Thursday, 31 December 2009

The Silly Season ..... A late post :) Sorry!

It's here again, and Noddy Holder is screaming in my head, constantly. We are all sick of the same question 'Are you ready for Christmas?' Yes of course I am, because its Just One Day! The shops are closed for Just One Day. The country stops for Just One Day. We all go mad for Just One Day. So if something hasn't been done for Just One Day, so what? If we haven't bought enough food, tough, none of us are going to starve if we only have 18 boxes of chocolates in the house instead of 24! If we have forgotten a Christmas present for someone then we deserve a slap for not being organised enough, but tough, does it really matter? I'm sure we all have a spare box of chocolates in the pile of 18, or a spare bottle of wine in the cellar we seem to have created for Just One Day, that we can wrap as an emergency stand by present. If we haven't bought enough booze, then tough. If we haven't put up enough decorations or sprayed fake snow on our windows, then tough, because after all, its Just One Day!

I laugh every time someone asks because its such a serious subject. They ask as if they are enquiring that we are ready for the impending nuclear war, resulting in us being barricaded in the house for three months!

But with the question 'Are you ready for Christmas?' comes the underlying double meaning for those having affairs, both the married partners and the mistresses. It doesn't refer to one day at all. It refers to the nightmare two weeks, the week before and up to ten days after the 'Just One Day'. Before, during and after, kids are off school and loitering around the house, with nothing to do, bored and cold. They can't be kicked out to play like they can during the summer holidays and of course, in this weather, its a miracle they even get out of bed. The other halves are either off work, or are stepping up the stress levels because its 'their' time of year to excel, when they turn into a cross between Delia Smith and Anthea Turner. The house has to be immaculate, the food prepared weeks in advance, presents bought and wrapped, cards written, and all of it produced with military precision, the husband increasingly dragged into the chaos because she can't cope with the pressure.

Then the big day arrives, and the family descend, or you're dragged reluctantly to a relatives house. The drinking starts far too early, so you're sick of it by the time Queenie starts saying her bit. You eat far too much, and spend the entire day with people you only see a handful of times a year. You have to make endless conversation, play pointless games, arguments break out, kids sulk and stomp off to a corner of their bedroom. The Mrs gets more and more stressed during the serving of the big meal. The turkey is dry (as always), no matter how many Delia and Jamie books she has read. The vegetables have been crucified and boiled to resemble pale replicas of their former selves. The roasties have been cremated, too crispy for even a chipmunk to chew. Pudding is served and for the only time during the year you suffer an overdose of dried fruit and cream in the form of Christmas cake, Christmas pudding and mince pies. You top it all off with an excessive quantity of chocolates from the 18 in the pile, you crumple into a heap, and to avoid another dull conversation, fall asleep on the sofa, snoring and dribbling.

In amongst this nightmare a huge proportion of married men are looking at their wife, remembering the early Christmas' when they spent the build up, and most of the following week, tucked up in bed, and brought the new year in very drunk, kissing passionately and making love, starting the year as they meant to go on. But then Christmas and new year started to change. Families became involved, children arrived, debt and stress mounted up, and before they know it the problems appearing during the year are magnified at Christmas. I know so many men who spend Christmas day wishing they were somewhere else, trying to find a moment to sneak off with the phone to quickly send a text to their mistress to tell them they are being thought of.

Now from the mistress' point of view, she receives one text, no doubt sent from the toilet, how flattering, but is grateful that he managed to think of her at all. The stereotypical view we have of the mistress is sitting on her own with a ready-meal for one from the freezer, her solitary tiny Christmas tree twinkling in the dark as she cries, alone, from Christmas eve through to Boxing day, singing Whitney Houston songs and watching endless weepy chick flicks.

I am a mistress, and have been for many years. Not once, in all those years, have I spent Christmas on my own crying and pining over a man!

My Christmas is spent with my family and I love it. I never have any issue about where I'm going to spend it. I don't have a fight about which family's house we will be at for the 'big meal'. I never worry about who will be offended if I don't go there. I spend three days with my family and, although I occasionally think of my men during that time, I don't pine over anyone. I don't worry if they are having fun or not, I don't worry if they are pining over me, and I don't get upset for a second thinking about them playing 'Happy Families' together. Life is too short and anyone who knows me, and knows how I live my life, will appreciate that I don't get remotely sentimental about these things.

Being a Serial Mistress comes with several added bonuses too. I get the opportunity to celebrate Christmas several times over. I get to eat several Christmas dinners between the beginning of December and the second week in January. They feel guilty for neglecting their mistress on Christmas day, without realising that I wouldn't have it any other way, so I get beautiful presents, fabulous dinners and lunches, a huge amount of attention and affection, and apologies for being 'let down' at Christmas. I let them have their guilt and embrace it. If it makes them feel better by spoiling me and making it up to me, then so it will be :)

I must admit I do think of my men now and then, but most of the time it is tinged with a feeling of sadness and pity for them, and for their wives and families. Firstly, life is too short to spend any day, especially Christmas day, somewhere you don't want to be, with people you don't want to be around and doing the things you HAVE to do, instead of what you WANT to do. Secondly, its not fair for the wife, going to all the trouble of putting together the perfect Christmas, with matching napkins co-ordinated with the Christmas decorations on the tree, only for her husband to wish he was somewhere else. But, I wonder, if she didn't spend so long worrying about the fine details of the day, stressed and panicking about it all, maybe he wouldn't be looking elsewhere in the first place, and wishing the day away.

So, during the silly season, for all the mistresses out there, enjoy it with the people you love, your family and friends, and be grateful for having them. Don't pine over any man, you will see him soon enough. It is not the downside of being a mistress, its the great part. You have a fabulous present, he is being ultra attentive before and will be after, and you get a chance to catch up on some normality with your friends. And of course, you never know who you might meet on a Christmas or New Year night out, especially with some mistletoe in your hand :)

For all the marrieds reading this, I wish you well, and hope its not too much of a nightmare over the holiday period. If you have kids, remember its for them, spend quality time with them, play with their toys, and don't forget to buy lots of batteries. If you're playing host to several relatives then try your best to enjoy it and make the most of having lots of people in your life who care enough to visit you. Thinking logically about these things, if you give the Mrs some money as a present you can encourage her to hit the sales for several visits, leaving you time to speak to your mistress. Find some bits of work you need to do over the holiday period and sneak away for an hour or two, even if its just to pick up the phone to her, she will appreciate it. It all just needs some logical thinking, not just at Christmas but anytime there is a holiday period looming.

Some people will be on their own, and as much as it feels like a nightmare two weeks, its actually only one day. Christmas day is over before you blink, and the text messages and emails all resume very soon afterwards, especially if you have a clever lover :) In all the years I've been doing this I have hardly missed any of the guys I've been seeing, and they have all managed texts or emails during the holidays, and have been incredibly attentive on either side of the break.

So it's never a depressing, desperate situation. Its just a short time in your life you have to be apart and its amazing how quickly it will be January and everything will be back to normal :)

To 2010...

Wishing all of my family, friends, fans and followers a stunning 2010.
To all the men, be charming and thoughtful.
To all the women, be fabulous and sparkly.

I hope you all have a fantastic evening, and welcome the new year in style. Tell all those you love just how much they mean to you, and don't spend it with people who make you frown, it only makes you look old :)

2010 holds promise for everyone, and nothing is impossible :)

Good luck and good wishes to everyone xx

Saturday, 5 December 2009

I don't normally do a tiny post with just a link, but I wanted anyone who doesn't follow my fellow blogger to visit her site, have a look at her very entertaining posts, and show your appreciation of all she has to share with us.

