The Independent article only covered about 200 words of the full interview I did for Heidi. I decided to blog the whole thing, so you could read a bit more about my life as a mistress, and why I do it. It might help my new followers understand my reasoning, and might allow my faithful followers a little more insight into the complicated mind of their favourite Serial Mistress :)
How long have you been blogging?
I started blogging in February this year. I have been writing for many years, but I was incredibly self critical, I wanted an outlet to be critiqued, praised and possibly appreciated so I decided to start a blog.
What prompted you to start your blog?
I hit the national press with my 'Serial Mistress' exploits and found, although it was a very controversial subject, there were people who wanted to know more. I saw my blog as a way to voice my side of the subject, because the press wasn't as 'favourable' or 'understanding' as I had hoped. The journalist who wrote about me did a good job but obviously had to make it sell, and had word number limitations, so she couldn't truly express my reasons and opinions about the subject matter as well as I had hoped. I therefore decided it was time to do it myself.
What do you write about?
I now run 4 different blogs.
The main blog www.serialmistress.blogspot.com is predominantly about being a mistress, relationship issues, opinions, bad date experiences and interesting situations that might benefit others in a similar position, or might encourage them think, or question, where their life is.
The next blog www.eroticmistress.blogspot.com is an outlet for my love of writing erotica. I was encouraged by followers of my original blog (which is not detailed or rude in any way) to write about my real experiences in the bedroom (and out of it). I have always written erotica and have a real passion for it, but never let anyone read it. I decided to start a whole new blog about my actual experiences, with the hope it may encourage readers to experiment, or to do what good erotica should do, and that's turn them on a little.
The 3rd blog www.agonymistress.blogspot.com is for readers and followers who are struggling with relationship issues, affairs of the heart or bedroom, and somewhere for them to write to me and ask my opinion on subjects I am well versed in. I have been through a considerable amount of hard times in and out of relationships, I am very broadminded when it comes to sex, and I have been a mistress for quite some time, as well as navigating the world of the single man on the Internet, which has always created challenges, so I am more than happy to offer my advice, good, bad or blunt, for free, to anyone who may have an issue too personal to turn to anyone else to solve.
And finally, www.smileymistress.blogspot.com was an addition to the family for those readers who just needed the occasional smile and to help them realise that life is too short to be miserable about being in a difficult relationship or situation. It is jokes and pictures and a reason to laugh out loud now and then.
Can you explain your reason for blogging - why you write about personal and ‘secret’ stuff in such a public space? Why not keep a private diary?!
As I said above it was initially to voice my side of being a mistress, to make people realise that we aren't all home wreckers and unpaid hookers. Also I wanted other 'writers' to critique, and ultimately appreciate my work. It is all well and good writing about safe subjects for your friends and family to read, but they are never as honest as complete strangers. As for it being personal and secret? I don't find what I do and what I blog about anything to hide. My family and friends all read the articles in the press, heard the TV and radio interviews and know what I do. I'm a very open person and refuse to hide simply because society dictates that is what 'a scarlet woman' should do.
I have kept private diaries for long enough, and I realised the only person it was benefiting was me, it seems a shame that all the funny, interesting, and exciting episodes in my life are hidden between the pages of a journal.
What purpose does your blog serve? Is it an outlet, a place to vent, therapy, or more of a community? Or something else?
Originally it was a place to voice my opinion and explain the reasons behind the life of a serial mistress, a single girl dating married men, a subject that has been avoided in the past as being too outrageous or bizarre to discuss. On occasion it has been a place to vent but I don't tend to vent an awful lot about anything, life is too short to be tense about things that can't be changed. It has been therapy to some degree because writing about life experiences, in any shape or form, can be incredibly cathartic and eventually becomes a pleasure. I now write for all of those reasons but I also have a community of followers who encourage me to write more. I have days and weeks when I am incredibly busy elsewhere, and they genuinely miss my postings, but that pressure inspires me to write as often as I can.
When I started the blog I didn't for a moment think I wanted to go any further with it, but as time has passed and I have realised how much enjoyment I get from it, and actually how good I am, I have decided to pursue the idea of turning it into a book, so maybe that is my ultimate goal, to be a published writer one day, and of course be understood and possibly help other people along the way.
