The Third Date Rule....

Who knows where it started, but many of us are familiar with the third-date-rule. You know - the one about 'nice' girls waiting until the third date before sleeping with a man. Whoever invented it, you can be sure it wasn't a woman. It puts pressure on us from all sides. According to this rule, as well as it being frowned upon to leap into bed with a man right away, if we want to wait a bit longer - say five dates, or more - we're considered unadventurous. Or, even worse, frigid.

A quick survey among my male friends revealed they acknowledged that modern women often want sex as quickly as they do. But although they may be happy to rip our knickers off with their teeth on the first date, some admitted they might not want to take things further afterwards. One admitted, "If a man wants to have sex on the first date, you should be aware he probably doesn't plan to see you again." Which is refreshingly honest, though utterly depressing.

As someone who's used to dating often, I'm reluctant to allow my bedpost to get whittled to the width of a toothpick. Especially when it wouldn't be at my request, but purely because some man doesn't want to give me time to decide if I want to take it further. Yet many of the men I asked said they'd be disappointed if a girl hadn't slept with him by the third date. One even revealed he wouldn't bother venturing past four dates, no matter how lovely a woman was, as he'd think she wasn't 'passionate' enough - ruling out me and my 'boring' collection of sex toys, suspenders and sky-high heels immediately.

Of course, it depends on what you want. If you're feeling fruity and don't care if he calls, there's no point in waiting more than one date to find out what colour his Calvins are. But if you're looking for a lasting relationship, in this day and age, should we all be pressured to go the distance? Research has found that the best way to find out if your date is, what scientists term, a 'good male', is to hold off. If he gets bored before getting to the sexy stuff, he's likely to be a 'bad male' - in layman's terms, 'That bastard who didn't call'.

None of this explains why the man you dated for a month went off you as soon as you slept with him. Or how so many one-night stands lead to true love. When it comes to sex and dating, there are no hard-and-fast rules - or ways to second-guess how he - or you - will feel. Maybe the only rule we should stick to is forget the rules. Or maybe us girls could come up with a few rules of our own. No sex for a month if he pees on the loo seat, anyone?