Thursday, 27 August 2009

How to spot a married man...

As a Serial Mistress I obviously know a thing or two about married men. As I meet them online I guess its fairly easy, they have 'married' in their profile :) But for the girls out there who are out and about, dating in clubs and pubs, or meeting guys off regular dating sites, I thought I'd give you a few pointers for spotting married men, who might not have confessed to being attached :)

One or two will be obvious, but hopefully they will all help you spot the ones who are attempting to hide their marital status from the world.

  1. The white line on tanned fingers where his wedding band should be. There is usually a dent or a line where they have quickly slid the ring off and into his pocket.
  2. Office hours communication, if he only wants to speak to you during the day, or offers lunch but never dinner then you need to consider he may well be attached. 'Please don't text me after 5' is usually a huge give away.
  3. He's reluctant to meet any of your friends or family, especially at the weekend, because it reduces the chance of him meeting someone he might actually know.
  4. You do solitary pursuits together, he's keen on quiet days in the countryside, staying home with a DVD or getting a take away rather than dinner in a restaurant. If he doesn't want to be seen in public with you its not because he doesn't want to share you or your time with anyone else, its because he doesn't want to be caught.
  5. His clothes will smell of fabric conditioner. Its a well known fact that single men don't even know what fabric conditioner is, and only when they get hitched does the word 'Comfort' or 'Lenor' even enter their vocabulary.
  6. He disappears during dinner to 'make a quick phonecall'. It usually means he's saying goodnight to the wife and kids.
  7. He pays for everything with cash, or a business credit card, never his own, and he always destroys the receipt for whatever he has bought.
  8. He never 'plays' while wearing any clothes, and doesn't encourage affection when you're fully made up and he has a white shirt on. He's keen to be naked while you have fun together, and smartly folds his clothes instead of discarding them on the floor.
  9. He has baby wipes in his car even though he swears he has no children, they are remarkably good for getting make up out of things!
  10. Any present you ever buy for him he keeps at your house, and tells you its because he wants to use it only when he's with you.

I hope these help some girls, but then again its good fun dating married guys sometimes, but only when he's honest about it.

Good luck hunting girls :)

That fleeting moment...

Few of us have experienced a stranger chasing us down the street with a bunch of roses and a proposition too good to miss, but most of us have felt that fleeting attraction or connection with someone we have laid eyes on for the first time.

A knowing smile in a coffee shop queue, locking eyes on the train, or a chance encounter in the supermarket that's momentary but, in your mind, perfect. Its over in seconds but the memory lingers, and the romantic in us cant help thinking 'Did he feel that too?'

All too often we're scared to act on our gut instincts - but taking a chance on a gorgeous stranger is something we should all do more often.

It happened to me recently. I was standing on my local station platform when I noticed him walking towards me. He caught my eye and smiled, giving me a tiny wink. I returned the smile but I've never been great at winking without looking like I've got a facial tick. I noticed his aftershave as he brushed past me. It was my favourite and my knees almost buckled.

As the train arrived we stepped onto the same carriage. It was busy, with very few seats available, so for the short journey I sat facing a dull looking married couple mid argument, both with lips pursed and knuckles white. I pulled out my magazine and tried to concentrate on the latest idiotic celebrity gossip and glanced up only to notice 'Him' just about to sit down four rows away, facing me. I hid my head, heart pounding, trying to look engrossed in the new Balenciaga handbag range.

I could feel eyes burning into me so I looked up, he smiled and winked again. I held his gaze a little longer than I should have and then returned to my magazine.

He was getting off the train at the same station and I didn't expect anything of this chance encounter, after all its not terribly 'British' to approach a total stranger, but then I'm not as staid and reserved as most.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw him approaching and just as he was close my phone rang. I cursed it and answered it, thinking the opportunity had passed. He walked past me, headed up the stairs, glanced back once, smiled and continued on his way. I ended my call and carried on out of the station, mumbling under my breath that Fate sucked! Directly outside the station is a coffee shop, as I turned to pass it a voice asked if I wanted sugar in my Latte. Not sure if it was specifically aimed at me I stopped and turned, and there he was, with two coffees on the table in front of him. OK, it wasn't a bunch of flowers but it was close. He pushed the empty seat out with his foot and nodded towards it.

It was very bold of him, and slightly arrogant, but what is a girl to do? I sat down, and I never did get any shopping done that afternoon. Most women would have been offended by his assumptions but I'm not most women.

We got to know each other over the next couple of weeks and I discovered he was married but in a boring relationship - aren't they all? :) He said it was love at first sight which is always quite disturbing. I agreed it was lust, but after a little while dating I realised he wasn't for me, and suspected he was looking for an escape route.

I was incredibly flattered by his initial approach, and yes, it worked, it made me feel special, and attractive, and was most definitely very romantic, but as I got to know the real 'Him' I found the arrogance painful to be around. Confident men are fabulous, but when it tips over the edge into irritating arrogance it can only ever be unattractive. I also felt sorry for his wife (surprising coming from a Serial Mistress) but his approach had worked with me, how many other women had it worked with? Did he do this every week? Probably.

I pointed him in the direction of Illicit Encounters, telling him it might save him getting arrested if he 'approaches' the wrong woman! :) I'm sure one day someone will adore his arrogance, and he'll find exactly the right woman, but I will always appreciate his approach, and how he made me smile, even if it was briefly :)