Thursday, 13 May 2010

Date 3/7

Name: Brian
Age: 43
Job: Warehouse Manager
Marital Status: Single but fake married - explanation following
Venue: Coffee shop

Coffee only, as I try to do when I'm not completely sure about someone. I wondered why he jumped at the chance and didn't ask me to lunch or dinner - the real gentlemen always do - but it all became clear the longer we chatted, he clearly wasn't one for paying for things. We met at 1.30 at a cute little coffee shop in town. It closely resembles a private Starbucks with flavoured lattes, stunningly presented cappuccinos and hot chocolate to die for, with all the toppings you could dream of, like something from Willy Wonka's factory. I left him to order my coffee, gingerbread latte, and found us a table. When they were delivered to us mine was a work of art and he had a plain black coffee with a jug of cold milk. Each to their own I thought and we started the process of getting to know each other.

Online he had been interesting, he asked a lot of questions and when I answered he seemed to agree with almost everything I said. I thought this was a sign of a good choice, someone I would have a connection with, lots to talk about, everything in common, but no, apparently it meant he had no thoughts of his own, he was just a Yes Man - and not in the good 'Danny Wallace' way. He agreed to everything I said online hoping I would meet him, and I guess it worked. While we were chatting face to face we covered some of the subjects we had already discussed online. Strangely enough his answers altered dramatically.

Me: I love to travel abroad. I love warm holidays but not just lounging around on a beach endlessly. I love to explore where I am visiting, learn some of the language, try the local delicacies, experience the culture and the people of the country.
Him Online: Oh me too, I love travelling.
Him In person: I've never been abroad in my life (he's 43) and never will. We've got enough in this country to explore and I don't have to eat that foreign food, its shite! (How would he know if he's never tried it?). The places are full of foreigners and they don't bother to learn English which annoys the hell out of me!

Me: I love to try new things, from every corner of the world. I love Indian, Chinese, Mexican, Thai, any kind of food. I love variety, spices and interesting flavours.
Him Online: Oh me too, I love trying new things, maybe we should try a few new things together. I'd love to take you somewhere exotic for a meal.
Him In person: I hate foreign food. I like English food. I don't ever go to foreign restaurants. I've never tasted curry or Chinese in my life and have no intention of starting now. I like plain food, and well cooked too, I can't understand anyone wanting their steak raw, or that fish thing that's raw, yeuch!! (Sushi!)

Me: I love being single, having my own space. I love my life the way it is, but there is always space for someone else to join in, so long as they don't take over or expect me to change. I love hugs and being close to someone though, you can't beat intimacy.
Him Online: I'm married, we'd need to be discreet, I want to meet once or twice a week.
Him In person: I'm not married at all, I'm actually single but I didn't think you'd want to meet me if I was 43 and single. I still live with my mum, but I can't ever imagine living alone. What's the point anyway? I get everything done for me, all my cooking, cleaning, washing etc, and she even wakes me up for work in the mornings.

It seemed we weren't getting off to a good start, so I tried to change the subject, hoping to find something we did have in common. We landed on the city of York and discussed how much we like architecture and history. At last something we could talk about, but it was purely to get me through the second coffee I had ordered and paid for, mine a sticky toffee cappuccino, his plain again. At this point I asked him why he liked it plain and didn't want to try something different, I was almost anticipating the answer. 'Oh I don't like that fancy muck, why mess with coffee?' And there it was! :)

Steering us back to the subject of York he suggested we visited the city together. I smiled, trying not to run away screaming that I'd rather rip off my own arm and beat myself about the head with the bloody stump! I didn't say no chance, which wasn't good of me, but I knew I would never be seeing York with this man! 'It's only 30 minutes on the train from me', I said, 'Not too far from my nearest station'. He laughed at me and said he would never get on a train, and he much preferred the bus. Apparently it takes just over two hours to get there from his house. Who CHOOSES to sit on a bus for two hours when it can be done in a quarter of the time? He said he had never been on a train and never would! There's a surprise!! And I had to avoid saying 'Never been on a train, but I bet you've collected lots of their numbers in your spiral bound pad!!' :)

He's 43 for gods sake!! How has he never been on a train?

