How many men is too many? .....

I've been here before, and even been here with the unforgiving press. I was asked by a presenter on a radio show recently, and managed to body swerve the question beautifully, but yet again I'm asked by a potential lover "What is your magic number? How many men have you had sex with?"

My first reaction was 'Why do you want to know?' Secondly 'Is it important?' But its a question guaranteed to strike fear into any sexually confident and active woman. Do you round it down so he doesn't think bad of you or bump it up so he thinks you're more adventurous? Is there actually a right number?

I've discovered that a high number for a man makes him a stud, for a woman, she's a slut. But the truth is women now enjoy more sexual freedom than ever before. Why not be proud of your number? I am. I just choose not to reveal it :)

In the world of internet dating and rampant rabbits women, and especially me, don't sit around wondering where the next orgasm is going to come from. We go out and find it. If we want it we know exactly where to look for it. We wouldn't walk away from a fabulous pair of shoes on payday, so why turn down an impromptu night of passion if that's what takes your fancy?

More women now think its fine to have sex on the first date, and an even greater number would think it normal, and almost expected, to jump into bed within the first month of knowing a new man. So, if its so much fun, why are we reluctant to talk about it and why are men so judgemental about it? If women are having lots of impromptu fun then they must be having it with men, but those men seem to think we should all be virgins before we hit the sack, but whores once we are there.

The best thing about being a woman in todays world, single or attached, is we have sexual choice, but the sad thing is, men can be very judgemental, and have double standards. Its ok for them to have notched up quite a tally in the bedroom but he really doesn't want to think we have. They like us to be filthy in bed, but not know how or where we learnt it. I guess we should tell them we perfected the art of the blow job by reading books about it! :)

When it comes to a long term relationship, men find it easier to trust a woman who has had four long term attachments rather than 40 one night stands, but then the same man spends the rest of his days looking for someone who can make his toes curl in bed, someone like me, a mistress, and it goes without saying that she will be an experienced, adventurous woman.

The men I meet have married the virgin but then they choose to play with the dirty girl who will do all the things his wife won't do. Its a double standard. So given the reasoning behind his choice you wonder why it would be important or even of interest how many partners his mistress has had.

The dilemma posed to women who have affairs, and the single woman out there, is 'should we be experienced, honest about it and risk being judged, or should we be chaste, honest about it and risk being a disappointment?' Because we are not living up to the Sex and the City lifestyle, would men think us prudish?

Let me give you an example. I recently met a man, a very charming, sweet man, but within the first few days of chatting he was asking me about my sexual preferences. You know the conversation girls, the 'What turns you on? Do you spit or swallow? Do you watch porn? Do you like anal sex? Do you have any toys? etc etc' conversation. We all know the routine backwards, or is that just me? Men seem in such a rush! He wanted me to send dirty pics, which I drew the line at, but otherwise I was honest and open, as I always am. I have never seen the point in hiding anything, and surely the key to a fulfilling sexual relationship is being able to communicate.

We chatted a great deal for several weeks until he finally arranged to meet. We had built a fabulous rapport, some intense sexual chemistry and a great friendship. We had planned dinner before we even thought of doing anything else, and we knew it would build the tension too. Anticipation can be a very strong aphrodisiac.

During dinner we were having a lovely time, great food, great conversation, several glasses of wine. And then it happened, the dreaded question. 'You've been single for a while Karen, and obviously dating, and if you've had this chemistry with other men before me then you clearly have slept with alot of them. So how many men have you had sex with?'

I was floored, it came out of nowhere, and I have never seen the point of asking it, so I tried to lighten the conversation and steer away from the seriousness of it by answering 'This week?' His face dropped. His sense of humour had clearly deserted him just as dessert had arrived.

I smiled, assured him I was joking and asked 'Why do you need to know?' I genuinely wanted an answer to this, wondering about his motive for asking. Was it to find out if I had more experience than him? Was it to find out if he could officially label me a slut and run screaming before paying the bill?

'I was just curious' was his response. This was not enough for me. Curiosity doesn't justify totalling killing the smooth flowing conversation and rapport, so I stepped up on my proverbial soapbox and said 'If I say a high number you'll be edging towards the door thinking I know too much and have had more experience than you. That will then make you incredibly insecure in bed and you will assume the role of auditioning porn star hoping that is what I need to satisfy me. Its not! If I give a low number you will assume I have rounded down and haven't told you the full truth just to make you feel better. So either way I will never win.

You will start analysing how long I have been single, how long I have been a Serial Mistress, how many men the press articles claim I have had, and where I have lived in the world. Short of doing a Powerpoint presentation complete with graphs and pie charts I doubt you will ever be happy with the answer.

The magic number doesn't reflect anything. I started very late, I had the occasional shag fest when I was single, I had 12 years of a faithful marriage and have been in a handful of faithful relationships since. I admit I love sex, I admit I love the thrill of meeting a new partner, but if I met the man for me I would happily settle into a faithful relationship again. However, considering you are here interviewing me for the position of your mistress and not your wife, I think my number is totally irrelevant.

If I meet a man who I want to spend the rest of my life with I wont mind if I'm his first, 19th or even his 223rd. I'll just want to be his last.

But until then I will continue to be the sensual, adventurous, vivacious, single woman I am, making choices about my sex life and although I am incredibly choosy about who I see I will still get what I set my mind on. If you want to be part of that, and hope I choose you then that will be lovely, but if that's too much for you to handle then I will thank you for dinner and hope you find the chaste girl you are looking for.'

I stepped down off my soapbox and sat quietly sipping my Chablis. I was glad he had asked the question before we had got past dinner and moved on to something more, because his face was no longer the smile I had enjoyed looking at for the past two hours. I had my answer there, and I bid him goodnight. I got a text message later that evening apologising for bringing the subject up, and for his reaction, but he had expected a 'less experienced' woman as his mistress. He really did need to alter his chat up style then, because I'm not sure a 'less experienced' woman would appreciate being asked 'Do you spit or swallow' within the first few days of chatting!! Men!! They make me laugh sometimes! :)

Anyway, I think my 'soapbox' moment had probably scared him off as much as my reluctance to answer, however I would not do anything differently. Men brag about their sex tally for the same reason women hide theirs - insecurity. That's why my advice would always be when asked what your magic number is, don't answer! I'd had more than enough lovers by the time I was 40 - simply because I enjoyed having sex when I was single - but I'd never tell a partner exactly how many it was. Once paranoia sets in, it can ruin a relationship. When men ask that question, its because they want reassurance. But there's only a minute chance he'll get the answer he wants. However, contrary to how I handled it, I'd advise against refusing point blank to respond - that could make a woman look guilty of notching up more men than hot dinners. Instead, steer the conversation away with a few relationship-affirming compliments that will make him feel like he's the only man in the world, and he should soon lose interest in the original question.

