Wednesday, 24 March 2010

Link to Vanessa's show....

Link to Vanessa's show earlier today, about the mistress sued by the wife.

On from about 42 mins (ish).

Vanessa's show .....

I was asked to do the Vanessa Feltz show on BBC London this morning, because the news had broken about the woman in America who sued the mistress for 'Alienation of affection' and won!! Outrageous story and I thank our legal system that this doesn't happen here. But is that because only American men are so gullible and easily led that they take no blame whatsoever for the breakdown of a marriage? Surely the mistress only plays a part, but as I have advocated for many many moons, so does the husband, AND the wife!! In my eyes, it has always been a fair three way split of the blame. Why only one person is apportioned the blame is simply beyond me. Unless this man was brainless, and made every decision with his penis, then I am amazed this has even been brought to court, let alone been judged, ending in a $9 million settlement in favour of the the wife. Along with showing her anger towards the mistress, by bringing this case she has publicly announced that her husband is clearly the stupidest man in America! How flattering for him, that should have him running back to her in a matter of days! lol.

Anyway, Vanessa's show was very interesting, and this subject, as always, completely obliterated the rest of the discussion points she was trying to raise. But we know this is always the case! I have never yet been on a show, or listened to a show, that didn't get totally dominated by the subject of infidelity if it was on the topic list. As much as people hate the subject, we all have to agree it stirs up a great deal of passion among those of us affected by it, and from the comments today, it seems it is the majority of the country (and the world) who have an opinion on it. It's always nice to create a healthy debate, and even better to have a mass debate!! Ahem!!

I will post the link to the i-player re-run of the show when its released later. Have a good day everyone x

Alienation of affection.....

Article hitting the press today, in many papers. Thank god we don't work like this in England! :)

Sunday, 21 March 2010

30 dates in 30 days - or more....

I've decided to take on a challenge. I am going to start small but the idea is to build up to 30 dates in 30 days in either May or June this year. It's going to be quite a feat, and I don't even know if it will be possible, especially knowing how unreliable men can be, but I've come to the decision that it will be an interesting opportunity to meet some new people, see how easy or difficult it is to maintain or even organise, and see if, by the end of the month, it either gives me a buzz and makes me want more, or it puts me off dating for life.

The thought of rushing headlong into this without any preparation was truly daunting, so I have decided to build up to it gradually. I'm starting with 7 dates in 7 days. This is not too far from my normal week if it logistically comes together, but I do love my 'me' time so I never fill my time completely. Not having the usual breaks in between could become a problem but I'm game for a laugh and always willing to try new things.

I have decided to blog about my experiences too, and if any of them don't like being blogged about - tough titty :) I'm looking forward to finding out the highs and lows of so many dates and of course I'll be interested to see if I can actually cope with all the attention, preparation, organisation and admin! I could well lose the will to live! :) 30 men in 30 days would be enough to send any woman to her bed sobbing and swearing to be a lesbian or celibate for the rest of her days!

One of the dilemmas I have, which may well be cause for a rethink or an extension or reduction in the figure, is I'm a Serial Mistress. Everyone knows I date married and attached men, and everyone knows married men play happy families from Friday to Sunday evening, so officially that leaves me 4 clear days a week to do with as I please, but I'm not sure how to get around the logistics of the weekend issue. 20 dates in 30 days? Eliminating weekends? 5 dates a week? or 40 dates in 10 weeks? 40 dates in 2 months? 60 dates in 6 months?

I just can't seem to get any number to work as well as 30 in 30, so the Serial Mistress may have to weaken and date a couple of single guys at the weekends, to fill the gap for everyone following me too. Depending on the time constraints I may not be able to blog every last detail every single day, but I will certainly try my best and fill in the gaps at quiet times.

So, I think I'm settled on 30 in 30, so long as my lovely followers don't complain about me resurrecting my single dating options too. Mind you, the majority of the time, my single dates are more entertaining than my attached ones. After all they are usually single for a reason. So instead of it just being 30 married dates in 30 days, its going to be 30 dates in 30 days.

It's starting next week with my 7 dates in 7 days and we'll see how it goes from there. Of course included in my dates either 7 or 30, will be my regular guys. The men I meet won't all be brand new ones, because I can't possibly neglect my current 'friends' :) but maybe you'll get to hear more about them for a change, after all it's time I stepped it up a bit on here and told you how the real life of a Serial Mistress works. It's also time I took this more seriously, and gave you more to help you understand what I do.

So, 7 dates in 7 days will commence next week. And 30 dates in 30 days will happen in about a months time.