How do you feel about your commenters? Are they friends, confidantes, advisers or spectators? Or something else?
I love my commenters. They encourage me, they support me, they criticise me and they inspire me. I wouldn't say they were friends, they are faceless followers, and yes I suppose they are spectators to some degree, but if I can bring some pleasure to them in some form then I have done what I set out to do.
Who do you write for? Yourself, your commenters, someone else?
I always have written for myself, and originally started that way, but now I write for myself, my friends and family and my supporters and followers, because they have come to enjoy my work and look forward to the next exciting instalment of the life of a serial mistress.
Have you formed friendships or ‘real life’ relationships with commenters or other bloggers?
I have formed some online friendships with commenters and other bloggers, mostly through Twitter. We all tend to 'tweet' often and its an excellent platform for anyone wanting to promote a blog. I haven't met any of the 'friends' yet, but later this month some of us will be getting together to see if we are all just as interesting in the flesh! I have had one 'real life' relationship, brief as it was, with a follower who lived very close by. It was interesting for a short while, but when I realised it wasn't for me it was quite bizarre knowing that he could read, and comment on, my feelings about the brief encounter. But I suppose, if he met me through my blog, he was to expect that I would blog about it if it went wrong. No surprises there! :)
Do you read any similar blogs? If so, which ones are your favourite / most important to you? What purpose do they serve for you?
I do read a lot of blogs. I read the blogs of my fellow Twitters because I am in close contact with them. I enjoy reading about their exploits, their relationships and their interests. I love reading about relationships, and primarily affairs, and the majority of the blogs I visit are by married men or women who are being unfaithful, their reasons behind it and their experiences, good or bad. I also like to read erotica and there are many erotic blogs on the net well worth looking at.
Do you think about the possibility of your blog being ‘found’ by your partner or family members?
My family and friends all know of my blog, and every new 'partner' I meet is told exactly what I do and where it is. I don't mind anyone reading them and have nothing to hide. Those who know me appreciate my honesty, and my open (sometimes blunt) personality.
Have you ever been caught? Has anyone that knows you ever ‘discovered’ your blog?
No, because there is nothing to be 'caught' doing.
Have you ever told anyone about your blog?
Everyone. I'm proud of my work :)
Do you ever feel guilty? Not necessarily about your relationship/s but about the fact that you write about them online?
No, if I am writing about someone close to me I will always make sure they are aware of it, and I always change the name to protect the identity of the person in question. I would never offend anyone just to make my blog more interesting and I would certainly never post anything that had been told to me in confidence. My life and dating experiences have been exciting and interesting enough without me having to 'use' other people to spice it up. People are real, and very important to me, my blog is an interest, a hobby and entertainment, but it would never be written to the detriment of a relationship.
What, if anything, would cause you to stop blogging?
My hands would drop off :) Someone asked if I found a long term relationship with a single man would I stop blogging? No is the cry, because a new relationship throws up interesting and exciting writing possibilities too. The life of a serial mistress would come to a natural end at some point, but it would simply change direction, not end completely, so why stop doing something I enjoy so much?
Have you ever had any flak for your relationship choices, or the fact that you blog about them?
Of course, I've been in the national press and on TV and several radio shows discussing my lifestyle choice. It is not an acceptable, or 'normal' life and because of that it is condemned, criticised and most definitely misunderstood. I will always be in the firing line regarding my life as a serial mistress but even if my blog came under fire I wouldn't stop. The mistress has always been portrayed as the damaged woman who falls for a man she can't have and spends the rest of her time trying to wreck his marriage, and pining over him on national holidays. I am not like that, and as I am not in the business of wrecking homes, or destroying lives, or making any demands on the men I date, I have nothing to be ashamed of. I enjoy being single, I enjoy the company of successful, charismatic men, who have other lives to go to when they are not with me. It suits me to be single, to live alone and to enjoy the close relationships I have, without it becoming mundane, without having to pick up pants off the floor, and without the normal grief and hassle most relationships, these days, seem to face.
My life is my own, I have my freedom, and I have time to enjoy all the things in life I am passionate about. I live my life for myself and not for a man, and don't need one to 'complete me'. That leaves me free to spend time with the people I love, doing the things I love and of course writing my blog.