Thursday, 30 July 2009

Full Independent Interview....

The Independent article only covered about 200 words of the full interview I did for Heidi. I decided to blog the whole thing, so you could read a bit more about my life as a mistress, and why I do it. It might help my new followers understand my reasoning, and might allow my faithful followers a little more insight into the complicated mind of their favourite Serial Mistress :)

How long have you been blogging?
I started blogging in February this year. I have been writing for many years, but I was incredibly self critical, I wanted an outlet to be critiqued, praised and possibly appreciated so I decided to start a blog.

What prompted you to start your blog?
I hit the national press with my 'Serial Mistress' exploits and found, although it was a very controversial subject, there were people who wanted to know more. I saw my blog as a way to voice my side of the subject, because the press wasn't as 'favourable' or 'understanding' as I had hoped. The journalist who wrote about me did a good job but obviously had to make it sell, and had word number limitations, so she couldn't truly express my reasons and opinions about the subject matter as well as I had hoped. I therefore decided it was time to do it myself.

What do you write about?
I now run 4 different blogs.
The main blog is predominantly about being a mistress, relationship issues, opinions, bad date experiences and interesting situations that might benefit others in a similar position, or might encourage them think, or question, where their life is.
The next blog is an outlet for my love of writing erotica. I was encouraged by followers of my original blog (which is not detailed or rude in any way) to write about my real experiences in the bedroom (and out of it). I have always written erotica and have a real passion for it, but never let anyone read it. I decided to start a whole new blog about my actual experiences, with the hope it may encourage readers to experiment, or to do what good erotica should do, and that's turn them on a little.
The 3rd blog is for readers and followers who are struggling with relationship issues, affairs of the heart or bedroom, and somewhere for them to write to me and ask my opinion on subjects I am well versed in. I have been through a considerable amount of hard times in and out of relationships, I am very broadminded when it comes to sex, and I have been a mistress for quite some time, as well as navigating the world of the single man on the Internet, which has always created challenges, so I am more than happy to offer my advice, good, bad or blunt, for free, to anyone who may have an issue too personal to turn to anyone else to solve.
And finally, was an addition to the family for those readers who just needed the occasional smile and to help them realise that life is too short to be miserable about being in a difficult relationship or situation. It is jokes and pictures and a reason to laugh out loud now and then.

Can you explain your reason for blogging - why you write about personal and ‘secret’ stuff in such a public space? Why not keep a private diary?!
As I said above it was initially to voice my side of being a mistress, to make people realise that we aren't all home wreckers and unpaid hookers. Also I wanted other 'writers' to critique, and ultimately appreciate my work. It is all well and good writing about safe subjects for your friends and family to read, but they are never as honest as complete strangers. As for it being personal and secret? I don't find what I do and what I blog about anything to hide. My family and friends all read the articles in the press, heard the TV and radio interviews and know what I do. I'm a very open person and refuse to hide simply because society dictates that is what 'a scarlet woman' should do.
I have kept private diaries for long enough, and I realised the only person it was benefiting was me, it seems a shame that all the funny, interesting, and exciting episodes in my life are hidden between the pages of a journal.

What purpose does your blog serve? Is it an outlet, a place to vent, therapy, or more of a community? Or something else?
Originally it was a place to voice my opinion and explain the reasons behind the life of a serial mistress, a single girl dating married men, a subject that has been avoided in the past as being too outrageous or bizarre to discuss. On occasion it has been a place to vent but I don't tend to vent an awful lot about anything, life is too short to be tense about things that can't be changed. It has been therapy to some degree because writing about life experiences, in any shape or form, can be incredibly cathartic and eventually becomes a pleasure. I now write for all of those reasons but I also have a community of followers who encourage me to write more. I have days and weeks when I am incredibly busy elsewhere, and they genuinely miss my postings, but that pressure inspires me to write as often as I can.
When I started the blog I didn't for a moment think I wanted to go any further with it, but as time has passed and I have realised how much enjoyment I get from it, and actually how good I am, I have decided to pursue the idea of turning it into a book, so maybe that is my ultimate goal, to be a published writer one day, and of course be understood and possibly help other people along the way.