If anyone has any suggestions about how I will manage it then I'd love to hear from you. Or, if anyone has a sexy friend I might want to date then give me his number :) Any help will be appreciated! :)

Friday, 12 March 2010

Do you gift wrap your relationship?...

The more I spend time with married men, the more I hear how perfect their relationship looks on the surface to all of those around them. They all hide behind the facade that everything is fine. To look at the smiling beautiful couple you wouldn't imagine that they haven't been intimate for six months, argue constantly, sleep in separate beds, she goes to bed an hour earlier than him every night to avoid any intimacy, while he happily surfs the net for Internet porn to wank over and to catch up on his emails from the dating site he recently joined.

I suppose we only have to look at the recent celebrity affairs and how the public have followed their relationships through the rag mags, seeing them smiling for the cameras, tactile, affectionate and appearing to have the perfect marriage, inseparable until it comes tumbling down around their ears, when their infidelities hit the headlines. Even as recently as today, Mark Owen, of Take That fame, has admitted to a string of affairs while he has been with his lovely wife Emma. They were only married in November, and although he claims they have all been drunken mistakes and one night stands, he has also owned up to a five year relationship with a girl he met at a train station. No one is drunk for five years! But to all those around him, and Tiger Woods, and John Terry, and Ashley Cole and now even Gareth Gates, their relationships were 'perfect'.
With all the parties and get-togethers over the spring and summer on the horizon, with weddings and barbeque's lined up, its the time for us to start gift wrapping the relationships we have. Whether its a new man, or a long term love, or if you're in my shoes and happily single, our relationships are under the spotlight and it can be hard to stick to the truth. I tell friends and family about my spectacular dates, the intelligent, charming, incredible men I meet, the stunning restaurants, hotels and presents I receive, and the nights or weekends away somewhere exotic or breathtaking. I don't tell them about the selfish guys who can't communicate to save their lives, or the men with no manners, who are practically dragging their knuckles behind them. They only hear the amazing side of being single, not about my cursing, having to change a light bulb I can't reach properly, or falling off my ladder while I'm decorating! :)

That's where gift wrapping comes in - dressing up the realities of our relationship for family and friends. Whether its insisting 'Everything's amazing, we're sooooo in love' or exaggerating 'You won't believe what he said to me last night...'. It's a way of controlling the way the outside world views us, and we're all probably guilty of it to some extent.

Relationships are an extension of who we are, so we gift wrap them to keep in control of our self image, so if you catch yourself gushing, or being hyper-critical, of your partner, you could be guilty of gift wrapping. Some light gift wrapping is harmless. Who hasn't exaggerated the pluses and minuses of a new partner just to get some laughs from your friends? Garnishing the truth is a useful way of buying some time while we decide if our date's dodgy kissing technique or string of psycho exes really is going to be a problem. After all we usually blind ourselves to small faults when we first meet someone to give ourselves a chance to go further.

Beyond minor faults, relationship wrapping becomes more complex, and low self esteem can drive the urge to fib. We all know relationships have faults but it can be easier to pretend they are not there - that way friends can't remind us that they exist, and no one can accuse us of being unable to choose a good partner. Extreme relationship wrappers can go into complete denial about the state of their partnership, a move that will slowly damage self-esteem and the relationship.

Women are constantly told that they need to be in a relationship to fit in, so whether they are happy can be less important than simply being hooked up, and not being honest can be a way of silencing doubts, including their own. I have a very judgemental friend who is constantly encouraging me to date single men. She doesn't want to know about anyone unless he is single. She asks where I have been and what I have done, but starts every conversation with 'Is this one single?' When I was recently dating one she was thrilled, she invited me round more, made more effort and wanted to know how things were progressing. She was asking questions she would never ask about my married 'friends'. To be honest it was driving me mad, and I thought it was incredibly shallow and rude of her, but rather than explain when we had split up, I continued the facade, saying that he was working away etc. I don't like lying - or gift wrapping - but I didn't want that smug look spreading across her face again, saying 'She clearly can't keep a man'. She would never understand that I simply went off him, the distance was a pain in the butt and he was dating someone else during the week and I was his weekend entertainment. She would automatically blame me because she thinks every relationship should be perfect like hers. But I know she is more than capable of gift wrapping her own, and I realised this last time I saw them both at her house. Not only did he order her around while he slobbed on the sofa, but he kicked her, hard, in the leg, when she didn't bring him a beer quick enough. It made it perfectly clear that she was hiding as much as everyone else seems to be doing.

