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Showing posts from May, 2009

What's your Sex Deal-breaker?

Poor bedroom manners, bad hygiene, G spot ignorance... It only takes one small sexual slip up to flick our 'off' switch. I was in bed with my 'then' boyfriend. We were having sex and he came first. Then, within seconds, he climbed off me, got out of bed, sat at his computer and started writing an email. "Erm.... Hello? What about me?" I asked. "Oh," he replied airily, "finish yourself off." That, folks, was a sex deal-breaker for me. Let me explain. In our relationships we have dos and don'ts. First we have the ideal list, the things we'd really like from our partner if we lived in a perfect world (do cook our meals, do buy us Chloe handbags and fabulous shoes, don't fart in bed, and don't consider your ability to burp the Match of the Day theme tune a talent worthy of Britain's Got Talent!). Then there's the most important list - the list of what we require to make us happy with a man (sense of humour, kindness, gen

Dating signs.....

It's so frustrating when you don't know if your date is shy, a bit distracted or if they are just not that into you. These warning signs and tips can apply to men or women, so watch for them next time you're on that hot date you're convinced is going really well :) Foot tapping If your date is shuffling or tapping his feet, be alert. This can be a sign he's bored or uncomfortable. If you're sitting outside on a freezing day, bear in mind he may be trying to warm himself up! Wide eyes Your new date is not coming out of her shell – quiet answers paired with an inability to make eye contact. If you get the chance, check out her pupil size – if they're dilated then she likes what she sees. Just make sure you're not sitting in front of a poster of a baby or kitten. Crossed arms People cross their arms in front of their chest as a self-defensive mechanism and is often used to prevent people getting too close. If your date has crossed their arms and has their f

A Single Nightmare.....

I had to tell you about a most hilarious date I went on a few months ago. I was planning on keeping it to myself, because I wondered if it was my fault I was attracting nutters from all over the world, but I thought I would share it with you, and ask if this is 'normal' behaviour, am I just being too picky? :) At this point I have to say he was single - not my usual choice but I thought I would try the single market to see what I was missing and if, in fact, I was making a mistake just dating married guys. I agreed to meet him in the car park of a local pub. It was broad daylight, and we were meeting during working hours so we would both be dressed accordingly. He was a bank manager, and had told me to look out for a brand new BMW 5 series. I thought clearly he's doing ok for himself, he must be intelligent, ambitious, successful, all traits that I find attractive. We had chatted briefly on the phone, chatted online about mundane, boring things, the usual small talk, nothi

I'm an IT now :)

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Following dipping my toe into the world of the media I know not everyone agrees with what I do, but that is to be expected, but there have been some truly vile people in this world who have not only disliked what I have done, but have actually fallen over themselves to be hideous about it. I must admit, if I was a weaker person, and less self assured and confident, I would be affected by it, but I know enough about myself not to take anyones opinion seriously, especially those who are spending their lives criticising others from behind closed doors :) I got an email from a friend, directing me to a blog (and not a pleasant blog - a truly ignorant, rude and ill informed blog, that actually could be quite dangerous if taken seriously). I'm shocked and saddened that some people out there spend their lives feeling so strongly about things that don't concern them. I must admit I did laugh about the blog initially, especially when I had been compared to Matt Lucas, but then I continu

Wives

Wives are funny creatures. They don't want to have sex with their husbands for weeks or months, but then want to kill the woman who does.

New Blog number 4......

Its ok , I'm not losing my mind and I won't end up with hundreds of blogs, but I realised that I was missing the point a little bit on here, and had actually strayed from the point of this particular blog by throwing up funnies :) I know we all need a laugh so I've decided to start a funny blog with jokes, funnies, and general daily smiles. Anyone who wants to contribute is more than welcome :) Not all of the jokes will be relationship or mistress based, they are just random things that make me smile and will hopefully cheer your day :) Enjoy The link is on the main pages of my blogs, and will be Twittered regularly. For those first visitors, here is the link http://smileymistress.blogspot.com/

Sorry...

