Monday, 21 February 2011

What has been happening?.....

I, stupidly, got myself into a relationship. Against my better judgement I thought it was what I needed, partly because I hadn't been in a 'normal' situation for so long I decided to give it a try, but I also listened to my own press and was heavily influenced by public opinion - a lesson learned.

Admitting you're a Serial Mistress is a big deal. I had all the grief about being the 'Scarlet Woman' and some understanding about being single and free to make my own choices with no one getting hurt, but the recurring questions were always "Don't you want a man of your own? Don't you want to fall in love? Do you think you'll ever settle down?" etc. I started to feel pressure from all sides to 'settle' and leave my outrageous lifestyle behind. The more I thought about it and, god knows why, listened to friends, family and the public who contacted me through my blog, the more I was tempted to try it. So I looked for a single man, no wife, no attachments, with plenty of time for me and only me. I tried it, I enjoyed it for a while, and even settled into the idea of changing my lifestyle to see where this would go. Unfortunately it didn't work out, and maybe one or two followers will be screaming 'At last, justice, what goes around comes around' etc, but it didn't happen like that.

Circumstances and fate were against us, and we decided not to drag things out indefinitely, risking being hurt even more. Yes I cared a great deal for him, and it did disappoint me that we couldn't find a solution to our unfortunate situation but love and relationships are always about timing, and if it's not on your side there's not a huge amount you can do about it.

Back as a single girl I wanted to take a break from dating and certainly from the craziness that was the 'Life of a Serial Mistress'. I took stock, worked things through in my mind, and realised I had been happier before I decided to behave 'normally'. I should never have disturbed the status quo. When I met him I broke things off with all the fabulous married men I knew and/or dated. I even cut ties with many of my male friends who had been lovers or dates in the past, to show that I was committed to him. Although he wasn't the jealous kind, he didn't take kindly to the occasional text arriving late at night, starting 'Hey sexy.......', so I told everyone involved that I had found a single man and my time as a Serial Mistress was at an end. Thankfully they were all incredibly understanding and wished me well, but I regret deleting some of the numbers of guys I felt close to and thought were incredibly special. Ah, the things we do for love!!

I am the first to say to friends and acquaintances 'Never change to please or keep a man. Never alter your lifestyle, never change your appearance and never neglect your friends or family for him'. Even on my agony page I would advocate keeping your life exactly as it was until you're certain it's going somewhere, and even then consider any changes, of any description, thoroughly. I could quite easily have kept my attached contacts as friends but stopped meeting them. I could have resisted when his lip started to pout over me not deleting all of the numbers I had. But a drunken night, when he told me he loved me, ended with me wiping several names from my mobile phone before I had chance to write them down for safe keeping. So I will say to all the women who find a man to love - change nothing! If he liked you the day he met you then he should accept you as you are, warts and all, and accept everyone in your life - unless you're knocking off the entire local football team - in which case, he has a point!

So, now I am back I have had the unenviable task of starting again. Starting with searching the website, answering messages, catching up with people still around, starting with the endless email ping pong, small talk and banal conversations, eagerly awaiting someone who would jump off the screen and excite me. Starting with the filtering of bad mails, bad profiles, bad spelling, bad grammar and bad manners. It seems, in the few months I have been absent, the standards for online communication have not improved!

I tried a couple of other sites, just to see what was around, but I am always drawn back to Illicit Encounters. The calibre of men is far superior to any other site I've ever used. So far I have three dates planned and I am chatting to one or two other potentials, so watch this space. Stories could be coming very soon :)