How do you feel about your commenters? Are they friends, confidantes, advisers or spectators? Or something else?
I love my commenters. They encourage me, they support me, they criticise me and they inspire me. I wouldn't say they were friends, they are faceless followers, and yes I suppose they are spectators to some degree, but if I can bring some pleasure to them in some form then I have done what I set out to do.

Who do you write for? Yourself, your commenters, someone else?
I always have written for myself, and originally started that way, but now I write for myself, my friends and family and my supporters and followers, because they have come to enjoy my work and look forward to the next exciting instalment of the life of a serial mistress.

Have you formed friendships or ‘real life’ relationships with commenters or other bloggers?
I have formed some online friendships with commenters and other bloggers, mostly through Twitter. We all tend to 'tweet' often and its an excellent platform for anyone wanting to promote a blog. I haven't met any of the 'friends' yet, but later this month some of us will be getting together to see if we are all just as interesting in the flesh! I have had one 'real life' relationship, brief as it was, with a follower who lived very close by. It was interesting for a short while, but when I realised it wasn't for me it was quite bizarre knowing that he could read, and comment on, my feelings about the brief encounter. But I suppose, if he met me through my blog, he was to expect that I would blog about it if it went wrong. No surprises there! :)

Do you read any similar blogs? If so, which ones are your favourite / most important to you? What purpose do they serve for you?
I do read a lot of blogs. I read the blogs of my fellow Twitters because I am in close contact with them. I enjoy reading about their exploits, their relationships and their interests. I love reading about relationships, and primarily affairs, and the majority of the blogs I visit are by married men or women who are being unfaithful, their reasons behind it and their experiences, good or bad. I also like to read erotica and there are many erotic blogs on the net well worth looking at.

Do you think about the possibility of your blog being ‘found’ by your partner or family members?
My family and friends all know of my blog, and every new 'partner' I meet is told exactly what I do and where it is. I don't mind anyone reading them and have nothing to hide. Those who know me appreciate my honesty, and my open (sometimes blunt) personality.

Have you ever been caught? Has anyone that knows you ever ‘discovered’ your blog?
No, because there is nothing to be 'caught' doing.

Have you ever told anyone about your blog?
Everyone. I'm proud of my work :)

Do you ever feel guilty? Not necessarily about your relationship/s but about the fact that you write about them online?
No, if I am writing about someone close to me I will always make sure they are aware of it, and I always change the name to protect the identity of the person in question. I would never offend anyone just to make my blog more interesting and I would certainly never post anything that had been told to me in confidence. My life and dating experiences have been exciting and interesting enough without me having to 'use' other people to spice it up. People are real, and very important to me, my blog is an interest, a hobby and entertainment, but it would never be written to the detriment of a relationship.

What, if anything, would cause you to stop blogging?
My hands would drop off :) Someone asked if I found a long term relationship with a single man would I stop blogging? No is the cry, because a new relationship throws up interesting and exciting writing possibilities too. The life of a serial mistress would come to a natural end at some point, but it would simply change direction, not end completely, so why stop doing something I enjoy so much?

Have you ever had any flak for your relationship choices, or the fact that you blog about them?
Of course, I've been in the national press and on TV and several radio shows discussing my lifestyle choice. It is not an acceptable, or 'normal' life and because of that it is condemned, criticised and most definitely misunderstood. I will always be in the firing line regarding my life as a serial mistress but even if my blog came under fire I wouldn't stop. The mistress has always been portrayed as the damaged woman who falls for a man she can't have and spends the rest of her time trying to wreck his marriage, and pining over him on national holidays. I am not like that, and as I am not in the business of wrecking homes, or destroying lives, or making any demands on the men I date, I have nothing to be ashamed of. I enjoy being single, I enjoy the company of successful, charismatic men, who have other lives to go to when they are not with me. It suits me to be single, to live alone and to enjoy the close relationships I have, without it becoming mundane, without having to pick up pants off the floor, and without the normal grief and hassle most relationships, these days, seem to face.