And of course I wanted to also say thank you to her for the huge compliment regarding my interview with JVS the other day.

Enjoy - I know I always do xxx

Friday, 4 December 2009

Thursday, 3 December 2009

Tiger's 'Personal Sins'....

I don't know whether to thank Tiger Woods or not :)

Yet again, infidelity has hit the headlines, good and proper, thanks to Tiger and his 'wicked ways' as they keep describing his indiscretions. He has slipped up, obviously, and left evidence all over the place, just as Bill Clinton did, but these women have kept all of the necessary proof of an affair (for a long time, I might add) just in case! I suppose that's the price to pay when you're incredibly famous, and dating a 'financially challenged' cocktail waitress. But of course, because the world is aware of his behaviour, and shocked by the downfall of this 'squeaky clean' sportsman, the subject is being discussed on practically every live radio or TV show.

I appeared on Adrian Goldberg's show on TalkSport last night and Jonathan Vernon Smith's BBC Three Counties show this afternoon, speaking about whether a relationship could survive an affair. Both shows were interesting, and clearly the more this country talks about the subject, the more acceptable it is becoming. I thankfully received no grief, there was no criticism of the women involved in Mr Wood's 'personal sins', and it seems he is the only one at fault now, which is progress in my eyes, and significant progress too.

I've spent the last year hearing how hateful and outrageous I am, choosing to date married men I should be ashamed of myself, stealing men from their wives, wrecking families, destroying children's security, etc, but regular followers of my activities know that is never on the agenda, and I wouldn't dream of having any part in a marriage break up, so, today, it was very interesting to hear support for what I do and also agreement for my comments about an affair actually repairing a broken relationship, or improving a stale marriage.

I have always considered an affair, fling, one night stand or even a flirt, as some form of marital aid, but have been criticised for thinking that way. Its remarkable how many people I know who have been closely affected by an affair or 'indiscretion' and are now stronger than ever. They have forgiven, but not necessarily forgotten, and both are now making far more effort, its kicked the complacency into touch. That can only be a good thing, surely. Admittedly the initial anger, disappointment and hurt can provoke some extreme reactions - if the stories about Tiger's 'club-wielding' wife are to be believed. I've seen the effects of that shock, but after some adult conversation, improved communication and plenty of understanding, it is possible to put all of that anger behind you, move on and improve the flagging relationship.

I'm so sorry for Tigers wife, its a hell of a way to find out about his 'personal sins' and it makes a mockery of that squeaky clean image he has been cultivating for years. Why don't men just admit, and women accept, that they are never that pure, and all, regardless of how committed to their God, are capable of succumbing to temptation.

However, thanks to the recent press activity, I am pleased to see that the world is becoming more accepting of 'the Mistress' position, I know I will never be seen as an angel, or heroine, for what I do, but over time, hopefully, I will be able to walk down the street without the fear of being tied to a chair and dunked in the local lake! :)

Thursday, 26 November 2009

How loud is acceptable?...

I've spent the past three days listening to the monotonous oooos and ahhhhhs of my neighbour and his lover. The scary thing is, I live in a small village in the North York moors, in a very old cottage, with incredibly solid walls. I shouldn't really be able to hear anything with 18" thick Yorkshire stone between us, but I can! I have heard her before, and very occasionally I've heard him, lets say I certainly know which religion he follows! :) I have cruelly joked with him about her noises, making him believe, from a female perspective, that they are false and she is clearly faking it! :)

After listening to him pleasure her repeatedly for three days I was, firstly, frustrated as hell, cos I should have been doing it too, instead of listening to her! Secondly, bored of hearing the same ooo ooo ooo ooo ahhhhhhh, over and over, with no change of tone, no alternate vocabulary, no screaming 'F**k me harder big boy'. And thirdly, I was so impressed at his incredible stamina, considering he is 63 years old! She is 42 by the way, so I have full respect for him :) And apparently that is all without the help of Viagra - or so I am led to believe. He manages to keep this performance up, regularly, and I know, from our weekly catch up over coffee, that the 42 year old is not the only filly in the stable!

I asked him this morning, following my three sleepless nights, if he could ever hear me when I'm 'at it'. I'm not sure if the grin gave it away or not, but I'm finding it hard to believe that his 'No, absolutely not' was the truth! If I can hear her then I'm pretty sure he can hear me, because, I'll be frank, I'm not the quietest when I am in the throes of passion.

I have curbed my 'enthusiasm' a little more lately, since a former lover had a fit of giggles following a particularly vigorous evening of fun, and announced that I 'sounded like a porn film'!!! I was mortified, and puzzled, because I thought men actually preferred that, but apparently not! I must say, to all the guys who are reading this right now, please, don't ever, for any reason, fall about in a fit of laughter, when you've literally just pulled your dripping cock out of someone. It doesn't make a girl feel particularly special. Having fun while making love is great, and it should be a giggle, but laughing uncontrollably is unacceptable!

Anyway, I haven't, as yet, had any complaints from the neighbours, but as they are both men I'm not sure they would complain or even comment, and they are probably wearing away a small ridge in the wall where they are pressing the upturned glass. But in all the homes I've had I've never heard anyone complain about or even discuss my vocal ability.

I was recently reading in the paper about the couple who had been arrested for their excessive noise during sex, and this wasn't their first time. The woman already had an ASBO for it, and broke that within two days of receiving it! The Environmental Health Inspector recorded the sound and found it reached unacceptable decibel levels, even through a brick wall. Is it the ultimate crime when an Englishman is disturbed in his castle? Would we complain about music being played too loud, or is it simply because of the nature of the noise that we have an issue? If they had lived next door to someone who was having just as much sex, or was turned on by the sound of someone having sex, would they have been prosecuted? Is it possible they scored for a prudish neighbour and any level of sound would have disturbed her?

So I'm clearly going to have to keep the noise down when I'm 'busy' in the bedroom. I don't want to be arrested or get a reputation in the village for 'sounding like a porn star'. I already have enough reputations in this village, without adding to them :)

I will have to get a decibel meter to check how loud the 42 year old is getting when she is faking it! :) It would make the village mutter even more than usual if a pensioner was arrested for excessive noise during vigorous sex.

But I'm curious to hear from my followers what they consider is loud when it comes to the cries of passion. I've asked several friends if they make any noise during sex. Most of my friends have kids and have learnt to keep it down, and one friend who served his time in the army, and then in prison, definitely learnt how to keep the noise to an absolute minimum when he was pleasuring himself and that has passed over to his sex life with his partner. In fact, he told me, he makes love in total silence.

I'm not sure I could bear that. I'm vocal, I love my partner to be vocal, and not just the monotonous oooos and ahhhhhs, but the dirty talk, saying how it feels and of course the 'F**k me harder' orders :) So how loud is too loud? What is acceptable and do you like to be quiet or noisy? I'd love to know if I'm unusual and if he was justified in laughing heartily and saying I sounded like a porn star! :)

Sunday, 22 November 2009

It never stops....

The abuse never stops, peoples opinions never change, no matter how much I explain what I do, no matter how many times I say I don't wreck families, no matter how many times I try to help those who don't understand what and why I do it, to see that I cause no harm, still the abuse continues. I get offensive mail from people, and now I'm even getting abused on Facebook! Ah well, I suppose these things will always happen, because those who are quick to criticise tend not to be intelligent enough to see both sides of an argument. Apparently I'm a 'sad old slapper' with no life, that's refreshing don't you think? :) But being criticised for the spot I do on Adrian's show on TalkSport is unacceptable. I go on there because Adrian asks me to. We have a great time, a laugh, a chat and we help people with their problems. We help those with issues they can't necessarily talk to anyone else about, and we broaden the minds of the listeners who may never have come across some of our subjects, its educational but most of all its great fun. I always knew I would be leaving myself open to criticism, no matter what form of media exposure I get, but I'm always gobsmacked at how critical complete strangers can be, even when they have been given all of the facts.

