Sunday, 13 June 2010

Things you never want to hear on a date...

After my recent dating experiment, I decided to share with you the definitive list of lines you don't want to hear on a date...

  1. "Mum's waiting outside in the car."
  2. "Oh...... there's my ex in that bar. I think the restraining order has expired so it's fine, let's go in!"
  3. "Wow! You looked a lot thinner online. He would you look at that, my waist is smaller than yours."
  4. "Sorry about that. Broccoli gives me wind."
  5. "Committing has never been a problem for me. I've been married three times."
  6. "Double vodka on the rocks, please. On second thoughts - just bring me the bottle."
  7. "Right, now, you had an extra side order of asparagus, your dessert was £1.65 more, sooooo....."
  8. "I'm afraid we can't sleep together for six weeks - my penile implant is still very inflamed."
  9. "My anger management classes are going really well..... [to the waiter] NO, I DON'T WANT BLACK PEPPER!!!"
  10. "That girl over there has a banging body. How do you feel about threesomes?"
  11. "Do you like my man purse?"
  12. "It only burns when I pee."
  13. "I usually only date models. It's so refreshing to be with a real woman."
  14. "Condoms? I don't have any. That's your responsibility, right?"
  15. "Did you see Jeremy Kyle's show this morning?"

Feel free to add your own classic lines we never want to hear :)