! :)

That's where gift wrapping comes in - dressing up the realities of our relationship for family and friends. Whether its insisting 'Everything's amazing, we're sooooo in love' or exaggerating 'You won't believe what he said to me last night...'. It's a way of controlling the way the outside world views us, and we're all probably guilty of it to some extent.

Relationships are an extension of who we are, so we gift wrap them to keep in control of our self image, so if you catch yourself gushing, or being hyper-critical, of your partner, you could be guilty of gift wrapping. Some light gift wrapping is harmless. Who hasn't exaggerated the pluses and minuses of a new partner just to get some laughs from your friends? Garnishing the truth is a useful way of buying some time while we decide if our date's dodgy kissing technique or string of psycho exes really is going to be a problem. After all we usually blind ourselves to small faults when we first meet someone to give ourselves a chance to go further.

Beyond minor faults, relationship wrapping becomes more complex, and low self esteem can drive the urge to fib. We all know relationships have faults but it can be easier to pretend they are not there - that way friends can't remind us that they exist, and no one can accuse us of being unable to choose a good partner. Extreme relationship wrappers can go into complete denial about the state of their partnership, a move that will slowly damage self-esteem and the relationship.

Women are constantly told that they need to be in a relationship to fit in, so whether they are happy can be less important than simply being hooked up, and not being honest can be a way of silencing doubts, including their own. I have a very judgemental friend who is constantly encouraging me to date single men. She doesn't want to know about anyone unless he is single. She asks where I have been and what I have done, but starts every conversation with 'Is this one single?' When I was recently dating one she was thrilled, she invited me round more, made more effort and wanted to know how things were progressing. She was asking questions she would never ask about my married 'friends'. To be honest it was driving me mad, and I thought it was incredibly shallow and rude of her, but rather than explain when we had split up, I continued the facade, saying that he was working away etc. I don't like lying - or gift wrapping - but I didn't want that smug look spreading across her face again, saying 'She clearly can't keep a man'. She would never understand that I simply went off him, the distance was a pain in the butt and he was dating someone else during the week and I was his weekend entertainment. She would automatically blame me because she thinks every relationship should be perfect like hers. But I know she is more than capable of gift wrapping her own, and I realised this last time I saw them both at her house. Not only did he order her around while he slobbed on the sofa, but he kicked her, hard, in the leg, when she didn't bring him a beer quick enough. It made it perfectly clear that she was hiding as much as everyone else seems to be doing.

Another side of this wrapping is emphasising your partners bad points, as most of the married men I meet do. Initially they sing her praises to some extent, to prove they are 'nice guys'. But before long, in a way almost justifying their infidelity, the wife becomes a screaming banshee with the personality of Attila the Hun. It's almost acceptable that a man can have an affair if his wife is forcing him into it by behaving badly. Even if she isn't, he will insinuate that she is, so the mistress will believe she is 'doing him a favour'.

From a female perspective, emphasising the bad points generates sympathy between women and their friends. Females often bond by complaining. When a woman steps outside this by saying her relationship is going well when everyone around her is complaining, it can throw her friendships out of balance. No one likes a smug married and I'm the first to complain about them, not because my life is bad, but because I wish these women would be more honest about their relationship instead of wrapping it to make a point. On the plus side for a woman, venting about our mans inability to find the dishwasher tablets or our clitoris is a good way to let off steam, have our annoyances vindicated or have a laugh. The only danger is in letting it go too far. Its not good to get so down on him that you cant see the good in him,. And if your friends start agreeing or voicing their own negative opinions of him you may well lose friendships if they say too much.

Gift wrapping a partner for your family is common. Families expectations can be so high we smooth over our partners flaws to give the relationship breathing space. It's better to make sure that's all it is though and you're not ignoring any problems that you don't want to. If you're gift wrapping for friends ask yourself why. Often there's underlying competition or fear of judgement.

One thing we are all prone to do is gift wrapping what goes on between the sheets. An ex of mine was no looker but he was the most incredible lover. With my friends I talked up my exploits in order to justify I was dating someone my shallow friends thought was so lacking in the looks department. On the other hand, the last time I was in love I didn't discuss what we did between the sheets at all. I didn't feel I needed to. I only ever discuss or gift wrap relationships that aren't serious or long lasting. I think when you truly have the right partner you respect yourself and their privacy - and wont feel the need to score points by revealing the amazing things they do with a tin of fruit salad.

While the urge to wrap is about our own insecurities, it has ripple effects on those around us. If you have a huge fight with a lover but you let your friends believe he is perfect, you could find yourself with no one to talk to.

Never let your partner know you're gift wrapping too, it will slowly erode your happiness. Trusting, truthful relationships are healthy. Gift wrapped relationships aren't and the men I meet are a perfect example of that.

Shame on you....

2010-03-11T16:04:00.001Z

It's not often I do this, but apart from laughing, I'm absolutely gobsmacked and quite disgusted at the email I have just received.

I have been chatting with a guy I thought was quite interesting, nice profile, fairly attractive but certainly nothing special, and nearby (always a bonus). He hasn't rocked my world, I haven't made that much effort, but he was on the 'potential' list. Naturally I speak to several people while I am online, and receive several emails a day which I always consider, and respond to, politely. But occasionally I will take it further and get to know the guy until something makes me realise he's just not for me.

This one was verging on 'not quite what I'm looking for' but I decided to persevere for another day or so, until I had made my mind up. He asked to see my photograph and I sent it to him. I am not god's gift, so I never assume I'm going to get a 'My god you're gorgeous' email back, but I'm also not a monster so I never expect anyone to run away screaming either. But usually I am either someones type or not. We are all adults, and to be honest most men aren't my type but I am kind enough, and polite enough to say so without hurting them. Honesty is the best policy I feel. But his reply was a first!

I have always felt that sometimes when we chat to guys on the net it feels like we are being interviewed, with the endless questions, What do you do for a living? What are you looking for? What are you expecting? What do you want from a man? What would be your ideal first date?

Do you live alone? Do you have kids? Do you want a fling or more? Do you realise I'm married? etc etc. But his email really did make me realise that, as women on that site, we are definitely applying for the 'job' of mistress!

His reply read:

Thanks. I'm entertaining some other offers at the moment and will let you know.

Once I stopped laughing and shaking my head I decided to let him know I wasn't interested and then I deleted him. I hope his 'other offers' all realise how businesslike he is treating his search for his mistress, or maybe he is shopping for a hooker. Who knows!

My blog... A new start

2010-03-11T01:36:00.001Z

I genuinely don't believe I've done this blog justice. I've been selective with my postings. I've posted rambling thoughts when I could have told my followers everything that was going on, but because everyone I meet tends to know about the blog I can only be vague about what I post and who I mention because I don't want to embarrass anyone or upset my 'friends'. But for your sake, and mine, I've decided to say 'Sod it' and post whatever I damn well please now!

I have blogged mostly about my feelings, about the attitude mistresses face, infidelity in general and of course if I've been in the press, but I think the real purpose of this blog has been lost. It was meant to be an insight into the life of a Serial Mistress. So, for the sake of all my fans and followers, I will attempt to do exactly that.

I've been negligent over the last few weeks because I've been so caught up in other things. I've also been ill too, which hasn't helped. It has meant that I can write but I don't necessarily have anything of interest to post. I have only been on a few hot dates in the past few weeks. I've seen my male friends but not done anything mind blowing you would all want to read about. I've had fun editing and adding to the book I'm writing, and it's making real progress now. I'm very proud of it, and one day I am sure it will be the dream I hoped it would be, half price in Tescos and in the Amazon sale!! :)

But the time has come to step it up and let you further into the Life of the Serial Mistress. I will of course keep the saucy stuff on the Erotic Mistress blog, I don't want it clouding what is essentially my day to day life, but of course you can't miss out on the good stuff! Remember to add it to your favourites and give me any feedback you may feel necessary, good or bad. Thank you for bearing with me and my blog, and I'm hoping 2010 will be quite a year!

Illicit Encounters blog....

2010-03-03T00:13:00.000Z

I'm happy to welcome the girls of Illicit Encounters to the world of blogging, and hope they have as much success with their blog as they have had with the site itself.

I encourage everyone who reads my blog to follow this one too. Interesting reading :)

http://blog.illicitencounters.com/

Enjoy

Married women....

2010-03-02T01:16:00.002Z

A great article appeared in the Times this weekend, well worth a read, very well written and an interesting perspective.

http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article7036340.ece?token=null&offset=0&page=1

Bollocks or not? ....

2010-03-02T00:57:00.005Z

As seen in the Daily Mail - 2nd March 2010

Why you'd be stupid to cheat on your wife: Unfaithful men have lower IQs, say scientists.

By JAMES TOZER

Not too clever: Cheryl Cole has split from cheating husband Ashley, who is unlikely to win Mastermind, according to scientists

Deceitful and despicable is one description that wronged wives could apply to their cheating husbands.

Plain stupid is another. For scientists have concluded that men who sleep around are likely to have lower IQs.

It is a finding likely to prove of interest to Cheryl Cole as she contemplates her errant partner Ashley's unfaithful ways.

Dr Satoshi Kanazawa, an evolutionary psychologist from the London School of Economics and Political Science, said the smarter a man is, the less likely he is to cheat on his partner.

His theory is based on the assertion that through evolutionary history, men have always been 'mildly polygamous'.

That has changed today, however, and Dr Kanazawa explained that entering a sexually exclusive relationship is an 'evolutionarily novel' development for them.

According to his theory, intelligent people are more likely to adopt what in evolutionary terms are new practices - to become 'more evolved'.

Therefore, in the case of fidelity, men who cannot adapt and end up succumbing to temptation and cheating are likely to be more stupid.

'The theory predicts that more intelligent men are more likely to value sexual exclusivity than less intelligent men,' he explained.

According to his theory, the link between fidelity and intelligence does not apply to women because they have always been expected to be faithful to one mate - even in polygamous societies.

Dr Kanazawa's research, in the journal Social Psychology Quarterly, also claims that intelligent people are less likely to believe in God or hold conservative views.

Analysing the American National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, he found young adults who regarded themselves as 'very liberal' had an average IQ of 106, while those who saw themselves as 'very conservative' had an average IQ of 95.

Golfer Tiger Woods is now most famous for his serial philandering, while Paul Newman, who died in 2008, was widely thought of as Hollywood's most faithful husband. Scientists believe Newman's way of life is 'evolutionarily novel'

Dr Kanazawa's theory holds that self-interested, conservative attitudes are primitive in evolutionary terms, while selfless, liberal views are more advanced and linked with intelligence.

Similarly, those who identified themselves as 'not at all religious' had an average IQ of 103, while those who saw themselves as 'very religious' had an average IQ of 97.

According to Dr Kanazawa, that is down to people who are smarter being more open to new ideas.

Those who are less intelligent cling to belief in God, a relic of our evolutionary past, he added.

'Humans are evolutionarily designed to be paranoid and they believe in God because they are paranoid.

'This innate bias towards paranoia served humans well when self-preservation and protection of their families and clans depended on extreme vigilance to all potential dangers.

‘So, more intelligent children are likely to grow up to go against their natural evolutionary tendency to believe in God and they become atheists.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1254420/Men-cheat-wives-intelligent-faithful-husbands.html

JT v WB

2010-02-27T15:51:00.003Z

This is just a funny for everyone to enjoy - I couldn't resist posting it.

John Terry and Wayne Bridge met for the first time playing in today's match, Chelsea v Man City.

They were meant to shake hands at the start of the match. But this little corker had hit YouTube before the game was even over :) JT v WB Handshake

It just goes to show Wayne is still angry about what happened, and who can blame him. He also doesn't look keen to shake the hand that has been on and in his woman for so long! It's a shame indeed that two team mates can't sort this out, but thankfully they didn't beat the hell out of each other during the match. That's a blessing if you ask me.

Enjoy the video, I did, and I wanted to pat Wayne Bridge on the back for doing it :)

Nature to stray....

2010-02-25T22:57:00.000Z

I used to think that an affair meant there was something wrong in a marriage or that the wife had somehow 'failed' her husband. I'm snorting with laughter at my own naivety on that. It's in a man's nature to stray.

I can honestly say that every man I know, without exception, has at one point or another been unfaithful to a girlfriend or wife. Friends, neighbours, colleagues; I can't name a single man who hasn't cheated.

A friend of mine is a high class escort. Occasionally she has tried to get me into the business but I have refused. I don't want any part of that side but she has confirmed that 85% of her clients are married or attached. And the 15% who are single or gay have told her that they would continue to see her, or another escort, should they get hitched or settle down at some point.

We have discussed at length the similarity between escorting and being a mistress and I have to agree, there is a fine line. As one of my lovers has said, 'All men pay for it in some shape or form, be it presents, hotels, dinner or time'. I suppose the escort option is quicker, and more of a 'sure thing', but there is no affection or care involved, but for the men who are looking for a quick fix it is ideal. There is no 'admin' involved in the relationship with an escort. The mistress (or certainly me) expects consideration, communication and tending to like a precious flower. If I don't get watered regularly then I wither and die, or at least I move on to another flower pot!

Being a mistress has confirmed my belief that whatever a woman does, there's a very good chance that her partner will stray. Some of the men I see have what one might consider an 'excuse', be it a wife who's permanently angry, a wife who hits him or is verbally or emotionally abusive, or a wife who doesn't like sex. A few have other reasons for staying in an unhappy marriage, such as a disabled child, or a business they couldn't bear to see sold for a divorce settlement. I feel only sympathy for those men. They don't see a way out and so they see me as an alternative to breaking up their marriage.

Yet there are men I have met over the years who have no real reason at all to be seeing a mistress, and most profess to loving their wives. They have happy marriages, a good sex life, a wife who loves them, and whom they love. I've got one at the moment who wants to meet me but who's busy telling me about his lingerie shopping trips with his wife, how she loves choosing things he'll like and how he loves treating her to them, how she likes lace, she wears silky nighties in bed, how she only started shaving in her 40's etc. I'm appalled at the intimate details he's telling me - she'd be mortified, just as I would be if he were my partner. If his sex life is this good what on earth is he doing on Illicit Encounters, talking to me along with many other women, no doubt. Maybe it's the novelty of trying someone else, maybe he needs someone to massage his ego because she's been doing it for 20 years, maybe he has such self esteem issues that one woman telling him he's attractive and virile is not enough or maybe he's just full of shit, and not doing any of those things with his wife and is simply living in a fantasy land. Whatever the reason, I don't plan on meeting him. If he is so vocal about his wife, and clearly very indiscreet when it comes to intimate details, I don't particularly want to be the next detailed story he will tell the other potentials in the harem he's building.

I'm too good a mistress for someone like that and I prefer very few details about the other half and certainly no details about intimate shopping trips or her pubic topiary. Many a time men have tried to treat me as the unpaid escort, something I refuse to allow. Those who don't agree with what I do describe me as an unpaid hooker anyway, and I suppose to the uneducated eye and the small minded, that is how it will look. I'm offering the friendship, the affection and occasionally the sex that they would hope for from an escort with just a few more strings or conditions attached, but does that make me any different from a high class escort? Apart from no money changing hands of course. As a mistress I am loving and kind, attentive and loyal, and I make them feel good about themselves. Those things aren't an effort - they are who I am, even with my friends, but in addition to that I am not one for asking personal questions, gossiping, prying into private business, and I have never had a problem walking past a hotel receptionist with my head held high. I suppose I should put those traits to a good use and instead of being just a mistress, I become a great mistress.

