Thursday, 26 November 2009

How loud is acceptable?...

I've spent the past three days listening to the monotonous oooos and ahhhhhs of my neighbour and his lover. The scary thing is, I live in a small village in the North York moors, in a very old cottage, with incredibly solid walls. I shouldn't really be able to hear anything with 18" thick Yorkshire stone between us, but I can! I have heard her before, and very occasionally I've heard him, lets say I certainly know which religion he follows! :) I have cruelly joked with him about her noises, making him believe, from a female perspective, that they are false and she is clearly faking it! :)

After listening to him pleasure her repeatedly for three days I was, firstly, frustrated as hell, cos I should have been doing it too, instead of listening to her! Secondly, bored of hearing the same ooo ooo ooo ooo ahhhhhhh, over and over, with no change of tone, no alternate vocabulary, no screaming 'F**k me harder big boy'. And thirdly, I was so impressed at his incredible stamina, considering he is 63 years old! She is 42 by the way, so I have full respect for him :) And apparently that is all without the help of Viagra - or so I am led to believe. He manages to keep this performance up, regularly, and I know, from our weekly catch up over coffee, that the 42 year old is not the only filly in the stable!

I asked him this morning, following my three sleepless nights, if he could ever hear me when I'm 'at it'. I'm not sure if the grin gave it away or not, but I'm finding it hard to believe that his 'No, absolutely not' was the truth! If I can hear her then I'm pretty sure he can hear me, because, I'll be frank, I'm not the quietest when I am in the throes of passion.

I have curbed my 'enthusiasm' a little more lately, since a former lover had a fit of giggles following a particularly vigorous evening of fun, and announced that I 'sounded like a porn film'!!! I was mortified, and puzzled, because I thought men actually preferred that, but apparently not! I must say, to all the guys who are reading this right now, please, don't ever, for any reason, fall about in a fit of laughter, when you've literally just pulled your dripping cock out of someone. It doesn't make a girl feel particularly special. Having fun while making love is great, and it should be a giggle, but laughing uncontrollably is unacceptable!

Anyway, I haven't, as yet, had any complaints from the neighbours, but as they are both men I'm not sure they would complain or even comment, and they are probably wearing away a small ridge in the wall where they are pressing the upturned glass. But in all the homes I've had I've never heard anyone complain about or even discuss my vocal ability.

I was recently reading in the paper about the couple who had been arrested for their excessive noise during sex, and this wasn't their first time. The woman already had an ASBO for it, and broke that within two days of receiving it! The Environmental Health Inspector recorded the sound and found it reached unacceptable decibel levels, even through a brick wall. Is it the ultimate crime when an Englishman is disturbed in his castle? Would we complain about music being played too loud, or is it simply because of the nature of the noise that we have an issue? If they had lived next door to someone who was having just as much sex, or was turned on by the sound of someone having sex, would they have been prosecuted? Is it possible they scored for a prudish neighbour and any level of sound would have disturbed her?

So I'm clearly going to have to keep the noise down when I'm 'busy' in the bedroom. I don't want to be arrested or get a reputation in the village for 'sounding like a porn star'. I already have enough reputations in this village, without adding to them :)

I will have to get a decibel meter to check how loud the 42 year old is getting when she is faking it! :) It would make the village mutter even more than usual if a pensioner was arrested for excessive noise during vigorous sex.

But I'm curious to hear from my followers what they consider is loud when it comes to the cries of passion. I've asked several friends if they make any noise during sex. Most of my friends have kids and have learnt to keep it down, and one friend who served his time in the army, and then in prison, definitely learnt how to keep the noise to an absolute minimum when he was pleasuring himself and that has passed over to his sex life with his partner. In fact, he told me, he makes love in total silence.

I'm not sure I could bear that. I'm vocal, I love my partner to be vocal, and not just the monotonous oooos and ahhhhhs, but the dirty talk, saying how it feels and of course the 'F**k me harder' orders :) So how loud is too loud? What is acceptable and do you like to be quiet or noisy? I'd love to know if I'm unusual and if he was justified in laughing heartily and saying I sounded like a porn star! :)


3 comments:

  1. Hey Karen Baby,

    Back in the day when I was still having sex with hubs I used to be on the quiet side as I was always paranoid about neighbours hearing but now when I am with other men we tend to use a hotels so I do get a bit louder..

    Although again I am still very much aware that there may be people next door and have been known to bite fingers and/or shoulders!

    XOXO as always,

    Wifey

    ReplyDelete
  2. LOL Karen I think I would complain if the neighbour turned up his TV or radio far too loud night after night, but I would definitely keep shtum if his partner were to be um loudly enthusiastic about what he was doing to her... And by the same token I always take precautions (like closing doors and windows) when my mistress and I are at it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. i dun know how to be silent in sex. i even cant imagine it. I love to hear my Bf moarning . Its like an indicator either he enjoyed the game or not. We also get dirty talk and share imagination together either in phone or while sex.

    ReplyDelete