As a single girl there should never be anyone who can tell me who I can or can't have sex with, and so long as I always have safe sex, which I do, I can see no problem in my healthy sex drive and love of excitement. There isn't a manual teaching you exactly how to have sex, like everything it comes with practice, and to be as confident as I am you have to figure there has been more than one! Having relationships with different men has helped me grow sexually and I don't think I would have learnt so much with one long term partner. For me it has always been about variety. Even in a long term relationship I have tried so many things because creativity and imagination is such a turn on. I know I'm a much better lover because of my relationship past and now I'm confident enough to ask for exactly what I want in bed. Talking about sex is not as dangerous as talking about the magic number, which can open a can of worms, creating jealousy and insecurity, and ruining a perfectly good dinner!! :)

My latest LoveHoney review.....

The Sqweel!!!

Its magnificent!

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=17045&reviewid=20857#customer_reviews

There are pictures and a description on my Erotic Mistress blog if you prefer to look there.

Enjoy!!

Back in action....

My followers and friends have been wonderfully patient with me. I had been dating several people for quite some time and blogging along with it, but due to personal and health reasons I decided to take a step back, and away from everyone and everything for a while. It did me the world of good. I took some time for myself, to reassess what I wanted and why I was here, not just on the net, but in every part of my life. I also managed to catch up on lots of things I'd been meaning to do for a while, namely writing my book. But now I'm back in the thick of things, and enjoying it more than ever. Sometimes we need a breath of fresh air before we put our heads down and start again (but reading that, and knowing what I do, it sounds terribly rude!! lol).

I had expected to be back before now, but things just kept happening, delaying my return, but now I'm back, and hopefully my followers will appreciate my musings, as much as I have appreciated their patience. Thank you all for sticking around, and thank you all for not hassling me to death about my silence :)

Hopefully over the next week or two new stories and adventures will appear, now I am back in the land of dating, and back in the land of Illicit Encounters, and of course back in my life as the Serial Mistress :)

I'm back everyone, and you all have permission to email me and give me grief if I don't blog enough, or my writing isn't interesting enough :)

Thank you all again for sticking around, hope you enjoy the next exciting installments of the Serial Mistress and her blogs xxxx

Compulsive dating...

I am back in the world of dating, but I am taking it slowly, because I realised before I took my break, I was dating for all the wrong reasons. It had turned into a bizarre addiction, not in the damaging way drugs, drink or cigarettes would, but in a time consuming way, that hopefully I am now over :)

I was a member of several dating and social networking sites, but most importantly Illicit Encounters, one of the largest and most successful, and the only one that worked very well for me. Over the years, while I talked to lots of guys and met quite a few dates, including several fabulous friends, Mr Right was taking his time making an appearance in my life. Although I wasn't on there to settle down into a routine relationship I was looking for that connection with someone I wanted to see often. I was impatient for his arrival, and in the meantime, for as much attention from potential dates as I could get. Before long, I was losing hours of my valuable time hungrily scouring the profiles of candidates who had mailed me, and starting conversations with men I didn't know.

You'd think that such activity would have thrown a few choice morsels my way – after all, quantity equals quality, right? Wrong! Not only did I begin to start clicking 'Yes' to profiles of guys that I had little interest in, I started to spend too much time on Facebook and Twitter, talking to anyone who seemed able to string a sentence together, or looked amazing on their pictures. I had no intention of meeting any of these people but talking to them had become an addiction that devoured even more time, obsessively chasing after the elusive crock of gold, that man who had everything, was perfect, and we all know he doesn't exist! An unconscious hole in my psyche was not being satisfied, and I was making myself insane.

It came to a head when I woke up one morning, and realised my first impulse was to log in to see if I had messages – this, after another late night surfing. I wanted to log on even more than I wanted my regular hit of espresso. My fingertips itched for the keyboard. Clearly, something was awry. I had to find a way to step away from my laptop, dating, and my needy impulses. I had to get my life back.

Apparently I was not alone in having this experience. It is a phenomenon that is on the increase, among both women and men. As internet dating takes up a larger slice of the dating pie, the slice that formerly included meeting people at work, through friends, or in bars and social activities, it is becoming more and more like shopping. We have become dating 'consumers'.

So, what's going on? Is all this frantic searching leading to an increase in smug attachments? Is Cupid having to take on more staff to cope with the influx of new couple registrations? No, not really. Because there may be hundreds of thousands of us looking for love online, and we may be making connections, but our expectations are becoming less and less realistic.

It is easy to lose sight of what I really want, and who I am, and get caught up in the thrill of the chase, the competition, the euphoria of a success. It can end up being as much about escapist fantasy as it is about a genuine desire to meet a partner. When that happens, I am not only more likely to lose my sense of 'self', but less likely to 'see' that special person when he comes along too.

What's a singleton to do then? Well, if I truly want to meet someone special, I have to stay grounded, and hold on to my perspective. This means restricting how long I spend online. It means having a realistic expectation of what online dating can provide. First and foremost, it should be fun, a way of meeting people that enhances my search (and my life), rather than dominate it. It also means investing as much (or more) energy on creating real-life encounters as virtual ones. Because apparently datable people do still exist in the real world, too, you know.

I can't guarantee that someone will come along immediately, but there's a small chance they will. All I need to do is inject some balance into the heady, sometimes crazy, often compulsive world that is online dating.

Apologies

Sincere apologies to my followers for my deafening silence. I've been taking some time out from the mistress world for many personal reasons, but I'm back now. I had stopped Twittering, blogging and visiting my favourite sites, but I have missed it. Sorted out many things in my head and now is the time to carry on with my interesting, funny or depressing tales and opinions. Forgive me for neglecting you all, and hopefully you will keep following me now I'm back :)

Hope everyone is doing ok, and I haven't missed much :) xxxx

Husbands are like fires, they go out when unattended :)

But there is always another woman around clutching a poker! :)

How to spot a married man...