My life is my own, I have my freedom, and I have time to enjoy all the things in life I am passionate about. I live my life for myself and not for a man, and don't need one to 'complete me'. That leaves me free to spend time with the people I love, doing the things I love and of course writing my blog.

Saturday, 25 July 2009

And for all my new followers and visitors, please have a look at my other blogs, you might find something you really enjoy :)

Welcome to my series of blogs, and watch this space for new podcast sites :)


Independent Link....

For the really interesting article by Heidi in the Independent Magazine today - 25th July.

A great insight into what happens online, and why :)

Enjoy xx

And well done Heidi x

Friday, 24 July 2009

TalkSport 'Sexpert'....

What a great show, if it wasn't for my dodgy sore throat and almost losing my voice half way through, thank god for Lemsip, it saved the day :)

I've mastered the art of recording the show now, so fingers crossed it will be podcast sometime over the next couple of days. I'll do my best for those who missed it, but a huge thank you to those who stayed up, listened, and contributed :) You made the show xx

Off to bed now, I need my beauty sleep. If anyone has any questions following on from the show then by all means email me and I will hopefully answer them, at least try my best :)

Night night xxxxx

Thursday, 23 July 2009

BBC Three Counties interview...

I was quick to 'comment' on the JVS interview technique with Rosie on Friday, but everyone who reads my work knows I speak my mind, sometimes too bluntly, sometimes at the risk of offending (but never intentionally) but always honestly.

After listening to the interview again I considered if I had been harsh, jumped to conclusions too quickly, and missed the essence of what he was trying to say. I hadn't! But it made me realise that my honesty, and the honesty of those around me, and ironically the honesty of the men and women on the Illicit Encounters website, opened us up to the vitriolic attack on our nature.

In days gone by affairs were quiet, seedy, silent, hidden and as such no one was ever criticised for it, until they were caught. But now, thanks to the media and technology, people can be far more 'honest' about what they are looking for and need. Being labelled 'grubby' simply because they have been honest with themselves about what they need to potentially make them happy, is incredibly sad and small minded.

No one is 'grubby' because they are looking for a chink of happiness in their otherwise mundane, unfulfilled lives. Would we be slower to judge if faced with a single man who preferred picking up drunken strangers, taking advantage of them and disappearing without a word when she's finally passed out at four in the morning? Is he less grubby because he is single? Is a married man only grubby if he finds a mistress on the Internet? If he takes his secretary to bed as opposed to find potential partners on the net, does it make it less adulterous, less grubby? No!

So JVS, think before you judge, think before you criticise a company for offering a very valid, and necessary service, efficiently and discreetly. Think before you condemn someone for trying to find some happiness any way they can, and think before you judge a man looking for his perfect mistress and avoid hurting the ones he loves. That's not grubby, but judging a situation you are ill informed about, is.

JVS please think before you speak, and to all of my grubby friends and followers - keep up the good work!! :)

Erotica Ball 2009...

I'm planning a trip to the Erotica Ball in November this year. Just putting out a quick set of feelers ('scuse the pun) to see who else might be heading there :)

I went to the ball last year and had a fantastic time, but not as good as it could have been (wrong choice of partner), so I'm game to try it again, with more people and more laughs and definitely more fun!

The tickets are quite expensive but are almost half price if booked before 31st July. I'm booking mine, will you be booking yours? :) I hope so xxxx

Mail or Twitter me if you want more details about the event, and hopefully I'll see you there :)


Wednesday, 22 July 2009

New Podcast site....

I'm in the process of setting up a new podcasting site, to run in conjunction with my blog site. I intend on running two different ones and will see how they both go, fingers crossed all will be fine and they will be popular, but if they bomb then I will stick to the blogging :)

The Serial Mistress podcast will be a similar site to this one. It will be my musings about being a mistress, my opinions about relationships and of course snippets of my radio programmes. Some of the past shows will be the first items published, and I will see how they work. No doubt things will improve the more 'practised' I get at it, but we all know I wasn't brilliant at everything when I first started! lol :)

I will then start the Erotic Mistress podcast (when I am happy with the hosts) and read aloud my erotic postings. I'm not sure how many people will want to hear erotica read in a broad northern accent :) Maybe you can decide :)

Anyway, watch this space, there will be podcasting, blogging and tweeting being produced for anyone who may well be interested :) I hope you all will xxx

My new podcast will be called 'Serial Mistress Discusses...' If you think of any better names for it I'd love to hear from you xxx

The Independent on Saturday...