When it comes to sex, my experimentation and open mind knows no limits. My lovers, when they have earned the right to that position, can ask of me all the things they have never dared ask their wife. Even talking about it is usually off limits at home but certainly suggesting something 'kinky' is totally unacceptable. I have christened every imaginable location over the years; indoors and out. Usually the men I meet are a little lost and world-weary. I enjoy watching the transformation in them, and realising I'm the reason for their body language and demeanour changing. They speak of how bored they are with their life, but with me they seem to rediscover their inner child and see the world through fresh eyes, and of course resurrect their flagging libido, which is bound to give a man a spring in his step.

They usually profess to their life with her now being bearable. I sometimes wonder if that is just an illusion, a smoke screen they are throwing down in order to make me happy and justify their behaviour, but whatever the reason, I have always been happy with every situation I have got involved with, and probably always will, so long as boundaries are not crossed and mistakes are not made.

On the occasions where a man has told me his marriage is over and he is about to divorce I have not done what the typical mistress has done, and swooned at the thought of finally making him mine. I haven't started buying Bride magazine in the hope that I would be next. I have been around with supportive and wise words but have taken everything with a pinch of salt. The number of mistresses pining over men, who have been leaving for years, is ridiculous, and that is what creates the sad picture we all have of the other woman. Sitting patiently waiting for the day he finally leaves, but we all know he never does. It is something married men have used as a carrot since time began. Dangling the opportunity to run off into the sunset together, one day when all the pieces are in place for him to finally go. What most mistresses don't realise is every married man's jigsaw has at least two pieces missing from the box, one of which is his spine! The necessary pieces to complete the puzzle are long gone, down the back of a sofa, never to be seen again, so that puzzle will never ever be finished.

I realised this many moons ago and for that reason I never fall in love with any of my married men, and I always have more than one, so if something goes awry I am not left heart broken, battered and bruised emotionally, and unable to recover from a break up. I have my head well and truly screwed on and love my life as a Serial Mistress, and wish I could encourage many other mistresses to feel the same. Love is not an emotion that should ever be involved in an affair. It should be fun, exciting, breathtaking, and stomach-churningly thrilling, but it shouldn't hurt and certainly shouldn't end up as love, because that's where the mess starts, the pain starts and no good can ever come of that situation. No matter how many times he says he will leave, it won't happen. It's the odd occasion, in stories that being 'Once upon a time....', that everyone lives happily ever after. The married man is usually very good at lying, hiding and deceiving, not just from his wife but also many things from his mistress. They are like onions, with several layers of information they have either omitted or lied about gradually surfacing, and no matter how many times the mistress walks away and says enough is enough, he will always find a way back in, to turn the tables, and have her forgiving him in time. Maybe it is true that love is a form of insanity.

Men will describe their home life as an old carpet slipper, and no doubt their wife feels the same, but we all know how difficult it is to throw away something that has been so comfortable for so long. Men are especially bad at throwing things out, they hate change, and as much as they may despise the comfort and boredom at home, it works for them. It's not an exciting life with his family but that feels safe and secure. If he leaves for the mistress it is the unknown he is heading in to. She may look amazing once or twice a week, she may have no stubble, she will have beautifully manicured hands and feet, stunning clothes, stockings and heels, but when reality actually kicks in, will she snore, will she want to veg in front of the TV in her pyjamas watching soaps, will she go off sex if it is not illicit, infrequent and exciting, will she stop working out at the gym and put weight on, will she start wearing flannelette nighties to bed and will the stockings be shelved for special occasions? The man never knows, and has no crystal ball to see, if the mistress, once he has become hers, will overnight become the wife?

I have, over the years, met many men who have been on their 2nd or 3rd marriage. They have left the first wife for their mistress, married her, then left for another mistress or started an affair. When a man leaves, which is incredibly rare, for the exciting mistress, before long she becomes the wife, for the cycle to start all over again. And the men who are terrified the mistress will turn into the wife are the ones who will never leave. The fear of the unknown, the fear of change, after all women don't stay fabulous and exciting forever, do they?

I don't dislike men, in fact I love them, a lot. The men I date tend to fit a certain mould - clever, successful and usually married. Sex is admittedly a major part of it, but it's not just about sex, despite what people think. Nor is it about looks. I'm attractive, size 14, 36F, with long wavy blond hair and big green eyes, but I'm no supermodel, far from it, but that's not why men choose me. I'm not the stereotypical mistress, I don't fit the image of the blond bimbo looking far better than the wife, slim, tall, well-groomed, false boobs, resembling Barbie. In fact, most of the time I'm not even better looking than the wife. I might take care of myself better, have immaculate nails painted red, makeup always done, nice clothes, always in stockings and suspenders, but I don't necessarily look better. I take time to take care of myself because I have the time. I don't have kids running around under my feet, I don't have masses of housework to do, and I don't have a man to pick up after.

The sad fact is that a long-term partner will never compete with a mistress, especially a single one. Wives don't want to give hours of oral sex, or listen to their man talk about work for hours without taking a breath. Wives get tired, have stresses, get PMT, have bristly legs occasionally etc. I don't think many women could maintain a mistress level of care in a permanent relationship. The energy levels a man expects from his mistress are superhuman. Sometimes I feel exhausted after several hours of being utterly fabulous. I sleep well before, and after, a date. It is certainly not a level of fabulousness I could offer day in day out, so maybe even I would, one day, turn into a wife if I settled down with a man.

Their wives, for the most part, have lost interest in them, so what they want from me is someone who makes them feel special, someone who makes them feel clever and attractive. They want someone who will listen to them, who'll take an interest in what they do, who'll care if they're sad or ill. Its a combination of lover and friend and mother, I think, that all-embracing, non-judgemental affection. If I could sum up what they want most, it's unconditional lust and appreciation.

One thing that strikes me about the men I date, some of them seem to have married 'beneath them' in some way. That sounds like a horrible phrase but I don't know how else to put it. They have married women who are less affluent or educated backgrounds. These woman, since their marriage have either become ladies who lunch or they continue to work in caring professions - they are primary school teachers or nurses - and they carry on working, not out of financial need but because they enjoy it.

I don't understand why it is these men choose wives with whom they quickly discover they have nothing in common. I can only assume that they were drawn to 'nurturing' women who they thought would be good mothers. I suppose if you're an alpha male, then you don't necessarily want another one at home. Perhaps it's also a case of the higher your IQ the less likely you are to find a mate if you're female. It seems deeply sad somehow that whilst these men have moved on since marrying, in terms of continuing their education, building their global empires and developing sophisticated tastes in all things, their wives have been left behind. The men wanted their wives to be good mothers, but now they've become that, they find them boring and narrow-minded. I think that's why they like me - they've forgotten what it's like to have interesting, exciting and fun pillow talk, with someone who regards them as an equal rather than a superior.

I'm struck by the fact that none of my dates have been men who wouldn't struggle to get plenty of women. They are witty, charming and attractive men, who have never had any trouble chatting to women. Yet in an odd way they seem to realise I am not the typical mistress. I'm less risky than a full blown love affair, I'll never ring up their wife in a rage.

They are all successful in their chosen fields and they tend to be highly educated. Most are from corporate backgrounds, banking or the private sector, or they have their own companies. All are in positions where regular travel does not arouse suspicion. They range in age from thirties to late fifties. They do tell me a little about their marriages and their children too, but much of what they tell me is about work. They ask my advice on all sort of things, from what to buy their wife for Christmas to whether they should take over a rival company.

My dates like the fact that they can talk to me as an equal, in that my background is the corporate world from which most of them come. I think they like the fact that they can be honest with me too, and the tell me things that they could never tell their wives or colleagues. My background, appearance and education mean that no one will ever suspect me of being anything more than a good friend. What my men like in a mistress - wit, kindness, charm, intelligence and independence - are not what they want in a wife. They like an equal in the bedroom and in the boardroom, but they don't want one at home.

However if the wives threw in a little more love and affection, listening and attention, their man would probably be happy compromising on everything else. A married man is easily pleased, and if the wife stepped up the game a little more, women like me wouldn't be necessary.

I know I have been criticised in the past for 'blaming' the wife, but I have always conceded that it takes three to have an affair, but following recent press events, my point that men have it in their nature to stray seems to have been proved. You simply need to look at the wives of Tiger Woods, John Terry and of course Ashley Cole, to realise that there seems, on the surface, nothing wrong with the women they are married to. However, we are not sure what is going on behind closed doors, we have no idea if the men are bored, feeling insecure or in Ashley's case, challenged by his wife's success. We don't know if they have little, or no, sex life, or if they are living with a lack of support or affection. But we also know that these men have all the resources necessary to put things right, far more than the general 'man on the street'. They can pay for the best couples counselling, they can buy presents to please her, they can have impromptu holidays to spend precious time together, they can hand the children over to nannies so they are not feeling the pressures of parenthood, but still they stray.

So, maybe on occasion it is the wife's fault, maybe on occasion it is the temptation but in their way, or maybe, the fact is, a man has it in his nature to stray, and they always will do.

New domain....

2010-02-12T03:40:00.004Z

Just a quick note to let you all know that you can still find me without the .blogspot now :)

I am now the proud owner of :

SerialMistress.com

and soon to follow will be

SerialMistress.co.uk

Now I really do need to finish the book! :)

The page redirects to my blog for now, until the new website is finished, but of course its always nice having a non .blogspot web name :)

Things you never knew about sex and love ....

2010-02-08T11:02:00.000Z

To celebrate Valentines Day I thought I would bring you some interesting sex and romance facts - some are wild, some are sweet... and some will make your jaw hit the floor :)

Like fingerprints or snowflakes, no two lip impressions are alike, and they're even used in forensic science.
A peck on the cheek uses two facial muscles; a passionate kiss, all 34.
For every 'normal' page on the Internet, there are five porn pages.
Some very, very lucky women can reach a climax just by having their nipples stroked and sucked.
Animals kiss and make up too - chimpanzees kiss and embrace after fights.
The left testicle usually hangs lower than the right for right handed men - and vice versa (You're looking now aren't you? lol)
Women who read slushy novels apparently have sex twice as often as those who don't. I better get down to the library!
Kissing releases the endorphin dopamine, which apparently gives you a rush of elation that is similar to cocaine.
The Catholic church declared kissing to be a mortal sin in the Middle Ages.
Contrary to popular belief (and porn films), semen is rarely spurted or squirted, but usually slops out. Lovely!! A few men do squirt though; the record stands at almost 8ft, although one man reportedly achieved 18ft 9in. Quite a party trick.
During arousal, the inner lips (or labia minora if you want to get technical), enlarge to two or three times their normal diameter. And if you men need a foolproof way of checking she's not faking an orgasm, they also change in colour just before an orgasm, turning pink, bright red and even a deep wine colour. A colour chart from the local paint shop and a torch might come in handy.
Half of all men say they would have sex with a woman without even kissing her!!!!......
...... but only 14% of women would have sex with a man without kissing him.
Orgasms can be more intense in warm weather which explains why we are all hornier on holiday.
50% of men say they expect kissing to lead to sex, compared to 33% of women.
People turn their head to the right during kissing twice as often as to the left.
Around 48000 people in the world are having sex right now. I hope you're not one of them while you read this :)
The average person will spend two weeks of their life kissing.
Our brains contain neurons that help us find each others lips in the dark.
Almost a third of all men insist kissing isn't cheating......
...... whereas 89% of women say it most certainly is!!
The female orgasm is a powerful painkiller as it releases feelgood endorphins. (Warning - a headache can no longer be used as an excuse because he knows how to cure it!)
70% of Brits are in love and 80% believe in happy ever after, making the UK the most romantic place in Europe, so remember that the next time your man drunkenly snores in bed!
Apparently 70% of men think women like kissing men with stubble. Well, they're not the ones with the rash the next day, are they?
In fact, 67% of women prefer clean shaven men.
The maximum speed at which erotic sensations travel from the skin to the brain has been clocked at 156mph - that's more than double the motorway speed limit.
Forget jogging. You burn as many as 26 calories in one minute of kissing.
Of the 12 or 13 cranial nerves that affect cerebral function, five are at work when we kiss. This blocks messages from lips, tongue, cheeks and nose informing us, eg. of temperature, taste and smell. So you really do 'lose yourself' in a kiss.
Around 10% of the world's population don't touch lips, let alone smooch. Unlucky them :(
Some 68% of men claim that they are good kissers.......
........ but women are more modest. Only 56% sing their own kissing praises.
Research has found that the last bit of a man's ejaculated sperm contains a natural spermicide that will attack the semen of whoever gets in there next. Scientists also claim the penis has a ridged glans in order to scoop out a competitor's semen before depositing his own.
People will do the oddest things for a kinky thrill...... Among the items retrieved from people's er, bottoms, in hospital are: a parsnip, a plantain (with condom), a salami, a plastic spatula, a cattle horn, a can of body spray, a broom handle, and in one case, two apples!
Some men and women can reach orgasm without actually being touched. They simply squeeze their pelvic and/or buttock muscles. A handy skill that sadly not all of us have, but hey, we'd say it's worth a try.
A fear of kissing is called 'philematophobia'.
Less well endowed men can rejoice in the fact that the rest of the penis is almost two thirds of the length of the visible bit, so they're not such tiddlers after all. What's more, root and stalk together, the penis is actually boomerang-shaped.
A woman's breath has a slight semeny odour within an hour of having intercourse, and men can find it a huge turn-on. So if you've had a quickie before work, I advise breath-freshening mints and avoid talking to clients.
Having regular sex does more than keep us smiling - it serves a biological function too. Sperm that's sat around for too long waiting to be, er, released, develops abnormalities. So, masturbation is a vital act for man's evolution, as it means fresh sperm gets made.
No wonder some men can't find the clitoris. The little blighter hides itself away just before orgasm. Luckily, stimulation is pointless at this stage, as it's too sensitive for direct contact.
Only one in five men proposes on one knee, and 6% do it on the phone. I imagine those 6% got a swift 'no thanks' lol!
Dermatological tests show that kissing helps reduce dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. And it's cheaper than a facial.
Spare a thought for sufferers of flaturia, a condition that 'causes' intestinal gas to leak loudly from the rectum when in the throes of passion. Not to be confused with the embarrassing 'varts' (to put it bluntly - fanny farts).

Ten things men really like in bed....

2010-02-07T18:49:00.000Z

I am frequently asked what I do that wives don't. Its hard to be specific, so I thought I would give you a list of things that men really like - in my experience. It is not necessarily what they are missing at home, or getting from me. In fact men see me for many different reasons, and I have always said that it is never specifically sex they are looking for. As a mistress I offer far more, but I thought this would be a lighthearted look at what they might be looking for. And for those in a relationship, you might pick up a few tips to keep him happy.