As a Serial Mistress I obviously know a thing or two about married men. As I meet them online I guess its fairly easy, they have 'married' in their profile :) But for the girls out there who are out and about, dating in clubs and pubs, or meeting guys off regular dating sites, I thought I'd give you a few pointers for spotting married men, who might not have confessed to being attached :)

One or two will be obvious, but hopefully they will all help you spot the ones who are attempting to hide their marital status from the world.

1. The white line on tanned fingers where his wedding band should be. There is usually a dent or a line where they have quickly slid the ring off and into his pocket.
2. Office hours communication, if he only wants to speak to you during the day, or offers lunch but never dinner then you need to consider he may well be attached. 'Please don't text me after 5' is usually a huge give away.
3. He's reluctant to meet any of your friends or family, especially at the weekend, because it reduces the chance of him meeting someone he might actually know.
4. You do solitary pursuits together, he's keen on quiet days in the countryside, staying home with a DVD or getting a take away rather than dinner in a restaurant. If he doesn't want to be seen in public with you its not because he doesn't want to share you or your time with anyone else, its because he doesn't want to be caught.
5. His clothes will smell of fabric conditioner. Its a well known fact that single men don't even know what fabric conditioner is, and only when they get hitched does the word 'Comfort' or 'Lenor' even enter their vocabulary.
6. He disappears during dinner to 'make a quick phonecall'. It usually means he's saying goodnight to the wife and kids.
7. He pays for everything with cash, or a business credit card, never his own, and he always destroys the receipt for whatever he has bought.
8. He never 'plays' while wearing any clothes, and doesn't encourage affection when you're fully made up and he has a white shirt on. He's keen to be naked while you have fun together, and smartly folds his clothes instead of discarding them on the floor.
9. He has baby wipes in his car even though he swears he has no children, they are remarkably good for getting make up out of things!
10. Any present you ever buy for him he keeps at your house, and tells you its because he wants to use it only when he's with you.

I hope these help some girls, but then again its good fun dating married guys sometimes, but only when he's honest about it.

Good luck hunting girls :)

That fleeting moment...

Few of us have experienced a stranger chasing us down the street with a bunch of roses and a proposition too good to miss, but most of us have felt that fleeting attraction or connection with someone we have laid eyes on for the first time.

A knowing smile in a coffee shop queue, locking eyes on the train, or a chance encounter in the supermarket that's momentary but, in your mind, perfect. Its over in seconds but the memory lingers, and the romantic in us cant help thinking 'Did he feel that too?'

All too often we're scared to act on our gut instincts - but taking a chance on a gorgeous stranger is something we should all do more often.

It happened to me recently. I was standing on my local station platform when I noticed him walking towards me. He caught my eye and smiled, giving me a tiny wink. I returned the smile but I've never been great at winking without looking like I've got a facial tick. I noticed his aftershave as he brushed past me. It was my favourite and my knees almost buckled.

As the train arrived we stepped onto the same carriage. It was busy, with very few seats available, so for the short journey I sat facing a dull looking married couple mid argument, both with lips pursed and knuckles white. I pulled out my magazine and tried to concentrate on the latest idiotic celebrity gossip and glanced up only to notice 'Him' just about to sit down four rows away, facing me. I hid my head, heart pounding, trying to look engrossed in the new Balenciaga handbag range.

I could feel eyes burning into me so I looked up, he smiled and winked again. I held his gaze a little longer than I should have and then returned to my magazine.

He was getting off the train at the same station and I didn't expect anything of this chance encounter, after all its not terribly 'British' to approach a total stranger, but then I'm not as staid and reserved as most.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw him approaching and just as he was close my phone rang. I cursed it and answered it, thinking the opportunity had passed. He walked past me, headed up the stairs, glanced back once, smiled and continued on his way. I ended my call and carried on out of the station, mumbling under my breath that Fate sucked! Directly outside the station is a coffee shop, as I turned to pass it a voice asked if I wanted sugar in my Latte. Not sure if it was specifically aimed at me I stopped and turned, and there he was, with two coffees on the table in front of him. OK, it wasn't a bunch of flowers but it was close. He pushed the empty seat out with his foot and nodded towards it.

It was very bold of him, and slightly arrogant, but what is a girl to do? I sat down, and I never did get any shopping done that afternoon. Most women would have been offended by his assumptions but I'm not most women.

We got to know each other over the next couple of weeks and I discovered he was married but in a boring relationship - aren't they all? :) He said it was love at first sight which is always quite disturbing. I agreed it was lust, but after a little while dating I realised he wasn't for me, and suspected he was looking for an escape route.

I was incredibly flattered by his initial approach, and yes, it worked, it made me feel special, and attractive, and was most definitely very romantic, but as I got to know the real 'Him' I found the arrogance painful to be around. Confident men are fabulous, but when it tips over the edge into irritating arrogance it can only ever be unattractive. I also felt sorry for his wife (surprising coming from a Serial Mistress) but his approach had worked with me, how many other women had it worked with? Did he do this every week? Probably.

I pointed him in the direction of Illicit Encounters, telling him it might save him getting arrested if he 'approaches' the wrong woman! :) I'm sure one day someone will adore his arrogance, and he'll find exactly the right woman, but I will always appreciate his approach, and how he made me smile, even if it was briefly :)

BBC Radio Leeds...

Steve Baileys show this afternoon - only on for the next 7 days.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p0042r3s/Steve_Bailey_24_08_2009/

On from about 15 minutes into the show. Great interview if it hadn't been messed with! lol

Edited to death by the sounds of it, but hey ho, thats the risk you take with a pre-recorded show :)

Never ever again!!

Married with permission...

What an interesting day I've had. I spent the morning recording a piece for Radio Leeds (I'll post a link later) and then headed off to lunch with a potential new man. 'Not another' I hear you cry! But a first meeting is always good fun, and we all know they don't necessarily end up being anything more than a lunch.

On this occasion I'm not sure about taking it any further. He wasn't bad mannered, he wasn't unattractive, he wasn't impolite, in fact he was delightful company but 'different'. Not different in a way that would turn me off after first impressions, but following an enlightening conversation it has given me more food for thought than I actually ate at lunchtime :)

I'm used to dating married men, attached men, unavailable men, cheating, lying and hiding their indiscretions from the world, so this man threw me a little. We talked about his relationship and the situation at home, which I don't usually ask about, but he was keen to volunteer the information. It transpired that he had the full permission of his wife to meet another woman.