Half way through a sentence, while I was telling him about my work, he checked his watch for the fifth time, he then announced he had to leave, before I even had chance to finish it. He had apparently set aside an hour for a coffee. We had sat together for exactly 59 minutes. I hadn't realised I was on the clock, so I never did finish my sentence. We parted company, he kissed me on the cheek and said 'I look forward to seeing you again. Thanks for the coffee and lets do York soon!' I smiled and turned to walk in the opposite direction when I heard him shout across the street 'Oy Karen, don't forget about us doing the sex too!!' I spun round faster than a gyroscope with my mouth wide open and said 'What??' I expected him to smile and say 'Joking' but instead he actually repeated himself, even louder this time. 'We'll do York and have lots of sex soon, you're really hot!!' There he was, right in the middle of the street, in the centre of the town where I live, the pretty market town, full of tourists and visitors. I was mortified that anyone would have so few social skills, but there he was, addressing me, in the middle of the street!! I walked over to him and asked the question that had been coursing around my head for the 59 minutes we had been together.

'Are you behaving like this, with no social etiquette, and contradicting everything we had discussed online, in the hope that you would put me off? Did you decide from the start you didn't like me and did everything you could to turn me off you? ' I asked.
'Hell no, of course not, you're exactly how I imagined you and even better. I really want to see you again. I think you're lovely and can't wait to get started with the sex. I've not had it for ages and want to fuck you so much. If it means having a trip to York before, just to keep you sweet, then so be it.'

I was speechless and repulsed by his reply. I smiled sarcastically while I shook my head in disbelief and turned to leave. I walked back to my car, still speechless, shaking my head as I went, not quite believing that I had met someone like that. About two hours later, after several texts from him reinforcing his feelings for me and begging to see me again, I decided to let him down gently, and not keep him dangling any longer, I could so easily have ignored him for ever more but I thought better of it. My text was simple and to the point 'Thanks for meeting me today. After thinking about it for a while I've realised we're not really suited, and you're not what I'm looking for. There's no point in leading you on and I didn't feel the chemistry was right. I hope you find what you're looking for. I'm sure you will x'

His text came back almost immediately. 'FUCK YOU!!!!' was the reply. Oh my, another man who can't handle rejection, but I don't know what made him think his behaviour was acceptable enough for me to want to see him again. I didn't think it would come as much of a surprise to be frank.

I wasn't remotely concerned with his reply. I laughed. But I was more concerned about his initial approach and it made me realise how things are changing. I have spent my dating life talking to single men, or so I thought, who were hiding the wife and two kids. Men's marital status has been hidden for years, in pubs and clubs, at work, and now online. I joined Illicit Encounters to steer away from that deception, by knowing exactly where you are. With a married man, there are no surprises, we all know where we stand, what the boundaries are, and what we are all looking for. It's bizarre that dating has come to this. I know I advocate dating married men and always voice a good argument for the benefits it holds for all parties, including my famous line 'Single men my age haven't really got a lot to offer' but never in my wildest dreams did I think I would experience a single man pretending to be married in order to find himself a date. Is that what the world has come to? Its quite funny when you think about it, or is it sad? We had married men lying on dating sites to pull women, and now we have to contend with single guys lying too. Mind you, I can see why he was lying, and why he has never been married, or ever will be if he carries on with his charm offensive! :)


  1. Oh my... I'm speechless! (Run! Run! Run!)

  2. I think this is superb! What an absolute loser! I've read this blog a few times now, mainly because I still can't quite get my head around how pathetic he is but also because its hilarious! May I congratulate you SM on the restraint and dignified grace you showed extricating yourself from this idiot, even though he deserved niether. I wish so much that his type were an exception. Sadly the opposite is the case...

  3. Sadly it is, but if everyone was sensible, respectful, and decent, I'd never have any freaks to blog about :) Thanks for visiting my blog and enjoying my posts. Keep with me, there are many more 'interesting' stories to come very soon xxxx Watch this space :)

  4. This is a typical date for me! I do only date single guys though, I would never knowingly date a guy in a relationship, (and not judging you at all) but I can kind of see why you date married men. Why do we put ourselves through the torture of an awful date though?!