Blow jobs - The world is divided into two types of men: those who love blow jobs, and those who are dead. Nothing is sexier than a dirty woman rubbing his cum into her face after sex.
Finger up the arse - Men love it when a woman puts a finger up his arse while she is sucking him off at the same time. If she can manage to gently squeeze and juggle (not literally) his balls at the same time, so much the better.
Talking dirty - Dirty talk when your mouth isn't full :) and some eye contact while you're sucking his cock is good, (as are occasional feats of swallowing/accepting a facial). Dirty talk while you're having sex drives them wild. Saying how much you're enjoying it, what you're enjoying about it and what you want him to do next is a huge turn on. He needs direction and needs graphic communication instead of the occasional mmmm yes to tell him it's working for you.
Playing with yourself - Men love to watch a girl play with herself, either on her own or encouraging him to join in once she has already started. Its a good idea to include toys in the play too, so he sees it as a fun addition rather than competition for him, or a criticism of his performance and capabilities.
Dressing up - Men really like us to dress up, from the innocent schoolgirl to the slutty secretary. A nice lace set with stockings and suspenders works well too. It's not just about looking horny, men love the fact that we have bothered to go to so much trouble. Its saying we want it as much as them.
Anal sex - Men believe a woman's pussy is just not as tight, especially after kids. It makes men horny just mentioning it, but make sure you take your time to build up to it, and of course only say yes if you really are interested in trying it. Don't forget the lube! :)
Fucking from behind - Some men believe the ultimate fuck is a three holer. Mouth, pussy and arse to finish and this is the most convenient way to approach it. Also men like to see us from behind, especially if we have a fine arse and small waist. They appreciate the view and the curves. They also like not having to look into your face. It means they can fantasise about someone else if they need to but also it takes away some of the intimacy, turning the act of making love into pure sex or fucking. It removes the element of romance found when eye contact is held throughout.
The risk of discovery - New situations and places are a key trigger for men. The danger element, the risk of discovery, is a great turn on. Only dirty girls will try it outside where they may be caught. It shows a woman with very few inhibitions.
Sharing fantasies - Being able to talk about what you like or would like to try is a huge turn on. When the fantasy is written down or emailed, it creates a vivid mental picture for a man. It is also fun either videoing or recording your fantasies while playing with yourself and sending it to him. Very dirty but very horny.
Taking charge - Men don't necessarily appreciate girls who get all girly and coy in bed, almost feels like having a virgin. They like a woman who can take the initiative and don't expect him to make all the moves. They find it boring having to work out what we want, and what turns us on. It makes it much easier if we tell him or get on with it ourselves. There is nothing sexier for them than a woman pushing him on the bed and demanding he satisfies her, telling him exactly how.

Infidelity stats......

2010-02-05T23:27:00.000Z

Some stats* you might be interested in, some fascinating, some shocking :)

Three out of four men will cheat on their wives and/or girlfriends
One in four men has more than four affairs
Fewer than one in ten men having an affair will leave their wife for their mistress
Three-quarters of men who do marry their mistress will later divorce her
80% of men and women who divorce because of an affair ultimately regret their decision
The richer, more successful and better educated a man is, the more likely he is to have an affair - but the less like he is to leave his wife
88% of 'alpha males' cheat
85% of women who suspect their lover is cheating are correct
50% of women discover their partner's first affair (which means 50% don't...)
Only 46% of men believe online affairs are adultery
94% of men don't think flirting is being unfaithful
Ten years after divorce, just 10% of couples (husbands and wives) have a better quality of life
Post-divorce, men are financially 25% better off. Women are 20% worse off
Given the chance, nearly 80% of men would remarry their ex-wife
Almost 60% of spouses find out about an affair when their partner confesses
In a quarter of cases, the spouse discovered the truth when they found evidence of the affair themselves
Only in 7% of cases did someone else (including the mistress) tell them
Almost two-thirds of women regularly sneak a look at their partner's private text messages and emails, particularly when they suspect him of being unfaithful
When they snoop, more than one in five women find positive proof of infidelity

* sources are available on request

Valentines E-Book...

2010-02-04T18:47:00.001Z

A great read - and a must read for all those doing what I do! :)

http://i.illicitencounters.com/v/valentines_ebook.pdf

Especially funny part on presents - remember folks, only a week to go to buy something amazing, and if anyone buys me flowers from a place that sells milk, we'll be falling out!! :)

IE in The Independent...

2010-02-04T18:46:00.001Z

A great article from a couple of weeks ago. It seems the philanderer is getting more and more popular :)

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/hit-and-run/hit--run-why-lust-at-first-site-is-big-bucks-1865896.html

Stephen Nolan Show...

2010-02-04T16:25:00.002Z

I have never, and hopefully will never, come across a man like Stephen Nolan ever again. What a truly hateful attitude he has and this morning, thanks to the lovely John Terry (again) I was called by BBC Radio Belfast. I was not given any time to prepare or listen to his show. I was thrown on the air seconds after I picked up the phone and I'm launched into a debate about John Terry and whether he should keep his job. I had no clue what had been, or was being, discussed. I was forced into the conversation with the most outrageous, obnoxious, self-righteous prig I have ever had the misfortune to encounter. I remember the very first time I appeared on his show. He was rude, a dreadful interviewer, he wouldn't let me finish a sentence, I only got half my point across, yet I was put on this show again without even being told whose show I was talking on. Clearly the producer had anticipated that I would tell him to stuff it up his arse, if I had known, and certainly in future, that is exactly what I will be saying, even to a point of hanging up. I suppose I could have hung up mid call, but I wouldn't give the ignoramus the satisfaction!

I knew the Irish had very strong views about this issue, being so religious and pure, they certainly did last time I was on, when I was personally blamed for a man's wife leaving him, and him attempting suicide! But when you consider how many Irish priests have been, allegedly, messing about with young altar boys, they need to look closer to home before they try putting the world right. Glasshouses and stones come to mind!

Anyway, for your entertainment I will let you all listen to my very brief, yet pointless, appearance on the Stephen Nolan Show this morning. I must admit, at one point, a journalist he was interviewing laid the question at his door. 'If Stephen Nolan was having an affair with a colleague's girlfriend, would he risk losing his job - not a chance! But then again, what are the chances he would be offered an affair in the first place!' I laughed heartily at that. He was on TV this afternoon, appearing in some god awful quiz show, and the smug, self-centred idiot actually looked pleased with himself. I feel so sorry for his wife, having to lie under that for her marital duty, and wouldn't be at all surprised if she's actually on Illicit Encounters looking for someone younger and fitter to play with! I know if I was married to an aggressive, rude, ignorant man like him, I wouldn't hesitate looking elsewhere! After seeing him on the quiz show this afternoon I truly do understand the phrase 'Having a face for radio'!! :)

I will NEVER appear on Irish radio again. I'm disgusted with his interview style, I personally think he's dreadful at his job, and although I understand it is his style to be controversial, condescending, and 'say it how it is' , it is sad to see someone, with the manners of a sewer rat, getting air time on the BBC. If Jonathan Ross or Russell Brand spoke to people like he did, they'd be sacked. So how does this poor excuse for a broadcaster keep his job? Not only is he rude to his guests, but he's incredibly obnoxious with his callers, and considering all of these people are keeping his dreadful show on the air, he should show them a little respect, but that is clearly a word not in his vocabulary.

Never again!! And my apologies to all my Northern Irish followers, but my god when did an entire country become so bloody self-righteous!!!

Anyway, the link to the show is

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00qjr2j/The_Stephen_Nolan_Show_04_02_2010/

I'm on from about 25 mins. Listen to the rest of the interview with the other people, before and after me, it wasn't just me he was rude to, his callers and his guests couldn't get a word in anywhere, surely being gobby and talking over people is not the best trait for being an interviewer!!

JVS show....

2010-02-02T23:05:00.000Z

Jonathan Vernon Smith's show on Monday, covering the subject of 'Can you trust your man around the opposite sex?'

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p0064k6z/Jonathan_VernonSmith_01_02_2010/

Its online for the next 6 days. I'm on from 2hrs 6mins.

Enjoy :)

xxxx

The Money Question... Part 2

2010-01-25T20:42:00.000Z

My last post got me thinking a little more about who should pay? And no, I don't mean for sex!! :) I mean on a date! As I already said I never 'expect' a man to pay when I go out, especially if I am dating a single man, but recently I have discovered that some men 'expect' a woman to pay, especially an older woman.

I found this when I dated - only on 4 occasions - a much younger man, who seemed to assume an older woman would pick up the tab, maybe as young women have been expecting older men to pay since the dawn of time. I may well have been slightly older (9 years), but I do have certain standards, and if someone doesn't even offer to pay it puts my back up. He went one stage further and that's why it only lasted 4 dates.

On the first date we were meeting for a very quick coffee to see if there was any chemistry. He sent a text to let me know he was running a few minutes late and would I get him a coffee when I got my own? I didn't object, its only a coffee, so I bought two, sat down and waited. We had a lovely hour getting to know each other, the time flew, and then we both had places to be so we went our separate ways. We arranged to meet the following night.

I told him what time I would be there, and his timing or planning was impeccable. Naturally I couldn't sit there alone without a glass of wine, so I got myself a large one - I needed it!! I settled down with my drink and a good book and he finally turned up - late again - went straight to the bar to order himself a drink. We chatted and had a lovely time again, but as my glass had been empty for a considerable time, and he hadn't offered to refill it, I decided to head back to the bar, and politely offered him one, which he rapidly accepted. The drink slipped down smoothly, but we were both driving so we decided to call it a night.

The following night we met for a coffee. As we walked into the coffee shop he said he loved this particular brand, especially their Mocha. As we stood in the queue waiting to be served, and he had made sure I knew what he wanted, he then announced he needed the toilet and disappeared, leaving me to order and pay! Now I know its only coffee, and a few drinks, but by this point I was starting to wonder if this was his regular behaviour.

The final time he called to make plans I invited him over to my house, knowing it would cost us both nothing, so the issue wouldn't rear its ugly head. While we chatted I discovered that in his 32 years he had never once been to a restaurant with a woman. I was practically speechless. I live in restaurants, they are a passion of mine, I love good restaurants, I admire chefs who create artwork with food, I love good food and exquisite wine, and so many of my friends love eating out that it is now classed as a hobby. We all discuss our experiences, good and bad establishments, and tick them off our recommendation lists when we have tried them. Eating out is so important to me, and to everyone I know, so this was new territory for me, someone who has NEVER eaten out.

At that point I knew we were never going to be right for each other. A man who avoids paying for drinks and NEVER goes to a restaurant is not what I'm used to, and he would not be comfortable around my friends, my family or me. It was an incredible shame because he truly was delicious to look at. I could have had him as a main course served up in a restaurant. But it got me thinking about my expectations of a man in a relationship. I think, because of the nature of my dating married men, I have found men who are true gentlemen, who insist on paying for things, insist on taking care of me and wouldn't dream of me paying for a drink, never mind dinner, even if I offer. Because I have got used to that situation it's difficult to go back to someone who doesn't pay for anything at all. I do hope a man would be happy parting with more than a crumpled note pulled from his back pocket, mixed in with his old tissues and an optimistic condom.

Delightful mail....2

2010-01-25T17:59:00.001Z

And he followed it up with this beauty too :) It really has got me thinking this afternoon, and that's what a mail is meant to do!! Its just a shame today I am on my own working and I'm not around a man I can take my pent up sexual frustration out on :) xxx

Cradled between your tender thighs
I lift you to my mouth.
The abundance of your wetness greets me
and my mouth overflows with your warm essence.
Your sweet taste is on my tongue
and your fragrance delights my senses.
No gentle lick this visit.
No bashful cautious approach
For I wish to consume you.

Push against my hungry mouth
As the tip of my tongue slides up the slippery furrow
that welcomes me between rows of delicate pink petals.
Thrust against my generous tongue.

Show me the power of your desire
for my oral caress.
My exploring tongue lifts the hood
and finds your smooth firm pearl.
You squeal in that unique way,
signaling that I have found your special spot.
I harden in response.

My jaws protests what my open mouth provides
but I am unrelenting in my gift,
intent only on your fulfillment.
I feel your body tense,
and you are quiet now...
Concentrating... bearing down.
Soon now my love,
ecstasy approaches.

You push hard and fast against my tongue,
shameless in using me
and I so willingly comply
until you cry out...
and in your satisfaction,
I will find mine,
But mine will be the greater

x

Delightful mail....1

2010-01-25T15:56:00.005Z

I received an email on Illicit Encounters today, and it was a delightful way to grab my attention. It didn't tell me anything about him, or why he had mailed me, and it was, of course, a cut and paste effort that I normally dismiss for lack of effort, but it had the desired effect by making me tingle! :) I thought I would share it with you and give you something to smile about on this dull January day xxx

Lover's Dance

Glistening bodies entwined
in an ageless erotic dance,
seeking pleasures from each other,
seeking wonder and romance.

She touches his face with tenderness.
He draws her body near.
Aching, needing hunger
will make their destiny clear.

Their lips meet in soft kisses,
their tongues begin passion's war.
Forgotten now, the outside world.
All is here, behind this door.

He strokes her body tenderly,
she arches up for his caress.
He finds her silken portal
and her womanly wetness.

She moans in fiery desire
and pulls his hand away,
wishing to end this exquisite torture
and get on with passion's play.

She straddles his waiting body,
eases him into her feminine hollow.
She leads him on a rhythmic dance,
his thrusting hips must follow.

She rides him faster, even then,
to hear his wondrous sighs.
She shows him all the delights
she has between her womanly thighs.

They stare into each other's eyes
and gasp as ecstasy unreels,
and tangles them in a lover's knot
that every answer reveals.

Sated, they lie side by side,
spent but hungering still.
She touches him where their passion came
and tastes their lovers spill.

Their mouths meet in passionate need,
hungry animals once more.
This time he rises above her,
her body to explore.

Their ballet begins again,
as he thrusts his manhood in,
vowing not to end the dance
unless her cries he'll win.

Like beasts of old they become,
riding with desire,
only resting their throbbing bodies
when sated by their fire.

The Money Question... Part 1

2010-01-24T18:36:00.000Z

My week started off badly, with my car breaking down outside a friends house. It left me firstly with the dilemma of how to get it to the garage, and secondly wondering how to pay for it when I am just recovering from Christmas and a monster pile of bills including road tax, insurance and a faulty water tank, so my bank account is looking redder than Dorothy's shoes! Since I gave up the rat race and my ridiculously huge salary, to live my simpler life as a photographer and writer, I have left the material world behind me and thoroughly enjoyed it, and it's only when several bills slap you around the face that you wish you were back on the road earning £70,000 a year.

There's only one thing worse than being skint, and that's being skint and single. If you're a cash strapped couple, at least you can spend evenings cuddled up on the sofa or weekends in the bedroom. But when it's only me, a bottle of cheap red and a Jackie Collins bonkbuster before bedtime - well, that's just rubbish. Worse still is being asked on a date when my bank account is in a dreadful state like it is now. If a man asks me out, chances are he'll pick up the bill, but I like to at least offer to go Dutch. Secondly, the key to a hot date is in the preparation: a new outfit, a haircut - hell even a new pair of shoes if I'm feeling really hopeful. Finally, what if I need a get out clause? There's nothing worse than being stuck on a date-from-hell in a remote country pub without enough cash for an emergency cab home. Trust me, I've been there for four hours and it wasn't pleasant.

I'm not against budget dates - some of my favourites have been low-cost picnics in the park or strolls on the beach. But I've learnt that scrimping on a first date can be a recipe for disaster. Like the time I agreed to go on a blind date set up by a mate: Date Boy told me excitedly beforehand, 'There's this amazing Chinese restaurant I'd like to take you to.' Brilliant, I thought, as I headed to meet him with an empty tummy and a head full of expectation. But when we arrived at a cafe-cum-kebab-house, with neon signs screaming 'Two courses and a drink for under £5!' I half expected Ashton Kutcher to jump out and tell me I'd been 'punk'd' (if only). I spent the next two hours sitting in a plastic chair, eating chow mein out of a polystyrene dish, wishing I'd worn my jeans instead of my best frock. And sadly, my date turned out to be more bland than my sweet-and-sour chicken balls.

The thing is, I don't expect to be whisked away to Paris in a chartered helicopter for a first date (although that would be cool). It's just that cutting corners from the start doesn't bode well for the future. Like my date with Ian, another guy I met on a singles website. Minutes after spotting him and before I could say 'Hi', he piped up with 'Just so you know I'm in the middle of buying a house right now so I only have £10 left in the world. How does it feel that I'm spending my last tenner on you?'

