Thursday, 31 December 2009

The Silly Season ..... A late post :) Sorry!

It's here again, and Noddy Holder is screaming in my head, constantly. We are all sick of the same question 'Are you ready for Christmas?' Yes of course I am, because its Just One Day! The shops are closed for Just One Day. The country stops for Just One Day. We all go mad for Just One Day. So if something hasn't been done for Just One Day, so what? If we haven't bought enough food, tough, none of us are going to starve if we only have 18 boxes of chocolates in the house instead of 24! If we have forgotten a Christmas present for someone then we deserve a slap for not being organised enough, but tough, does it really matter? I'm sure we all have a spare box of chocolates in the pile of 18, or a spare bottle of wine in the cellar we seem to have created for Just One Day, that we can wrap as an emergency stand by present. If we haven't bought enough booze, then tough. If we haven't put up enough decorations or sprayed fake snow on our windows, then tough, because after all, its Just One Day!

I laugh every time someone asks because its such a serious subject. They ask as if they are enquiring that we are ready for the impending nuclear war, resulting in us being barricaded in the house for three months!

But with the question 'Are you ready for Christmas?' comes the underlying double meaning for those having affairs, both the married partners and the mistresses. It doesn't refer to one day at all. It refers to the nightmare two weeks, the week before and up to ten days after the 'Just One Day'. Before, during and after, kids are off school and loitering around the house, with nothing to do, bored and cold. They can't be kicked out to play like they can during the summer holidays and of course, in this weather, its a miracle they even get out of bed. The other halves are either off work, or are stepping up the stress levels because its 'their' time of year to excel, when they turn into a cross between Delia Smith and Anthea Turner. The house has to be immaculate, the food prepared weeks in advance, presents bought and wrapped, cards written, and all of it produced with military precision, the husband increasingly dragged into the chaos because she can't cope with the pressure.

Then the big day arrives, and the family descend, or you're dragged reluctantly to a relatives house. The drinking starts far too early, so you're sick of it by the time Queenie starts saying her bit. You eat far too much, and spend the entire day with people you only see a handful of times a year. You have to make endless conversation, play pointless games, arguments break out, kids sulk and stomp off to a corner of their bedroom. The Mrs gets more and more stressed during the serving of the big meal. The turkey is dry (as always), no matter how many Delia and Jamie books she has read. The vegetables have been crucified and boiled to resemble pale replicas of their former selves. The roasties have been cremated, too crispy for even a chipmunk to chew. Pudding is served and for the only time during the year you suffer an overdose of dried fruit and cream in the form of Christmas cake, Christmas pudding and mince pies. You top it all off with an excessive quantity of chocolates from the 18 in the pile, you crumple into a heap, and to avoid another dull conversation, fall asleep on the sofa, snoring and dribbling.

In amongst this nightmare a huge proportion of married men are looking at their wife, remembering the early Christmas' when they spent the build up, and most of the following week, tucked up in bed, and brought the new year in very drunk, kissing passionately and making love, starting the year as they meant to go on. But then Christmas and new year started to change. Families became involved, children arrived, debt and stress mounted up, and before they know it the problems appearing during the year are magnified at Christmas. I know so many men who spend Christmas day wishing they were somewhere else, trying to find a moment to sneak off with the phone to quickly send a text to their mistress to tell them they are being thought of.

Now from the mistress' point of view, she receives one text, no doubt sent from the toilet, how flattering, but is grateful that he managed to think of her at all. The stereotypical view we have of the mistress is sitting on her own with a ready-meal for one from the freezer, her solitary tiny Christmas tree twinkling in the dark as she cries, alone, from Christmas eve through to Boxing day, singing Whitney Houston songs and watching endless weepy chick flicks.

I am a mistress, and have been for many years. Not once, in all those years, have I spent Christmas on my own crying and pining over a man!

My Christmas is spent with my family and I love it. I never have any issue about where I'm going to spend it. I don't have a fight about which family's house we will be at for the 'big meal'. I never worry about who will be offended if I don't go there. I spend three days with my family and, although I occasionally think of my men during that time, I don't pine over anyone. I don't worry if they are having fun or not, I don't worry if they are pining over me, and I don't get upset for a second thinking about them playing 'Happy Families' together. Life is too short and anyone who knows me, and knows how I live my life, will appreciate that I don't get remotely sentimental about these things.

Being a Serial Mistress comes with several added bonuses too. I get the opportunity to celebrate Christmas several times over. I get to eat several Christmas dinners between the beginning of December and the second week in January. They feel guilty for neglecting their mistress on Christmas day, without realising that I wouldn't have it any other way, so I get beautiful presents, fabulous dinners and lunches, a huge amount of attention and affection, and apologies for being 'let down' at Christmas. I let them have their guilt and embrace it. If it makes them feel better by spoiling me and making it up to me, then so it will be :)

I must admit I do think of my men now and then, but most of the time it is tinged with a feeling of sadness and pity for them, and for their wives and families. Firstly, life is too short to spend any day, especially Christmas day, somewhere you don't want to be, with people you don't want to be around and doing the things you HAVE to do, instead of what you WANT to do. Secondly, its not fair for the wife, going to all the trouble of putting together the perfect Christmas, with matching napkins co-ordinated with the Christmas decorations on the tree, only for her husband to wish he was somewhere else. But, I wonder, if she didn't spend so long worrying about the fine details of the day, stressed and panicking about it all, maybe he wouldn't be looking elsewhere in the first place, and wishing the day away.