I immediately thought she must be disabled or dreadfully ill, she mustn't care about him or what he does, she must have been unable to give him sex for years, but no, I discovered they had a baby six months ago. After a difficult birth she was reluctant to resume sexual relations and recently asked him to join www.illicitencounters.co.uk to find someone new to play with.

He was very upfront and honest about his situation and that itself is commendable but, from the perspective of the mistress, I was a little perturbed by it. I cast my mind back to the times we had spent chatting, building up to actually meeting face to face, and wondered how he had managed so long on the phone. He called me on Wednesday night last week and was on the phone for an hour, I assumed he was in his office, but apparently she had gone to the supermarket to give him time to get to know me. He had told her everything about me, shown her my profile, my pictures, and every text message we had exchanged. When we were nearing the end of our conversation last week he had received a text message. He said it was his wife and I made my excuses to hang up, the last thing I wanted was a man in trouble for speaking to another woman, but he showed me the text message today. It read "On my way home, do you need more time? Hope Karen has been as lovely as you hoped."

Now, I'm all for honesty in my relationships, in fact I expect loyalty and openness when it comes to any friendship or relationship I have, regardless of what lies he might be telling at home, but when does honesty come full circle and become weird or uncomfortable?

I love that he is so honest with me, and its admirable that he's so honest with her, but a small part of me started to feel uneasy when she was referring to me by name.

I'm not sure if I'll meet him again, I need to get my head round it. It's not the fact that men lie and cheat that I decide to date them. Its not part of the attraction by any stretch of the imagination, its more about them not encroaching on my life too much, and he clearly wouldn't do that. He's no different from the other men I date, so why does it disturb me so much that his wife knows everything about me? Its interesting to see a different aspect of the world of infidelity. Practically every man on that site is hiding everything from his partner, but we just don't realise that some broadminded women may well have given them permission to do what they need to do.

Is it just me who finds it all a bit 'odd'?

TalkSport and Adrian...

Thanks again to all the listeners for making my TalkSport 'spot' this morning so successful and fun. I deal with some very serious issues, and some light hearted ones too, but I enjoy the opportunity to help when I can. I thought my 'lifestyle choice' had been left behind, so I could get on with chatting to those who need to talk, clearly not, but thanks to Mick for bringing it up, and hopefully he doesn't now think of me as the 'slapper' he originally considered I was. He commented that I sounded intelligent, and why would I be choosing to do what I do if I was, but maybe my intelligence is why I've made my choice, because I can live my life for me, exactly how I love it, and surrounded by the people I choose to be with. I am more than happy clarifying my situation again and again to those who don't understand what I do and why, but I can't hide my love of my life, and I refuse to change for anyone.

I am criticised daily for dating married men, but I still do it. I discussed this with Adrian a while ago, and he said if he took notice of the listeners who hate his opinions, and the extreme criticism of his show, then he'd never get out of bed to broadcast anything. But I think the country is a better place for it, and he creates debate, exciting, intelligent, interesting debate, about a huge array of subjects. Anything that creates debate and passion should be welcomed and what a dull place the world would be if we all agreed with each other, and lived our lives exactly the same. Variety of opinion and lifestyle choices are what makes it all interesting. We will never agree with everyone but isn't it fun listening to other people get passionate about something they believe in, and hearing Adrian expertly stir it up.

If I manage to stir up some debate then I'll be happy, if the subject matter gets an airing then I'll be happy, and if some people actually change their opinion about the stereotypical 'Mistress' and realise she's not a home-wrecking slapper then I'll be happy!

Anyway, if any new followers or visitors are wanting to email me please feel free, I will try to help with any of your issues and I will always listen to your comments, especially if you had emailed the show but didn't manage to get a mention, and I will always smile at your funnies and compliments :)

Don't forget to check out my agony spot too, and there may well be some dilemmas that you can relate to, or might even be sharing at the moment.

www.agonymistress.blogspot.com

Welcome to new visitors, and I hope my blog/s help you, entertain you, or make you smile.

Thanks for listening xx

Another single disaster....

Once in a while I have a wobble, not a serious one, but I have a moment of thinking 'I'll date a single guy, just to see what its like'. I guess its similar to having a moment of thinking 'I'd like children' then spending a weekend babysitting your friends horrors and it puts you off completely! :) But now and again I come across a single guy who seems to have most things I'm looking for, namely intelligent, funny, sexy, fit, kind, considerate, generous and not looking to rush into anything serious. Sounds perfect when someone comes along to tick all the boxes, so I have a moment of 'why not' and look forward to getting to know someone new. Then the reminder of why I'm single and dating married guys comes hurtling forward again.

On this occasion he was a pharmacist. He had moved to the area for work and was only staying for three months. I figured three months would be a great interlude over the summer, time to get some normality back into my life, to be seen out in public without sneaking around or hiding, to stay at his place sometime, instead of playing hostess constantly.

He had certainly put the feelers out early and started chatting to me a few weeks before his move, so when he finally made the journey north we were both ready for a date. I met him on Monday evening, it was warm and sunny, and a drink outside a pub, then a good movie, seemed like the perfect 'normal' first date.

He was sweet, not quite as sexy as the picture I'd received but still nice enough. He was never going to be the man of my dreams but I could spend time with him. We had quite a few things in common, I was sure we would manage to fill three months well enough, and then he'd be off down south again, and I'd go back to my mistress lifestyle.

Monday night went well. A quick kiss as I dropped him at his new home, and I left. The text messages started almost immediately, not something I was used to with married guys. He was smitten, that's for sure. He had loved every minute, he wanted to know if he could see me the following day, he couldn't wait to see me again, etc etc. I was busy on Tuesday but I arranged to see him on Wednesday to watch the football in the pub, and I assumed once I'd arranged the second date he would calm himself, and the texts would slow down, but they didn't!

With increasing intensity, the texts continued until, by Tuesday evening, he was telling me he loved me and proposing to me! I was at a friends house at the time and couldn't quite believe what I was reading.

I said "He's joking, right?" while she read the texts, she slowly shook her head.