Actually, it felt really uncomfortable. All I could mutter was a meek 'Er, shall I buy this round?', followed by some tedious small talk before he told me at 9pm that he'd 'let me go'. Thanks, I thought, after nursing a glass of red wine (bought by me) for two of the longest hours of my life.

You see, I think first dates should be seen as a long-term investment. We devote time, energy and money to building a great shoe collection, or saving the deposit for a flat. So why not put the same expenditure into your love life? JLo might insist that Love Don't Cost A Thing, but I beg to differ. When it comes to relationships, you get out what you put in. And I like to think I'm worth slightly more than a handful of change.

Sad but funny...

2010-01-22T22:52:00.003Z

I thought I would share a rather bizarre conversation I had last night, it made me laugh and I thought you might enjoy it. Only online would you have men behaving like this, and only online would I have the opportunity to have some fun with it!

I was busy working, with several sites open, several programs open, and my task bar was full. So when the conversation appeared on MSN, from a guy I haven't spoken to in months, I opened it with the intention of closing it down almost immediately. I had too much occupying me without having to make banal small talk with a relative stranger, and was in the middle of something crucial, but then, sometimes, someone throws you a curve ball and you realise that its good to have a brief moment away from work. We had only chatted once before, it was relatively dull, I didn't really find anything mentally stimulating about him, although I do remember his picture being very hot, but last night I had better things to do with my time, or so I thought!

Him: Do you want to watch me on web cam?
Me: Don't I get a hello, how you doing etc?
Him: No, I'm horny, I can't help it.
Me: What's my name?
Him: I don't know, do you wanna see me?
Me: Nope, I'm not a free chatline.
Him: Please, I just need you to talk dirty to me to help me out.
Me: What's my name?
Him: I don't care.
Me: So you don't care who you wank in front of?
Him: No.
Me: You just want a free chatline?
Him: Yes.
Me: OK, get it out then.

The fool did! From that moment on, this was going to be sport! I have learnt over the years how to make a sport of the sad, thoughtless, selfish, inconsiderate wankers (literally), but I didn't really have time to go to town on him, I decided to let him hang himself with his actions. They like to think they are important. They aren't. They like to think women have got nothing better to do than watch strangers wanking, that we should be grateful for getting to see a penis, any penis!! His camera flickered into life, and there he was, cock in hand, with a desperate, almost demonic look in his eyes. He was already fit to burst. I looked him over and typed,

Me: Wank for me then.
Him: OK, do you like what you see?
Me: Yeah!

I minimised the window onto my task bar and carried on with my work while he wanked himself stupid. He assumed I was watching him, when in fact he was wanking to cyber emptiness. Occasionally the box would flash at me again, I would open it, still he was wanking frantically telling me to talk dirty to him. At one point he asked,

Him: Why aren't you talking?
Me: I'm speechless, I am just watching you.
Him: Is it making you hot?
Me: Oh yeah baby!

I returned to my work with a wry smile. I had hardly even glanced at the sad, desperate man who felt the need to wank in front of any stranger he could find. The box flashed again.

Him: Did you like that baby? Did you like watching me cum?
Me: Oh sorry, I missed it, I went to get my glasses because I couldn't see your small cock properly. I missed it. Ah well. Another time!

I logged off!

I know, its cruel, and I will suffer in my next life for making fun of someone who is sharing a special moment with himself, but I couldn't resist! :) If guys have to wank on cam with people they have talked to before, they should at least remember her name!! I wonder if it will stop him doing it again? Or will it just stop him asking me again? Either way, I don't think I'll be hearing from him anytime soon! :)

The Fear.....

2010-01-21T13:09:00.000Z

I am frequently asked why I date married men, or unattainable men, and why I don't find 'one of my own'. I was asked again today and it made me think about it. You know I've tried the single-man thing, even recently, but I always seem to return to the attached men and the life I love. I have never considered finding a man is going to be a solution to any problems I may have. I don't have 'the fear', the bizarre feeling some women, of a certain age, experience when they find themselves alone. I haven't 'needed' a man but I have 'wanted' one occasionally. It is a state I have been in for many years, I love the peace and quiet of solitude. I admit I miss the occasional hug, cuddle or more, but thankfully I am self sufficient, independent, happy in my own skin and at peace with the knowledge that I like who I am.

I don't 'need' to be fulfilled by a man, he isn't going to 'complete me' because I am fairly whole to begin with. I understand men far too well to want to have one in my life on a permanent basis. I completed myself and now I am looking for additional adornment. The scatter cushion to my furnished room, the fabulous bracelet to my perfect outfit. Instead of being the main course, he is to be an occasional addition, a dessert complimenting a gourmet meal.

I've seen the desperation in women around me, the urgency to be loved, adored, and picked off the shelf. They have gone to incredible lengths to find a mate, from Internet dating to loitering around their local supermarket, late at night, with a lasagne ready meal for one tucked into their basket. They have asked friends and family to set them up and spent hours combing the personal ads in the local paper. But their desperation is palpable. The men could almost taste it.

Their need to find a man has taken them to places most people, especially women, should never go. For instance, Tracey has spent most of her time searching sex sites for approval. Convinced she isn't attractive enough to get a man on her own merits, she has offered to suck them off or bend over the bonnet of her car with an audience. She has offered this 'service' to complete strangers assuming they wouldn't want to meet her any other way. She visits a local lay by three times a week. Prearranged with several men as her 'regular appearance', but also advertised across many sites on the net, she meets up with between 15 and 40 men a night.

I recently asked her why she does what she does, expecting to hear that her love of all things phallic, or her uncontrollable sex addiction, means she has complete control over her behaviour. Her answer shocked, and saddened, me. "I hope one day that a guy I suck off in the lay by will like me enough to go out with me". It was almost laughable. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, but that's genuinely how she feels.

I decided to set her up on a date, to help her on the way to some form of normality, and at the last minute she cancelled, cold feet getting the better of her. When I asked why, she said "I've not been on a date for years, I've not had a face to face conversation with a man for years. I wouldn't know what to say. I only know how to suck a cock and screw strangers". At this point I knew she was a lost cause. No matter how much coaching or training I did, to teach her how to behave around men, I would never get her out of the mind set of thinking the man of her dreams would be alive and well in a lay by with his cock firmly in his hand. Because we have all met our potential future partner while they have been mid wank, haven't we!!!!

Another friend of mine used to offer to pay for everything, on the first date and forever more, in the hope she would snare a man who wanted to stay longer than a few weeks. Her reasoning was "If I take the financial pressure of dating away from him then maybe he will be able to stay long enough to see what I'm really like". As sad as her logic was, she did find herself a partner, and 18 months into the relationship he disappeared, with every penny from her bank account, driving her new car, the one he'd encouraged her to buy. She is currently single and now too broke to repeat the pattern, but I doubt she has learnt by her mistake.

Desperation does dangerous things to women. My single friends can't understand why I don't 'need' a man in tow, and because of that they miss out on the treats and pleasures that come with a relationship with 'understanding'. It has meant that I have been wined and dined in the finest restaurants, been spoiled with presents, been flown abroad for holidays, and had more laughs, with (and at) dates, than most people could hope for in a lifetime. So, while I sit silently in my cottage, warm and relaxed, typing this, listening to my choice of music, I answer those who think I'm not 'normal' by being a single mistress, and I say how is it not normal to want the life you choose to have, to want what makes you happy and to want to be your own person, and not have to change for anyone. That's what everyone is looking for, but 'the fear' makes people settle for whatever comes along, even if it's not what makes them happy. The fear of being alone, the fear of being judged for making alternative choices and the fear that their true self isn't worth having.

Another new blog....

2010-01-20T18:45:00.015Z

I know, I know, I hear you cry 'Not another one, 4 is enough!!' But I quite fancied the idea of this one, and it really wouldn't fit in to any of my others, so, as of today, I will be welcoming all my followers to join my new blog The Questions of a Curious Mistress :)

Strange title you say? Yes, it is, but the idea is I ask a question, an interesting, thought provoking question, sometimes serious, sometimes funny, and YOU contribute to make this blog successful and fun reading. I will be posing a question, and you will answer it :) That sounds too much like hard work, it sounds like you need to know lots of useless facts, but you'll be wrong. They will be love and sex related interesting questions, the sort you would love to ask all of your friends at a dinner party :) And of course you are welcome to steal them for your next get together or party :)

Examples of the questions I will be posing are:

If you were to complete the phrase 'A life without love ....' how would you finish it?

If you could make love one more time with someone from your past, who would you choose and why?

If you could have a sensuous massage every day from someone famous, who would you choose?

If you could grab the buttocks of someone famous, who would you grab?

If you were to identify the biggest turn-off in sex, what would you say it was?

If you could try one thing in bed that you've never done, what would it be?

So, if you fancy joining in the fun, and having a good think about what you like to do, what you would do and what you have always wanted to try, then add your contribution on to the site :) You can of course leave the answers anonymously, but there won't be any questions that may incriminate you. Just take it for what it is, good fun and a bit of a laugh, it may well create some interesting debates, and anything that encourages a 'mass debate' is always worthwhile. After all none of us 'mass debate' enough! :)

January...

2010-01-17T20:44:00.005Z

I will freely admit I'm climbing the walls!! I've been stuck in the house, out of action, since before Christmas! I had to get Christmas out of the way, and all of my usual male 'friends' were, naturally, caught up doing family things. Then I was sick for several days and couldn't have been charming and fabulous if you'd paid me. And now, the gods have been against me. I've been snow-bound, in my tiny village, and it just seems to be getting worse. It's endless, and there seems to be no relief where we can all get back to some normality. Thankfully I work from home, so I don't have to worry about getting into an office, also this is the quietest time of the year for my business so I had already planned January for a relaxing writing month. Catching up on paperwork but allowing myself some time to edit the novel and possibly finish it.

Admittedly I have had plenty of time to do this, and I've been making excellent progress, but sadly I've had nothing to blog about because no men can make it through and I can't escape to somewhere glamorous and warm.

January's are usually like this for me though. I find the men in my life have the nightmare busy Christmas, with the constant demands forced on them by the Mrs, but then January is busy at work, because they have two weeks of work to catch up on. So I find quiet times at the beginning of the month, building back to normality by the third or fourth week.

But also I've discovered that all the hot men seem to be in hibernation, with hangovers and glowing red bank accounts. I can't write the whole month off as a sex-free zone just because men are taking three weeks to recover from doing nothing for two weeks! In recent newspapers, it has been reported that the bad weather has increased new membership applications to all of the dating sites on the Internet, including IllicitEncounters, having their busiest week in their history last week, during the severe weather warnings in place, countrywide.

For the last three years of dating, my January has been a little bare to say the least. It is, of course, scientifically proven that men find us more attractive in the summer months, for obvious reasons. I never feel sexy in Ugg boots and wet jeans! It's hard to try to feel sexy in this weather, and when we are all carrying a little post Christmas bloat and a bikini line that resembles Russell Brands hairdo, simply because over the holidays there are no dates on the horizon, we are broke and looking for ways to keep warm, even if it includes starting at insulating our foofs! :)

Also, when it comes to my house, its virtually impossible to feel remotely sexual. You apparently can't make love in a big fleecy nightie or wyncyette pyjamas, I asked and its not a good look, but its totally necessary attire in one of the coldest houses in the country. My cottage is hundreds of years old. Tiny, with low ceilings, monster thick walls, but a very poor heating system throughout, original sash windows that rattle and blow a gale in even the slightest wind, doors that used to fit, once, but now need a big, stuffed, sausage dog draught excluder all the way around it, not just at the bottom.

Its not a good temperature to ask a man to reveal all, knowing full well that anything that was interested and standing to attention would be crawling back inside his body within seconds of the icy chill hitting him. If he is too excited, there is a distinct possibility that the tiny drop of pre-cum, appearing on the tip of his rapidly shrinking penis, could form a mini icicle! So for that reason I don't ask men to come to my place. I have a couple of suitors with 4 x 4s who claim they could drive to Antarctica, and getting to mine would be a walk in the park for them, and although I'm tempted to invite them over, because of this terrible itch I need scratching, I don't fancy getting down and dirty, naked, in a freezing cold house. Having the electric blanket on when you fall into bed together can be a bit of a passion killer. After all, its only meant to be pensioners who have those (even though I love it and recommend that every single girl should have one!).

I've had no end of offers this month, but I've found myself backing away from any new opportunity because my body has been in no shape for sharing. It's sods law that these fab men haven't come into my life when I am at my summertime sexiest. My body hasn't seen daylight for months. Getting naked in front of any man for the first time is always scary, but in January it's truly terrifying. When you're in a long term relationship the sex is a given, so you're always ready. Even if you let your grooming slide, it won't matter, cos he loves you. But sex when you're single or a mistress, is unpredictable and much more high maintenance. You have to be ready at the drop of a hat in case he calls to arrange an impromptu meeting.

According to my male friends my concerns are in vain. While women everywhere are worrying about flattering lighting, or pubic topiary, or fake tan streaks, or the shade of Daz bluey whiteness our cellulite is now resembling, apparently he doesn't notice things like that. He's just grateful there is a woman in front of him and he's thinking 'Wow, she's actually naked and I'm about to have actual sex with her!'

I wonder if women are actually more shallow than men. I always assumed women had the body image issues because men expect us all to look like Cheryl Cole but I find myself being incredibly choosy and only dating what I describe as 'hotties'. A friend of mine had a one night stand recently, but he had such substantial man boobs she was tempted to suggest he borrow her bra. But he didn't notice that she'd missed a waxing appointment because he was so pleased to be getting some. But its no wonder men are making more effort with their beauty regimes, we are expecting more. Maybe its time girls took up the old male mantra of enjoying the moment instead of getting side tracked with body issues and how much pubic hair we have.

Who knows this could be an amazing January, when eventually I get out, possibly my sexiest yet, and if I stop worrying about my pubes or post Christmas pale look, I might get some new recruits to the world of the Serial Mistress. I just don't ever want to resemble a wife!!!

Those lost loves...

2010-01-08T01:34:00.000Z

I'm curled up in bed, sick, but thankfully I have my TV and DVD to keep me company (and sane), and I've just finished watching 'An Affair to Remember'. I've still got tears in my eyes, and I don't know anyone who doesn't shed a tear for this fabulous film. It's definitely an 'afternoon, curled up in bed' type of film, and if you haven't seen it then you really must. It's amazing, I love it. Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr at their best.

Every time I watch it I think of the men I have loved in my life. There haven't been many, I don't fall in love easily, and have pretty good control of my feelings. But a film like this doesn't stop me thinking of the loves I've lost and those relationships that didn't have the opportunity to reach their full potential due to circumstances, timing or fate.

I'm sure in a 'Parallel Lines' life I'm happily married, settled down, barefoot and pregnant, or I'm floating around on my yacht in the Mediterranean with a figure to die for and a tan to match. But this is the life I'm living or at least I'm aware of, and the one you're reading about, where timing and fate has definitely had a huge part to play in any outcome.