I suppose I'm getting used to it now, but it still doesn't make it any nicer. I won't stop what I'm doing just because someone says 'Stop it you slapper', because I'm pretty sure I'm happier with my life than they are with theirs. Too many people lash out at those who are living their lives how they WANT to, as opposed to how they need to. My life is mine, and always will be, and because of that I will take the abuse and harassment on the chin and it will change nothing, so bring it on, one and all, do your worst, it still won't stop me!!! :)

I'm happy with my life because its mine, are you happy with yours??!!?

Dumpers and Dumpees.....

Following an interesting tweet from a fellow Twitter fan the other day I started to think about dumpers and dumpees, but I also wanted to share a very funny text moment from Friday night.

My friend made an observation about men who think women are bitches when we decide not to go any further with them. We chat via the Internet, get to know a little about each other, and make the decision to progress to pictures but if a woman decides there is no 'chemistry' when she has seen it, she is branded a frigid bitch who wouldn't know a good thing if it slapped her! When a man rejects a woman she takes it with dignity and moves on, at least I know my friends and I always have. After all, its only a picture, and we can't all look like Julia Roberts. As my friend said, not every man on the planet is my cup of tea, and we totally understand if we are not exactly what he is looking for too. When we have been told we are 'not my type', or he has logged off and dropped off the planet, we know it's his loss, and feel sorry for him not realising what he's just walked away from, but we usually down a bottle of crisp white and laugh heartily about him, but never say anything hateful, there's simply no point. Why lose your dignity over a picture. But men? Not so much. They don't seem to like women who know their own mind, and decide not to take the conversation or meetings any further. Naturally we are all bitches and the character assassination from them kicks in fairly quickly, with insults about our looks and 'the reason we're single' etc. This always makes me laugh, but it strikes me as quite sad. Is it an indication of our society today? The men seem to think single women, or any woman in fact, should be grateful to be with them, thankful for the attention and thrilled that they are being taken down off that dusty shelf. But, when we decide we don't want to be dusted off by that particular specimen of male, we are nuts and want our heads looking at. When did men start thinking all women were desperate?

I realised this was happening last week, when I had been speaking to a hot, fit, nice (or so I thought) younger guy on the net. He seemed fine online, he was funny, sweet, considerate, attentive and always turned up on line when he said he would. Although he wasn't one of life's brightest people it was promising, and it was good fun getting to know him online. We covered all the usual small talk, what are you looking for, what do you do, what are your favourite films, what do you like to do with your spare time, etc etc, and as boring as that actually gets, he did seem interesting and funny. This was clearly his 'online persona'. It couldn't have been different from his real personality. Due to circumstances we spoke on line and via text but not on the phone for quite a while. As time went on, he talked more and more about his work and his friends. He became a little dull, I started having second thoughts about it, but I persevered. He started almost every conversation talking about himself, in fact he even got as far as not asking how I was before he started telling me about him and his day. His business was landscape gardening, so he was constantly banging on about gardening every conversation could, he talked about it so much he would have made Alan Titchmarsh nod off. But all along I kept thinking nice guy, not intellectual, not cultured, not well educated but he's running a business, he clearly knows what he's doing, so he cant be that bad.

Naturally, because of his profession, his days were always ruled by the weather, unpredictable as it can be, and for that reason, and because I had been busy, we had not managed to meet. We had agreed to meet last week, which went against my normal 'rules' I try to stick to, of never meeting someone face to face without speaking on the phone first, but we seemed to have been talking for so long I thought it would cause no harm. Unfortunately, on the day of our meeting, he was needed to do some work, so he called me the night before to apologise and reschedule for another day.

As I saw his number appear I had a momentary stomach flip and I thought 'gosh its our first conversation, how exciting'. Meeting someone new always holds this excitement for me, and every picture, every text message, every email and every call from someone new makes me have a little stomach flip (until I meet them and realise it wasn't worth it!!) :)

On this occasion though, the second I picked up the phone, and heard the heavy Cumbrian accent for the first time, I knew it was never going to work (ever). I appreciated the call, and his apologetic manner, and chatted with him, reassuring him that I didn't mind him cancelling. He didn't know that I was secretly relieved by it. He ended the call saying he couldn't wait to meet me, and we carried on with our evening. I got a text message about twenty minutes later apologising again, and telling me I sounded 'fabulous' and he would see me as soon as he could. Oh dear!!

We carried on chatting for another day and he seemed desperate to meet me, but as time went on I realised I was giving him false hope so I called it off, explaining that I didn't think we were well suited, and the timing was bad, and we clearly had problems getting together because of work etc. I wanted to tell him the truth but it seemed a little harsh, so I made my excuses, made sure he was fine with the decision, and moved on. I had deleted his number and had assumed all was done and dusted when I got a barrage of drunken text messages two nights later.

He started by demanding an explanation, closely followed by insults about me lying to him, leading him on and finally being too fat and old for him anyway!! I was patient, ignoring most of the texts but occasionally replying with a polite 'That is your opinion hun, I hope you find what you're looking for'. As I ignored a few more, the insults came thick and fast, ranging from ugly to 'I'm not surprised you're single' and 'You must be desperate for a man to be looking on that site for someone!' My ignoring him was clearly making him worse. Eventually when he asked me what the real reason was I decided I'd taken enough and bluntly told him 'I don't think we are intellectually matched, I don't think we have enough in common and your behaviour tonight has confirmed to me that we were never going to get along. We are from different backgrounds, but I'm certain you will find someone more on your level very soon, and I wish you every happiness, but there really is no need to be hassling or insulting me because you are showing your true colours and I don't like them. Please take my decision with dignity and don't text me again, thank you'.

Immediately I got back 'Snoby Biatch, R U saying Im dum?'
'No', I replied, 'I'm simply saying we aren't suited, but your behaviour tonight is making me question if you are being a little stupid, please just drop it now, I wish you well.'
A silence fell, no texts arrived for two hours, then the all time classic text appeared on my phone.
'I def. not think!!'

I smiled to myself, deleted it and got on with my evening :) (And no folks, before you ask, its not a typo, letter for letter that is exactly what he said) :)

Why do men have to behave so badly when a woman is honest enough to say 'We're not suited'. You'd think a guy would be grateful to find that out before he goes to the expense of meeting in person.

Women have to be dignified when they are told the truth, if they behave as he did they are labelled as 'unstable' or 'psycho', but a man can voice his disappointment in hideous insults but is never chastised for it, well here it is!!

To all the men out there who may not be 'suited' to a new potential partner, handle that rejection with dignity and pride, show some manners and never call her names just because she chose not to date you. You clearly didn't think she was 'old' or 'fat' when you were begging to meet her, so don't say hideous things to her after she has decided to call it a day. Trust me guys, calling a woman names is NEVER going to make her change her mind, fall into your arms and say 'silly me, what was I thinking, you're perfect'!!!

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

What constitutes an affair?...

An article as seen in the Daily Mail - ok, not the greatest paper in the world, we know that from my own article, but still an interesting piece about what constitutes an affair.

I had planned on writing a blog post similar, and was interested in my readers views, but you're all welcome to read this one and I'll work on mine and post it soon.

Saturday, 31 October 2009

How many men is too many? .....

I've been here before, and even been here with the unforgiving press. I was asked by a presenter on a radio show recently, and managed to body swerve the question beautifully, but yet again I'm asked by a potential lover "What is your magic number? How many men have you had sex with?"