Apparently I am in the Independent on Saturday (25th July 2009), with a brief mention in an article about people who discuss intimate parts of their lives with many followers and fans in the form of a blog.

Its a nice piece, but only 200 words, so I won't get much chance to offend anyone with my views or behaviour (yes there's bound to be someone!!) :)

Heidi, the journalist, has interviewed several people for the piece, and it gives a balanced and positive view to the art, or pleasure, of blogging.

My blog address will be printed in the national press, so I will make sure I get my bum into gear and blog more, its about time I did anyway :)

Hope you enjoy the article, and I will be blogging the interview in its entirety on Sunday xx

TalkSport Show.....

I'm on Adrian Goldbergs show again tomorrow night/Friday morning.

Normally I would put the link on after a radio show, to listen in to my mumblings :) But with TalkSport they have the 'Listen Live' facility, if anyone wants to join in with the show, call in, leave emails or comments :) I'd love my followers to listen in and join in with our very broadminded chat about sex and relationships :)

I will be on at 3am UK time Friday 24th. Come and join in the fun :)

Sunday, 19 July 2009

Radio Three Counties....

Link to Jonathan Vernon-Smiths show on BBC Radio Three Counties.

He was decent with me, but surprisingly hideous to Rosie FJ. Good work handling him hun, but my god JVS, you should be ashamed of yourself speaking to a woman like that. Being controversial is one thing, but being rude is another! It strikes me you were speaking from experience, maybe thats why men are passionate about this subject!

Starts 2 hours in.

Available until Friday 24th July.

Wednesday, 15 July 2009


Just in case you fancy seeing what has put a smile on my face this week :)

And something that makes me feel very sexy too :)

There will be many more to come soon, and if you have any reviews of your own I'd love to hear them :)

Its the best way to find toys that work, compare notes! :)

Sex Toys

Tuesday, 14 July 2009

Who knew.....

Well I think, maybe, we all did :)

Thanks Shell for this article, fantastic, hilarious and very very interesting :)

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As featured in the Telegraph - Finance Section - 8th July 2009


Cheating husbands and wives spend more on love affairs than pension

Cheating husbands and wives spend more on their love affairs than they do putting money aside for their retirement.
By Myra Butterworth, Personal Finance Correspondent

They spend an average of £291 a month on their love affair, compared to just £59 a month on their pension, according to extra-marital dating site Illicit Encounters. It suggests sustaining an affair costs £3,500 a year, which covers money spent on accommodation, weekends away, phone calls, gifts and flowers.

Sara Hartley, of Illicit Encounters, said: "These figures are astonishing. It certainly shows us where people's priorities lie. Generally, those who cheat seem to be more hedonistic than most, which may explain why they're spending more on instant gratification, rather than preparing themselves for the future. "An affair is a notoriously expensive thing. Most cheaters own two separate mobile phones, and buy gifts more regularly for their lover than they do for their spouse."

Illicit Encounters says its average member is a professional, often working in management or as an executive, and between the ages of 36 and 40. The research was based on the spending habits of around 2 per cent of the website's 300,000 members.

Sunday, 12 July 2009

Sorry folks.......

Just needed to post a small piece to say sorry to everyone who loves my blog, and all my followers, because I've been very slack with my writing lately. I've been very sick for about 3 weeks, and it's now getting tiresome :( I have had problems with severe headaches, which meant I ended up being rushed into hospital a few weeks ago to have a lumbar puncture (big needle in my back) and several scans and tests. They haven't found what caused it all but its now left me with 'cluster migraines' so its rare I am free of the nasty headache, the sickness and the flashy lights in my eyes. Pain I can tolerate, it doesn't really stop me doing things, I'm made of tough stuff, but the worst part is the lights. I have been left with that permanently by the looks of it, and need to see an optician next week to see what can be done.