I'm sure if Dad hadn't died when I was 21 I wouldn't have found and married my ex-husband, almost a replica of my dad, with the same values, and arms that made me feel safe and secure. He was older than me so he was ready to take things easy, just as I was raring to go. No doubt if we met now we would have been together forever, but timing simply wasn't right. The first married man I dated had been stood at the altar on the day I actually left my husband. Truly rotten timing. My first serious relationship after my divorce was plagued with his feelings for his ex-girlfriend, he was still in love with her and no doubt had I met him 12 months later we would have been fine. He wasn't over her when we met so I felt like Princess Diana, there were three of us in the relationship. Had he taken more time to deal with his feelings, before he started dating me, we may have had a chance, but as it was, I had to give up because it all became too much like hard work. Various subsequent relationships have had similar problems, bad timing, too close to recent break ups, work commitments, family issues, etc. but I've always believed that if it's right, exactly how it should be, then nothing will get in the way. Maybe that's another reason I date married men, I can remove the timing and fate issue from the equation :)

I'm sure we've all been in the situation, when we think back through our lives and wonder how things would have turned out if timing or fate had been kinder. I guess at this time of the year we all reminisce, and being stuck in your bed, ill, adds to the opportunity.

So now I'll settle down to watch Singing in the Rain for the third time in as many days, and dream about how different my life would have been if I'd been born a generation earlier and had bumped into Gene Kelly. That was how it was meant to be all along, but fate wasn't playing ball then!!

IE Press release....

2010-01-08T00:34:00.004Z

Snowed-In Spouses Flock to Affairs Site

A UK-based extra-marital dating site has received a huge surge in traffic today, presumed to be caused by the number of men and woman forced to work from home during the bad weather.

IllicitEncounters.com, which provides a platform for married people to conduct affairs, has seen an unexpected increase in visitors over the last 24 hours, and has received a record number of new profiles this morning. The site reports that the majority of new members are registering from areas worst hit by this week's extreme weather, including Hampshire, Berkshire, and the West Country, and has taken on several temporary staff members to cope with the rush.

Spokesperson for the site Sara Hartley comments, "In light of these figures, I'd be interested to see how much work those "working from home" have actually done!"

"The adverse weather has obviously influenced many sign-ups." continues Sara. "Usually, the West Country is a relatively quiet area for IE - but over the last 3 days we have received over 900 new members from Cornwall, Devon and Dorset. Perhaps these wives and husbands have just been waiting for a time when they could join, away from the eyes of their work colleagues and, most importantly, their partners.."

In the last 6 days, IllicitEncounters.com has gained 2,567 new members, suggesting that January 2010 will be the site's busiest month ever.

Did Santa Come?...

2010-01-06T02:27:00.000Z

No, tut tut, I don't mean did he deposit the contents of his sack under your tree!! :) I mean, did he bring you all something lovely?

Sadly, he brought me and my family the mother of all stomach bugs that has left us all bedridden for a week - and not the good way I'd like to stay in bed! But he did bring me lots of lovely things, especially before Christmas, which is when my Christmas day actually is. I usually have several celebrations depending on when my 'friends' are available.

It's a crazy time of the year for all those attached dads out there, with kids off school and the Mrs hanging around, and it's hard to fit the mistress into the equation, especially near the actual day. So I've always been very accommodating and I've never complained about having more than one restaurant serving me an exquisite turkey dinner and several bottles of champagne in the lead up. I also can't complain about Santa managing to find time to fit me in early. I've never been sure if he fits me in early because I've been naughty and don't deserve it on 'the big day' or because I've not been good, even bloody excellent!! :)

Anyway, Santa didn't have much imagination this year, I need to have a word with him - OR - my 'friends' are trying to tell me something! :) I got six bottles of perfume and two necklaces. The necklaces are beautiful, no complaints there, and my men clearly have exquisite taste, but the perfume?? Do I smell bad to justify six bottles? (No is the answer you're looking for by the way) I think it's partly my own fault to be honest, I've spent the last couple of months having a blitz and clear out of my perfume cupboard and decided to empty a few bottles with only a few days supply left in each one. I like to make space by using things up, its very satisfying finishing any kind of bottle! :) So I've been pulling virtually empty bottles of fragrance out of my handbag while on dates. Not a very subtle hint is it? But I actually didn't realise what it must have looked like until I received so many new ones, it really wasn't intentional :) Honest guv... :) But its lovely to know that my 'friends' are so observant, thank you!

He brought me some very sexy underwear too, but I have the dilemma of 'should I only ever wear it for the man who bought it for me, or is it acceptable to wear it more often?' I don't mean for doing the ironing, although that would make the chores fun and interesting, but is it unethical to wear it while entertaining another man? I'd love to know from all the girls if they keep their underwear exclusively for the man who bought it, or does it get a viewing elsewhere? And from the guys, would you mind if the underwear you bought for her was being used with her other lover/s? (Bearing in mind - you're in a relationship where you know she has more than one suitor lol).

Anyway, I hope Santa was good to you too, there are benefits to being a serial mistress, just like my lovers - Santa gets to come more than once :-)

Phone numbers....

2010-01-05T21:36:00.001Z

Am I the only one who deletes phone numbers when they are either:-

a. no longer needed because we tried it, it didn't work and it is over and done with,

b. no longer needed because he was a cock before we even got chance to meet,

c. there was nothing to be over and done with, cos we swapped numbers but never got any further than one text, because we got distracted elsewhere, and now I can't remember who he is! :)

Either way, I delete the number because my phone would be full of random names, I wouldn't be able to keep track, and I'd take too long scrolling past them when I have a cool joke to send to someone I actually know and like :)

Anyway, the reason I ask is because the season of goodwill has been upon us once again, and the time to wish everyone in your phone a merry Christmas, and a happy new year, has arrived. Of course the fact that practically everyone is drunk late at night doesn't help matters.

In the past 2 weeks I have received 18 Merry Christmas/Happy New Year texts and five late night calls to say 'Hi, how are you and where did we go wrong?', not to mention the 'Oops sorry, I meant to call my sister Karen - who are you?' Classic!!!

So why have these people even kept my number? I'm clearly not interested. I'm clearly not planning on calling them, and we're clearly never going to get together. Is it a difference in the sexes? The girls automatically 'Tidy up' to avoid confusion, accidental drunken text messages, or to ensure our phonebook is kept to an efficient, manageable size? Yet the men have endless random names and numbers in their phones, just in case their mates ever look, they have 500 entries to make them look popular. If it was a non-electronic version it would resemble an obscenely bulging Little Black Book, and apparently knowing five Karens, 17 Traceys, 11 Susans and a Jessica means they are a 'stud'! :)

It's bizarre. I have never sent a text message to my entire phonebook by mistake, because I have business numbers in it, and I am careful! I wouldn't dream of sending a rude message to everyone because my ex husband and my family are in my phone. Also I have never mistakenly rung someone at 2am in a drunken mess because chances are I'd call a married man's number and cause havoc, or worse, a divorce! Or possibly call my mother and send her into a tailspin wondering who has died because 'No one calls at that time of night unless it's bad news!'

I have rambled on about phone numbers before, but that was the idiotic, thoughtless use of my number from someone I was seeing at the time, but when men I have never met are calling or texting over a year after we exchanged numbers, it just feels wrong!

Maybe someone can enlighten me. Is it, like I mentioned, a difference with the sexes? Do men keep numbers as trophies and women want to delete the unnecessary from their lives? Is it just me - am I overly keen to tidy up and delete superfluous numbers? Or am I so irresistible and unforgettable that men keep my number in the hope they may, one day, need to resurrect what never happened?

Anyway, to all the people out there nursing my number and reading this, don't call me when you're drunk, or text me something random or rude at 2am, cos I may well store your number and do the same to you some day!!! :-)

Where have you done it? ....

2010-01-05T02:02:00.002Z

I've just received a book I ordered, about Sex in public places, and it sparked a conversation with my current 'potential' as to where we have been naughty. It started quite innocently, but suddenly all the mental pictures of where I had 'done it' came flooding back. It made me curious where my fans and followers had tried it.

I recently spoke to another 'potential' who was very new to the world of infidelity. I asked him what he wanted to try with his mistress that he had never experienced before, a fantasy or something he'd always wanted to try but never had the balls to ask for. He literally blushed on his web cam, and said 'Anywhere outdoors, in fact, anywhere other than the bedroom!' After a lengthy discussion about exactly what he meant, it turned out he'd only experienced bed sex, for his entire sexual past. Never on the stairs, never in a car (even in his teen years), never on the sofa, never outside etc. I felt so sorry for him that he had never tried the unbelievable rush experienced with risky or public-place sex.

Back to my original conversation though, we started to compare notes, and as wild as he considered himself, I apparently can give him a run for his money. As it's not a competition I'm not telling you who did what to whom, and where, but our list of locations looked something similar to this:

How many can you tick or add to? I'd love to hear from you :)

Car - several makes and models, including estates, saloons, hatchbacks, convertibles, old, new, supercars, classics, vintage, and embarrassments :)

Vans

Trucks

Motorbike - not while it was moving I might add (over it!!)

Train

Bus

Plane

Hospital bed

Hospital Casualty department toilets

Public Park

Swimming pool - hotel

Swimming pool - public

Beach - In the UK

Beach - Abroad

Pub toilets

Cinema

Pornographic cinema

Restaurant - under the table

Night club toilets

Night club fire escape

Night club office

Street

Lay by - several times, and several lay bys

Pub car park

Woods

Bushes

Allotment

Graveyard

Church

Cathedral

Caravan

Tent

Phone box

Casino office

Office block toilets

Office desk

Lift

Doctors surgery

Hairdressing salon

Dental surgery

Newsagents shop

Department store changing room

Theatre dressing room

I am sure there are many more I could add to the list, and will keep thinking of them, because I've always been a fan of new places :)

I hope you're not all too shocked by the extensive range of places :) it was our combined list, but as a 'potential' who I am yet to meet, I am imagining what we will be like when we do eventually get together? Watch this space and keep an eye open for hand prints on your bonnet, or heel marks on your front lawn! You never know where we might end up next! :)

The Silly Season ..... A late post :) Sorry!

2009-12-31T21:38:00.005Z

It's here again, and Noddy Holder is screaming in my head, constantly. We are all sick of the same question 'Are you ready for Christmas?' Yes of course I am, because its Just One Day! The shops are closed for Just One Day. The country stops for Just One Day. We all go mad for Just One Day. So if something hasn't been done for Just One Day, so what? If we haven't bought enough food, tough, none of us are going to starve if we only have 18 boxes of chocolates in the house instead of 24! If we have forgotten a Christmas present for someone then we deserve a slap for not being organised enough, but tough, does it really matter? I'm sure we all have a spare box of chocolates in the pile of 18, or a spare bottle of wine in the cellar we seem to have created for Just One Day, that we can wrap as an emergency stand by present. If we haven't bought enough booze, then tough. If we haven't put up enough decorations or sprayed fake snow on our windows, then tough, because after all, its Just One Day!

I laugh every time someone asks because its such a serious subject. They ask as if they are enquiring that we are ready for the impending nuclear war, resulting in us being barricaded in the house for three months!

But with the question 'Are you ready for Christmas?' comes the underlying double meaning for those having affairs, both the married partners and the mistresses. It doesn't refer to one day at all. It refers to the nightmare two weeks, the week before and up to ten days after the 'Just One Day'. Before, during and after, kids are off school and loitering around the house, with nothing to do, bored and cold. They can't be kicked out to play like they can during the summer holidays and of course, in this weather, its a miracle they even get out of bed. The other halves are either off work, or are stepping up the stress levels because its 'their' time of year to excel, when they turn into a cross between Delia Smith and Anthea Turner. The house has to be immaculate, the food prepared weeks in advance, presents bought and wrapped, cards written, and all of it produced with military precision, the husband increasingly dragged into the chaos because she can't cope with the pressure.

Then the big day arrives, and the family descend, or you're dragged reluctantly to a relatives house. The drinking starts far too early, so you're sick of it by the time Queenie starts saying her bit. You eat far too much, and spend the entire day with people you only see a handful of times a year. You have to make endless conversation, play pointless games, arguments break out, kids sulk and stomp off to a corner of their bedroom. The Mrs gets more and more stressed during the serving of the big meal. The turkey is dry (as always), no matter how many Delia and Jamie books she has read. The vegetables have been crucified and boiled to resemble pale replicas of their former selves. The roasties have been cremated, too crispy for even a chipmunk to chew. Pudding is served and for the only time during the year you suffer an overdose of dried fruit and cream in the form of Christmas cake, Christmas pudding and mince pies. You top it all off with an excessive quantity of chocolates from the 18 in the pile, you crumple into a heap, and to avoid another dull conversation, fall asleep on the sofa, snoring and dribbling.

In amongst this nightmare a huge proportion of married men are looking at their wife, remembering the early Christmas' when they spent the build up, and most of the following week, tucked up in bed, and brought the new year in very drunk, kissing passionately and making love, starting the year as they meant to go on. But then Christmas and new year started to change. Families became involved, children arrived, debt and stress mounted up, and before they know it the problems appearing during the year are magnified at Christmas. I know so many men who spend Christmas day wishing they were somewhere else, trying to find a moment to sneak off with the phone to quickly send a text to their mistress to tell them they are being thought of.

Now from the mistress' point of view, she receives one text, no doubt sent from the toilet, how flattering, but is grateful that he managed to think of her at all. The stereotypical view we have of the mistress is sitting on her own with a ready-meal for one from the freezer, her solitary tiny Christmas tree twinkling in the dark as she cries, alone, from Christmas eve through to Boxing day, singing Whitney Houston songs and watching endless weepy chick flicks.

I am a mistress, and have been for many years. Not once, in all those years, have I spent Christmas on my own crying and pining over a man!

My Christmas is spent with my family and I love it. I never have any issue about where I'm going to spend it. I don't have a fight about which family's house we will be at for the 'big meal'. I never worry about who will be offended if I don't go there. I spend three days with my family and, although I occasionally think of my men during that time, I don't pine over anyone. I don't worry if they are having fun or not, I don't worry if they are pining over me, and I don't get upset for a second thinking about them playing 'Happy Families' together. Life is too short and anyone who knows me, and knows how I live my life, will appreciate that I don't get remotely sentimental about these things.

Being a Serial Mistress comes with several added bonuses too. I get the opportunity to celebrate Christmas several times over. I get to eat several Christmas dinners between the beginning of December and the second week in January. They feel guilty for neglecting their mistress on Christmas day, without realising that I wouldn't have it any other way, so I get beautiful presents, fabulous dinners and lunches, a huge amount of attention and affection, and apologies for being 'let down' at Christmas. I let them have their guilt and embrace it. If it makes them feel better by spoiling me and making it up to me, then so it will be :)

I must admit I do think of my men now and then, but most of the time it is tinged with a feeling of sadness and pity for them, and for their wives and families. Firstly, life is too short to spend any day, especially Christmas day, somewhere you don't want to be, with people you don't want to be around and doing the things you HAVE to do, instead of what you WANT to do. Secondly, its not fair for the wife, going to all the trouble of putting together the perfect Christmas, with matching napkins co-ordinated with the Christmas decorations on the tree, only for her husband to wish he was somewhere else. But, I wonder, if she didn't spend so long worrying about the fine details of the day, stressed and panicking about it all, maybe he wouldn't be looking elsewhere in the first place, and wishing the day away.

So, during the silly season, for all the mistresses out there, enjoy it with the people you love, your family and friends, and be grateful for having them. Don't pine over any man, you will see him soon enough. It is not the downside of being a mistress, its the great part. You have a fabulous present, he is being ultra attentive before and will be after, and you get a chance to catch up on some normality with your friends. And of course, you never know who you might meet on a Christmas or New Year night out, especially with some mistletoe in your hand :)

For all the marrieds reading this, I wish you well, and hope its not too much of a nightmare over the holiday period. If you have kids, remember its for them, spend quality time with them, play with their toys, and don't forget to buy lots of batteries. If you're playing host to several relatives then try your best to enjoy it and make the most of having lots of people in your life who care enough to visit you. Thinking logically about these things, if you give the Mrs some money as a present you can encourage her to hit the sales for several visits, leaving you time to speak to your mistress. Find some bits of work you need to do over the holiday period and sneak away for an hour or two, even if its just to pick up the phone to her, she will appreciate it. It all just needs some logical thinking, not just at Christmas but anytime there is a holiday period looming.