My first reaction was 'Why do you want to know?' Secondly 'Is it important?' But its a question guaranteed to strike fear into any sexually confident and active woman. Do you round it down so he doesn't think bad of you or bump it up so he thinks you're more adventurous? Is there actually a right number?

I've discovered that a high number for a man makes him a stud, for a woman, she's a slut. But the truth is women now enjoy more sexual freedom than ever before. Why not be proud of your number? I am. I just choose not to reveal it :)

In the world of internet dating and rampant rabbits women, and especially me, don't sit around wondering where the next orgasm is going to come from. We go out and find it. If we want it we know exactly where to look for it. We wouldn't walk away from a fabulous pair of shoes on payday, so why turn down an impromptu night of passion if that's what takes your fancy?

More women now think its fine to have sex on the first date, and an even greater number would think it normal, and almost expected, to jump into bed within the first month of knowing a new man. So, if its so much fun, why are we reluctant to talk about it and why are men so judgemental about it? If women are having lots of impromptu fun then they must be having it with men, but those men seem to think we should all be virgins before we hit the sack, but whores once we are there.

The best thing about being a woman in todays world, single or attached, is we have sexual choice, but the sad thing is, men can be very judgemental, and have double standards. Its ok for them to have notched up quite a tally in the bedroom but he really doesn't want to think we have. They like us to be filthy in bed, but not know how or where we learnt it. I guess we should tell them we perfected the art of the blow job by reading books about it! :)

When it comes to a long term relationship, men find it easier to trust a woman who has had four long term attachments rather than 40 one night stands, but then the same man spends the rest of his days looking for someone who can make his toes curl in bed, someone like me, a mistress, and it goes without saying that she will be an experienced, adventurous woman.

The men I meet have married the virgin but then they choose to play with the dirty girl who will do all the things his wife won't do. Its a double standard. So given the reasoning behind his choice you wonder why it would be important or even of interest how many partners his mistress has had.

The dilemma posed to women who have affairs, and the single woman out there, is 'should we be experienced, honest about it and risk being judged, or should we be chaste, honest about it and risk being a disappointment?' Because we are not living up to the Sex and the City lifestyle, would men think us prudish?

Let me give you an example. I recently met a man, a very charming, sweet man, but within the first few days of chatting he was asking me about my sexual preferences. You know the conversation girls, the 'What turns you on? Do you spit or swallow? Do you watch porn? Do you like anal sex? Do you have any toys? etc etc' conversation. We all know the routine backwards, or is that just me? Men seem in such a rush! He wanted me to send dirty pics, which I drew the line at, but otherwise I was honest and open, as I always am. I have never seen the point in hiding anything, and surely the key to a fulfilling sexual relationship is being able to communicate.

We chatted a great deal for several weeks until he finally arranged to meet. We had built a fabulous rapport, some intense sexual chemistry and a great friendship. We had planned dinner before we even thought of doing anything else, and we knew it would build the tension too. Anticipation can be a very strong aphrodisiac.

During dinner we were having a lovely time, great food, great conversation, several glasses of wine. And then it happened, the dreaded question. 'You've been single for a while Karen, and obviously dating, and if you've had this chemistry with other men before me then you clearly have slept with alot of them. So how many men have you had sex with?'

I was floored, it came out of nowhere, and I have never seen the point of asking it, so I tried to lighten the conversation and steer away from the seriousness of it by answering 'This week?' His face dropped. His sense of humour had clearly deserted him just as dessert had arrived.

I smiled, assured him I was joking and asked 'Why do you need to know?' I genuinely wanted an answer to this, wondering about his motive for asking. Was it to find out if I had more experience than him? Was it to find out if he could officially label me a slut and run screaming before paying the bill?

'I was just curious' was his response. This was not enough for me. Curiosity doesn't justify totalling killing the smooth flowing conversation and rapport, so I stepped up on my proverbial soapbox and said 'If I say a high number you'll be edging towards the door thinking I know too much and have had more experience than you. That will then make you incredibly insecure in bed and you will assume the role of auditioning porn star hoping that is what I need to satisfy me. Its not! If I give a low number you will assume I have rounded down and haven't told you the full truth just to make you feel better. So either way I will never win.

You will start analysing how long I have been single, how long I have been a Serial Mistress, how many men the press articles claim I have had, and where I have lived in the world. Short of doing a Powerpoint presentation complete with graphs and pie charts I doubt you will ever be happy with the answer.

The magic number doesn't reflect anything. I started very late, I had the occasional shag fest when I was single, I had 12 years of a faithful marriage and have been in a handful of faithful relationships since. I admit I love sex, I admit I love the thrill of meeting a new partner, but if I met the man for me I would happily settle into a faithful relationship again. However, considering you are here interviewing me for the position of your mistress and not your wife, I think my number is totally irrelevant.

If I meet a man who I want to spend the rest of my life with I wont mind if I'm his first, 19th or even his 223rd. I'll just want to be his last.

But until then I will continue to be the sensual, adventurous, vivacious, single woman I am, making choices about my sex life and although I am incredibly choosy about who I see I will still get what I set my mind on. If you want to be part of that, and hope I choose you then that will be lovely, but if that's too much for you to handle then I will thank you for dinner and hope you find the chaste girl you are looking for.'

I stepped down off my soapbox and sat quietly sipping my Chablis. I was glad he had asked the question before we had got past dinner and moved on to something more, because his face was no longer the smile I had enjoyed looking at for the past two hours. I had my answer there, and I bid him goodnight. I got a text message later that evening apologising for bringing the subject up, and for his reaction, but he had expected a 'less experienced' woman as his mistress. He really did need to alter his chat up style then, because I'm not sure a 'less experienced' woman would appreciate being asked 'Do you spit or swallow' within the first few days of chatting!! Men!! They make me laugh sometimes! :)

Anyway, I think my 'soapbox' moment had probably scared him off as much as my reluctance to answer, however I would not do anything differently. Men brag about their sex tally for the same reason women hide theirs - insecurity. That's why my advice would always be when asked what your magic number is, don't answer! I'd had more than enough lovers by the time I was 40 - simply because I enjoyed having sex when I was single - but I'd never tell a partner exactly how many it was. Once paranoia sets in, it can ruin a relationship. When men ask that question, its because they want reassurance. But there's only a minute chance he'll get the answer he wants. However, contrary to how I handled it, I'd advise against refusing point blank to respond - that could make a woman look guilty of notching up more men than hot dinners. Instead, steer the conversation away with a few relationship-affirming compliments that will make him feel like he's the only man in the world, and he should soon lose interest in the original question.

As a single girl there should never be anyone who can tell me who I can or can't have sex with, and so long as I always have safe sex, which I do, I can see no problem in my healthy sex drive and love of excitement. There isn't a manual teaching you exactly how to have sex, like everything it comes with practice, and to be as confident as I am you have to figure there has been more than one! Having relationships with different men has helped me grow sexually and I don't think I would have learnt so much with one long term partner. For me it has always been about variety. Even in a long term relationship I have tried so many things because creativity and imagination is such a turn on. I know I'm a much better lover because of my relationship past and now I'm confident enough to ask for exactly what I want in bed. Talking about sex is not as dangerous as talking about the magic number, which can open a can of worms, creating jealousy and insecurity, and ruining a perfectly good dinner!! :)

Thursday, 29 October 2009

My latest LoveHoney review.....

The Sqweel!!!

Its magnificent!

There are pictures and a description on my Erotic Mistress blog if you prefer to look there.


Monday, 26 October 2009

Back in action....