So, during the silly season, for all the mistresses out there, enjoy it with the people you love, your family and friends, and be grateful for having them. Don't pine over any man, you will see him soon enough. It is not the downside of being a mistress, its the great part. You have a fabulous present, he is being ultra attentive before and will be after, and you get a chance to catch up on some normality with your friends. And of course, you never know who you might meet on a Christmas or New Year night out, especially with some mistletoe in your hand :)

For all the marrieds reading this, I wish you well, and hope its not too much of a nightmare over the holiday period. If you have kids, remember its for them, spend quality time with them, play with their toys, and don't forget to buy lots of batteries. If you're playing host to several relatives then try your best to enjoy it and make the most of having lots of people in your life who care enough to visit you. Thinking logically about these things, if you give the Mrs some money as a present you can encourage her to hit the sales for several visits, leaving you time to speak to your mistress. Find some bits of work you need to do over the holiday period and sneak away for an hour or two, even if its just to pick up the phone to her, she will appreciate it. It all just needs some logical thinking, not just at Christmas but anytime there is a holiday period looming.

Some people will be on their own, and as much as it feels like a nightmare two weeks, its actually only one day. Christmas day is over before you blink, and the text messages and emails all resume very soon afterwards, especially if you have a clever lover :) In all the years I've been doing this I have hardly missed any of the guys I've been seeing, and they have all managed texts or emails during the holidays, and have been incredibly attentive on either side of the break.

So it's never a depressing, desperate situation. Its just a short time in your life you have to be apart and its amazing how quickly it will be January and everything will be back to normal :)

To 2010...

Wishing all of my family, friends, fans and followers a stunning 2010.
To all the men, be charming and thoughtful.
To all the women, be fabulous and sparkly.

I hope you all have a fantastic evening, and welcome the new year in style. Tell all those you love just how much they mean to you, and don't spend it with people who make you frown, it only makes you look old :)

2010 holds promise for everyone, and nothing is impossible :)

Good luck and good wishes to everyone xx

Saturday, 5 December 2009

I don't normally do a tiny post with just a link, but I wanted anyone who doesn't follow my fellow blogger to visit her site, have a look at her very entertaining posts, and show your appreciation of all she has to share with us.

And of course I wanted to also say thank you to her for the huge compliment regarding my interview with JVS the other day.

Enjoy - I know I always do xxx

Friday, 4 December 2009

Thursday, 3 December 2009

Tiger's 'Personal Sins'....

I don't know whether to thank Tiger Woods or not :)

Yet again, infidelity has hit the headlines, good and proper, thanks to Tiger and his 'wicked ways' as they keep describing his indiscretions. He has slipped up, obviously, and left evidence all over the place, just as Bill Clinton did, but these women have kept all of the necessary proof of an affair (for a long time, I might add) just in case! I suppose that's the price to pay when you're incredibly famous, and dating a 'financially challenged' cocktail waitress. But of course, because the world is aware of his behaviour, and shocked by the downfall of this 'squeaky clean' sportsman, the subject is being discussed on practically every live radio or TV show.

I appeared on Adrian Goldberg's show on TalkSport last night and Jonathan Vernon Smith's BBC Three Counties show this afternoon, speaking about whether a relationship could survive an affair. Both shows were interesting, and clearly the more this country talks about the subject, the more acceptable it is becoming. I thankfully received no grief, there was no criticism of the women involved in Mr Wood's 'personal sins', and it seems he is the only one at fault now, which is progress in my eyes, and significant progress too.

I've spent the last year hearing how hateful and outrageous I am, choosing to date married men I should be ashamed of myself, stealing men from their wives, wrecking families, destroying children's security, etc, but regular followers of my activities know that is never on the agenda, and I wouldn't dream of having any part in a marriage break up, so, today, it was very interesting to hear support for what I do and also agreement for my comments about an affair actually repairing a broken relationship, or improving a stale marriage.

I have always considered an affair, fling, one night stand or even a flirt, as some form of marital aid, but have been criticised for thinking that way. Its remarkable how many people I know who have been closely affected by an affair or 'indiscretion' and are now stronger than ever. They have forgiven, but not necessarily forgotten, and both are now making far more effort, its kicked the complacency into touch. That can only be a good thing, surely. Admittedly the initial anger, disappointment and hurt can provoke some extreme reactions - if the stories about Tiger's 'club-wielding' wife are to be believed. I've seen the effects of that shock, but after some adult conversation, improved communication and plenty of understanding, it is possible to put all of that anger behind you, move on and improve the flagging relationship.

I'm so sorry for Tigers wife, its a hell of a way to find out about his 'personal sins' and it makes a mockery of that squeaky clean image he has been cultivating for years. Why don't men just admit, and women accept, that they are never that pure, and all, regardless of how committed to their God, are capable of succumbing to temptation.

However, thanks to the recent press activity, I am pleased to see that the world is becoming more accepting of 'the Mistress' position, I know I will never be seen as an angel, or heroine, for what I do, but over time, hopefully, I will be able to walk down the street without the fear of being tied to a chair and dunked in the local lake! :)