Some people will be on their own, and as much as it feels like a nightmare two weeks, its actually only one day. Christmas day is over before you blink, and the text messages and emails all resume very soon afterwards, especially if you have a clever lover :) In all the years I've been doing this I have hardly missed any of the guys I've been seeing, and they have all managed texts or emails during the holidays, and have been incredibly attentive on either side of the break.

So it's never a depressing, desperate situation. Its just a short time in your life you have to be apart and its amazing how quickly it will be January and everything will be back to normal :)

To 2010...

2009-12-31T19:20:00.002Z

Wishing all of my family, friends, fans and followers a stunning 2010.

To all the men, be charming and thoughtful.

To all the women, be fabulous and sparkly.

I hope you all have a fantastic evening, and welcome the new year in style. Tell all those you love just how much they mean to you, and don't spend it with people who make you frown, it only makes you look old :)

2010 holds promise for everyone, and nothing is impossible :)

Good luck and good wishes to everyone xx

2009-12-05T15:43:00.004Z

I don't normally do a tiny post with just a link, but I wanted anyone who doesn't follow my fellow blogger to visit her site, have a look at her very entertaining posts, and show your appreciation of all she has to share with us.

And of course I wanted to also say thank you to her for the huge compliment regarding my interview with JVS the other day.

http://confessionsofawaywardwife.blogspot.com/

Enjoy - I know I always do xxx

Jonathan Vernon Smith....

2009-12-04T00:56:00.001Z

.... not being rude for a change! :)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p005b6q1/Jonathan_VernonSmith_03_12_2009/

I'm on about 2hrs 5mins into the show.

Can a relationship survive an affair?

Tiger's 'Personal Sins'....

2009-12-03T23:20:00.003Z

I don't know whether to thank Tiger Woods or not :)

Yet again, infidelity has hit the headlines, good and proper, thanks to Tiger and his 'wicked ways' as they keep describing his indiscretions. He has slipped up, obviously, and left evidence all over the place, just as Bill Clinton did, but these women have kept all of the necessary proof of an affair (for a long time, I might add) just in case! I suppose that's the price to pay when you're incredibly famous, and dating a 'financially challenged' cocktail waitress. But of course, because the world is aware of his behaviour, and shocked by the downfall of this 'squeaky clean' sportsman, the subject is being discussed on practically every live radio or TV show.

I appeared on Adrian Goldberg's show on TalkSport last night and Jonathan Vernon Smith's BBC Three Counties show this afternoon, speaking about whether a relationship could survive an affair. Both shows were interesting, and clearly the more this country talks about the subject, the more acceptable it is becoming. I thankfully received no grief, there was no criticism of the women involved in Mr Wood's 'personal sins', and it seems he is the only one at fault now, which is progress in my eyes, and significant progress too.

I've spent the last year hearing how hateful and outrageous I am, choosing to date married men I should be ashamed of myself, stealing men from their wives, wrecking families, destroying children's security, etc, but regular followers of my activities know that is never on the agenda, and I wouldn't dream of having any part in a marriage break up, so, today, it was very interesting to hear support for what I do and also agreement for my comments about an affair actually repairing a broken relationship, or improving a stale marriage.

I have always considered an affair, fling, one night stand or even a flirt, as some form of marital aid, but have been criticised for thinking that way. Its remarkable how many people I know who have been closely affected by an affair or 'indiscretion' and are now stronger than ever. They have forgiven, but not necessarily forgotten, and both are now making far more effort, its kicked the complacency into touch. That can only be a good thing, surely. Admittedly the initial anger, disappointment and hurt can provoke some extreme reactions - if the stories about Tiger's 'club-wielding' wife are to be believed. I've seen the effects of that shock, but after some adult conversation, improved communication and plenty of understanding, it is possible to put all of that anger behind you, move on and improve the flagging relationship.

I'm so sorry for Tigers wife, its a hell of a way to find out about his 'personal sins' and it makes a mockery of that squeaky clean image he has been cultivating for years. Why don't men just admit, and women accept, that they are never that pure, and all, regardless of how committed to their God, are capable of succumbing to temptation.

However, thanks to the recent press activity, I am pleased to see that the world is becoming more accepting of 'the Mistress' position, I know I will never be seen as an angel, or heroine, for what I do, but over time, hopefully, I will be able to walk down the street without the fear of being tied to a chair and dunked in the local lake! :)

How loud is acceptable?...

2009-11-26T02:42:00.004Z

I've spent the past three days listening to the monotonous oooos and ahhhhhs of my neighbour and his lover. The scary thing is, I live in a small village in the North York moors, in a very old cottage, with incredibly solid walls. I shouldn't really be able to hear anything with 18" thick Yorkshire stone between us, but I can! I have heard her before, and very occasionally I've heard him, lets say I certainly know which religion he follows! :) I have cruelly joked with him about her noises, making him believe, from a female perspective, that they are false and she is clearly faking it! :)

After listening to him pleasure her repeatedly for three days I was, firstly, frustrated as hell, cos I should have been doing it too, instead of listening to her! Secondly, bored of hearing the same ooo ooo ooo ooo ahhhhhhh, over and over, with no change of tone, no alternate vocabulary, no screaming 'F**k me harder big boy'. And thirdly, I was so impressed at his incredible stamina, considering he is 63 years old! She is 42 by the way, so I have full respect for him :) And apparently that is all without the help of Viagra - or so I am led to believe. He manages to keep this performance up, regularly, and I know, from our weekly catch up over coffee, that the 42 year old is not the only filly in the stable!

I asked him this morning, following my three sleepless nights, if he could ever hear me when I'm 'at it'. I'm not sure if the grin gave it away or not, but I'm finding it hard to believe that his 'No, absolutely not' was the truth! If I can hear her then I'm pretty sure he can hear me, because, I'll be frank, I'm not the quietest when I am in the throes of passion.

I have curbed my 'enthusiasm' a little more lately, since a former lover had a fit of giggles following a particularly vigorous evening of fun, and announced that I 'sounded like a porn film'!!! I was mortified, and puzzled, because I thought men actually preferred that, but apparently not! I must say, to all the guys who are reading this right now, please, don't ever, for any reason, fall about in a fit of laughter, when you've literally just pulled your dripping cock out of someone. It doesn't make a girl feel particularly special. Having fun while making love is great, and it should be a giggle, but laughing uncontrollably is unacceptable!

Anyway, I haven't, as yet, had any complaints from the neighbours, but as they are both men I'm not sure they would complain or even comment, and they are probably wearing away a small ridge in the wall where they are pressing the upturned glass. But in all the homes I've had I've never heard anyone complain about or even discuss my vocal ability.

I was recently reading in the paper about the couple who had been arrested for their excessive noise during sex, and this wasn't their first time. The woman already had an ASBO for it, and broke that within two days of receiving it! The Environmental Health Inspector recorded the sound and found it reached unacceptable decibel levels, even through a brick wall. Is it the ultimate crime when an Englishman is disturbed in his castle? Would we complain about music being played too loud, or is it simply because of the nature of the noise that we have an issue? If they had lived next door to someone who was having just as much sex, or was turned on by the sound of someone having sex, would they have been prosecuted? Is it possible they scored for a prudish neighbour and any level of sound would have disturbed her?

So I'm clearly going to have to keep the noise down when I'm 'busy' in the bedroom. I don't want to be arrested or get a reputation in the village for 'sounding like a porn star'. I already have enough reputations in this village, without adding to them :)

I will have to get a decibel meter to check how loud the 42 year old is getting when she is faking it! :) It would make the village mutter even more than usual if a pensioner was arrested for excessive noise during vigorous sex.

But I'm curious to hear from my followers what they consider is loud when it comes to the cries of passion. I've asked several friends if they make any noise during sex. Most of my friends have kids and have learnt to keep it down, and one friend who served his time in the army, and then in prison, definitely learnt how to keep the noise to an absolute minimum when he was pleasuring himself and that has passed over to his sex life with his partner. In fact, he told me, he makes love in total silence.

I'm not sure I could bear that. I'm vocal, I love my partner to be vocal, and not just the monotonous oooos and ahhhhhs, but the dirty talk, saying how it feels and of course the 'F**k me harder' orders :) So how loud is too loud? What is acceptable and do you like to be quiet or noisy? I'd love to know if I'm unusual and if he was justified in laughing heartily and saying I sounded like a porn star! :)

It never stops....

2009-11-22T20:17:00.003Z

The abuse never stops, peoples opinions never change, no matter how much I explain what I do, no matter how many times I say I don't wreck families, no matter how many times I try to help those who don't understand what and why I do it, to see that I cause no harm, still the abuse continues. I get offensive mail from people, and now I'm even getting abused on Facebook! Ah well, I suppose these things will always happen, because those who are quick to criticise tend not to be intelligent enough to see both sides of an argument. Apparently I'm a 'sad old slapper' with no life, that's refreshing don't you think? :) But being criticised for the spot I do on Adrian's show on TalkSport is unacceptable. I go on there because Adrian asks me to. We have a great time, a laugh, a chat and we help people with their problems. We help those with issues they can't necessarily talk to anyone else about, and we broaden the minds of the listeners who may never have come across some of our subjects, its educational but most of all its great fun. I always knew I would be leaving myself open to criticism, no matter what form of media exposure I get, but I'm always gobsmacked at how critical complete strangers can be, even when they have been given all of the facts.

I suppose I'm getting used to it now, but it still doesn't make it any nicer. I won't stop what I'm doing just because someone says 'Stop it you slapper', because I'm pretty sure I'm happier with my life than they are with theirs. Too many people lash out at those who are living their lives how they WANT to, as opposed to how they need to. My life is mine, and always will be, and because of that I will take the abuse and harassment on the chin and it will change nothing, so bring it on, one and all, do your worst, it still won't stop me!!! :)

I'm happy with my life because its mine, are you happy with yours??!!?

Dumpers and Dumpees.....

2009-11-22T02:21:00.000Z

Following an interesting tweet from a fellow Twitter fan the other day I started to think about dumpers and dumpees, but I also wanted to share a very funny text moment from Friday night.

My friend made an observation about men who think women are bitches when we decide not to go any further with them. We chat via the Internet, get to know a little about each other, and make the decision to progress to pictures but if a woman decides there is no 'chemistry' when she has seen it, she is branded a frigid bitch who wouldn't know a good thing if it slapped her! When a man rejects a woman she takes it with dignity and moves on, at least I know my friends and I always have. After all, its only a picture, and we can't all look like Julia Roberts. As my friend said, not every man on the planet is my cup of tea, and we totally understand if we are not exactly what he is looking for too. When we have been told we are 'not my type', or he has logged off and dropped off the planet, we know it's his loss, and feel sorry for him not realising what he's just walked away from, but we usually down a bottle of crisp white and laugh heartily about him, but never say anything hateful, there's simply no point. Why lose your dignity over a picture. But men? Not so much. They don't seem to like women who know their own mind, and decide not to take the conversation or meetings any further. Naturally we are all bitches and the character assassination from them kicks in fairly quickly, with insults about our looks and 'the reason we're single' etc. This always makes me laugh, but it strikes me as quite sad. Is it an indication of our society today? The men seem to think single women, or any woman in fact, should be grateful to be with them, thankful for the attention and thrilled that they are being taken down off that dusty shelf. But, when we decide we don't want to be dusted off by that particular specimen of male, we are nuts and want our heads looking at. When did men start thinking all women were desperate?

I realised this was happening last week, when I had been speaking to a hot, fit, nice (or so I thought) younger guy on the net. He seemed fine online, he was funny, sweet, considerate, attentive and always turned up on line when he said he would. Although he wasn't one of life's brightest people it was promising, and it was good fun getting to know him online. We covered all the usual small talk, what are you looking for, what do you do, what are your favourite films, what do you like to do with your spare time, etc etc, and as boring as that actually gets, he did seem interesting and funny. This was clearly his 'online persona'. It couldn't have been different from his real personality. Due to circumstances we spoke on line and via text but not on the phone for quite a while. As time went on, he talked more and more about his work and his friends. He became a little dull, I started having second thoughts about it, but I persevered. He started almost every conversation talking about himself, in fact he even got as far as not asking how I was before he started telling me about him and his day. His business was landscape gardening, so he was constantly banging on about gardening every conversation could, he talked about it so much he would have made Alan Titchmarsh nod off. But all along I kept thinking nice guy, not intellectual, not cultured, not well educated but he's running a business, he clearly knows what he's doing, so he cant be that bad.

Naturally, because of his profession, his days were always ruled by the weather, unpredictable as it can be, and for that reason, and because I had been busy, we had not managed to meet. We had agreed to meet last week, which went against my normal 'rules' I try to stick to, of never meeting someone face to face without speaking on the phone first, but we seemed to have been talking for so long I thought it would cause no harm. Unfortunately, on the day of our meeting, he was needed to do some work, so he called me the night before to apologise and reschedule for another day.

As I saw his number appear I had a momentary stomach flip and I thought 'gosh its our first conversation, how exciting'. Meeting someone new always holds this excitement for me, and every picture, every text message, every email and every call from someone new makes me have a little stomach flip (until I meet them and realise it wasn't worth it!!) :)

On this occasion though, the second I picked up the phone, and heard the heavy Cumbrian accent for the first time, I knew it was never going to work (ever). I appreciated the call, and his apologetic manner, and chatted with him, reassuring him that I didn't mind him cancelling. He didn't know that I was secretly relieved by it. He ended the call saying he couldn't wait to meet me, and we carried on with our evening. I got a text message about twenty minutes later apologising again, and telling me I sounded 'fabulous' and he would see me as soon as he could. Oh dear!!

We carried on chatting for another day and he seemed desperate to meet me, but as time went on I realised I was giving him false hope so I called it off, explaining that I didn't think we were well suited, and the timing was bad, and we clearly had problems getting together because of work etc. I wanted to tell him the truth but it seemed a little harsh, so I made my excuses, made sure he was fine with the decision, and moved on. I had deleted his number and had assumed all was done and dusted when I got a barrage of drunken text messages two nights later.

He started by demanding an explanation, closely followed by insults about me lying to him, leading him on and finally being too fat and old for him anyway!! I was patient, ignoring most of the texts but occasionally replying with a polite 'That is your opinion hun, I hope you find what you're looking for'. As I ignored a few more, the insults came thick and fast, ranging from ugly to 'I'm not surprised you're single' and 'You must be desperate for a man to be looking on that site for someone!' My ignoring him was clearly making him worse. Eventually when he asked me what the real reason was I decided I'd taken enough and bluntly told him 'I don't think we are intellectually matched, I don't think we have enough in common and your behaviour tonight has confirmed to me that we were never going to get along. We are from different backgrounds, but I'm certain you will find someone more on your level very soon, and I wish you every happiness, but there really is no need to be hassling or insulting me because you are showing your true colours and I don't like them. Please take my decision with dignity and don't text me again, thank you'.

Immediately I got back 'Snoby Biatch, R U saying Im dum?'

'No', I replied, 'I'm simply saying we aren't suited, but your behaviour tonight is making me question if you are being a little stupid, please just drop it now, I wish you well.'

A silence fell, no texts arrived for two hours, then the all time classic text appeared on my phone.

'I def. not think!!'