My followers and friends have been wonderfully patient with me. I had been dating several people for quite some time and blogging along with it, but due to personal and health reasons I decided to take a step back, and away from everyone and everything for a while. It did me the world of good. I took some time for myself, to reassess what I wanted and why I was here, not just on the net, but in every part of my life. I also managed to catch up on lots of things I'd been meaning to do for a while, namely writing my book. But now I'm back in the thick of things, and enjoying it more than ever. Sometimes we need a breath of fresh air before we put our heads down and start again (but reading that, and knowing what I do, it sounds terribly rude!! lol).

I had expected to be back before now, but things just kept happening, delaying my return, but now I'm back, and hopefully my followers will appreciate my musings, as much as I have appreciated their patience. Thank you all for sticking around, and thank you all for not hassling me to death about my silence :)

Hopefully over the next week or two new stories and adventures will appear, now I am back in the land of dating, and back in the land of Illicit Encounters, and of course back in my life as the Serial Mistress :)

I'm back everyone, and you all have permission to email me and give me grief if I don't blog enough, or my writing isn't interesting enough :)

Thank you all again for sticking around, hope you enjoy the next exciting installments of the Serial Mistress and her blogs xxxx

Saturday, 24 October 2009

Compulsive dating...

I am back in the world of dating, but I am taking it slowly, because I realised before I took my break, I was dating for all the wrong reasons. It had turned into a bizarre addiction, not in the damaging way drugs, drink or cigarettes would, but in a time consuming way, that hopefully I am now over :)

I was a member of several dating and social networking sites, but most importantly Illicit Encounters, one of the largest and most successful, and the only one that worked very well for me. Over the years, while I talked to lots of guys and met quite a few dates, including several fabulous friends, Mr Right was taking his time making an appearance in my life. Although I wasn't on there to settle down into a routine relationship I was looking for that connection with someone I wanted to see often. I was impatient for his arrival, and in the meantime, for as much attention from potential dates as I could get. Before long, I was losing hours of my valuable time hungrily scouring the profiles of candidates who had mailed me, and starting conversations with men I didn't know.

You'd think that such activity would have thrown a few choice morsels my way – after all, quantity equals quality, right? Wrong! Not only did I begin to start clicking 'Yes' to profiles of guys that I had little interest in, I started to spend too much time on Facebook and Twitter, talking to anyone who seemed able to string a sentence together, or looked amazing on their pictures. I had no intention of meeting any of these people but talking to them had become an addiction that devoured even more time, obsessively chasing after the elusive crock of gold, that man who had everything, was perfect, and we all know he doesn't exist! An unconscious hole in my psyche was not being satisfied, and I was making myself insane.

It came to a head when I woke up one morning, and realised my first impulse was to log in to see if I had messages – this, after another late night surfing. I wanted to log on even more than I wanted my regular hit of espresso. My fingertips itched for the keyboard. Clearly, something was awry. I had to find a way to step away from my laptop, dating, and my needy impulses. I had to get my life back.

Apparently I was not alone in having this experience. It is a phenomenon that is on the increase, among both women and men. As internet dating takes up a larger slice of the dating pie, the slice that formerly included meeting people at work, through friends, or in bars and social activities, it is becoming more and more like shopping. We have become dating 'consumers'.

So, what's going on? Is all this frantic searching leading to an increase in smug attachments? Is Cupid having to take on more staff to cope with the influx of new couple registrations? No, not really. Because there may be hundreds of thousands of us looking for love online, and we may be making connections, but our expectations are becoming less and less realistic.

It is easy to lose sight of what I really want, and who I am, and get caught up in the thrill of the chase, the competition, the euphoria of a success. It can end up being as much about escapist fantasy as it is about a genuine desire to meet a partner. When that happens, I am not only more likely to lose my sense of 'self', but less likely to 'see' that special person when he comes along too.

What's a singleton to do then? Well, if I truly want to meet someone special, I have to stay grounded, and hold on to my perspective. This means restricting how long I spend online. It means having a realistic expectation of what online dating can provide. First and foremost, it should be fun, a way of meeting people that enhances my search (and my life), rather than dominate it. It also means investing as much (or more) energy on creating real-life encounters as virtual ones. Because apparently datable people do still exist in the real world, too, you know.

I can't guarantee that someone will come along immediately, but there's a small chance they will. All I need to do is inject some balance into the heady, sometimes crazy, often compulsive world that is online dating.

Thursday, 24 September 2009


Sincere apologies to my followers for my deafening silence. I've been taking some time out from the mistress world for many personal reasons, but I'm back now. I had stopped Twittering, blogging and visiting my favourite sites, but I have missed it. Sorted out many things in my head and now is the time to carry on with my interesting, funny or depressing tales and opinions. Forgive me for neglecting you all, and hopefully you will keep following me now I'm back :)

Hope everyone is doing ok, and I haven't missed much :) xxxx

Husbands are like fires, they go out when unattended :)

But there is always another woman around clutching a poker! :)

Thursday, 27 August 2009

How to spot a married man...

As a Serial Mistress I obviously know a thing or two about married men. As I meet them online I guess its fairly easy, they have 'married' in their profile :) But for the girls out there who are out and about, dating in clubs and pubs, or meeting guys off regular dating sites, I thought I'd give you a few pointers for spotting married men, who might not have confessed to being attached :)

One or two will be obvious, but hopefully they will all help you spot the ones who are attempting to hide their marital status from the world.

  1. The white line on tanned fingers where his wedding band should be. There is usually a dent or a line where they have quickly slid the ring off and into his pocket.
  2. Office hours communication, if he only wants to speak to you during the day, or offers lunch but never dinner then you need to consider he may well be attached. 'Please don't text me after 5' is usually a huge give away.
  3. He's reluctant to meet any of your friends or family, especially at the weekend, because it reduces the chance of him meeting someone he might actually know.
  4. You do solitary pursuits together, he's keen on quiet days in the countryside, staying home with a DVD or getting a take away rather than dinner in a restaurant. If he doesn't want to be seen in public with you its not because he doesn't want to share you or your time with anyone else, its because he doesn't want to be caught.
  5. His clothes will smell of fabric conditioner. Its a well known fact that single men don't even know what fabric conditioner is, and only when they get hitched does the word 'Comfort' or 'Lenor' even enter their vocabulary.
  6. He disappears during dinner to 'make a quick phonecall'. It usually means he's saying goodnight to the wife and kids.
  7. He pays for everything with cash, or a business credit card, never his own, and he always destroys the receipt for whatever he has bought.
  8. He never 'plays' while wearing any clothes, and doesn't encourage affection when you're fully made up and he has a white shirt on. He's keen to be naked while you have fun together, and smartly folds his clothes instead of discarding them on the floor.
  9. He has baby wipes in his car even though he swears he has no children, they are remarkably good for getting make up out of things!
  10. Any present you ever buy for him he keeps at your house, and tells you its because he wants to use it only when he's with you.

I hope these help some girls, but then again its good fun dating married guys sometimes, but only when he's honest about it.

Good luck hunting girls :)

That fleeting moment...

Few of us have experienced a stranger chasing us down the street with a bunch of roses and a proposition too good to miss, but most of us have felt that fleeting attraction or connection with someone we have laid eyes on for the first time.

A knowing smile in a coffee shop queue, locking eyes on the train, or a chance encounter in the supermarket that's momentary but, in your mind, perfect. Its over in seconds but the memory lingers, and the romantic in us cant help thinking 'Did he feel that too?'

All too often we're scared to act on our gut instincts - but taking a chance on a gorgeous stranger is something we should all do more often.

It happened to me recently. I was standing on my local station platform when I noticed him walking towards me. He caught my eye and smiled, giving me a tiny wink. I returned the smile but I've never been great at winking without looking like I've got a facial tick. I noticed his aftershave as he brushed past me. It was my favourite and my knees almost buckled.

