Sunday, 13 June 2010

Things you never want to hear on a date...

After my recent dating experiment, I decided to share with you the definitive list of lines you don't want to hear on a date...

  1. "Mum's waiting outside in the car."
  2. "Oh...... there's my ex in that bar. I think the restraining order has expired so it's fine, let's go in!"
  3. "Wow! You looked a lot thinner online. He would you look at that, my waist is smaller than yours."
  4. "Sorry about that. Broccoli gives me wind."
  5. "Committing has never been a problem for me. I've been married three times."
  6. "Double vodka on the rocks, please. On second thoughts - just bring me the bottle."
  7. "Right, now, you had an extra side order of asparagus, your dessert was £1.65 more, sooooo....."
  8. "I'm afraid we can't sleep together for six weeks - my penile implant is still very inflamed."
  9. "My anger management classes are going really well..... [to the waiter] NO, I DON'T WANT BLACK PEPPER!!!"
  10. "That girl over there has a banging body. How do you feel about threesomes?"
  11. "Do you like my man purse?"
  12. "It only burns when I pee."
  13. "I usually only date models. It's so refreshing to be with a real woman."
  14. "Condoms? I don't have any. That's your responsibility, right?"
  15. "Did you see Jeremy Kyle's show this morning?"

Feel free to add your own classic lines we never want to hear :)


  1. From a male perspective -
    'of course size matters'
    'Do you have any pets?'
    'Mind my make-up'
    'I thought you'd be taller' **
    'I just need to call my husband and let him know I got here OK' **
    'Is it in?'
    'Are you finished?'

    ** I've had both of these - the lady who called her husband used to go home and tell him all about it... that was a bit too weird for me.

  2. So you say it's not about the length it is the girth? That's me fucked then! Or maybe it isn't so to speak!

  3. chris harrison19 June 2010 at 20:01

    hello there!

    a few words about myself first, 45 years old, employed as a driver, work early mornings and listen to talksport most days, hence me checking out this website!

    thought i would add a few funnies of my own that my long suffering dragon has endured during our 20 plus years of bliss!!

    dragon: 'its my birthday can you get me something to make me look nice?
    me: 'sure i've bought myself a bottle of whiskey'

    dragon: why don't you talk to me whilst making love?
    me: 'i dont usually have my mobile switched on'

    dragon 'can you make love to me in the morning for as long as possible, kids wan't eggs and the timer is broken'

    dragon 'your taking your time tonight aren't you?
    me 'yes i can't think of anybody i like'

    me 'am i the first person you've slept with'
    dragon ' you will be if you go to sleep'

    me 'you have got everything a man could wish for'
    dragon 'thanks very much'
    me 'aye you have, tashe, muscles, hairy legs'

    dragon 'are we practising safe sex tonight?
    me 'yes i've fitted a handrail round the bed'

    hope these have brought a little smile to your face! enjoy these meals around richmond, i live in a little fishing port about 25 miles north east of richmond......

  4. beautiful blog..pls visit mine to,and be a follower..thanks and God bless..

  5. Comment I never want to hear...... My ex-wife has taken the kids to England and I will be spending the next three weeks there to look for them, so if you want to go out with someone else feel free to do so.