"Unless he's got the strangest sense of humour in the world, I'd say that was a declaration of love and a proposal of marriage! Ooooh should I buy a hat?" she asked.

"Yes, you should, get a black one, you can wear it to the funeral he'll be having if he keeps this up!" I laughed.

I ignored the text, not knowing how to reply, and I worried about Wednesday night. Was he going to get down on one knee in the pub? Was he bringing a ring and flowers? I prayed not.

Wednesday arrived and I tried not to make too much effort looking fabulous, as I normally would, but even that didn't work. He clamped himself to me as soon as I arrived at the pub. He stroked my hair while he ordered drinks, I pushed him away. He stroked my thigh when we sat down and I pushed him away. The football match was on the big screen, and he knew I wanted to watch it, so while I talked to him, I kept glancing at the screen, but he was constantly moving my head towards his, and trying desperately to kiss me.

I'm not big on public displays of affection. They make me uncomfortable, especially if they are one sided, but even more so if they are in a pub full of drunken football fans. So I constantly batted him away like an annoying fly buzzing round my head, and vowed I wouldn't be seeing him again after the evening, because it was all 'too much'. This is/was exactly why I didn't like dating single men! It was always all or nothing!

The final nail in his coffin was at a particularly exciting part of the football I could feel eyes burning into me. I turned to him and he was staring at me, not watching the football, but watching me, in a creepy, bizarre way. My skin crawled.

"What are you doing?" I snapped.

"Looking at you, you're beautiful" he replied. Now if that had been said by the man of my dreams I would have melted, but from him, so soon after I had met him, I just shuddered.

"Well don't, please watch the football, that's what we came for, and if you keep staring at me like that I might need to poke your eyes out!"

I smiled, hoping to lighten the creepy mood, but it didn't seem to work. He carried on stroking me like a pet, staring at me like a long lost relative, and trying to kiss me, as if he had been in prison for years.

I gave up on the football and suggested one more drink before I needed to head home for an early night. "Oooh can I come with you?" was the cry. "NO!" was the firm and blunt answer!

We moved pubs, got the drinks, and I sat on a chair, away from his straying hands. Suddenly I remembered he was in a town he barely knew, with no friends, and maybe I was being a bit harsh. Could I be friends with him? Could this be purely platonic if I put him straight? Could I do the decent thing and possibly introduce him to other friends, and a potential wife? I decided to get to know him better, maybe I'd misjudged some part of him, just because he had been overly affectionate with me didn't make him a bad person. There was clearly something nice about him, or I would never have agreed to meet him.

Then he started to tell me about his ex girlfriend, the one he split from a month ago, pretty much when he first started talking to me! She was a bitch apparently, a hateful, unstable witch who didn't deserve him. I saw his face change and then he reached for his phone, opening his text inbox, and showed me the endless barrage of texts she had sent. Clearly I was getting one side of the story, but her texts were very revealing. They mainly consisted of:

'Please don't text me again'

'We've said all that needs to be said, please just leave it'

'I'm asking nicely for you to just leave me alone now'

'No John, I don't want you anymore!'

'I can't love you again after what you have done to me'

'Enough!! Its over!!!'

'Stop texting and hassling me!!'

'Do you want me to block your number and call the police?'

'There's no need to be so angry and bitter'

'Please John, I'm begging you, stop it'

With the final classics from the following week:

'Stay away from me and the house, or I will call the police again'

'You know you're not supposed to be within 500 yards of me'

'The police are on their way'

He snapped the phone closed and said "See, she's nuts!!" He had shown all of that to his potential new girlfriend/wife! I realised breaking free wouldn't be as easy as I hoped. I yawned a couple of times, nodded at his vitriolic attack on his ex girlfriend (also called Karen I might add), and made my excuses to leave. After a peck on the cheek on the doorstep of the pub I went to my car and drove home at break neck speed.

The texts started immediately, again! I politely replied with a 'Thanks for a nice night, off to bed, headache starting'.

The next morning I had the mother of all migraines, genuinely, and made my excuses for a good few days. The days went into a week, then two and I explained I was too sick to start any kind of a relationship. He stuck around for a few weeks, texting constantly, until I told him I wasn't dating again this year, I was too ill. He wished me well and clearly moved on, thankfully!

I heard from him last week, that's why I thought I'd blog about it. He moved to Oxford 3 weeks ago. He emailed me to tell me he's getting married in 2 weeks!! He will have known her 5 weeks when he marries her. I was amazed at how desperately he wanted to settle into a relationship, with just anyone! I know some people can fall in love very easily, but I guess I answered my own question 'Why don't I date single men?' Because they are in a rush to be married, to anyone who will have them, but how long will it be before they are on Illicit Encounters looking for someone like me, because his wife doesn't understand him! :)

What a lucky escape that was, I'm back to dating married men who won't propose to me after the first date!! :)

My latest LoveHoney reviews.....

I've reviewed some of my latest purchases from Love Honey :)

I hope you enjoy them and they are useful to you.

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=16483&reviewid=18786#customer_reviews

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=15832&reviewid=18788#customer_reviews

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=14479&reviewid=18789#customer_reviews

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=14881&reviewid=18790#customer_reviews

LoveHoney blog ......

The interview with LoveHoney website can be found here

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/blog/2009/08/10/interview-with-witty-and-wonderful-serial-mistress/

Or you can read the whole thing below. Hope you enjoy it :)

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The term 'mistress' has a tendency to put a lot of people on edge.

From soap operas to chat shows to lunch time news updates, the word mistress is often used negatively to represent a woman who 'steals other women's men'. But this really isn't the case, as the fabulous Karen Marley is quick to point out.

Karen has been dubbed a 'serial mistress', a title that she has embraced and used to her advantage in her own Serial Mistress blog, despite the often negative connotations.

We caught up with the Serial Mistress to find out more about the woman behind the blogs and one of the most commented articles on the Daily Mail site...

Carly Drew: For those very few people who haven't heard of you, can you give us a brief overview of how you ended up becoming a 'serial mistress'?

Serial Mistress: I had been dating on the 'net for a while. As a single girl I had tried a couple of sites but found either married guys pretending to be single, or single guys wanting to be married.

I absolutely love my single life, living alone and having my freedom, so a single guy who wanted a full time relationship didn't suit me. The single guys of a certain age seemed clingy and desperate, or wanting to sow their wild oats with no respect or consideration.