If you can imagine looking at the sun for a minute and then trying to read something on screen or in a book, part of the image disappears behind a flashing 'white noise' and that makes reading very difficult indeed, whole words vanish but reappear seconds later, only to do the same over and over. So you can see why my blogging has lessened, because staring at the screen is incredibly difficult :( I'm absolutely gutted, my eyes are my life, and I read and write so much that the thought of not being able to do as much is killing me.

I actually got an email from a 'friend' the other day saying maybe it was payback time for all the dreadful things I had done, which quite frankly didn't help matters, and no doubt other people will think that way, but hey, we make our bed and now I'm lying in it, in a darkened room with a cold compress on my forehead lol.

So bear with me followers, and stick around, because I have so much to write and so much to say and don't want it all to disappear just because I'm sick at the moment. I will be better soon, I know I will, I have to be, I'm determined, and with the love and support of those around me I will come through it, but if it all goes horribly wrong you will just have to listen to my dulcet tones on podcast instead :)

Thanks for being patient everyone, and I'll be back to my fabulous self before you know it :)


Sunday, 5 July 2009

Have I become too choosy?

"Can't you see beyond his ear?" my friend asked when I told her why 3 date Dave wasn't getting a 4th. "Seriously, its like tracing paper - the light shone behind it and I could see the veins!!" I said. Sadly, although I could see through his ear I couldn't see past it to a future with him.

I used to put up with a lot, I was never too choosy, if he was attractive and had a good personality I could cope with most things, but the night I made my excuses to leave a date with a man who had a belly button piercing, seemed to signal the dawning of my choosy phase. I had visions his penis would resemble a rusty breakers yard and quite frankly I didn't want to stick around to find out. The last time I had encountered an intimate piercing I regretted it for a week, after catching it on a filling and almost biting it off with the shock and pain. If anyone has ever chewed on silver foil with a filling you will know the pain and reluctance to repeat the act!!

I had gone through many more first dates from Chris - the man with the body of Adonis but the personality of a plastic parrot, too-short Steve, clingy Brendan, and of course who could forget wet-kiss Kevin? His kiss produced more saliva than a restrained Boxer dog being held inches away from a char grilled sirloin steak. I had practically gagged on his tongue, it was so far down my throat, but, when I pulled away, the amount of spit strung between our chins could have flooded a small country!

So yes, I guess you could say I am fussy. I know I shouldn't judge a bloke on such small matters and I may sound incredibly shallow, but I can't help it. First impressions count, and I bet I'm not alone in this.

I've never seen the harm in aiming high, but the thing is, I've been single for years. Of course this is partly through choice and naturally because of the number of attached men I date and enjoy seeing, but sometimes I wonder if I do that because, if they don't live up to my expectations I can run away and no one is hurt, or because I genuinely don't believe I will ever get past my fussy, picky, ridiculous selection process.

Why am I so fussy? I guess because every bad date or relationship I have had has given me another box on my checklist of no nos, and as such it is now completely out of hand.

Ok I may be punching above my weight expecting the equivalent of a combination of Johnny Depp, Rufus Sewell, David Beckham, Heath Ledger, Colin Farrell and Jason Manford, but I wouldn't buy a pair of shoes if I didn't like the look of them and if I worried they might hurt me, so why settle for that in a man?

My friend is always full of great advice and said "It's all well and good having high standards but how would you feel if a bloke dumped you because of a birthmark?" She's totally right. While I'm waiting for Mr Perfect and dating Mr Attached I'm writing off a potentially fabulous boyfriend, because his ears, naval architecture or kissing technique, before I've even got to know him properly. That's the real reason I've been single so long.

So, although I don't intend giving up in my knight in Prada shoes just yet, I have decided - for now - to ditch my ridiculous checklist. And to prove it, this week, I've agreed to another date with a single man my friend set me up with.

Now, if only there was something I could do about his too shiny shoes...... :)