Another side of this wrapping is emphasising your partners bad points, as most of the married men I meet do. Initially they sing her praises to some extent, to prove they are 'nice guys'. But before long, in a way almost justifying their infidelity, the wife becomes a screaming banshee with the personality of Attila the Hun. It's almost acceptable that a man can have an affair if his wife is forcing him into it by behaving badly. Even if she isn't, he will insinuate that she is, so the mistress will believe she is 'doing him a favour'.

From a female perspective, emphasising the bad points generates sympathy between women and their friends. Females often bond by complaining. When a woman steps outside this by saying her relationship is going well when everyone around her is complaining, it can throw her friendships out of balance. No one likes a smug married and I'm the first to complain about them, not because my life is bad, but because I wish these women would be more honest about their relationship instead of wrapping it to make a point. On the plus side for a woman, venting about our mans inability to find the dishwasher tablets or our clitoris is a good way to let off steam, have our annoyances vindicated or have a laugh. The only danger is in letting it go too far. Its not good to get so down on him that you cant see the good in him,. And if your friends start agreeing or voicing their own negative opinions of him you may well lose friendships if they say too much.

Gift wrapping a partner for your family is common. Families expectations can be so high we smooth over our partners flaws to give the relationship breathing space. It's better to make sure that's all it is though and you're not ignoring any problems that you don't want to. If you're gift wrapping for friends ask yourself why. Often there's underlying competition or fear of judgement.

One thing we are all prone to do is gift wrapping what goes on between the sheets. An ex of mine was no looker but he was the most incredible lover. With my friends I talked up my exploits in order to justify I was dating someone my shallow friends thought was so lacking in the looks department. On the other hand, the last time I was in love I didn't discuss what we did between the sheets at all. I didn't feel I needed to. I only ever discuss or gift wrap relationships that aren't serious or long lasting. I think when you truly have the right partner you respect yourself and their privacy - and wont feel the need to score points by revealing the amazing things they do with a tin of fruit salad.

While the urge to wrap is about our own insecurities, it has ripple effects on those around us. If you have a huge fight with a lover but you let your friends believe he is perfect, you could find yourself with no one to talk to.

Never let your partner know you're gift wrapping too, it will slowly erode your happiness. Trusting, truthful relationships are healthy. Gift wrapped relationships aren't and the men I meet are a perfect example of that.

Thursday, 11 March 2010

Shame on you....

It's not often I do this, but apart from laughing, I'm absolutely gobsmacked and quite disgusted at the email I have just received.

I have been chatting with a guy I thought was quite interesting, nice profile, fairly attractive but certainly nothing special, and nearby (always a bonus). He hasn't rocked my world, I haven't made that much effort, but he was on the 'potential' list. Naturally I speak to several people while I am online, and receive several emails a day which I always consider, and respond to, politely. But occasionally I will take it further and get to know the guy until something makes me realise he's just not for me.

This one was verging on 'not quite what I'm looking for' but I decided to persevere for another day or so, until I had made my mind up. He asked to see my photograph and I sent it to him. I am not god's gift, so I never assume I'm going to get a 'My god you're gorgeous' email back, but I'm also not a monster so I never expect anyone to run away screaming either. But usually I am either someones type or not. We are all adults, and to be honest most men aren't my type but I am kind enough, and polite enough to say so without hurting them. Honesty is the best policy I feel. But his reply was a first!

I have always felt that sometimes when we chat to guys on the net it feels like we are being interviewed, with the endless questions, What do you do for a living? What are you looking for? What are you expecting? What do you want from a man? What would be your ideal first date?
Do you live alone? Do you have kids? Do you want a fling or more? Do you realise I'm married? etc etc. But his email really did make me realise that, as women on that site, we are definitely applying for the 'job' of mistress!

His reply read:

Thanks. I'm entertaining some other offers at the moment and will let you know.

Once I stopped laughing and shaking my head I decided to let him know I wasn't interested and then I deleted him. I hope his 'other offers' all realise how businesslike he is treating his search for his mistress, or maybe he is shopping for a hooker. Who knows!

My blog... A new start

I genuinely don't believe I've done this blog justice. I've been selective with my postings. I've posted rambling thoughts when I could have told my followers everything that was going on, but because everyone I meet tends to know about the blog I can only be vague about what I post and who I mention because I don't want to embarrass anyone or upset my 'friends'. But for your sake, and mine, I've decided to say 'Sod it' and post whatever I damn well please now!

