Monday, 16 March 2009


Men marry a woman and hope she never changes, and she does.

Women marry a man and hope he will change, and he doesn't.


I read the article by Simon Jones in the Times yesterday and part of me felt incredibly sorry for his wife, but another part agreed with him, and he was echoing what I'd already said a few weeks ago.

Admittedly I was talking generally, and not about a specific person in my life, so for that reason my heart goes out to her, but, apart from sounding a little pompous, selfish and arrogant, he has a fair point.

I hear it so often from men - 'my wife doesn't understand me', 'my wife went off sex when she had the baby', 'my wife stopped paying attention to me years ago', 'I just miss the cuddles' 'she's not the woman she was' etc etc, and that got me thinking, if she hadn't changed so dramatically would they still be looking for additional fun? Does a woman changing from a sex kitten to a sloth make their behaviour a little more acceptable? Or would they be doing it anyway?

I've accepted the married man into my life, and love it, because I am still the sex kitten (maybe a sex cat now), I still make the effort in every way, and their appreciation is shown on many levels, but I wonder if I settled down with a single man I would end up in 'scruffs' and get comfy. That could be why I am happy being the serial mistress because I love making that effort, for someone who, firstly, notices and, secondly, appreciates it.

I have said before that married women need to make more effort, but if she ends up boring, frumpy and unfit, shouldn't the right man accept that and love her in spite of it? Or will some men always be looking over her shoulder for the next challenge, conquest or hole?


  1. My experience is a little different. My wife did look after herself for many years after the children were born. Inevitably she put on weight, but we still had an active sex life until she was over 50. In fact, when she reached 40 I wondered if I would be able to keep up! Then it slowed down when she reached 50, despite HRT and all my efforts to keep the romantic side of things going. In the last five years she has started wearing very scruffy clothes and makes little effort even when we go out.

    And I know that very often men don't make much of an effort either, but I am an exception to that, because I think what you wear reflects what you feel like inside.

    Incidentally, I think bringing up children is one of the most rewarding, challenging and exciting things you can do, and I am so glad I have had that experience.

  2. Everyone changes as time moves on - we are all developing and learning off our 'life experiences' and therefore its inevitable that there will be issues with peoples relationships. This includes all our relationships, not just the ones with our partners but they are more prone to seeing these changes being implemented as they normally spend the most 'quality' time with them - well hopefully. Communication is the key but unfortunatly in this day and age it's actually easier sometimes to find a 'fix' outside that partnership than to address the issue / problem head on! I can empathize with the author Simon Jones but likewise I also feel the same for his wives - It's not an easy one!

    I'm now digging my hole, looking for another challenge - plus a conquest!!

    Should we always look for new conquests or is it better to relight old sexy flames?

  3. An interesting article. My wife, despite being a full time mother, hasn't let her self go - if anything she is usually smarter dressed than me (that's homeworking for you!).

    However, being a mother and having to deal with many serious life issues over the last ten years seems to have totally killed any physical affection she had for me, despite my many attempts to rekindle that side of our relationship. I've come to the sad conclusion that her sex drive, and even her need for physical contact from me, has just gone and I doubt I'll see it again. :-(

    And of course I now know from my single afternoon with Kelly that it's clearly not me that's the problem either, I brush up well (I have to if I'm meeting customers) and I'm obviously still capable of doing the rights things in the right way, with a woman.