Friday, 14 August 2009

Another single disaster....

Once in a while I have a wobble, not a serious one, but I have a moment of thinking 'I'll date a single guy, just to see what its like'. I guess its similar to having a moment of thinking 'I'd like children' then spending a weekend babysitting your friends horrors and it puts you off completely! :) But now and again I come across a single guy who seems to have most things I'm looking for, namely intelligent, funny, sexy, fit, kind, considerate, generous and not looking to rush into anything serious. Sounds perfect when someone comes along to tick all the boxes, so I have a moment of 'why not' and look forward to getting to know someone new. Then the reminder of why I'm single and dating married guys comes hurtling forward again.

On this occasion he was a pharmacist. He had moved to the area for work and was only staying for three months. I figured three months would be a great interlude over the summer, time to get some normality back into my life, to be seen out in public without sneaking around or hiding, to stay at his place sometime, instead of playing hostess constantly.

He had certainly put the feelers out early and started chatting to me a few weeks before his move, so when he finally made the journey north we were both ready for a date. I met him on Monday evening, it was warm and sunny, and a drink outside a pub, then a good movie, seemed like the perfect 'normal' first date.

He was sweet, not quite as sexy as the picture I'd received but still nice enough. He was never going to be the man of my dreams but I could spend time with him. We had quite a few things in common, I was sure we would manage to fill three months well enough, and then he'd be off down south again, and I'd go back to my mistress lifestyle.

Monday night went well. A quick kiss as I dropped him at his new home, and I left. The text messages started almost immediately, not something I was used to with married guys. He was smitten, that's for sure. He had loved every minute, he wanted to know if he could see me the following day, he couldn't wait to see me again, etc etc. I was busy on Tuesday but I arranged to see him on Wednesday to watch the football in the pub, and I assumed once I'd arranged the second date he would calm himself, and the texts would slow down, but they didn't!

With increasing intensity, the texts continued until, by Tuesday evening, he was telling me he loved me and proposing to me! I was at a friends house at the time and couldn't quite believe what I was reading.

I said "He's joking, right?" while she read the texts, she slowly shook her head.
"Unless he's got the strangest sense of humour in the world, I'd say that was a declaration of love and a proposal of marriage! Ooooh should I buy a hat?" she asked.
"Yes, you should, get a black one, you can wear it to the funeral he'll be having if he keeps this up!" I laughed.

I ignored the text, not knowing how to reply, and I worried about Wednesday night. Was he going to get down on one knee in the pub? Was he bringing a ring and flowers? I prayed not.

Wednesday arrived and I tried not to make too much effort looking fabulous, as I normally would, but even that didn't work. He clamped himself to me as soon as I arrived at the pub. He stroked my hair while he ordered drinks, I pushed him away. He stroked my thigh when we sat down and I pushed him away. The football match was on the big screen, and he knew I wanted to watch it, so while I talked to him, I kept glancing at the screen, but he was constantly moving my head towards his, and trying desperately to kiss me.

I'm not big on public displays of affection. They make me uncomfortable, especially if they are one sided, but even more so if they are in a pub full of drunken football fans. So I constantly batted him away like an annoying fly buzzing round my head, and vowed I wouldn't be seeing him again after the evening, because it was all 'too much'. This is/was exactly why I didn't like dating single men! It was always all or nothing!

The final nail in his coffin was at a particularly exciting part of the football I could feel eyes burning into me. I turned to him and he was staring at me, not watching the football, but watching me, in a creepy, bizarre way. My skin crawled.

"What are you doing?" I snapped.
"Looking at you, you're beautiful" he replied. Now if that had been said by the man of my dreams I would have melted, but from him, so soon after I had met him, I just shuddered.
"Well don't, please watch the football, that's what we came for, and if you keep staring at me like that I might need to poke your eyes out!"
I smiled, hoping to lighten the creepy mood, but it didn't seem to work. He carried on stroking me like a pet, staring at me like a long lost relative, and trying to kiss me, as if he had been in prison for years.

I gave up on the football and suggested one more drink before I needed to head home for an early night. "Oooh can I come with you?" was the cry. "NO!" was the firm and blunt answer!

We moved pubs, got the drinks, and I sat on a chair, away from his straying hands. Suddenly I remembered he was in a town he barely knew, with no friends, and maybe I was being a bit harsh. Could I be friends with him? Could this be purely platonic if I put him straight? Could I do the decent thing and possibly introduce him to other friends, and a potential wife? I decided to get to know him better, maybe I'd misjudged some part of him, just because he had been overly affectionate with me didn't make him a bad person. There was clearly something nice about him, or I would never have agreed to meet him.

Then he started to tell me about his ex girlfriend, the one he split from a month ago, pretty much when he first started talking to me! She was a bitch apparently, a hateful, unstable witch who didn't deserve him. I saw his face change and then he reached for his phone, opening his text inbox, and showed me the endless barrage of texts she had sent. Clearly I was getting one side of the story, but her texts were very revealing. They mainly consisted of:

'Please don't text me again'
'We've said all that needs to be said, please just leave it'
'I'm asking nicely for you to just leave me alone now'
'No John, I don't want you anymore!'
'I can't love you again after what you have done to me'
'Enough!! Its over!!!'
'Stop texting and hassling me!!'
'Do you want me to block your number and call the police?'
'There's no need to be so angry and bitter'
'Please John, I'm begging you, stop it'

With the final classics from the following week:

'Stay away from me and the house, or I will call the police again'
'You know you're not supposed to be within 500 yards of me'
'The police are on their way'

He snapped the phone closed and said "See, she's nuts!!" He had shown all of that to his potential new girlfriend/wife! I realised breaking free wouldn't be as easy as I hoped. I yawned a couple of times, nodded at his vitriolic attack on his ex girlfriend (also called Karen I might add), and made my excuses to leave. After a peck on the cheek on the doorstep of the pub I went to my car and drove home at break neck speed.

The texts started immediately, again! I politely replied with a 'Thanks for a nice night, off to bed, headache starting'.

The next morning I had the mother of all migraines, genuinely, and made my excuses for a good few days. The days went into a week, then two and I explained I was too sick to start any kind of a relationship. He stuck around for a few weeks, texting constantly, until I told him I wasn't dating again this year, I was too ill. He wished me well and clearly moved on, thankfully!

I heard from him last week, that's why I thought I'd blog about it. He moved to Oxford 3 weeks ago. He emailed me to tell me he's getting married in 2 weeks!! He will have known her 5 weeks when he marries her. I was amazed at how desperately he wanted to settle into a relationship, with just anyone! I know some people can fall in love very easily, but I guess I answered my own question 'Why don't I date single men?' Because they are in a rush to be married, to anyone who will have them, but how long will it be before they are on Illicit Encounters looking for someone like me, because his wife doesn't understand him! :)

What a lucky escape that was, I'm back to dating married men who won't propose to me after the first date!! :)