Then I discovered Illicit Encounters where the men were all attached and looking for a caring close relationship/friendship in addition to their marriage. It suited me perfectly. I had the best of both worlds: A fabulous, charismatic, successful man to meet once a week for dinner, drinks or something delightful, while leaving time free to do my own thing, seeing my friends, family and other men.

I didn't want a relationship with a man that would be all consuming and I didn't want someone who expected me to be lonely while I waited for him. On the site, everyone seemed at ease with the arrangement and it suited all parties.

As an active member of the site, I was approached by a journalist and asked to tell my story. The label 'serial mistress' appeared and the rest, you could say, is history.

CD: The term 'mistress' seems a bit aggressive, do you like it as a title for yourself?

SM: The dictionary definition of Mistress is a woman who has a continuing, extramarital sexual relationship with one man, especially a man who, in return for an exclusive and continuing liaison, provides her with financial support.

So, if we take that name literally, then no, I don't like it as a title for myself. I receive no financial support whatsoever, and never would, I see myself as a companion, a friend and sometimes a lover, not all necessarily at the same time. I can be different roles to different people, and I certainly don't sleep with every man I meet. I am incredibly selective and only when everything is right do I take this any further than friendship.

The men I meet want a friend first and foremost. They want someone to talk to, to remember how it felt to talk about random subjects, rather than work, bills and children. To laugh about things they used to laugh about 20 years ago, to dance in the kitchen for no reason, to be impulsive and excitable without being criticised or told to act their age, and more importantly to feel wanted, appreciated and liked for them, rather than being a husband, father and provider.

Women need the same and many members of Illicit Encounters are married women who are also missing out on the thrill of a new relationship or friendship. We all crave excitement in our lives, it's very easy to get lost in the mundane, so knowing there is someone who is interested in what they have to say at the end of the phone can be a life line for some. It doesn't have to be sexual, it doesn't have to be a full blown relationship, an intimate friendship can be just as fulfilling and satisfying.

And for that reason I don't consider myself solely a 'Mistress'. Society dictates we should all be labelled but I am under the label of Mistress and, as such, that umbrella brings me criticism and judgement, but the majority of the time I am a friend, a confidante and a companion.

CD: When people find out about what you get up to, who do you find is more accepting; men or women?

SM: I have found men far more accepting of what I do, simply because they see the benefits of having a friend or lover who makes no demands on the relationship. Men are certainly more open to hearing the full story but women hear the word mistress and close down. However the attached women who are bored, lonely or unfulfilled do listen and appreciate the position I'm in. They consider the possibility of having a hassle free relationship with a view to it eventually helping their own.

Many attached people I know have taken a lover or close friend and it has relieved the boredom of their own situation. Boredom and loneliness can lead to resentment which culminates in arguments and unnecessary pressure. By stepping outside of the situation, that pressure can be alleviated and it is possible to see from a distance what brought you together in the first place.

CD: Have you ever been caught out or approached by anyone's wife?

SM: I have endured a couple of phone calls from irate wives who have found my number on a carelessly discarded phone and jumped to conclusions. I have never been angry or rude, I have simply explained, honestly, that we are friends, she has nothing to worry about and she would probably be best discussing it with her husband who has clearly got issues with their relationship. I don't get into 'slanging matches' with a wife. That is not my place, style or what I am in the relationship for. I am not there to take him away; I would rather help her see that there may well be something she could resolve with her husband, for the better. Unfortunately, though, rage can be blinding.

I would never purposely put myself in the line of fire, but sometimes men simply underestimate how clever their wives actually are!

CD: Having read your wonderfully naughty 'Erotic Mistress' blog, I was wondering where your favourite place for illicit sex has been?

SM: I have so many places I love for an illicit encounter. I have never been a 'bedroom' girl. I simply adore trying new places and new experiences. Creativity and imagination have always been a huge turn on for me. I'm sure that's why I have a varied collection of toys, gorgeous underwear and exciting 'props'. There should be no excuse for putting up with a boring love life when there is so much out there to spice things up and make it fun.

I adore outdoor encounters, especially in the summer, and as my blog followers know, I am partial to a little naked sunbathing. Feeling the sun on my skin either while I sunbathe or have an illicit encounter always makes me feel amazing.

I love trying 'public' places but not with the intention of getting caught and obviously, due to the nature of the relationships I have, there is a need to be extra vigilant, but sometimes it does add to the thrill of the encounter.

Saying that, I don't think a girl can beat a 5 star hotel in the middle of the stunning Yorkshire dales, a beautiful meal, a roaring fire, and a luxurious bedroom to retire to, in peace, not to be disturbed until morning!

CD:It seems that one of the joys of being a Mistress is that you get to be completely uninhibited during sex, is there anything that you're yet to try that you're interested in?

SM: I have always been incredibly broad minded and find no issue discussing what makes me happy with a partner. It opens up the possibility for new and exciting sensations and experiences and I consider myself blessed for having such a fulfilled sex life.

I would consider I have tried every fantasy I have ever come across, and then some, and other than illegal or painful acts, I have nothing specific that comes to mind that I haven't done. I love to watch pornography with a partner and often read erotica, and I do believe that anticipation is a wonderful aphrodisiac, so a long build up to an erotic encounter is priceless. I would suggest all I want to try now is more of the same I have already done, in places I've never tried, but bizarrely enough Disneyland leaps to mind!! Maybe I'll save that for another blog...

CD: What is your Mistress must-have?

SM: Everyone who knows me appreciates my love of footwear. I currently have 127 pairs of heels and adore beautiful shoes of any style. It is never simple walking in a serial mistresses shoes, so I need to have beautiful ones to make the journey easier. My shoes are definitely part of the 'kit'. Shoes need to be worn well, not just thrown on, they are all part of the image, however they always look better when they are topped off by a beautiful lingerie ensemble and sheer stockings. I'm a stockings girl, never tights - there should be a law against them - and I adore wearing them. It's a turn on making an effort for my partner.

To complete the look is immaculate hair and make-up. Women should make an effort for themselves, more so than for their partner. I do. And although the man appreciates it, I love to feel groomed, glamorous and beautiful. If you feel sexy on the outside, no matter what size or shape you are, then the sexiness will ooze from the inside!