As the train arrived we stepped onto the same carriage. It was busy, with very few seats available, so for the short journey I sat facing a dull looking married couple mid argument, both with lips pursed and knuckles white. I pulled out my magazine and tried to concentrate on the latest idiotic celebrity gossip and glanced up only to notice 'Him' just about to sit down four rows away, facing me. I hid my head, heart pounding, trying to look engrossed in the new Balenciaga handbag range.

I could feel eyes burning into me so I looked up, he smiled and winked again. I held his gaze a little longer than I should have and then returned to my magazine.

He was getting off the train at the same station and I didn't expect anything of this chance encounter, after all its not terribly 'British' to approach a total stranger, but then I'm not as staid and reserved as most.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw him approaching and just as he was close my phone rang. I cursed it and answered it, thinking the opportunity had passed. He walked past me, headed up the stairs, glanced back once, smiled and continued on his way. I ended my call and carried on out of the station, mumbling under my breath that Fate sucked! Directly outside the station is a coffee shop, as I turned to pass it a voice asked if I wanted sugar in my Latte. Not sure if it was specifically aimed at me I stopped and turned, and there he was, with two coffees on the table in front of him. OK, it wasn't a bunch of flowers but it was close. He pushed the empty seat out with his foot and nodded towards it.

It was very bold of him, and slightly arrogant, but what is a girl to do? I sat down, and I never did get any shopping done that afternoon. Most women would have been offended by his assumptions but I'm not most women.

We got to know each other over the next couple of weeks and I discovered he was married but in a boring relationship - aren't they all? :) He said it was love at first sight which is always quite disturbing. I agreed it was lust, but after a little while dating I realised he wasn't for me, and suspected he was looking for an escape route.

I was incredibly flattered by his initial approach, and yes, it worked, it made me feel special, and attractive, and was most definitely very romantic, but as I got to know the real 'Him' I found the arrogance painful to be around. Confident men are fabulous, but when it tips over the edge into irritating arrogance it can only ever be unattractive. I also felt sorry for his wife (surprising coming from a Serial Mistress) but his approach had worked with me, how many other women had it worked with? Did he do this every week? Probably.

I pointed him in the direction of Illicit Encounters, telling him it might save him getting arrested if he 'approaches' the wrong woman! :) I'm sure one day someone will adore his arrogance, and he'll find exactly the right woman, but I will always appreciate his approach, and how he made me smile, even if it was briefly :)

Monday, 24 August 2009

BBC Radio Leeds...

Steve Baileys show this afternoon - only on for the next 7 days.

On from about 15 minutes into the show. Great interview if it hadn't been messed with! lol

Edited to death by the sounds of it, but hey ho, thats the risk you take with a pre-recorded show :)
Never ever again!!

Married with permission...

What an interesting day I've had. I spent the morning recording a piece for Radio Leeds (I'll post a link later) and then headed off to lunch with a potential new man. 'Not another' I hear you cry! But a first meeting is always good fun, and we all know they don't necessarily end up being anything more than a lunch.

On this occasion I'm not sure about taking it any further. He wasn't bad mannered, he wasn't unattractive, he wasn't impolite, in fact he was delightful company but 'different'. Not different in a way that would turn me off after first impressions, but following an enlightening conversation it has given me more food for thought than I actually ate at lunchtime :)

I'm used to dating married men, attached men, unavailable men, cheating, lying and hiding their indiscretions from the world, so this man threw me a little. We talked about his relationship and the situation at home, which I don't usually ask about, but he was keen to volunteer the information. It transpired that he had the full permission of his wife to meet another woman.

I immediately thought she must be disabled or dreadfully ill, she mustn't care about him or what he does, she must have been unable to give him sex for years, but no, I discovered they had a baby six months ago. After a difficult birth she was reluctant to resume sexual relations and recently asked him to join to find someone new to play with.

He was very upfront and honest about his situation and that itself is commendable but, from the perspective of the mistress, I was a little perturbed by it. I cast my mind back to the times we had spent chatting, building up to actually meeting face to face, and wondered how he had managed so long on the phone. He called me on Wednesday night last week and was on the phone for an hour, I assumed he was in his office, but apparently she had gone to the supermarket to give him time to get to know me. He had told her everything about me, shown her my profile, my pictures, and every text message we had exchanged. When we were nearing the end of our conversation last week he had received a text message. He said it was his wife and I made my excuses to hang up, the last thing I wanted was a man in trouble for speaking to another woman, but he showed me the text message today. It read "On my way home, do you need more time? Hope Karen has been as lovely as you hoped."

Now, I'm all for honesty in my relationships, in fact I expect loyalty and openness when it comes to any friendship or relationship I have, regardless of what lies he might be telling at home, but when does honesty come full circle and become weird or uncomfortable?

I love that he is so honest with me, and its admirable that he's so honest with her, but a small part of me started to feel uneasy when she was referring to me by name.

I'm not sure if I'll meet him again, I need to get my head round it. It's not the fact that men lie and cheat that I decide to date them. Its not part of the attraction by any stretch of the imagination, its more about them not encroaching on my life too much, and he clearly wouldn't do that. He's no different from the other men I date, so why does it disturb me so much that his wife knows everything about me? Its interesting to see a different aspect of the world of infidelity. Practically every man on that site is hiding everything from his partner, but we just don't realise that some broadminded women may well have given them permission to do what they need to do.

Is it just me who finds it all a bit 'odd'?

Friday, 21 August 2009

TalkSport and Adrian...

Thanks again to all the listeners for making my TalkSport 'spot' this morning so successful and fun. I deal with some very serious issues, and some light hearted ones too, but I enjoy the opportunity to help when I can. I thought my 'lifestyle choice' had been left behind, so I could get on with chatting to those who need to talk, clearly not, but thanks to Mick for bringing it up, and hopefully he doesn't now think of me as the 'slapper' he originally considered I was. He commented that I sounded intelligent, and why would I be choosing to do what I do if I was, but maybe my intelligence is why I've made my choice, because I can live my life for me, exactly how I love it, and surrounded by the people I choose to be with. I am more than happy clarifying my situation again and again to those who don't understand what I do and why, but I can't hide my love of my life, and I refuse to change for anyone.

I am criticised daily for dating married men, but I still do it. I discussed this with Adrian a while ago, and he said if he took notice of the listeners who hate his opinions, and the extreme criticism of his show, then he'd never get out of bed to broadcast anything. But I think the country is a better place for it, and he creates debate, exciting, intelligent, interesting debate, about a huge array of subjects. Anything that creates debate and passion should be welcomed and what a dull place the world would be if we all agreed with each other, and lived our lives exactly the same. Variety of opinion and lifestyle choices are what makes it all interesting. We will never agree with everyone but isn't it fun listening to other people get passionate about something they believe in, and hearing Adrian expertly stir it up.

If I manage to stir up some debate then I'll be happy, if the subject matter gets an airing then I'll be happy, and if some people actually change their opinion about the stereotypical 'Mistress' and realise she's not a home-wrecking slapper then I'll be happy!

Anyway, if any new followers or visitors are wanting to email me please feel free, I will try to help with any of your issues and I will always listen to your comments, especially if you had emailed the show but didn't manage to get a mention, and I will always smile at your funnies and compliments :)

Don't forget to check out my agony spot too, and there may well be some dilemmas that you can relate to, or might even be sharing at the moment.

Welcome to new visitors, and I hope my blog/s help you, entertain you, or make you smile.

Thanks for listening xx

Friday, 14 August 2009

Another single disaster....