I smiled to myself, deleted it and got on with my evening :) (And no folks, before you ask, its not a typo, letter for letter that is exactly what he said) :)

Why do men have to behave so badly when a woman is honest enough to say 'We're not suited'. You'd think a guy would be grateful to find that out before he goes to the expense of meeting in person.

Women have to be dignified when they are told the truth, if they behave as he did they are labelled as 'unstable' or 'psycho', but a man can voice his disappointment in hideous insults but is never chastised for it, well here it is!!

To all the men out there who may not be 'suited' to a new potential partner, handle that rejection with dignity and pride, show some manners and never call her names just because she chose not to date you. You clearly didn't think she was 'old' or 'fat' when you were begging to meet her, so don't say hideous things to her after she has decided to call it a day. Trust me guys, calling a woman names is NEVER going to make her change her mind, fall into your arms and say 'silly me, what was I thinking, you're perfect'!!!

What constitutes an affair?...

2009-11-17T22:27:00.002Z

An article as seen in the Daily Mail - ok, not the greatest paper in the world, we know that from my own article, but still an interesting piece about what constitutes an affair.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1226176/Why-affairs-head-bad-bed-Even-youre-having-sex-new-book-says-cheating.html

I had planned on writing a blog post similar, and was interested in my readers views, but you're all welcome to read this one and I'll work on mine and post it soon.

How many men is too many? .....

2009-10-31T22:37:00.000Z

I've been here before, and even been here with the unforgiving press. I was asked by a presenter on a radio show recently, and managed to body swerve the question beautifully, but yet again I'm asked by a potential lover "What is your magic number? How many men have you had sex with?"

My first reaction was 'Why do you want to know?' Secondly 'Is it important?' But its a question guaranteed to strike fear into any sexually confident and active woman. Do you round it down so he doesn't think bad of you or bump it up so he thinks you're more adventurous? Is there actually a right number?

I've discovered that a high number for a man makes him a stud, for a woman, she's a slut. But the truth is women now enjoy more sexual freedom than ever before. Why not be proud of your number? I am. I just choose not to reveal it :)

In the world of internet dating and rampant rabbits women, and especially me, don't sit around wondering where the next orgasm is going to come from. We go out and find it. If we want it we know exactly where to look for it. We wouldn't walk away from a fabulous pair of shoes on payday, so why turn down an impromptu night of passion if that's what takes your fancy?

More women now think its fine to have sex on the first date, and an even greater number would think it normal, and almost expected, to jump into bed within the first month of knowing a new man. So, if its so much fun, why are we reluctant to talk about it and why are men so judgemental about it? If women are having lots of impromptu fun then they must be having it with men, but those men seem to think we should all be virgins before we hit the sack, but whores once we are there.

The best thing about being a woman in todays world, single or attached, is we have sexual choice, but the sad thing is, men can be very judgemental, and have double standards. Its ok for them to have notched up quite a tally in the bedroom but he really doesn't want to think we have. They like us to be filthy in bed, but not know how or where we learnt it. I guess we should tell them we perfected the art of the blow job by reading books about it! :)

When it comes to a long term relationship, men find it easier to trust a woman who has had four long term attachments rather than 40 one night stands, but then the same man spends the rest of his days looking for someone who can make his toes curl in bed, someone like me, a mistress, and it goes without saying that she will be an experienced, adventurous woman.

The men I meet have married the virgin but then they choose to play with the dirty girl who will do all the things his wife won't do. Its a double standard. So given the reasoning behind his choice you wonder why it would be important or even of interest how many partners his mistress has had.

The dilemma posed to women who have affairs, and the single woman out there, is 'should we be experienced, honest about it and risk being judged, or should we be chaste, honest about it and risk being a disappointment?' Because we are not living up to the Sex and the City lifestyle, would men think us prudish?

Let me give you an example. I recently met a man, a very charming, sweet man, but within the first few days of chatting he was asking me about my sexual preferences. You know the conversation girls, the 'What turns you on? Do you spit or swallow? Do you watch porn? Do you like anal sex? Do you have any toys? etc etc' conversation. We all know the routine backwards, or is that just me? Men seem in such a rush! He wanted me to send dirty pics, which I drew the line at, but otherwise I was honest and open, as I always am. I have never seen the point in hiding anything, and surely the key to a fulfilling sexual relationship is being able to communicate.

We chatted a great deal for several weeks until he finally arranged to meet. We had built a fabulous rapport, some intense sexual chemistry and a great friendship. We had planned dinner before we even thought of doing anything else, and we knew it would build the tension too. Anticipation can be a very strong aphrodisiac.

During dinner we were having a lovely time, great food, great conversation, several glasses of wine. And then it happened, the dreaded question. 'You've been single for a while Karen, and obviously dating, and if you've had this chemistry with other men before me then you clearly have slept with alot of them. So how many men have you had sex with?'

I was floored, it came out of nowhere, and I have never seen the point of asking it, so I tried to lighten the conversation and steer away from the seriousness of it by answering 'This week?' His face dropped. His sense of humour had clearly deserted him just as dessert had arrived.

I smiled, assured him I was joking and asked 'Why do you need to know?' I genuinely wanted an answer to this, wondering about his motive for asking. Was it to find out if I had more experience than him? Was it to find out if he could officially label me a slut and run screaming before paying the bill?

'I was just curious' was his response. This was not enough for me. Curiosity doesn't justify totalling killing the smooth flowing conversation and rapport, so I stepped up on my proverbial soapbox and said 'If I say a high number you'll be edging towards the door thinking I know too much and have had more experience than you. That will then make you incredibly insecure in bed and you will assume the role of auditioning porn star hoping that is what I need to satisfy me. Its not! If I give a low number you will assume I have rounded down and haven't told you the full truth just to make you feel better. So either way I will never win.

You will start analysing how long I have been single, how long I have been a Serial Mistress, how many men the press articles claim I have had, and where I have lived in the world. Short of doing a Powerpoint presentation complete with graphs and pie charts I doubt you will ever be happy with the answer.

The magic number doesn't reflect anything. I started very late, I had the occasional shag fest when I was single, I had 12 years of a faithful marriage and have been in a handful of faithful relationships since. I admit I love sex, I admit I love the thrill of meeting a new partner, but if I met the man for me I would happily settle into a faithful relationship again. However, considering you are here interviewing me for the position of your mistress and not your wife, I think my number is totally irrelevant.

If I meet a man who I want to spend the rest of my life with I wont mind if I'm his first, 19th or even his 223rd. I'll just want to be his last.

But until then I will continue to be the sensual, adventurous, vivacious, single woman I am, making choices about my sex life and although I am incredibly choosy about who I see I will still get what I set my mind on. If you want to be part of that, and hope I choose you then that will be lovely, but if that's too much for you to handle then I will thank you for dinner and hope you find the chaste girl you are looking for.'

I stepped down off my soapbox and sat quietly sipping my Chablis. I was glad he had asked the question before we had got past dinner and moved on to something more, because his face was no longer the smile I had enjoyed looking at for the past two hours. I had my answer there, and I bid him goodnight. I got a text message later that evening apologising for bringing the subject up, and for his reaction, but he had expected a 'less experienced' woman as his mistress. He really did need to alter his chat up style then, because I'm not sure a 'less experienced' woman would appreciate being asked 'Do you spit or swallow' within the first few days of chatting!! Men!! They make me laugh sometimes! :)

Anyway, I think my 'soapbox' moment had probably scared him off as much as my reluctance to answer, however I would not do anything differently. Men brag about their sex tally for the same reason women hide theirs - insecurity. That's why my advice would always be when asked what your magic number is, don't answer! I'd had more than enough lovers by the time I was 40 - simply because I enjoyed having sex when I was single - but I'd never tell a partner exactly how many it was. Once paranoia sets in, it can ruin a relationship. When men ask that question, its because they want reassurance. But there's only a minute chance he'll get the answer he wants. However, contrary to how I handled it, I'd advise against refusing point blank to respond - that could make a woman look guilty of notching up more men than hot dinners. Instead, steer the conversation away with a few relationship-affirming compliments that will make him feel like he's the only man in the world, and he should soon lose interest in the original question.

As a single girl there should never be anyone who can tell me who I can or can't have sex with, and so long as I always have safe sex, which I do, I can see no problem in my healthy sex drive and love of excitement. There isn't a manual teaching you exactly how to have sex, like everything it comes with practice, and to be as confident as I am you have to figure there has been more than one! Having relationships with different men has helped me grow sexually and I don't think I would have learnt so much with one long term partner. For me it has always been about variety. Even in a long term relationship I have tried so many things because creativity and imagination is such a turn on. I know I'm a much better lover because of my relationship past and now I'm confident enough to ask for exactly what I want in bed. Talking about sex is not as dangerous as talking about the magic number, which can open a can of worms, creating jealousy and insecurity, and ruining a perfectly good dinner!! :)

My latest LoveHoney review.....

2009-10-29T04:52:00.001Z

The Sqweel!!!

Its magnificent!

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=17045&reviewid=20857#customer_reviews

There are pictures and a description on my Erotic Mistress blog if you prefer to look there.

Enjoy!!

Back in action....

2009-10-26T21:36:00.002Z

My followers and friends have been wonderfully patient with me. I had been dating several people for quite some time and blogging along with it, but due to personal and health reasons I decided to take a step back, and away from everyone and everything for a while. It did me the world of good. I took some time for myself, to reassess what I wanted and why I was here, not just on the net, but in every part of my life. I also managed to catch up on lots of things I'd been meaning to do for a while, namely writing my book. But now I'm back in the thick of things, and enjoying it more than ever. Sometimes we need a breath of fresh air before we put our heads down and start again (but reading that, and knowing what I do, it sounds terribly rude!! lol).

I had expected to be back before now, but things just kept happening, delaying my return, but now I'm back, and hopefully my followers will appreciate my musings, as much as I have appreciated their patience. Thank you all for sticking around, and thank you all for not hassling me to death about my silence :)

Hopefully over the next week or two new stories and adventures will appear, now I am back in the land of dating, and back in the land of Illicit Encounters, and of course back in my life as the Serial Mistress :)

I'm back everyone, and you all have permission to email me and give me grief if I don't blog enough, or my writing isn't interesting enough :)

Thank you all again for sticking around, hope you enjoy the next exciting installments of the Serial Mistress and her blogs xxxx

Compulsive dating...

2009-10-24T14:37:00.006+01:00

I am back in the world of dating, but I am taking it slowly, because I realised before I took my break, I was dating for all the wrong reasons. It had turned into a bizarre addiction, not in the damaging way drugs, drink or cigarettes would, but in a time consuming way, that hopefully I am now over :)

I was a member of several dating and social networking sites, but most importantly Illicit Encounters, one of the largest and most successful, and the only one that worked very well for me. Over the years, while I talked to lots of guys and met quite a few dates, including several fabulous friends, Mr Right was taking his time making an appearance in my life. Although I wasn't on there to settle down into a routine relationship I was looking for that connection with someone I wanted to see often. I was impatient for his arrival, and in the meantime, for as much attention from potential dates as I could get. Before long, I was losing hours of my valuable time hungrily scouring the profiles of candidates who had mailed me, and starting conversations with men I didn't know.

You'd think that such activity would have thrown a few choice morsels my way – after all, quantity equals quality, right? Wrong! Not only did I begin to start clicking 'Yes' to profiles of guys that I had little interest in, I started to spend too much time on Facebook and Twitter, talking to anyone who seemed able to string a sentence together, or looked amazing on their pictures. I had no intention of meeting any of these people but talking to them had become an addiction that devoured even more time, obsessively chasing after the elusive crock of gold, that man who had everything, was perfect, and we all know he doesn't exist! An unconscious hole in my psyche was not being satisfied, and I was making myself insane.

It came to a head when I woke up one morning, and realised my first impulse was to log in to see if I had messages – this, after another late night surfing. I wanted to log on even more than I wanted my regular hit of espresso. My fingertips itched for the keyboard. Clearly, something was awry. I had to find a way to step away from my laptop, dating, and my needy impulses. I had to get my life back.

Apparently I was not alone in having this experience. It is a phenomenon that is on the increase, among both women and men. As internet dating takes up a larger slice of the dating pie, the slice that formerly included meeting people at work, through friends, or in bars and social activities, it is becoming more and more like shopping. We have become dating 'consumers'.

So, what's going on? Is all this frantic searching leading to an increase in smug attachments? Is Cupid having to take on more staff to cope with the influx of new couple registrations? No, not really. Because there may be hundreds of thousands of us looking for love online, and we may be making connections, but our expectations are becoming less and less realistic.

It is easy to lose sight of what I really want, and who I am, and get caught up in the thrill of the chase, the competition, the euphoria of a success. It can end up being as much about escapist fantasy as it is about a genuine desire to meet a partner. When that happens, I am not only more likely to lose my sense of 'self', but less likely to 'see' that special person when he comes along too.

What's a singleton to do then? Well, if I truly want to meet someone special, I have to stay grounded, and hold on to my perspective. This means restricting how long I spend online. It means having a realistic expectation of what online dating can provide. First and foremost, it should be fun, a way of meeting people that enhances my search (and my life), rather than dominate it. It also means investing as much (or more) energy on creating real-life encounters as virtual ones. Because apparently datable people do still exist in the real world, too, you know.

I can't guarantee that someone will come along immediately, but there's a small chance they will. All I need to do is inject some balance into the heady, sometimes crazy, often compulsive world that is online dating.

Apologies

2009-09-24T23:20:00.002+01:00

Sincere apologies to my followers for my deafening silence. I've been taking some time out from the mistress world for many personal reasons, but I'm back now. I had stopped Twittering, blogging and visiting my favourite sites, but I have missed it. Sorted out many things in my head and now is the time to carry on with my interesting, funny or depressing tales and opinions. Forgive me for neglecting you all, and hopefully you will keep following me now I'm back :)

Hope everyone is doing ok, and I haven't missed much :) xxxx

2009-09-24T23:10:00.000+01:00

Husbands are like fires, they go out when unattended :)

But there is always another woman around clutching a poker! :)

How to spot a married man...

2009-08-27T11:46:00.002+01:00

As a Serial Mistress I obviously know a thing or two about married men. As I meet them online I guess its fairly easy, they have 'married' in their profile :) But for the girls out there who are out and about, dating in clubs and pubs, or meeting guys off regular dating sites, I thought I'd give you a few pointers for spotting married men, who might not have confessed to being attached :)

One or two will be obvious, but hopefully they will all help you spot the ones who are attempting to hide their marital status from the world.

The white line on tanned fingers where his wedding band should be. There is usually a dent or a line where they have quickly slid the ring off and into his pocket.
Office hours communication, if he only wants to speak to you during the day, or offers lunch but never dinner then you need to consider he may well be attached. 'Please don't text me after 5' is usually a huge give away.
He's reluctant to meet any of your friends or family, especially at the weekend, because it reduces the chance of him meeting someone he might actually know.
You do solitary pursuits together, he's keen on quiet days in the countryside, staying home with a DVD or getting a take away rather than dinner in a restaurant. If he doesn't want to be seen in public with you its not because he doesn't want to share you or your time with anyone else, its because he doesn't want to be caught.
His clothes will smell of fabric conditioner. Its a well known fact that single men don't even know what fabric conditioner is, and only when they get hitched does the word 'Comfort' or 'Lenor' even enter their vocabulary.
He disappears during dinner to 'make a quick phonecall'. It usually means he's saying goodnight to the wife and kids.
He pays for everything with cash, or a business credit card, never his own, and he always destroys the receipt for whatever he has bought.
He never 'plays' while wearing any clothes, and doesn't encourage affection when you're fully made up and he has a white shirt on. He's keen to be naked while you have fun together, and smartly folds his clothes instead of discarding them on the floor.
He has baby wipes in his car even though he swears he has no children, they are remarkably good for getting make up out of things!
Any present you ever buy for him he keeps at your house, and tells you its because he wants to use it only when he's with you.