The attached men I meet really appreciate the finishing touches; the matching outfits, the coordinated nails etc, because they are coming from a wife/girlfriend who is either too busy, too tired or too complacent to make the effort. But come on guys, it's not just about us looking perfect; you should be making the effort too. Wax occasionally and splash out on the good aftershave, don't assume Lynx will cure everything.

Another essential for me is perfume; I simply can't have sex without expensive perfume dabbed in all the places I want him to go, almost like a map for him to follow.

My toy collection is very important to me, and any man who has an 'issue' with a girl who likes the occasional plastic friend doesn't get very far with me. They are included in sex play, and interesting role play scenarios, and I always have one in my handbag in case I get the urge! I like a man to be comfortable with that and no guys, we don't use them because you're not 'enough' for us, we use them because we can!

Finally, condoms. No encounter is complete without them, and I can never stress it enough - no matter what age you are, no encounter is worth itching or dying for! So wrap it up girls, and make the most of the easy clean up after! But beware the Curry flavoured ones!

If you want to find out more about Karen and all the naughty things she gets up to, check out her amazing blogs Serial Mistress, Agony Mistress and Erotic Mistress - the perfect way to spend an afternoon!

Kienos Interview...

Thanks to Kieno, it was a pleasure doing his show tonight. What a refreshing change that I didn't get any abuse or grief for my 'lifestyle' choice. Maybe the South Africans are more broadminded than the English :)

Anyway, it raised a couple of interesting points in the show. Firstly, what constitutes and affair, is it just talking to someone? Discussing intimate subjects, sharing secrets, fantasies and dreams? Is it meeting? Kissing? Dating? Eating together? Or is it actually when there is sex involved? When does it turn from being innocent to being an affair? I'd love to hear your opinions on this, because it is a question I have been asked often.

Kieno, in the 'controversial presenter' role, asked how many men I had met from Illicit Encounters and had an affair with? I was also asked the same question during an interview earlier today, but its a nightmare question to answer. They answer they clearly want is how many married men have I slept with, but of course that is not something I wish to divulge, but is that specifically when it becomes an affair? Or am I having an affair with my close, married friends who share their deepest, darkest thoughts with me, and tell me things they couldn't possibly tell their wives? I'd love to hear my followers opinions on this.

The show also brought up the subject of confessions, thanks to the True Wife Confession blog he was also discussing (great blog worth checking out - http://truewifeconfessions.blogspot.com/). Michael called in with his dilemma, he had an affair a long time ago, is still with his wife and loves her dearly, but carrying the guilt of the affair has been destroying him, should he tell her and finally lose the burden or should he keep it to himself and deal with it? I was so impressed with the other callers, who all rallied around him, offering very useful advice, but the conclusion was 'No, shut up about it, its not fair telling your wife just to absolve your guilt', and 'No, don't tell her, because its been and gone and there's no point hurting her any more'. All very wise advice, but is that what you would have suggested? I'd be interested to know.

Anyway, it was a great show, very interesting debates and handled very well. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and my first toe dipping into the world of South African radio was an absolute pleasure :)

Thank you Kieno.

South African followers...

Just a quick note to say welcome to my South African followers, and anyone who has been listening in on Kienos show tonight. You're welcome to contact me anytime :) Thanks for listening and joining in :)

xxx

Full Independent Interview....

The Independent article only covered about 200 words of the full interview I did for Heidi. I decided to blog the whole thing, so you could read a bit more about my life as a mistress, and why I do it. It might help my new followers understand my reasoning, and might allow my faithful followers a little more insight into the complicated mind of their favourite Serial Mistress :)


How long have you been blogging?
I started blogging in February this year. I have been writing for many years, but I was incredibly self critical, I wanted an outlet to be critiqued, praised and possibly appreciated so I decided to start a blog.

What prompted you to start your blog?
I hit the national press with my 'Serial Mistress' exploits and found, although it was a very controversial subject, there were people who wanted to know more. I saw my blog as a way to voice my side of the subject, because the press wasn't as 'favourable' or 'understanding' as I had hoped. The journalist who wrote about me did a good job but obviously had to make it sell, and had word number limitations, so she couldn't truly express my reasons and opinions about the subject matter as well as I had hoped. I therefore decided it was time to do it myself.

What do you write about?
I now run 4 different blogs.
The main blog www.serialmistress.blogspot.com is predominantly about being a mistress, relationship issues, opinions, bad date experiences and interesting situations that might benefit others in a similar position, or might encourage them think, or question, where their life is.
The next blog www.eroticmistress.blogspot.com is an outlet for my love of writing erotica. I was encouraged by followers of my original blog (which is not detailed or rude in any way) to write about my real experiences in the bedroom (and out of it). I have always written erotica and have a real passion for it, but never let anyone read it. I decided to start a whole new blog about my actual experiences, with the hope it may encourage readers to experiment, or to do what good erotica should do, and that's turn them on a little.
The 3rd blog www.agonymistress.blogspot.com is for readers and followers who are struggling with relationship issues, affairs of the heart or bedroom, and somewhere for them to write to me and ask my opinion on subjects I am well versed in. I have been through a considerable amount of hard times in and out of relationships, I am very broadminded when it comes to sex, and I have been a mistress for quite some time, as well as navigating the world of the single man on the Internet, which has always created challenges, so I am more than happy to offer my advice, good, bad or blunt, for free, to anyone who may have an issue too personal to turn to anyone else to solve.
And finally, www.smileymistress.blogspot.com was an addition to the family for those readers who just needed the occasional smile and to help them realise that life is too short to be miserable about being in a difficult relationship or situation. It is jokes and pictures and a reason to laugh out loud now and then.

Can you explain your reason for blogging - why you write about personal and ‘secret’ stuff in such a public space? Why not keep a private diary?!
As I said above it was initially to voice my side of being a mistress, to make people realise that we aren't all home wreckers and unpaid hookers. Also I wanted other 'writers' to critique, and ultimately appreciate my work. It is all well and good writing about safe subjects for your friends and family to read, but they are never as honest as complete strangers. As for it being personal and secret? I don't find what I do and what I blog about anything to hide. My family and friends all read the articles in the press, heard the TV and radio interviews and know what I do. I'm a very open person and refuse to hide simply because society dictates that is what 'a scarlet woman' should do.
I have kept private diaries for long enough, and I realised the only person it was benefiting was me, it seems a shame that all the funny, interesting, and exciting episodes in my life are hidden between the pages of a journal.