I have blogged mostly about my feelings, about the attitude mistresses face, infidelity in general and of course if I've been in the press, but I think the real purpose of this blog has been lost. It was meant to be an insight into the life of a Serial Mistress. So, for the sake of all my fans and followers, I will attempt to do exactly that.

I've been negligent over the last few weeks because I've been so caught up in other things. I've also been ill too, which hasn't helped. It has meant that I can write but I don't necessarily have anything of interest to post. I have only been on a few hot dates in the past few weeks. I've seen my male friends but not done anything mind blowing you would all want to read about. I've had fun editing and adding to the book I'm writing, and it's making real progress now. I'm very proud of it, and one day I am sure it will be the dream I hoped it would be, half price in Tescos and in the Amazon sale!! :)

But the time has come to step it up and let you further into the Life of the Serial Mistress. I will of course keep the saucy stuff on the Erotic Mistress blog, I don't want it clouding what is essentially my day to day life, but of course you can't miss out on the good stuff! Remember to add it to your favourites and give me any feedback you may feel necessary, good or bad. Thank you for bearing with me and my blog, and I'm hoping 2010 will be quite a year!

Wednesday, 3 March 2010

Illicit Encounters blog....

I'm happy to welcome the girls of Illicit Encounters to the world of blogging, and hope they have as much success with their blog as they have had with the site itself.

I encourage everyone who reads my blog to follow this one too. Interesting reading :)

Tuesday, 2 March 2010

Married women....

A great article appeared in the Times this weekend, well worth a read, very well written and an interesting perspective.

Bollocks or not? ....

As seen in the Daily Mail - 2nd March 2010

Why you'd be stupid to cheat on your wife: Unfaithful men have lower IQs, say scientists.


Cheryl Cole has split from cheating husband Ashley, who is unlikely to win Mastermind, according to scientists

Not too clever: Cheryl Cole has split from cheating husband Ashley, who is unlikely to win Mastermind, according to scientists

Deceitful and despicable is one description that wronged wives could apply to their cheating husbands.

Plain stupid is another. For scientists have concluded that men who sleep around are likely to have lower IQs.

It is a finding likely to prove of interest to Cheryl Cole as she contemplates her errant partner Ashley's unfaithful ways.

Dr Satoshi Kanazawa, an evolutionary psychologist from the London School of Economics and Political Science, said the smarter a man is, the less likely he is to cheat on his partner.

His theory is based on the assertion that through evolutionary history, men have always been 'mildly polygamous'.

That has changed today, however, and Dr Kanazawa explained that entering a sexually exclusive relationship is an 'evolutionarily novel' development for them.

According to his theory, intelligent people are more likely to adopt what in evolutionary terms are new practices - to become 'more evolved'.

Therefore, in the case of fidelity, men who cannot adapt and end up succumbing to temptation and cheating are likely to be more stupid.

'The theory predicts that more intelligent men are more likely to value sexual exclusivity than less intelligent men,' he explained.

According to his theory, the link between fidelity and intelligence does not apply to women because they have always been expected to be faithful to one mate - even in polygamous societies.

Dr Kanazawa's research, in the journal Social Psychology Quarterly, also claims that intelligent people are less likely to believe in God or hold conservative views.

Analysing the American National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, he found young adults who regarded themselves as 'very liberal' had an average IQ of 106, while those who saw themselves as 'very conservative' had an average IQ of 95.

Tiger Woods practices golf outside his home on February 18, 2010 in Windermere, Florida

FILM... Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969); Paul Newman (1925-2008) pictured as Butch Cassidy

Golfer Tiger Woods is now most famous for his serial philandering, while Paul Newman, who died in 2008, was widely thought of as Hollywood's most faithful husband. Scientists believe Newman's way of life is 'evolutionarily novel'

Dr Kanazawa's theory holds that self-interested, conservative attitudes are primitive in evolutionary terms, while selfless, liberal views are more advanced and linked with intelligence.

Similarly, those who identified themselves as 'not at all religious' had an average IQ of 103, while those who saw themselves as 'very religious' had an average IQ of 97.

According to Dr Kanazawa, that is down to people who are smarter being more open to new ideas.

Those who are less intelligent cling to belief in God, a relic of our evolutionary past, he added.

'Humans are evolutionarily designed to be paranoid and they believe in God because they are paranoid.

'This innate bias towards paranoia served humans well when self-preservation and protection of their families and clans depended on extreme vigilance to all potential dangers.

‘So, more intelligent children are likely to grow up to go against their natural evolutionary tendency to believe in God and they become atheists.