I hope these help some girls, but then again its good fun dating married guys sometimes, but only when he's honest about it.

Good luck hunting girls :)

That fleeting moment...

2009-08-27T08:52:00.002+01:00

Few of us have experienced a stranger chasing us down the street with a bunch of roses and a proposition too good to miss, but most of us have felt that fleeting attraction or connection with someone we have laid eyes on for the first time.

A knowing smile in a coffee shop queue, locking eyes on the train, or a chance encounter in the supermarket that's momentary but, in your mind, perfect. Its over in seconds but the memory lingers, and the romantic in us cant help thinking 'Did he feel that too?'

All too often we're scared to act on our gut instincts - but taking a chance on a gorgeous stranger is something we should all do more often.

It happened to me recently. I was standing on my local station platform when I noticed him walking towards me. He caught my eye and smiled, giving me a tiny wink. I returned the smile but I've never been great at winking without looking like I've got a facial tick. I noticed his aftershave as he brushed past me. It was my favourite and my knees almost buckled.

As the train arrived we stepped onto the same carriage. It was busy, with very few seats available, so for the short journey I sat facing a dull looking married couple mid argument, both with lips pursed and knuckles white. I pulled out my magazine and tried to concentrate on the latest idiotic celebrity gossip and glanced up only to notice 'Him' just about to sit down four rows away, facing me. I hid my head, heart pounding, trying to look engrossed in the new Balenciaga handbag range.

I could feel eyes burning into me so I looked up, he smiled and winked again. I held his gaze a little longer than I should have and then returned to my magazine.

He was getting off the train at the same station and I didn't expect anything of this chance encounter, after all its not terribly 'British' to approach a total stranger, but then I'm not as staid and reserved as most.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw him approaching and just as he was close my phone rang. I cursed it and answered it, thinking the opportunity had passed. He walked past me, headed up the stairs, glanced back once, smiled and continued on his way. I ended my call and carried on out of the station, mumbling under my breath that Fate sucked! Directly outside the station is a coffee shop, as I turned to pass it a voice asked if I wanted sugar in my Latte. Not sure if it was specifically aimed at me I stopped and turned, and there he was, with two coffees on the table in front of him. OK, it wasn't a bunch of flowers but it was close. He pushed the empty seat out with his foot and nodded towards it.

It was very bold of him, and slightly arrogant, but what is a girl to do? I sat down, and I never did get any shopping done that afternoon. Most women would have been offended by his assumptions but I'm not most women.

We got to know each other over the next couple of weeks and I discovered he was married but in a boring relationship - aren't they all? :) He said it was love at first sight which is always quite disturbing. I agreed it was lust, but after a little while dating I realised he wasn't for me, and suspected he was looking for an escape route.

I was incredibly flattered by his initial approach, and yes, it worked, it made me feel special, and attractive, and was most definitely very romantic, but as I got to know the real 'Him' I found the arrogance painful to be around. Confident men are fabulous, but when it tips over the edge into irritating arrogance it can only ever be unattractive. I also felt sorry for his wife (surprising coming from a Serial Mistress) but his approach had worked with me, how many other women had it worked with? Did he do this every week? Probably.

I pointed him in the direction of Illicit Encounters, telling him it might save him getting arrested if he 'approaches' the wrong woman! :) I'm sure one day someone will adore his arrogance, and he'll find exactly the right woman, but I will always appreciate his approach, and how he made me smile, even if it was briefly :)

BBC Radio Leeds...

2009-08-24T22:02:00.004+01:00

Steve Baileys show this afternoon - only on for the next 7 days.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p0042r3s/Steve_Bailey_24_08_2009/

On from about 15 minutes into the show. Great interview if it hadn't been messed with! lol

Edited to death by the sounds of it, but hey ho, thats the risk you take with a pre-recorded show :)

Never ever again!!

Married with permission...

2009-08-24T17:36:00.002+01:00

What an interesting day I've had. I spent the morning recording a piece for Radio Leeds (I'll post a link later) and then headed off to lunch with a potential new man. 'Not another' I hear you cry! But a first meeting is always good fun, and we all know they don't necessarily end up being anything more than a lunch.

On this occasion I'm not sure about taking it any further. He wasn't bad mannered, he wasn't unattractive, he wasn't impolite, in fact he was delightful company but 'different'. Not different in a way that would turn me off after first impressions, but following an enlightening conversation it has given me more food for thought than I actually ate at lunchtime :)

I'm used to dating married men, attached men, unavailable men, cheating, lying and hiding their indiscretions from the world, so this man threw me a little. We talked about his relationship and the situation at home, which I don't usually ask about, but he was keen to volunteer the information. It transpired that he had the full permission of his wife to meet another woman.

I immediately thought she must be disabled or dreadfully ill, she mustn't care about him or what he does, she must have been unable to give him sex for years, but no, I discovered they had a baby six months ago. After a difficult birth she was reluctant to resume sexual relations and recently asked him to join www.illicitencounters.co.uk to find someone new to play with.

He was very upfront and honest about his situation and that itself is commendable but, from the perspective of the mistress, I was a little perturbed by it. I cast my mind back to the times we had spent chatting, building up to actually meeting face to face, and wondered how he had managed so long on the phone. He called me on Wednesday night last week and was on the phone for an hour, I assumed he was in his office, but apparently she had gone to the supermarket to give him time to get to know me. He had told her everything about me, shown her my profile, my pictures, and every text message we had exchanged. When we were nearing the end of our conversation last week he had received a text message. He said it was his wife and I made my excuses to hang up, the last thing I wanted was a man in trouble for speaking to another woman, but he showed me the text message today. It read "On my way home, do you need more time? Hope Karen has been as lovely as you hoped."

Now, I'm all for honesty in my relationships, in fact I expect loyalty and openness when it comes to any friendship or relationship I have, regardless of what lies he might be telling at home, but when does honesty come full circle and become weird or uncomfortable?

I love that he is so honest with me, and its admirable that he's so honest with her, but a small part of me started to feel uneasy when she was referring to me by name.

I'm not sure if I'll meet him again, I need to get my head round it. It's not the fact that men lie and cheat that I decide to date them. Its not part of the attraction by any stretch of the imagination, its more about them not encroaching on my life too much, and he clearly wouldn't do that. He's no different from the other men I date, so why does it disturb me so much that his wife knows everything about me? Its interesting to see a different aspect of the world of infidelity. Practically every man on that site is hiding everything from his partner, but we just don't realise that some broadminded women may well have given them permission to do what they need to do.

Is it just me who finds it all a bit 'odd'?

TalkSport and Adrian...

2009-08-21T05:06:00.002+01:00

Thanks again to all the listeners for making my TalkSport 'spot' this morning so successful and fun. I deal with some very serious issues, and some light hearted ones too, but I enjoy the opportunity to help when I can. I thought my 'lifestyle choice' had been left behind, so I could get on with chatting to those who need to talk, clearly not, but thanks to Mick for bringing it up, and hopefully he doesn't now think of me as the 'slapper' he originally considered I was. He commented that I sounded intelligent, and why would I be choosing to do what I do if I was, but maybe my intelligence is why I've made my choice, because I can live my life for me, exactly how I love it, and surrounded by the people I choose to be with. I am more than happy clarifying my situation again and again to those who don't understand what I do and why, but I can't hide my love of my life, and I refuse to change for anyone.

I am criticised daily for dating married men, but I still do it. I discussed this with Adrian a while ago, and he said if he took notice of the listeners who hate his opinions, and the extreme criticism of his show, then he'd never get out of bed to broadcast anything. But I think the country is a better place for it, and he creates debate, exciting, intelligent, interesting debate, about a huge array of subjects. Anything that creates debate and passion should be welcomed and what a dull place the world would be if we all agreed with each other, and lived our lives exactly the same. Variety of opinion and lifestyle choices are what makes it all interesting. We will never agree with everyone but isn't it fun listening to other people get passionate about something they believe in, and hearing Adrian expertly stir it up.

If I manage to stir up some debate then I'll be happy, if the subject matter gets an airing then I'll be happy, and if some people actually change their opinion about the stereotypical 'Mistress' and realise she's not a home-wrecking slapper then I'll be happy!

Anyway, if any new followers or visitors are wanting to email me please feel free, I will try to help with any of your issues and I will always listen to your comments, especially if you had emailed the show but didn't manage to get a mention, and I will always smile at your funnies and compliments :)

Don't forget to check out my agony spot too, and there may well be some dilemmas that you can relate to, or might even be sharing at the moment.

www.agonymistress.blogspot.com

Welcome to new visitors, and I hope my blog/s help you, entertain you, or make you smile.

Thanks for listening xx

Another single disaster....

2009-08-14T11:10:00.000+01:00

Once in a while I have a wobble, not a serious one, but I have a moment of thinking 'I'll date a single guy, just to see what its like'. I guess its similar to having a moment of thinking 'I'd like children' then spending a weekend babysitting your friends horrors and it puts you off completely! :) But now and again I come across a single guy who seems to have most things I'm looking for, namely intelligent, funny, sexy, fit, kind, considerate, generous and not looking to rush into anything serious. Sounds perfect when someone comes along to tick all the boxes, so I have a moment of 'why not' and look forward to getting to know someone new. Then the reminder of why I'm single and dating married guys comes hurtling forward again.

On this occasion he was a pharmacist. He had moved to the area for work and was only staying for three months. I figured three months would be a great interlude over the summer, time to get some normality back into my life, to be seen out in public without sneaking around or hiding, to stay at his place sometime, instead of playing hostess constantly.

He had certainly put the feelers out early and started chatting to me a few weeks before his move, so when he finally made the journey north we were both ready for a date. I met him on Monday evening, it was warm and sunny, and a drink outside a pub, then a good movie, seemed like the perfect 'normal' first date.

He was sweet, not quite as sexy as the picture I'd received but still nice enough. He was never going to be the man of my dreams but I could spend time with him. We had quite a few things in common, I was sure we would manage to fill three months well enough, and then he'd be off down south again, and I'd go back to my mistress lifestyle.

Monday night went well. A quick kiss as I dropped him at his new home, and I left. The text messages started almost immediately, not something I was used to with married guys. He was smitten, that's for sure. He had loved every minute, he wanted to know if he could see me the following day, he couldn't wait to see me again, etc etc. I was busy on Tuesday but I arranged to see him on Wednesday to watch the football in the pub, and I assumed once I'd arranged the second date he would calm himself, and the texts would slow down, but they didn't!

With increasing intensity, the texts continued until, by Tuesday evening, he was telling me he loved me and proposing to me! I was at a friends house at the time and couldn't quite believe what I was reading.

I said "He's joking, right?" while she read the texts, she slowly shook her head.

"Unless he's got the strangest sense of humour in the world, I'd say that was a declaration of love and a proposal of marriage! Ooooh should I buy a hat?" she asked.

"Yes, you should, get a black one, you can wear it to the funeral he'll be having if he keeps this up!" I laughed.

I ignored the text, not knowing how to reply, and I worried about Wednesday night. Was he going to get down on one knee in the pub? Was he bringing a ring and flowers? I prayed not.

Wednesday arrived and I tried not to make too much effort looking fabulous, as I normally would, but even that didn't work. He clamped himself to me as soon as I arrived at the pub. He stroked my hair while he ordered drinks, I pushed him away. He stroked my thigh when we sat down and I pushed him away. The football match was on the big screen, and he knew I wanted to watch it, so while I talked to him, I kept glancing at the screen, but he was constantly moving my head towards his, and trying desperately to kiss me.

I'm not big on public displays of affection. They make me uncomfortable, especially if they are one sided, but even more so if they are in a pub full of drunken football fans. So I constantly batted him away like an annoying fly buzzing round my head, and vowed I wouldn't be seeing him again after the evening, because it was all 'too much'. This is/was exactly why I didn't like dating single men! It was always all or nothing!

The final nail in his coffin was at a particularly exciting part of the football I could feel eyes burning into me. I turned to him and he was staring at me, not watching the football, but watching me, in a creepy, bizarre way. My skin crawled.

"What are you doing?" I snapped.

"Looking at you, you're beautiful" he replied. Now if that had been said by the man of my dreams I would have melted, but from him, so soon after I had met him, I just shuddered.

"Well don't, please watch the football, that's what we came for, and if you keep staring at me like that I might need to poke your eyes out!"

I smiled, hoping to lighten the creepy mood, but it didn't seem to work. He carried on stroking me like a pet, staring at me like a long lost relative, and trying to kiss me, as if he had been in prison for years.

I gave up on the football and suggested one more drink before I needed to head home for an early night. "Oooh can I come with you?" was the cry. "NO!" was the firm and blunt answer!

We moved pubs, got the drinks, and I sat on a chair, away from his straying hands. Suddenly I remembered he was in a town he barely knew, with no friends, and maybe I was being a bit harsh. Could I be friends with him? Could this be purely platonic if I put him straight? Could I do the decent thing and possibly introduce him to other friends, and a potential wife? I decided to get to know him better, maybe I'd misjudged some part of him, just because he had been overly affectionate with me didn't make him a bad person. There was clearly something nice about him, or I would never have agreed to meet him.

Then he started to tell me about his ex girlfriend, the one he split from a month ago, pretty much when he first started talking to me! She was a bitch apparently, a hateful, unstable witch who didn't deserve him. I saw his face change and then he reached for his phone, opening his text inbox, and showed me the endless barrage of texts she had sent. Clearly I was getting one side of the story, but her texts were very revealing. They mainly consisted of:

'Please don't text me again'

'We've said all that needs to be said, please just leave it'

'I'm asking nicely for you to just leave me alone now'

'No John, I don't want you anymore!'

'I can't love you again after what you have done to me'

'Enough!! Its over!!!'

'Stop texting and hassling me!!'

'Do you want me to block your number and call the police?'

'There's no need to be so angry and bitter'

'Please John, I'm begging you, stop it'

With the final classics from the following week:

'Stay away from me and the house, or I will call the police again'

'You know you're not supposed to be within 500 yards of me'

'The police are on their way'

He snapped the phone closed and said "See, she's nuts!!" He had shown all of that to his potential new girlfriend/wife! I realised breaking free wouldn't be as easy as I hoped. I yawned a couple of times, nodded at his vitriolic attack on his ex girlfriend (also called Karen I might add), and made my excuses to leave. After a peck on the cheek on the doorstep of the pub I went to my car and drove home at break neck speed.

The texts started immediately, again! I politely replied with a 'Thanks for a nice night, off to bed, headache starting'.

The next morning I had the mother of all migraines, genuinely, and made my excuses for a good few days. The days went into a week, then two and I explained I was too sick to start any kind of a relationship. He stuck around for a few weeks, texting constantly, until I told him I wasn't dating again this year, I was too ill. He wished me well and clearly moved on, thankfully!

I heard from him last week, that's why I thought I'd blog about it. He moved to Oxford 3 weeks ago. He emailed me to tell me he's getting married in 2 weeks!! He will have known her 5 weeks when he marries her. I was amazed at how desperately he wanted to settle into a relationship, with just anyone! I know some people can fall in love very easily, but I guess I answered my own question 'Why don't I date single men?' Because they are in a rush to be married, to anyone who will have them, but how long will it be before they are on Illicit Encounters looking for someone like me, because his wife doesn't understand him! :)

What a lucky escape that was, I'm back to dating married men who won't propose to me after the first date!! :)