What purpose does your blog serve? Is it an outlet, a place to vent, therapy, or more of a community? Or something else?
Originally it was a place to voice my opinion and explain the reasons behind the life of a serial mistress, a single girl dating married men, a subject that has been avoided in the past as being too outrageous or bizarre to discuss. On occasion it has been a place to vent but I don't tend to vent an awful lot about anything, life is too short to be tense about things that can't be changed. It has been therapy to some degree because writing about life experiences, in any shape or form, can be incredibly cathartic and eventually becomes a pleasure. I now write for all of those reasons but I also have a community of followers who encourage me to write more. I have days and weeks when I am incredibly busy elsewhere, and they genuinely miss my postings, but that pressure inspires me to write as often as I can.
When I started the blog I didn't for a moment think I wanted to go any further with it, but as time has passed and I have realised how much enjoyment I get from it, and actually how good I am, I have decided to pursue the idea of turning it into a book, so maybe that is my ultimate goal, to be a published writer one day, and of course be understood and possibly help other people along the way.

How do you feel about your commenters? Are they friends, confidantes, advisers or spectators? Or something else?
I love my commenters. They encourage me, they support me, they criticise me and they inspire me. I wouldn't say they were friends, they are faceless followers, and yes I suppose they are spectators to some degree, but if I can bring some pleasure to them in some form then I have done what I set out to do.

Who do you write for? Yourself, your commenters, someone else?
I always have written for myself, and originally started that way, but now I write for myself, my friends and family and my supporters and followers, because they have come to enjoy my work and look forward to the next exciting instalment of the life of a serial mistress.

Have you formed friendships or ‘real life’ relationships with commenters or other bloggers?
I have formed some online friendships with commenters and other bloggers, mostly through Twitter. We all tend to 'tweet' often and its an excellent platform for anyone wanting to promote a blog. I haven't met any of the 'friends' yet, but later this month some of us will be getting together to see if we are all just as interesting in the flesh! I have had one 'real life' relationship, brief as it was, with a follower who lived very close by. It was interesting for a short while, but when I realised it wasn't for me it was quite bizarre knowing that he could read, and comment on, my feelings about the brief encounter. But I suppose, if he met me through my blog, he was to expect that I would blog about it if it went wrong. No surprises there! :)

Do you read any similar blogs? If so, which ones are your favourite / most important to you? What purpose do they serve for you?
I do read a lot of blogs. I read the blogs of my fellow Twitters because I am in close contact with them. I enjoy reading about their exploits, their relationships and their interests. I love reading about relationships, and primarily affairs, and the majority of the blogs I visit are by married men or women who are being unfaithful, their reasons behind it and their experiences, good or bad. I also like to read erotica and there are many erotic blogs on the net well worth looking at.

Do you think about the possibility of your blog being ‘found’ by your partner or family members?
My family and friends all know of my blog, and every new 'partner' I meet is told exactly what I do and where it is. I don't mind anyone reading them and have nothing to hide. Those who know me appreciate my honesty, and my open (sometimes blunt) personality.

Have you ever been caught? Has anyone that knows you ever ‘discovered’ your blog?
No, because there is nothing to be 'caught' doing.

Have you ever told anyone about your blog?
Everyone. I'm proud of my work :)

Do you ever feel guilty? Not necessarily about your relationship/s but about the fact that you write about them online?
No, if I am writing about someone close to me I will always make sure they are aware of it, and I always change the name to protect the identity of the person in question. I would never offend anyone just to make my blog more interesting and I would certainly never post anything that had been told to me in confidence. My life and dating experiences have been exciting and interesting enough without me having to 'use' other people to spice it up. People are real, and very important to me, my blog is an interest, a hobby and entertainment, but it would never be written to the detriment of a relationship.

What, if anything, would cause you to stop blogging?
My hands would drop off :) Someone asked if I found a long term relationship with a single man would I stop blogging? No is the cry, because a new relationship throws up interesting and exciting writing possibilities too. The life of a serial mistress would come to a natural end at some point, but it would simply change direction, not end completely, so why stop doing something I enjoy so much?

Have you ever had any flak for your relationship choices, or the fact that you blog about them?
Of course, I've been in the national press and on TV and several radio shows discussing my lifestyle choice. It is not an acceptable, or 'normal' life and because of that it is condemned, criticised and most definitely misunderstood. I will always be in the firing line regarding my life as a serial mistress but even if my blog came under fire I wouldn't stop. The mistress has always been portrayed as the damaged woman who falls for a man she can't have and spends the rest of her time trying to wreck his marriage, and pining over him on national holidays. I am not like that, and as I am not in the business of wrecking homes, or destroying lives, or making any demands on the men I date, I have nothing to be ashamed of. I enjoy being single, I enjoy the company of successful, charismatic men, who have other lives to go to when they are not with me. It suits me to be single, to live alone and to enjoy the close relationships I have, without it becoming mundane, without having to pick up pants off the floor, and without the normal grief and hassle most relationships, these days, seem to face.

My life is my own, I have my freedom, and I have time to enjoy all the things in life I am passionate about. I live my life for myself and not for a man, and don't need one to 'complete me'. That leaves me free to spend time with the people I love, doing the things I love and of course writing my blog.

And for all my new followers and visitors, please have a look at my other blogs, you might find something you really enjoy :)

www.eroticmistress.blogspot.com

www.smileymistress.blogspot.com

www.agonymistress.blogspot.com

Welcome to my series of blogs, and watch this space for new podcast sites :)

xxxx

Independent Link....

For the really interesting article by Heidi in the Independent Magazine today - 25th July.

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/men-women/true-wife-confessions-how-womens-reallife-stories-became-the-new-internet-sensation-1757228.html

A great insight into what happens online, and why :)

Enjoy xx

And well done Heidi x

TalkSport 'Sexpert'....

What a great show, if it wasn't for my dodgy sore throat and almost losing my voice half way through, thank god for Lemsip, it saved the day :)

I've mastered the art of recording the show now, so fingers crossed it will be podcast sometime over the next couple of days. I'll do my best for those who missed it, but a huge thank you to those who stayed up, listened, and contributed :) You made the show xx

Off to bed now, I need my beauty sleep. If anyone has any questions following on from the show then by all means email me and I will hopefully answer them, at least try my best :)

Night night xxxxx