Once in a while I have a wobble, not a serious one, but I have a moment of thinking 'I'll date a single guy, just to see what its like'. I guess its similar to having a moment of thinking 'I'd like children' then spending a weekend babysitting your friends horrors and it puts you off completely! :) But now and again I come across a single guy who seems to have most things I'm looking for, namely intelligent, funny, sexy, fit, kind, considerate, generous and not looking to rush into anything serious. Sounds perfect when someone comes along to tick all the boxes, so I have a moment of 'why not' and look forward to getting to know someone new. Then the reminder of why I'm single and dating married guys comes hurtling forward again.

On this occasion he was a pharmacist. He had moved to the area for work and was only staying for three months. I figured three months would be a great interlude over the summer, time to get some normality back into my life, to be seen out in public without sneaking around or hiding, to stay at his place sometime, instead of playing hostess constantly.

He had certainly put the feelers out early and started chatting to me a few weeks before his move, so when he finally made the journey north we were both ready for a date. I met him on Monday evening, it was warm and sunny, and a drink outside a pub, then a good movie, seemed like the perfect 'normal' first date.

He was sweet, not quite as sexy as the picture I'd received but still nice enough. He was never going to be the man of my dreams but I could spend time with him. We had quite a few things in common, I was sure we would manage to fill three months well enough, and then he'd be off down south again, and I'd go back to my mistress lifestyle.

Monday night went well. A quick kiss as I dropped him at his new home, and I left. The text messages started almost immediately, not something I was used to with married guys. He was smitten, that's for sure. He had loved every minute, he wanted to know if he could see me the following day, he couldn't wait to see me again, etc etc. I was busy on Tuesday but I arranged to see him on Wednesday to watch the football in the pub, and I assumed once I'd arranged the second date he would calm himself, and the texts would slow down, but they didn't!

With increasing intensity, the texts continued until, by Tuesday evening, he was telling me he loved me and proposing to me! I was at a friends house at the time and couldn't quite believe what I was reading.

I said "He's joking, right?" while she read the texts, she slowly shook her head.
"Unless he's got the strangest sense of humour in the world, I'd say that was a declaration of love and a proposal of marriage! Ooooh should I buy a hat?" she asked.
"Yes, you should, get a black one, you can wear it to the funeral he'll be having if he keeps this up!" I laughed.

I ignored the text, not knowing how to reply, and I worried about Wednesday night. Was he going to get down on one knee in the pub? Was he bringing a ring and flowers? I prayed not.

Wednesday arrived and I tried not to make too much effort looking fabulous, as I normally would, but even that didn't work. He clamped himself to me as soon as I arrived at the pub. He stroked my hair while he ordered drinks, I pushed him away. He stroked my thigh when we sat down and I pushed him away. The football match was on the big screen, and he knew I wanted to watch it, so while I talked to him, I kept glancing at the screen, but he was constantly moving my head towards his, and trying desperately to kiss me.

I'm not big on public displays of affection. They make me uncomfortable, especially if they are one sided, but even more so if they are in a pub full of drunken football fans. So I constantly batted him away like an annoying fly buzzing round my head, and vowed I wouldn't be seeing him again after the evening, because it was all 'too much'. This is/was exactly why I didn't like dating single men! It was always all or nothing!

The final nail in his coffin was at a particularly exciting part of the football I could feel eyes burning into me. I turned to him and he was staring at me, not watching the football, but watching me, in a creepy, bizarre way. My skin crawled.

"What are you doing?" I snapped.
"Looking at you, you're beautiful" he replied. Now if that had been said by the man of my dreams I would have melted, but from him, so soon after I had met him, I just shuddered.
"Well don't, please watch the football, that's what we came for, and if you keep staring at me like that I might need to poke your eyes out!"
I smiled, hoping to lighten the creepy mood, but it didn't seem to work. He carried on stroking me like a pet, staring at me like a long lost relative, and trying to kiss me, as if he had been in prison for years.

I gave up on the football and suggested one more drink before I needed to head home for an early night. "Oooh can I come with you?" was the cry. "NO!" was the firm and blunt answer!

We moved pubs, got the drinks, and I sat on a chair, away from his straying hands. Suddenly I remembered he was in a town he barely knew, with no friends, and maybe I was being a bit harsh. Could I be friends with him? Could this be purely platonic if I put him straight? Could I do the decent thing and possibly introduce him to other friends, and a potential wife? I decided to get to know him better, maybe I'd misjudged some part of him, just because he had been overly affectionate with me didn't make him a bad person. There was clearly something nice about him, or I would never have agreed to meet him.

Then he started to tell me about his ex girlfriend, the one he split from a month ago, pretty much when he first started talking to me! She was a bitch apparently, a hateful, unstable witch who didn't deserve him. I saw his face change and then he reached for his phone, opening his text inbox, and showed me the endless barrage of texts she had sent. Clearly I was getting one side of the story, but her texts were very revealing. They mainly consisted of:

'Please don't text me again'
'We've said all that needs to be said, please just leave it'
'I'm asking nicely for you to just leave me alone now'
'No John, I don't want you anymore!'
'I can't love you again after what you have done to me'
'Enough!! Its over!!!'
'Stop texting and hassling me!!'
'Do you want me to block your number and call the police?'
'There's no need to be so angry and bitter'
'Please John, I'm begging you, stop it'

With the final classics from the following week:

'Stay away from me and the house, or I will call the police again'
'You know you're not supposed to be within 500 yards of me'
'The police are on their way'

He snapped the phone closed and said "See, she's nuts!!" He had shown all of that to his potential new girlfriend/wife! I realised breaking free wouldn't be as easy as I hoped. I yawned a couple of times, nodded at his vitriolic attack on his ex girlfriend (also called Karen I might add), and made my excuses to leave. After a peck on the cheek on the doorstep of the pub I went to my car and drove home at break neck speed.

The texts started immediately, again! I politely replied with a 'Thanks for a nice night, off to bed, headache starting'.

The next morning I had the mother of all migraines, genuinely, and made my excuses for a good few days. The days went into a week, then two and I explained I was too sick to start any kind of a relationship. He stuck around for a few weeks, texting constantly, until I told him I wasn't dating again this year, I was too ill. He wished me well and clearly moved on, thankfully!

I heard from him last week, that's why I thought I'd blog about it. He moved to Oxford 3 weeks ago. He emailed me to tell me he's getting married in 2 weeks!! He will have known her 5 weeks when he marries her. I was amazed at how desperately he wanted to settle into a relationship, with just anyone! I know some people can fall in love very easily, but I guess I answered my own question 'Why don't I date single men?' Because they are in a rush to be married, to anyone who will have them, but how long will it be before they are on Illicit Encounters looking for someone like me, because his wife doesn't understand him! :)

What a lucky escape that was, I'm back to dating married men who won't propose to me after the first date!! :)

Wednesday, 12 August 2009

LoveHoney blog ......

The interview with LoveHoney website can be found here

Or you can read the whole thing below. Hope you enjoy it :)


The term 'mistress' has a tendency to put a lot of people on edge.

From soap operas to chat shows to lunch time news updates, the word mistress is often used negatively to represent a woman who 'steals other women's men'. But this really isn't the case, as the fabulous Karen Marley is quick to point out.

Karen has been dubbed a 'serial mistress', a title that she has embraced and used to her advantage in her own Serial Mistress blog, despite the often negative connotations.

We caught up with the Serial Mistress to find out more about the woman behind the blogs and one of the most commented articles on the Daily Mail site...

Carly Drew: For those very few people who haven't heard of you, can you give us a brief overview of how you ended up becoming a 'serial mistress'?

Serial Mistress: I had been dating on the 'net for a while. As a single girl I had tried a couple of sites but found either married guys pretending to be single, or single guys wanting to be married.