For not blogging much this weekend. Been in a truly shocking mood with everyone after Thursday so I think I'm still sulking. I'll be back to my usual self tomorrow. Maybe its hormones, maybe its withdrawal symptoms, maybe its just realising that some people are generally badly behaved and have no manners. Time to rethink one or two people in my life and change things. I've always been a big believer that if something isn't making you very happy then it should be eliminated or changed. Either way I think there will be a cleansing session going on in my life and time to find something or someone different. Watch this space, changing things always create great stories and interesting opinions :)

Talk Sport

Just a short post because its 5am and I'm still up, listening to Talk Sport, after doing about 2 hours on the Adrian Goldberg show. Its been tough, but great fun. I wanted to welcome my new followers and anyone who enjoyed or hated my interview. If you are curious about me and wanted to know more about what I do and who I am then by all means ask the question, comment on my blog, or Twitter me, good or bad I'll always reply. Its been an absolute pleasure talking to Adrian, and the callers have been 'interesting' to say the least. I was very pleased to get my say, and cover many aspects of my lifestyle choice. Its very difficult to get across what I do and why in the space of a five minute interview, but over 2 hours it was fascinating to see the different comments, changing (quite dramatically) from very negative with no support, to several pats on the back and offers! :) Clearly it takes a while to get the whole story across and I want to thank Talk Sport and Adr

Radio Ulster

I didn't post this link earlier because I was shocked and stunned at the reaction I got during the interview, but hey, I've got to the point now where I'm saying 'sod it' because theres nothing I can do about it. The i player link will run out on Tuesday morning but will still be around for a few days. Enjoy and tell me what you think :) http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00k76qg/b00k76pw/The_Stephen_Nolan_Show_05_05_2009/ I'm on from about 1hr 7mins. Its not pleasant, but I suppose I have to take the bad with the good.

More press........

I've been heavily criticised for my recent radio appearances but I suppose once you're on the media treadmill you have to get on with it, and just when I think its dying down, there is another article surfacing, one I assumed wasn't going to be used. Anyway, the link is http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1178134/A-mistress-confesses-Why-I-want-sleep-husband--HE-wants-sleep-me.html And you're getting it before it hits the presses tomorrow morning. Let me know what you think, good or bad, and I figure with that awful picture its going to be more bad than good! lol

Another smile......

Husband and wife...BEFORE MARRIAGE: Husband - Aaah! ...At last! I can hardly wait! Wife - Do you want me to leave? Husband - No! Don't even think about it. Wife - Do you love me? Husband - Of course! Always have and always will! Wife - Have you ever cheated on me? Husband - No! Why are you even asking? Wife - Will you kiss me? Husband - Every chance I get! Wife - Will you hit me? Husband - Hell no! Are you crazy?! Wife - Can I trust you? Husband - Yes. Wife - Darling! AFTER MARRIAGE: read from bottom to top.

Morning smile :)

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists...2 men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill

Newcastle Link

For all who missed it http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p002x42k/Mike_Parr_at_Breakfast_01_05_2009/ Scroll along to about 1hr 49 min and smile with the text message received at the end of the interview. More comments come through the programme, all very entertaining :)

Radio Newcastle

Ha, well that was hilarious. The 'interview' didn't exactly go as expected, although I did a cracking job of holding my own. The presenter was on a negative slant as soon as he introduced me as the 'Mistress who has slept with 50 married men'. Tut tut. We all know that's not all it is! I wonder if it was guilt making him handle it that way lol . It seems the interviewers are trying to floor me as sport but they haven't realised that just makes me fight back even harder :) I'll listen to the interview again before I make any further comment, its always hard to take it all in when its actually happening. But suffice to say, the discussion went on for another 2 hours, so that is a result as far as I'm concerned :) I'll post a link to i player soon xxxx