The Life of a Serial Mistress

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any. No one is listening until you fart. Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you criticize him, you're a mile away and you have his shoes. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. Some days yo...

Sorry for the funnies, but sometimes a girl just can't resist a smile while she's concocting the next episode of her blog :)

For all those women over 40 who need a smile and all those men who just don't appreciate older women :) In case you missed it on '60 Minutes', this is what Andy Rooney thinks about women over 40: 60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS) As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why: A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting. Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Wo...

According to the ancient art of face reading apparently its easy to spot a good boy or a bad boy, a cheater or a stayer. I'm not so sure, but it was interesting reading all the same. I wonder if the married men who follow my blog would agree with some of this? :) Bad boy - Cold eyes - If he's got a cold, steely gaze then he's the predatory type. He enjoys the thrill of the chase and won't let anything stop him getting what he wants. Good boy - Twinkly eyes - Men with sparkly eyes that crinkle at the corners or laughter lines indicate that he's warm, friendly and isn't afraid of showing his emotions. Bad boy - Thin lips - Men with thin lips tend to be more interested in sex than emotions. If his top lip is thinner than his bottom lip, he'll struggle to commit to just one woman. Good boy - Full lips - Full, rounded lips show that he's caring, sensitive and good at communicating his feelings. He also generous with his time – and his money! Bad boy - Water...

My lifestyle is different, different from my friends lives, different from the norm, different from the expected and at the moment it is suiting me very well. I have spent most of my dating life stressing over men, whether they will call, whether they like me, whether they are going to be around in a week, a month, a year, and whether they actually want me. Just as I see my friends now, worrying about what his lack of communication means, why he won't meet her friends, why he's 'working so hard', why it feels like he's so busy he must be running the world, why the gym is more important than a date, why the football takes priority, and why the excuses seem plentiful, I realise there is an uneven balance of power in most relationships. Women are, by nature, the submissive sex, they are patient, more tolerant and understanding, therefore the power tends to be with the man, when he wants sex he will make the effort, when he doesn't need sex everything on the plane...

Further to the 'annoying' texts in the middle of the night, and subsequent dumping in my previous blog, thankfully all went quiet. This was just what I hoped for, and, as a married man I figured he'd have the sense to let it lie there. Sadly he didn't. Why will men never learn? Married men shouldn't cause grief for their lover, she doesn't deserve it. Married men should never cross the line of decency and good manners because she doesn't deserve it. And married men should never be hideous, inconsiderate and just plain rude because she doesn't deserve it. That 'she' being me on this occasion? He really should have learned not to mess with me! :) Intelligent, strong willed, feisty women are the LAST people a married man should mess with lol . My god, I sound like Glenn Close, that won't do me any favours, but let me give you the background. I got a text message this afternoon reading 'I got yr nmba off a guy in the pub who sed u may be up...

I know, as a mistress, I have to abide by certain rules, rules laid down in stone by the married man. Don't call me after 5. Don't text me at the weekend. Don't make any marks on me. Don't contact me till I contact you. Don't wear perfume when I see you. Don't expect me to be around for evenings if I have said daytime only. Don't leave any blonde hairs in my car when you get out of it. Don't get lipstick on my suit. Don't expect too much from me - I'm married, and many more. Those are all rules I'm more than happy to abide by, after all I'm a mistress and I know the rules, backwards! I understand a married man has a lot to lose, and the mistress has to know her place in his life, and not be reckless enough to cause him any stress or hassle. If he is her only lover then he knows he can make rules that she will happily work with, but what is the situation when his mistress is conducting more than one affair? Why am I now mentioni...