I absolutely love my single life, living alone and having my freedom, so a single guy who wanted a full time relationship didn't suit me. The single guys of a certain age seemed clingy and desperate, or wanting to sow their wild oats with no respect or consideration.

Then I discovered Illicit Encounters where the men were all attached and looking for a caring close relationship/friendship in addition to their marriage. It suited me perfectly. I had the best of both worlds: A fabulous, charismatic, successful man to meet once a week for dinner, drinks or something delightful, while leaving time free to do my own thing, seeing my friends, family and other men.

I didn't want a relationship with a man that would be all consuming and I didn't want someone who expected me to be lonely while I waited for him. On the site, everyone seemed at ease with the arrangement and it suited all parties.

As an active member of the site, I was approached by a journalist and asked to tell my story. The label 'serial mistress' appeared and the rest, you could say, is history.

Liaisons - A Collection of Erotic Encounters..

CD: The term 'mistress' seems a bit aggressive, do you like it as a title for yourself?

SM: The dictionary definition of Mistress is a woman who has a continuing, extramarital sexual relationship with one man, especially a man who, in return for an exclusive and continuing liaison, provides her with financial support.

So, if we take that name literally, then no, I don't like it as a title for myself. I receive no financial support whatsoever, and never would, I see myself as a companion, a friend and sometimes a lover, not all necessarily at the same time. I can be different roles to different people, and I certainly don't sleep with every man I meet. I am incredibly selective and only when everything is right do I take this any further than friendship.

The men I meet want a friend first and foremost. They want someone to talk to, to remember how it felt to talk about random subjects, rather than work, bills and children. To laugh about things they used to laugh about 20 years ago, to dance in the kitchen for no reason, to be impulsive and excitable without being criticised or told to act their age, and more importantly to feel wanted, appreciated and liked for them, rather than being a husband, father and provider.

Women need the same and many members of Illicit Encounters are married women who are also missing out on the thrill of a new relationship or friendship. We all crave excitement in our lives, it's very easy to get lost in the mundane, so knowing there is someone who is interested in what they have to say at the end of the phone can be a life line for some. It doesn't have to be sexual, it doesn't have to be a full blown relationship, an intimate friendship can be just as fulfilling and satisfying.

And for that reason I don't consider myself solely a 'Mistress'. Society dictates we should all be labelled but I am under the label of Mistress and, as such, that umbrella brings me criticism and judgement, but the majority of the time I am a friend, a confidante and a companion.

CD: When people find out about what you get up to, who do you find is more accepting; men or women?

SM: I have found men far more accepting of what I do, simply because they see the benefits of having a friend or lover who makes no demands on the relationship. Men are certainly more open to hearing the full story but women hear the word mistress and close down. However the attached women who are bored, lonely or unfulfilled do listen and appreciate the position I'm in. They consider the possibility of having a hassle free relationship with a view to it eventually helping their own.

Many attached people I know have taken a lover or close friend and it has relieved the boredom of their own situation. Boredom and loneliness can lead to resentment which culminates in arguments and unnecessary pressure. By stepping outside of the situation, that pressure can be alleviated and it is possible to see from a distance what brought you together in the first place.

CD: Have you ever been caught out or approached by anyone's wife?

SM: I have endured a couple of phone calls from irate wives who have found my number on a carelessly discarded phone and jumped to conclusions. I have never been angry or rude, I have simply explained, honestly, that we are friends, she has nothing to worry about and she would probably be best discussing it with her husband who has clearly got issues with their relationship. I don't get into 'slanging matches' with a wife. That is not my place, style or what I am in the relationship for. I am not there to take him away; I would rather help her see that there may well be something she could resolve with her husband, for the better. Unfortunately, though, rage can be blinding.

I would never purposely put myself in the line of fire, but sometimes men simply underestimate how clever their wives actually are!

Sex In Public

CD: Having read your wonderfully naughty 'Erotic Mistress' blog, I was wondering where your favourite place for illicit sex has been?

SM: I have so many places I love for an illicit encounter. I have never been a 'bedroom' girl. I simply adore trying new places and new experiences. Creativity and imagination have always been a huge turn on for me. I'm sure that's why I have a varied collection of toys, gorgeous underwear and exciting 'props'. There should be no excuse for putting up with a boring love life when there is so much out there to spice things up and make it fun.

I adore outdoor encounters, especially in the summer, and as my blog followers know, I am partial to a little naked sunbathing. Feeling the sun on my skin either while I sunbathe or have an illicit encounter always makes me feel amazing.

I love trying 'public' places but not with the intention of getting caught and obviously, due to the nature of the relationships I have, there is a need to be extra vigilant, but sometimes it does add to the thrill of the encounter.

Saying that, I don't think a girl can beat a 5 star hotel in the middle of the stunning Yorkshire dales, a beautiful meal, a roaring fire, and a luxurious bedroom to retire to, in peace, not to be disturbed until morning!

CD:It seems that one of the joys of being a Mistress is that you get to be completely uninhibited during sex, is there anything that you're yet to try that you're interested in?

SM: I have always been incredibly broad minded and find no issue discussing what makes me happy with a partner. It opens up the possibility for new and exciting sensations and experiences and I consider myself blessed for having such a fulfilled sex life.

I would consider I have tried every fantasy I have ever come across, and then some, and other than illegal or painful acts, I have nothing specific that comes to mind that I haven't done. I love to watch pornography with a partner and often read erotica, and I do believe that anticipation is a wonderful aphrodisiac, so a long build up to an erotic encounter is priceless. I would suggest all I want to try now is more of the same I have already done, in places I've never tried, but bizarrely enough Disneyland leaps to mind!! Maybe I'll save that for another blog...

Kiss Me Deadly Stockings

CD: What is your Mistress must-have?

SM: Everyone who knows me appreciates my love of footwear. I currently have 127 pairs of heels and adore beautiful shoes of any style. It is never simple walking in a serial mistresses shoes, so I need to have beautiful ones to make the journey easier. My shoes are definitely part of the 'kit'. Shoes need to be worn well, not just thrown on, they are all part of the image, however they always look better when they are topped off by a beautiful lingerie ensemble and sheer stockings. I'm a stockings girl, never tights - there should be a law against them - and I adore wearing them. It's a turn on making an effort for my partner.

To complete the look is immaculate hair and make-up. Women should make an effort for themselves, more so than for their partner. I do. And although the man appreciates it, I love to feel groomed, glamorous and beautiful. If you feel sexy on the outside, no matter what size or shape you are, then the sexiness will ooze from the inside!

The attached men I meet really appreciate the finishing touches; the matching outfits, the coordinated nails etc, because they are coming from a wife/girlfriend who is either too busy, too tired or too complacent to make the effort. But come on guys, it's not just about us looking perfect; you should be making the effort too. Wax occasionally and splash out on the good aftershave, don't assume Lynx will cure everything.

Another essential for me is perfume; I simply can't have sex without expensive perfume dabbed in all the places I want him to go, almost like a map for him to follow.

My toy collection is very important to me, and any man who has an 'issue' with a girl who likes the occasional plastic friend doesn't get very far with me. They are included in sex play, and interesting role play scenarios, and I always have one in my handbag in case I get the urge! I like a man to be comfortable with that and no guys, we don't use them because you're not 'enough' for us, we use them because we can!

Finally, condoms. No encounter is complete without them, and I can never stress it enough - no matter what age you are, no encounter is worth itching or dying for! So wrap it up girls, and make the most of the easy clean up after! But beware the Curry flavoured ones!

If you want to find out more about Karen and all the naughty things she gets up to, check out her amazing blogs Serial Mistress, Agony Mistress and Erotic Mistress - the perfect way to spend an afternoon!